Observations

Posted on 02 Feb 2018 @ 8:19pm by Petty Officer 3rd Class Raine Ni-ya

335 words; about a 2 minute read

I can watch people all day.

It helps me learn.

It helps me pretend better.

Sitting here, in a corner, just taking it all in. These people, these conversations. Interactions. I forget the last time I felt such things. A hand across my own, fingers against my skin. Here, in this world, I cover up. The gloves help me focus, keeps me from getting lost in tactile, childish things.

There's a man and a woman. She likes him more than he likes her, I think. She is always reaching to touch him, as if she is reassuring himself he is real, that he is there. But he doesn't return the touch, doesn't look into her eyes. Always looking away. Humans, both of them. It took me awhile to learn there are different cultures within a species. And different cultures have different practices. Strange. To be so unique yet so...

Identical.

There's three friends sitting a little bit away. They are laughing, talking, leaning closer. Always touching each other in some way. Poking. Teasing. It is sweet. It is relaxed and warm. It warms me to observe it.

I am still learning about people. Not just humans. But all people. It makes me realise that I am very different from them. It is not a character flaw. It is what happens when you have an entire species isolating themselves. My instincts are not as keen as others. So to protect myself I am suspicious of all of them.

Cynical.

Of course, I know a lot better than to confess to a Counsellor and be put on some training...or worse, used as a thesis subject. So I just...pretend a bit more than I need to. I pretend that I understand all of these people. I pretend that I trust people just because we are all in Starfleet.

I pretend I do not always watch.

I pretend I feel like I belong.

I pretend I am not jealous.

So far, I am doing a lousy job.

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