My Friend (Part 2)

Posted on 02 Dec 2012 @ 8:32pm by Lieutenant Kiri Cho & Commander Andreus Kohl

2,785 words; about a 14 minute read

Mission: Episode 02 - Resupply
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 2, Messhall
Timeline: MD03 - 2011 hours

[ON]

Even more surprised at herself than Kohl was Kiri lowered the burger, "Yes, sorry." Swallowing nothing she started to feel even more guilty, and hungry. She had to be stronger than her wants, she always had been before, she wasn't an animal. Eating normally, slowly, it would be inside her sooner or later, "I, I, I don't mean to be rude, sorry."

Shaking his head lightly, Kohl's concern for Kiri's self-image overrode his earlier surprise. In fact, the surprise was all but forgotten, now that Kiri was behaving in a manner he recognised. "There's nothing rude about savouring food," Kohl said. "You should see how they eat at an Argelian public house."

Still, Kiri didn't want him to think of her as crude or unrefined, "What is it like?" She didn't really know anything at all about his race, its culture, or even really him that well. He liked sweet things didn't he? Was that normal, what was? While waiting she couldn't help but take another bite.

He shrugged slightly, struggling with an answer, until he came up with, "It's not like any one thing. There is no social norm. They're usually filled with half the member species of the Federation, and then some, and everyone is eating and drinking according to their own set of manners. Not hardly one of them is alike. It's a raucous display of diversity."

It didn't sound like the sort of place Kiri would like. The Earth she knew had its values shared or at least respected by the residents. She would rather that everyone shared her values, that everyone would fit in with her view of what should be. She accepted it wasn't possible, lots of things she wanted were impossible. Lamenting it with a bite of her burger she swallowed before replying, "I see, do you like it like that?"

"I'm a bit indifferent to my environment, really," Kohl said. He winced a bit because it sounded a strange thing to say. "I don't get homesick for planet life when I'm on starships, and I liked Earth as well as I liked Argelius Two. I suppose I'm far more interested in the company I keep," he said. Kohl dug his spoon in his bowl to scoop up another mouthful of pudding.

For Kiri, home was home, the ship was the ship, other places didn't matter a whole lot, it was people that mattered. Views were nice, starlit skys, rivers, beaches, they were all nice too. Did it matter where they were though? His outlook was different from hers, she was learning more, "I see. You like it here then?"

"...Yes," Kohl said, but he elongated the vowel with a paragraph's worth of uncertainty in that one syllable. He pursed his lips and sucked at his teeth for a moment. "I think I will like it here," Kohl said, "in time."

Kiri took that as an implication that currently he didn't enjoy it, that worried her on several levels. Firstly that he didn't like it, secondly that he might leave even though he so far was her best friend, thirdly, it might be her fault somehow. Still she was hungrey and there was no resisting taking another bite that left her almost finished. Swallowing she asked quietly, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"You do help," Kohl replied, as if it were plainly obvious. He ate another bite of the pudding, and after he swallowed, he went on. "I need time, that's all. Time without intruders, and hiding, and loss."

That was a very strange thing to say. Kiri finished the last of her burger as she thought hard if it was an invitation to ask more or not. The chunk of meat had gone some way to filling the hole inside her but it felt like she still wanted more, even though her sides were starting to hurt. Finding focus on the matter at hand, that while he could just start talking, maybe he was worried she wasn't interested, "Would you like to talk about it?"

Slowly, Kohl pulled the spoon from his mouth, and he chewed very carefully. He looked down at his half-full bowl as he did so. After he swallowed, Kohl asked, "Talk about what?"

Maybe this was a bad idea, it might be better to drop it yet, she had already started. Guilt started to wash over Kiri and her tone became very uncertain, "About, intruders, hiding and loss?" The words disappeared into a silent whisper at the end, Kiri unable to look at him.

Still staring at his bowl, Kohl pursed his lips and ran his tongue across his teeth. "Before I even settled in," Kohl said unsteadily, "Klingons boarded Galileo and started murdering our crewmates. It's not easy to like a place like that." And my father died, Kohl though, but the words still stung.

Kiri had been on the bridge, people she knew had died but no one she was close to. People in her department had died, they were just names and faces. To her it was numb, of course she wasn't happy they were gone, yet it wasn't really sad. That was also a different ship. The ship she worked on, the ship she was an officer and assistant department head on, the ship she was confident and in control on. That ship was the one attacked, this ship, the one she tried to socialise on, the one with loneliness that forces her to tears, that was the one they were on. It was the one she had to call home, for her right now it was a home she didn't like, work was much better. His glumness spread to her, "What about the good things?"

"That's why I will like it here," Kohl replied, suddenly determined to fake a little cheeriness until it started to feel real. "Future tense. But it will happen. It's inevitable, really."

"Oh, okay?" Kiri wasn't really sure what to make of it, his mood had changed, his words made sense a little, they still sounded rather negative though. Greasy fingers reached now for the fries, this meal was rather enjoyable, but it felt like she was stuffing herself. Winching after another bite she tried to smile, "I would like it, if you stayed."

"Then it's a good thing I'm here," Kohl replied. He offered a soft smile and finished the last of his pudding. "Good thing Starfleet wants me here. I can't imagine they would make me Assistant Chief if they wanted to reassign me. I still have time to get settled."

"I want to like it here," It was her goal of the last three years to be here, and she was. She was here and her position was better than she could have ever hoped for, yet it did feel hollow. Ever since talking to Brayden about it, a lot of her life seemed rather hollow.

Catching her choice of words, if not her inner monologue, Kohl asked, "Want to?"

"Existence gains value from the people around you doesn't it? Other people make life worth living?" Kiri had been reading again, trying to find her own meaning in the relationships she never had. The value she put on them now was so insanely high, her expectations were impossible.

Slightly confused by Kiri's questioning intonation, Kohl leaned back in his chair and nodded his agreement. "I'd like to think so," Kohl said.

Kiri couldn't stop herself from eating more, full as she was it gave her a few more seconds to escape from where she had put herself. It was with reluctance she finally spoke, "I fear I have squandered my existence so far."

Narrowing his eyes at Kiri, Kohl studied her silently. He tilted his head to one side with a befuddled expression crossing his features. Dubiously, Kohl asked, "How old are you, Cho?"

Kiri switched to confusion for a second, "Twenty two now, Terran years," He had found out when her birthday was, but he didn't know? What did it matter how old she was anyway?

"I assume that's more than half the average Trill lifespan?" Kohl asked, but his teasing tone belied he didn't assume anything of the sort. "Because I can't see how else you can think you've squandered anything after only twenty-two passes around a sun."

Finding her response a negative one Kiri's eyes alone flashed a glower. It wasn't something she wanted to make light of, neither was it what what she said. Her stomach was also starting to hurt a lot now, it wasn't helping. Hand placed over her communicator with a slightly hint that it might not be working properly she sounded more grumpy now, "I'm not talking about the future."

"Tell me what you mean then," Kohl said directly, as the conversation slipped into a fog of confusion for him as well.

Kiri didn't really want to, with Brayden gone though, did she have anyone else to talk to? Before she would just remain quiet, now she did want to talk, but, it was hard. Words caught in her throat for several seconds before finally she was able to spill it, "I've never been close to very many people, or even known very many, I, regret it."

Leaning in closer, Kohl wanted to disagree with Kiri. He was prepared to tell her that she was wrong and then list his reasons why. It was there, right there, percolating in his head. But his head also warned him how stubborn Kiri had been in the past when trying to convince her of anything. Kohl sighed in preemptive defeat and looked at Kiri with sad eyes. He sat back in his seat. "Me? I don't give in to regret too often," Kohl said. "The way I see it, the decisions I made in the past, were the right decisions for me in that place and that time. I may not make the same decisions now, I may wish and pray I could change my past behaviour, but I don't question my decisions too hard. Those decisions were right. Better to think hard about the next decision."

Kiri didn't focus on it too much, it was there though and there was no way she could ignore it. She said as much, "I don't think I can ignore it, it made me the way I am." The idea of just standing up made her feel rather queasy, so did any sort of movement, her eyes closed for a moment. It was also somewhat nice to be so full.

"That's fair," Kohl said, and he expressed his understanding with a gentle nod. Pursing his lips, he looked down at his empty bowl.

Kiri was hoping that maybe, just maybe he would have something he could say to fix it all, that was stupid. It was mean to want such things from people, "Sorry for being negative." Swallowing gave her a place to put what she wanted to remove for a while. A physical motion to place darkness, sadness and lonely regret in a box to lock away.

"No, don't be sorry for that," Kohl said. His timbre was soft, not forceful at all. "Or else I have a lot of back-dated apologizing to do."

"Sor," She caught herself, still she was sorry. Forcing a smile she placed her hands in her lap, hoping that her stomach would settle quickly. If she was a snake this would be less of a problem, then, she didn't know of any snakes or even similar creatures that could do complex mathematics. That was better, distract herself and even earn a internal laugh, "Was the desert good?"

"It was utterly soothing," Kohl replied, and he nodded just once. Casting a wary glance down at that sticky, empty bowl again, Kohl added, "But now I'm going to have to go for a jog tonight."

"I, think I should just lay down," Walking back to her room felt like it would be more than enough of a challenge. She might just throw up anyway, stuffed as she was. It would be nice to do something with Kohl though.

"All right," Kohl said softly, maybe a little sadly. He laid his hands on the edge of the table and pushed his chair backwards. "I can escort you to your door," Kohl said, "If you'd like."

Kiri give it a moments pause, she would like that. He was offering and it would only take a few seconds, "If, you would like to." She managed a shy smile as several of the other things on her mind were moved back, now she had to focus more on not saying anything embarrassing.

"I'm looking forward to going out for drinks," Kohl said. His eyes lit up at the thought of it. Clutching his empty bowl loosely, Kohl rose to his feet and headed over towards the replicator. "I'm looking forward to getting out of uniform for a few days."

Feeling rather queasy Kiri followed suit, keeping up with small steps. Swallowing and looking even more uncomfortable she lied, "Me too." She wanted to spend time with people, to do something with them but at the same time, she didn't. It was scary, all sorts of mistakes could be made, maybe they wouldn't like her maybe, she just didn't know what would happen.

After recycling the bowl in the replicator, Kohl changed course, and headed out towards the passageway. "This pub crawl of yours," said Kohl, his Argelian colloquialism translating into a Federation Standard one, "What inspired you to make it happen? Is it a call back to your Academy days?"

Kiri did the same and hands on her stomach followed rather awkwardly, "Its just one meal," To her a pub crawl was a negative idea, something that bad people did. As for why she was doing it, "Lieutenant White said it would be a good idea, so did Ensign Blake. I didn't do anything like this at the Academy."

"Oh?" Kohl asked, as he lead the way to the turbolift. He moved close to the passageway bulkhead to avoid walking into a crewman coming out of the turbolift. Guilelessly, Kohl found himself asking, "What sort of thing did you do at the Academy?"

"I studied a lot, well, all the time," She had carried on where she had left off from school. Being social while something she wanted was something she was scared of. That and the fact she wanted to do was well as possible at the Academy she had rejected the social side. Whenever anyone had asked her to join them for something she said she was busy, soon they stopped asking. Kiri didn't even think twice about it until she had left, that all of this was her fault, that she could barely cope with people, that she was so boring.

Once he strode into the turbolift, Kohl stepped aside to make way for Kiri. "I hope," Kohl said, "the gathering won't disappoint you."

It struck Kiri as an odd thing to say, she felt rather defensive. Following him she kept to the other side in the second it took the lift to make the journey between decks, "Thank you?" Stepping out when the doors opened, she looked to him, "How do you think I should act?"

Now it was Kohl who couldn't follow the twists and turns of their conversation. "I don't know what you mean," he said mildly.

"When out with other people," She wrung her wrist, pinching her lips together, "Should I act formal, or something else?"

"You should be you," Kohl smiled and tapped her on the shoulder, "Try not to worry about it too much." It was late and he was halfway to bed when she came by, "I'll see you soon, have a nice night." Leaving her at the door he turned with a wave.

"Goodnight," She was rather anxious, his departure was abrupt but he had walked her back to her room. What more had she been expecting? Kiri watched him until he was out of slight. Stuffed full of food she was certainly sleepy now but her mind was quite active. There were a lot of words to mull over and consider, to pick at their meaning. Going inside she slipped off her boots, jacket and trousers, folding them and slipped into bed. Looking at the blank ceiling for a while, she'd go to bed properly soon. When would she next get to spend time with him?

[OFF]

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Lieutenant (JG) Kiri Cho
Assistant Chief Science Officer
USS Galileo

LTJG Andreus Kohl
Asst. Chief Medical Officer
USS Galileo

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