I'm Going to Be (Part 1)

Posted on 14 Feb 2013 @ 2:59pm by Lieutenant Kiri Cho & Chief Warrant Officer 4 Cyrus Kiwosk
Edited on on 15 Feb 2013 @ 2:54am

3,385 words; about a 17 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo Deck 2 - Holodeck (Gyrm program)
Timeline: MD3 0830

[ON]

It had taken Kiri a while to work out what to wear. At least having her shift at a later part of the day meant she had time in the mornings. Having first changed into her uniform she had finally decided on a the training uniform she had worn a week ago. A grey jumpsuit interrupted only by a blue line running across the chest. Dark hair pinned up against the back of her head and sensible trainers on her feet. What they were actually going to be doing she could only hazard a guess. So it was some trepidation that she found the mysterious gym and peeked inside as the door hissed open.

Cyrus looked up from his punching bag. He was wearing a simple black muscle shirt. His heavily muscled arms and broad shoulders clearly visible, as well as the numerous tattoos on both arms. The SFMC symbol clearly shown on his forarm as well as the hawk on the opposite shoulder. He turned around and smiled. "Good to see you kiddo. I got your schedule right here, not too tough, not yet at least, but you'll see improvement in a about a week. "

Well it was clearly something aggressive and it made her slightly uncomfortable, the same way holding phaser rifle had done. Other than her hands and head she was completely covered. He however wasn't, she still wasn't used to masculine bodies, even after the beach trip. Tattoos she had seen before but not up place, it made her raise her eyebrows slightly. Kiri didn't really understand tattoos, or why he was treating her like a child. Yes she was younger and they weren't on duty but was that how he saw her? Nervously she walked closer, "Thank you, um, what do we start with?"

"First your going to warm up, on that and we're going to get an idea of your current fitness. " He pointed over to the treadmill. "I want you to put yourself at a moderate pace and jog for about five minutes. You'll see what I have in mind." Cyrus turned his back on the young woman and began strapping Sandbags to his wrists, forearms, legs and ankles. " these aren't for you, but you'll start using them after a week or two." Sufficient that he had placed enough weight on his limbs he back to stretch.

"Okay," That was a little scary but he was the expert, time to get started. Despite what she was wearing, Kiri felt that doing stretches was exposing. Even at school and the Academy she hadn't liked it. With a deep breath she reminded herself that she was an officer and tried to hide behind that mask. So following his lead she stretched before walking to the treadmill. Before exercise above walking hadn't had any appeal, it still didn't. It was the outcome that was important and she wasn't going to fail. She was going to do everything she could. Holding her palms to her cheeks to cool them she took a step onto the machine. Holding the speed control up she started to move from a walk towards a jog and then pushed it a little further. Now she was doing it she started to feel extremely self-conscious about it, that she was being watched. Her stance was mostly right, her stride also relatively good and her arms going through the motions.

Cyrus began to shadow box as Kiri began to start jogging. It wouldn't take long he assumed for her to warm up. He was slower than he normally was, but he could feel the force behind each blow. After several minutes he stopped, not yet warm, but knowing that Kiri must be getting there. "How are you holding up?"

Kiri was breathing deeply and struggling slightly but quite determined. She was quite concerned that she was going to sweat but so far she was still going. It wasn't easy though, her lungs were starting to hurt and her heart rate was up quite a bit, "Okay, I, think." Almost tripping as for a second she tried to look at him rather than ahead.

"I think you've warmed up enough, you can step off the treadmill. We don't want you too sore on your first day." He replied as he swirled his arms in large windmill patterns. "You want to be fast, in order to get fast, I'm going to show you moves that will make you fast. I'm going to show how to be aware of your bodies limits, and then we're going to push your body as far as it will go. " He explained. "By focusing on speed moreso on strength your body is going to get stronger, but without the bulky muscle. It'll be lean, allowing more stamina, more endurance with strength to follow through with your movements. Does that make sense?"

Fast, fast, fast. "Mostly," She got the general idea of what he meant but she was hardly going to be getting muscles like his any time soon however hard she tried. Was the planning really going to be on the terms of years? That was a long time. Never the less, she was willing to try. For a moment though Kiri was still trying to catch her breath.

"Good. " Now this is going to be your training. "You're going to try to hit me. Not hard just a tap, and I'm going to try to avoid you as best I can. No block, just dodging. "

"Okay?" This was different, not really what she was expecting. Holding her hands open she took up a ready stance, her legs quite tight together. Still rather uncertain she moved forwards, slower at first and tried to strike him in the chest.

Cyrus moved sharply to the left, easily avoiding the incoming attack. "Good first try, but I've seen what you can do."

Slightly more comfortable this time Kiri pushed forwards, with a little more force she was a little faster. Most of her force came from her feet though rather than her arms, so telegraphed her movements every time.

Cyrus turned his shoulder to the right, and suddenly ducked under the second and spun away from the third. "Better, but you're too slow. You need to be faster."

Kiri tried but she wasn't willing to push herself far enough to risk falling over, despite his size whenever she did anything he seemed to have already moved out the way. She was getting frustrated and embarrassed at her inability. Her training in fighting so far had been nothing like this.

Cyrus continued to dart forward and back, ducking and dodging. His breathe even, if a little fast from the workout of avoiding Kiri's assault. After several minutes Cyrus called the session off for a small break of water. " That was good. " He toweled off his forhead and smiled. "Now what do you think, and be honest, I know you must feel frustrated after not even coming close to hitting me." He took a small sip of water.

It didn't feel like it was good. Frowning slightly Kiri took some breaths of her own, her elbows were starting to hurt. Putting her hands on her knees for a moment she squatted down slightly, "You don't need to rub it in," Clenching her eyes shut, "I need to do better."

He nodded. "Yes you do, but before we do that, I have a question." He made his way back to the mat he had been standing on. "Why do you think you didn't hit me?"

"Because I wasn't fast enough," Then with some hesitation, "Because I don't really want to." He hadn't done anything to hurt her and he wasn't a very aggressive person really. But she had never exactly been even remotely good at fighting, so that might likely be why as well.

"Both true. You want to learn how to defend yourself, but you don't want to use it. To see how conflicting that is?" Cyrus stretched out his arms and legs and readjusted the sand bags. "It's always good that don't want to fight, now fighting and trying to find a peaceful solution, I'd take that any days of the week. " He rolled his neck. " But when there are no choices, like when you were attacked, you can not be afraid to let yourself go. " He fixed his eyes on her and glared.

"And you are."

"I don't want to hit you," She was more specific as she stood up, "It doesn't feel right, even if I can't hurt you." Maybe that was wrong of her but even in training, she didn't want to hurt anyone or risk it. He was right in as far as she didn't want to fight unless there was no choice. What she didn't realise before joining the ship was how often there wasn't a choice.

He rolled his shoulcers. "Again. No excuses this time, I'm wearing about fifty pounds in weighted clothing. Faster, and only when you finally tag me are you going to learn anything else. " Cyrus pointed to his head. "Do just throw your punches, yous your brain, you have a good one. Analyse the situation, be aware of my movements, don't just see them. Look at what I'm doing."

Leaning forwards slightly Kiri nodded, it didn't feel right though. Her brain was telling her it was wrong, but she forced herself. Almost pouncing forwards she tried to strike at him with both hands but even that wasn't quite full hearted.

Cyrus dodged the incoming swing again and smiled. " You'll never hit anything if you don't try. "

Kiri was getting more frustrated but rather than angry she was feeling more feeble. Stopping she moved a step back and took a breath, she was trying but try as she might her head just wasn't getting around the concept. He wasn't trying to hit her, or do anything to her. So she couldn't force the defensive reaction let alone an aggressive one. Less of her spirit seemed to be into it as she tried again and then again. Maybe it just wasn't something she was capable of.

As he continued he noticed the frustration. Good, let her get frustrated, let her doubt herself. " If you can't get past the fact that you sometimes have to hurt someone, incapcitate someone, or possibly kill someone in order to defend youself then expect to kidnapped, held hostage and live in fear for the rest of your life. " He glared at her menancingly. "Think about how scared you were when those men hurt you, think about what happened on your last mission and how helpless you felt. You are the only thing that's holding you back." He relaxed his position. "The only thing that's stopping you right now is you . You don't want to hurt people, you refuse to give it 100% when you are put in a situation that could happen, I saw your shooting, you shot well when you buckled down and let youself go . " He assumed a position. "You think that you can beat someone like me when you can't even resolved the conflict that your dealing with on the inside, what are you going to do when your friend is in danger, when you life is on the line? Are you going to freeze, are you going to give the half hearted attempt you are giving me now? Or are you going to break past your own walls and give it your everything, like I would expect of an Officer of Starfleet." He growled.

"Now stop trying to hold yourself back, and actually try to hit me." Cyrus hunkered down ready.

Kiri looked at him and bit hard on her lip. He was right and wrong now. She had tried everything she could when she had been attacked and she would again. But hitting a punching bag wasn't the same as one of the few friends she had. He was being mean and looking scary but he wasn't aggressive, she didn't feel in danger. In a quiet voice she looked him in the eye, "Will you try to hit me?" That made sense, if he was trying to hit her then it was justified. Plus if someone she was forced to fight wasn't going to hit her or anyone else, she could just run away.

Cyrus raised an eyebrow. "You want me to, fine...but we don't stop until you land at least one on me. I'll play with the weights on, it'll make things easier for you." He sighed. "You asked for this...I only want to work on speed and stamina..." He dropped into a offensive crouch and burst forward. He was going to tap, he decided, he wouldn't hit her, not yet, not until she understood what she was asking for. On arm swung up in an attempt to tap her shoulder, another went for a tap on her ribs, the last as a soft kick aiming for the side of her left knee.

She moved away from the first blow only to move right into the second. Flinching away she was then hit in the knee and almost fell over, taking another step back she looked confused. She hadn't asked him to be so aggressive, then she hadn't been clear. Feeling stupid Kiri took a breath, of course he was vastly better than her. His arms were longer as well, at least she felt like she could try though. Concentrating she pushed forwards again, hands just in front of her chest.

"Well, here I am!" He feinted to the left and threw two quick taps in the direction of left arm, only to take a step forward to try for a tap to the head.

Tucking in her left arm Kiri slipped to the right slightly and started to reach out with her right. As she did so though she saw his left arm come out towards her head. Ducking she tried to speed up but caught her own ankle. Tripping over she reached out, the nearest mass of Kiwosk's leg.

He nimbly backed up and chuckled, but he didn't push his attack. "Get up, and come at me again. Get up and swing like you mean it."

Rising back up to first her knees and then gingerly standing up Kiri looked rather uncomfortable, "No." Her voice was shaky but firm, this wasn't why she was here. This was humiliating, "I don't see the point."

"Good." He plopped down beside her and smiled. "You're trying to run before you can run. It takes years to properly learn how to defend oneself, to become strong. It takes hours of practice, hours of concentration, determination and discipline in order to achieve what you are looking to do. "I was trying to explain this all to you yesterday, but you didn't want to listen. So I showed you. I can't teach you anything until you let down that wall that is holding you back."

Kiri didn't approve of being used like this. She didn't ask for it, she asked for him to make her physically stronger she hadn't wanted to learn to fight here. Was his idea of dealing with the walls she felt perfectly right in their existence was by running into them over and over again until one of them broke. She was pretty sure she wasn't stronger than her walls in that way. Frowning she took a breath but didn't say anything.

"I'm being hard on you, I told you I would be. But you have to understand, that I'm not doing this because I don't like you, I do, you've been a great friend and I want to help you." He looked away. "I told you at target practice that you have the potential to be a fantastic officer, a skilled Captain and a brave and courageous one at that, but you keep telling yourself that you can't do it. I can see it in you eyes, in your posture. You don't want to hurt me. " He chuckled. "I don't want to hurt you either, in order to become strong, fast, whatever you want, you're going to get bumps and bruises from the people you consider your friends...it's like that no matter where you go in this wide expanse we call the galaxy. " He tapped his chest and pointed to Kiri's. "But, it takes a lot out of a person in order to be able to witness all the wonderful and terrible things that are going to be out there. There is room for innocence, there is room for love and compassion and warmth...all of which you are capable of, but it is equally important to be able to make a hard decision, to not crumble under the stress of combat or ship damage or friends being held captive."

"You can do this, but you have to give it everything. Give me 100% and I promise you, you will everything you are hoping to achieve and more. " He hopped up to his feet and extended a hand to help her back up to her feet. "It will feel like you're not making any headway at first, that will frustrate you at first, make you want to cry and scream and more...but you will get better, you will learn to control those feelings, and not let them control you."

Kiri listened to his speech, it made sense but that didn't mean she was happy about it. It felt like she was being judged and she knew she was weak but she wasn't completely helpless, right? It was nice he said she was a friend, she needed that but all of this. Her breathing made her shake a little, as she stood up properly, he didn't need to make a point by humiliating her, she already wanted to improve.

"Anyone can show you how to lift weights or run properly or jump higher. Even throw a punch or restrain someone. But it's the mental part of the equation that will show if you're going to use it, or break under pressure. And after everything that's happened. The last thing I want you to do, is snap under pressure."

"I'm not going to try and fight anyone, but I need to do something," Kiri was speaking with a quiet confidence, "I'm fine under pressure and I'm not going to break, I'm fine with being bruised but I can't strike at someone that isn't going to hurt me. I don't want to do those things yet, I just want to do something."

He shook his head again. "you just want to do something? I don't understand..." He sighed. " Becoming stronger isn't just something you do, just because you can. In that sense Kiri you're wrong. Until you understand where real strength comes from, I don't know if I can teach you." He brushed himself off. "I'm going against everything you hold as a moral background, and I'm sorry I've assaulted those ideals, but until you allow yourself to work at this 100% I can't help you."

"I know that being strong in that sense doesn't just happen, but I didn't ask for that did I?" She wasn't sure but she never intended to, "I wanted to learn how to use equipment, what I can do to help me. I know I can't fight like you, probably never, I just wanted to be better." Looking down at her feet she mumbled, "If I'm not good enough for you I can try on my own."

"That's not what you told me...you told me you wanted to be stronger so you could defend yourself. So that was what I planned around. " He sighed. "Why do you hate yourself so much?" He asked quietly. "I never said that you couldn't and that you weren't 'good enough'. You said that. You can learn to fight as well if not better than me, but you don't have the confidence to do it." He sighed.

"Why? Why do you hate yourself?"

[TBC]
------------------
CWO Kiwosk
Security/ Tactical
MaA, TRT Squad Leader
USS Galileo

Lieutenant (JG) Kiri Cho
Assistant Chief Science Officer
USS Galileo

RSS Feed