I Want To Be (Part 2)

Posted on 07 Feb 2013 @ 10:05pm by Lieutenant Kiri Cho & Chief Warrant Officer 4 Cyrus Kiwosk

2,396 words; about a 12 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo: Deck 2, Messhall
Timeline: MD 02 0655

Continued:

Cyrus looked over to the replicator, then back to Kiri, a grin firmly fixed on his face. "Well, I can't say to that now can I?" He asked rhetorically. He suddenly blinked and looked back to Kiri. "You asked me to eat with you..." He replied suddenly, then breaking out to another grin. "Your social interactions are getting better. I'm glad to see it!"

Kiri looked slightly shocked, that he was proclaiming it out loud, "I didn't, that wasn't really a problem." Eating with people had been a struggle when she had first started doing it since the Academy. Even eating real food had been hard at first. Eating socially seemed like it was one of the only thing she could really do to be around people.

Cyrus shrugged conceding the point. "I meant to say that it's good to see that your talking after what happened. Normally people freeze up and refuse to. I'm glad to see you're doing well." He began thinking about what he wanted for breakfast. "Sorry, my fault for not explaining."

"Oh," Kiri's eyes dropped, "I'm not doing that well." On the list of things she was having trouble with spending time with people she knew wasn't one of them. If she could she would make sure she was never away from them, never on her own. At the mention of those events again her aura shrunk.

"Would you believe me if I told you, you are doing better than when I was a few months ago.

Looking confused at him again Kiri frowned, "No." There was a slightly bitter edge to her words. True or not it almost felt like he was mocking her. She was suffering through what she was finding the hardest part of her life so far and she didn't want that to be made insignificant as well.

He noted the tone and nodded. "Then I won't say it." He replied. "Any thoughts to what you're going to have?" He asked. "I'm still stumped if I want something big or just something to snack on..."

"I was thinking about poached egg and noodle salad," Kiri looked slightly ashamed of what she said before. She started to stand up but found she couldn't look Cyrus in the eye.

"that sounds pretty good actually." Not bringing up her avoidance. "I'm thinking pancakes...blueberries or rasberries are the question though." He smiled. "What do you think?"

"Why not both?" As far as Kiri was aware they went quite well together, "Sorry about before, I was rude." She was finally able to meet his eye, "What happened?" It wasn't all about her, maybe he had something he wanted to talk about.

He smiled. "That's a good idea." As they made their way over to the replicator he allowed her to replicate her food first. "Well, it's a bit of a tale. I wasn't the one hostage, but I was the one trying to do the rescuing. It was a bit of a rough go. The counselor says that the more I talk about it, the easier it'll get to cope with." He took a deep breathe before beginning.

"It's no secret that I took a photon grenade to the side...but it was the mission that was the difficult part. There were a lot of people that I helped rescue, but there were even more that never got out of that building. " He sighed and looked sadly at Kiri for a split second. "For the longest time, I blamed myself for not being more experiences, I still have moments where I will think back and see their faces, blame myself. It's rough, having that on your hands. " He looked down. "That's why I refused to let you walk the same thing I did. I want to keep you from feeling the helplessness and that pain of knowing that you couldn't have done anything else."

"I see," Kiri had no idea about all that. At least he had managed to save some people though. She hadn't done anything to help anyone, only gotten in the way. Still no one had died because of her, well one person had. Sometimes she saw his face when she was asleep, waking up in a cold sweat. Looking slightly more alert now she looked him in the eye, "So, you care about me? Or is it just, you'd do it for anyone?" Sucking on her lip she didn't consider it anything more than a conformation. So she knew where she stood with him, at least in regards to that.

Cyrus froze suddenly, attempting to find where he had led her on... "Well I care for you, as a friend...but I would have done it for everyone." He explained calmly. The poor girl was already unstable, he didn't want to lead her on...

He thought inwardly. He hadn't, in fact if anything he had spent most of the Shore Leave courting Pola and ignoring most of the other women on the boat. It was no secret that Theron had a thing for Kiri, and he was never one to step onto another man's lawn.

"We're friends, I'd say good friends, and I would try to help as much as I could no matter who it was. "

She never meant anything in a romantic sense, right now she was just having trouble with how much the people around her cared on a basic level. He had said he was her friend though she didn't really know him, on that level he said he cared. Yet he also said he would do it for anyone, did that undermine it? Did it matter? Did it matter why he cared, as long as he did? Maybe she just wanted to feel especial, "Thank you," She was subdued slightly now. Replicating her breakfast with a cup of berry tea, trying to focus on that for now.

Cyrus stared, perplexed. " Why did you ask...if you don't mind my asking...."

Trying to work out what the best answer was she remained silent for a moment, "I just, wondered why you care." It might be best he didn't know how insecure she was feeling about if the people around her actually liked her or not right now.

"Why I care...eh?" He smiled as his food replicated. "Well, I think that you're a good person. I think that you have a good heart and that you try to see the positive side to everything." but yourself He thought to himself, but didn't dare bring it up.

"Thank you," For a second she smiled before it drifted away again as she headed back to the table. It was a nice thing to say, she wished more people would say it. It was comforting but it wasn't true she didn't see positive things in herself, just that the negative was so huge. Sliding into her seat she picked up the chopsticks and waited for him to join her before starting. Before lifting the bowl up to her mouth though she looked at him, "How have you been lately?"

He sighed and rolled his shoulders. "Not too bad, I suppose. Lieutenant Stone has been on my mind...how he's trying to change things and I'm worries how him and Captain Fernandez are going be in the same room." He cut into his first pancake. "I'm still getting used to the twelve hour shift gig. It can be tiring having to be on duty for so long. "

To Kiri working that long came naturally so trying to help was hard, covering behind lifting a mouthful of noodles and salad she gained a few seconds. It wasn't bad but it wasn't exactly great either, still it was early for a real breakfast, "How are you splitting up your time, sometimes it helps to split different types of duties up."

He raised his eyebrows...he never really thought about how he had been managing his time. "It's kind of haphazard now that you mention it...I never really thought of that. I normally do a patrol, on the hour, but that's about it. "

"I find it easier to work in blocks of the same task until they are done, but some people find it easier to spread it out. I find that planning it means you always know what is next and its more efficient," Taking another mouthful she was just trying to make some form of small talk.

She's talking AND eating...she's making progress Cyrus thought to himself. Deciding against pointing it out this time, he nodded. "Really? That makes sense, I never really looked at that, I was always the one that got a schedule, it was either training or training...." He laughed. "I'll have to try both of those methods see which work for me. Thanks Kiri, I appreciate it." He smiled and popped a piece of pancake and some berries in his mouth.

It was still unnatural to her but it didn't seem like Kiwosk had a problem with her eating the way she felt comfortable. It was the talking that was a problem, every time she spoke she wanted to place her bowl down, "You're welcome, is there anything else I can help with?"

Cyrus sat back and gave the question some thought. "Well, I was wondering about something actually." He began. "Maybe you can give me a hand with it."

"What is it," She was almost eager to help in her tone, eyes lighting up slightly.

"Well, I was wondering if it can be possible to you can give me some tips in how to block up the training and the studying for the new tactical response team. I'm not very good with organization as I thought I was. " He admitted.

"Do you have it written down?" She was lowering the bowl slightly as she was distracted from eating. Organising was something she really enjoyed doing and came quite naturally.

"I'll show you what I have once we've finished eating. " He smiled. " no sense rushing this, we have all mission really to get this group trained. Popping another piece of pancake in his mouth, he took his time to chew.

"Okay," Kiri gave a small smile before turning her attention to her own food, lifting the bowl again. Silence hung for a little while as both of them ate. It didn't take Kiri long to finish the bowl.

Cyrus finished his breakfast shortly after the Lieutenant. Fishing for a PADD that had the ideas for trainings, but they were all jumbled, not much organization at all. "I have the ideas, as you can see." He told Kiri. "But it's trying to fit everything together so they don't get overloaded on one thing. "

"Can I have a look?" Kiri smile at him, being helpful was something she enjoyed and she felt sure made other people like her more. As long as she was useful they would at least want her around and talk to her.

He noticed the almost complete personality change, but decided against saying anything. "Go for it, it's pretty typical training programs..."

Fast little fingers darted across the pad as she moved things from place to place. Mixing patrols with other things so not too much time was spend sitting down at once. Placing physical training after reviews and theory times and breaks after physical training. Again not too much of either in one session and in less than a minute she had set up a timetable, "How does this look?"

Cyrus couldn't believe his eyes. 'Kiri this is..." What had taken him almost a week to methodically plan and replan, she had done in a matter of minutes. "How did you...?" He began, unsure what exactly he was trying to pinpoint.

"This is fantastic! You just saved me from another week's headache!"

A real smile lit up her face for a moment, "Thank you, I'm glad I can help." The day wasn't off to a bad start, not really. She had gotten what she wanted even though it seemed to come with some strings attached. While she had found out that Kiwosk didn't consider her any more important than a stranger he had just met. That sort of meant she just had to try harder right?

Beaming, Cyrus forgot to read Kiri's facial expressions for a moment. "You're a great friend Kiri. I owe you big time...say a drink next time we get some time off, we'll make it a group night...what do you say? I'll bring some friends and so can you!" Cyrus smiled.

Kiri blushed, her own smile broadening though not as much as his. It would be lovely to be invited to something like that, she couldn't invite Maenad though. Did that just leave Peers? Maybe she could invite Mor'an and Dea as well. This was exactly the sort of thing she wanted to happen, "I would like that very much."

"Invite anyone you want. I don't want you to exclude anyone on my behalf. " He smiled. "Besides, if I can't conduct myself accordingly then maybe I shouldn't be in security in the first place." He wanted to dance, what was he going to do with all the free time he had?

"I should get this over to the Lieutenant right away. You have no idea how much this has helped me!" He hopped out of his chair and smiled. "I'd give you a hug if it weren't against fraternization!" He laughed.

It really wasn't that complex, but she really was glad that he was so excited. Her tongue got caught up in it all, "We aren't on duty." Then turning florescent pink she stared down at her empty bowl, "Sorry."

He looked around and smiled. "You earned it anyway. " He stepped over and wrapped her in a big hug for a brief second and smiled. "You take care Lieutenant. I'll see you after!."

Kiri felt warm. She'd never admit it but she really liked hugs, they helped make her feel cared about. Cyrus was nice to her, of course she liked it. When he let go she found herself leaning in ever so slightly, "Thank you, see you later."

OFF:

Chief Warrant Officer Cyrus Kiwosk
Security/ Tactical Officer
Master-at-Arms, TRT Squad Leader
USS Galileo

Lieutenant (JG) Kiri Cho
Assistant Chief Science Officer
USS Galileo

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