No rewards…just consequences - Part 1

Posted on 04 Apr 2025 @ 11:26am by Ensign S'Ers-a M'Lyr'Zor & Lieutenant JG Sofie Ullswater

3,327 words; about a 17 minute read

Mission: Episode 21 - Helix
Location: Deck 4 / Personal Quarters (Sera)
Timeline: MD 05 - 1100

[ON]

Sera sat on the small couch in her quarters holding a mug of rapidly cooling green tea as she stared out into space. Her recent…exchange with Lamar was at the forefront of her mind. She was still trying to figure out exactly what had occurred in the shuttle. Her need for him had overridden any good sense that she might have still possessed, apparently. His utterance of Sofie’s name still echoed. He ‘called’ her adun-a even as he spilled himself inside of Sera. It was a surreal nightmare come to life, which was perhaps the point? Ket’Cheleb was “The Destroyer,” and thus far he was performing his duties rather admirably.

Sera recalled pulling up her torn pants and gathering the rest of her clothing in a daze afterwards. She did not speak nor even look at her mate before leaving the shuttle and had no recollection of returning to her quarters. However, everything came back into focus as she saw her own reflection in the mirror of her bathroom. Her eyes looked…haunted. The side of her face was slightly swollen and flushed, and her chin was smeared with dried green blood from her split lip that had stopped bleeding. She had been hurt far worse during Viruk’s time but…Lamar had seemed to think she wasn’t herself. However, his behavior had been rather erratic…

Hooks suddenly tore through her chest and her life’s blood sprayed everywhere within her field of vision and Sera shoved herself away from the sink with a cry before the hallucination fell away leaving her gasping for breath and trembling. She looked away from the mirror and instead stripped out of her damaged uniform, intent on a hotter than normal sonic shower, as if the act of physical cleansing could somehow ‘wash’ away the turmoil in her katra.

While cleaning herself, Sera found that her legs were smeared with black fluid, and she furiously scrubbed at her skin until not a single trace of it remained. Although irrational, she still felt unclean when the timer on the shower elapsed and the cleansing sound waves stopped. It would serve no purpose to take another shower, yet Sera re-engaged the unit for two more cycles until her skin was flushed and tender from being scrubbed so vigorously.

She stepped out and pulled on the black Triaxian silk wrap and tied it about her waist and without looking at her own reflection began to brush out her hair and braided it back into a single long plait that brushed at the back of her thighs.

After leaving the head, Sera went to the replicator and obtained a mug of green tea and sat on her couch and attempted to drink it, her mind still in turmoil. It would be logical to attempt meditation, and yet, she…procrastinated. The thought of shutting her eyes filled her with a sense of dread she could not rationalize away. The sudden sound of the door chime startled Sera and she quickly put the mug down on the low glass table with an audible ‘clack,’ spilling some of the contents on the table surface before standing and rushing to the door. She pressed a button on the console next to the door and the doors hissed opened to reveal…her.

“Lieutenant Ullswater.” Sera said automatically in greetings. There was no warmth to her voice, and no welcome in her eyes.

The opening of the door made the Lieutenant jump a little. For a moment she just stood there and said nothing. One hand was fidgeting with a loose strand of hair. She didn't just look unwell, she also looked agitated, almost frightened. As Sofie had been building the courage to push the door chime her heart had been fluttering around like a conductor's baton. Now that the door had opened and Sera was standing there the cacophony of anxiety was so loud that all she could muster to say in answer was "Yes, it's me."

Sera tilted her head slightly as she regarded the human woman. She did not look...well. Concern poured through her in spite of her own inner turmoil of the moment. She retreated a few steps to allow Sofie entrance. "You may enter...May I provide you with something to drink?" Regardless of the purpose of this visit, or even who the visitor was, Sera was a creature of habit and ritual. Guest rites had to be extended and that meant offering 'water.'

"Thank you, Sera. Some hot water would be... delightful." There was a shakiness in Sofie's voice but she managed to calm the roil, she focused on the feeling of the fire in her hands and was able to end the sentence much more confidently. She tucked the loose strand of hair behind her and took a deep breath. She wanted to leap in, start asking questions and trying to find solutions, but she understood the importance of ceremony, especially in troubled times.

Now having a task, Sera moved over to the replicator and obtained a mug of hot water for Sofie and placed it before her on the table before taking a seat on the couch where she had been sitting prior to her visitor's arrival. She looked at her own mug, now more than cold, but picked it up regardless and took a small sip. It gave her a moment to observe Sofie's furtive movements. The woman appeared more unwell than the other day when they met in the arboretum...not that Sera was looking--or feeling--particularly refreshed either. She idly rubbed her palms hard against her forearms unconsciously still scrubbing the darkness off her.

"Lamar..." Sera began, but she stopped and swallowed against a dry throat. "It...it is in me, now."

With the mug held in her two hands Sofie looked down into the clear water. "I know."

She'd felt it, she'd seen it. Just like all those other private moments she'd been forced to intrude on. She might not have all the details, it had been dreamlike as if only half remembered, but in the broad strokes of it Sofie had some idea of what had happened. Her eyes glanced up to look into Sera's, she tried to smile, tried to be a reassurance. "Are you alright?"

I know. Those two words filled Sera with discomfort. Sofie knew. Well, at least someone knew, for Sera still had not been able to completely reconcile what had occurred between Lamar and herself. After he...well, it had all become rather surreal—and horrifying—after that. She looked down to the spilled tea reflecting the soft lighting in her quarters and considered how to answer Sofie's question. Was she alright? She did not wish to consider an answer to that question, for she did not feel alright at all.

"I am...adequate." She responded neutrally. A lie? Came a voice within, like a silken caress. It made her tremble upon 'hearing' it.

Sera did not want to see Sofie. The woman had done nothing wrong, but the echoing sound of Lamar's voice calling out her name at the moment of completion had caused a wound within her that was far more painful than those inflicted on the other side. Her stomach roiled in sudden, profound nausea and Sera quickly rose and rushed to the restroom, barely making it before losing what little was in her stomach.

Sofie quickly hurried after her. She wasn't sure what she could do but she'd been dealing with this herself for weeks. There was probably nobody who could better empathise. She could get her some water, give her a hug, all sorts of things. Sera mattered to her, she wanted to be there for her, she needed to be there for her.

But then she felt it: Sera didn't want her there. Not only did Sera not want her there but she had hurt Sera in some way. The pain of it came flowing over to her through the telepathic firmament, a gyre of deep emotional injury and utter betrayal, all of it swirling around her name: Sofie.

Sofie took a couple of fearful steps backwards away from the bathroom area. She didn't understand, she was scared and overwhelmed. The emotions played out across her face as she desperately tried to work out what had happened and grappled with how much pain she had caused. "What happened? I can't remember. I don't know what I did. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Sera."

Sera slowly pushed herself to standing and walked over to the sink and cupped her hands under the stream of running water to rinse out her mouth. So, apparently Sofie was not privy to everything that had occurred between Sera and Lamar earlier. She looked into the mirror to the science officer's reflection and saw just how emotionally compromised she appeared to be. That made something twist inside of her.

"Sofie..." Sera replied in a soft tone as she turned around to face her. Anger surged through her and it felt like such an impotent thing for she could not adequately identify just what exactly she was angry about. She walked towards the small woman, stopping within arms' length and looked down into her stormy grey eyes. "Lamar was with you. He called your name. He called you wife. I have not been able to reconcile...this."

It’s the academy all over again…

Sera felt a visceral sensation of her 'insides' shifting rather painfully and she put her hand over her middle and hunched slightly to endure the discomfiture. "I fear it is I who need to apologize to you. I am a terrible host. I invited you here to attempt help, not to add further turmoil." Sera felt somehow responsible for this current predicament...what was the human idiom, she was the 'odd man out?'

The things that Sera had said still didn't make sense to Sofie. She just stood there in silence for a handful of seconds trying to process the information. She hadn't been there, she would remember if she had been. Wouldn't she have been on the bridge anyway? How could she have been with Lamar, how could he have called her anything? But there was a memory there, not belonging to her but to Lamar, of him staring into her eyes, just as Sera was doing now. What did any of it mean?

She paused in her thoughts and looked up at Sera, she did not look good. Sofie's desire to demand explanations vanished instantly. She pushed down the confusion and fear with the well-practiced proficiency of someone who spends a lot of time hiding her real emotions. The Sofie that Sera needed right now was not one that was scared, it was a Sofie that could offer some reassurance in the midst of horrors. "Do not apologise Sera, you are not a terrible host. You are a friend who is ill and who has been badly hurt. If you will let me, I will stay here a while and help how I can and take care of you."

In anticipation of a very human gesture of reassurance Sofie's hand began to reach out to touch the taller woman in front of her. It was only for a moment though, Sofie stopped it. The hand retreated. It was a human instinct, but Sera wasn't human. "But if you need me to leave, let me know."

"No!" Sera answered, perhaps a little too emphatically, but she did not wish to be alone. "Your departure is not necessary...that is...rather..." She sighed and then realized that they were standing in the small bathroom. "Shall we return to the living area? I will obtain some items and be with you shortly."

A task. Focus on the task. Get the meditation lamp and two pillows...she should also make tea and present it to her, as befitting a person of honor...

Mate... The phantom voice within whispered and Sera grit her teeth against it's intrusion. No. Not mate. She answered silently.

Amused laughter rang through her mind. Sofie...Lamar...you...together. What is the saying, parted from me and never parted? Such a nice sentiment...it describes us all perfectly.

Gritting her teeth, Sera tried to ignore Ket'cheleb's words as she walked into her unlit bedroom to obtain the items and returned to the main living space to find Sofie sitting on the edge of the chair holding her mug of cooling water.

Sera placed the meditation lamp on the table and the pillows on the floor at her feet and took a seat across from her. "Does...does It speak to you?"

"Yes." Sofie nodded, it was a rather abrupt answer, but it wasn't intended as curt, it was just confirmation of facts. The other Sofie had been her constant companion for weeks now, whenever she didn't hear thefor a length of time, she almost felt lonely.

She looked at Sera, busying herself with things. She didn't want to interrupt; she knew that some people found it easier when they had something to focus on. She wished Sera had just asked her to get the pillows and taken a moment to sit down. If this was what Sera needed though then she would play the part of the guest and do what was required of her. She thought instead of how else she might be able to able to help her friend, and of the question Sera had just asked. "Do you want to talk about what the voice is saying to you? Or about what happened? I don't want to pressure you into anything but I'm here to listen if there's anything you want to say."

"This...integration is most...disturbing. I have been fighting a most irrational urge to escape myself somehow." Sera could not seem to keep anything from Sofie. Her questions all but demanded acceptable answers. For one who was raised in a place steeped in secrets this new compulsion only added to the overall imbalance within her. Yes. That was what it was...they were not fully one; there was disparity.

Oh, I like the way you think, Sera...Continue with that line of reasoning.

"It asked me about sex...in...in the other place. Reproduction. That is what it called entering me. It wanted to know how we reproduce..." Her brows furrowed in an outward expression of frustration. "I cannot remember...just, just the end."

Sofie turned her head for a moment. It was only a small movement. It would be easy to dismiss as a shake of the head or pause for thought but her eyes moved with purpose, she was looking at something. It almost seemed like she was turning to someone else, perhaps looking for a second opinion before she said anything. In fact, this was exactly what was happening.

The second Sofie, lounging on the couch, gave a shrug in response to the first Sofie's implied question. It seemed like she didn't know what to make of this either. She went back to playing with imaginary fire and Sofie turned back to Sera.

"It's a nightmare creature, right? It was trying to scare you." Sofie's voice was a little slower than usual as she tried to logic her way through to saying something useful. What Sera had been through sounded terrifying and she felt more than a little out of her depth. "Dreams can't get you pregnant any more than they can burn you. Have you had nightmares about pregnancy before? Maybe it was just using that to get under your skin."

But it wasn’t a dream, was it Sera?

Sera patently ignored the ‘voice,’ and instead watched Sofie's behavior and raised a brow. Although complete supposition, it appeared as if she were communing with someone else in the room. The entity? That thought did not sit well with her at all. "I have no particular qualms regarding procreation--to be honest I have not given it much thought...and I do not generally dream--nightmares or otherwise. Meditation normally makes such an activity superfluous. Regardless, discussing this further is an exercise in futility as we do not understand its motivation other than it seems to derive a sort of satisfaction in inflicting suffering."

It would appear Sofie had no meaningful insight into her experience. Unfortunate, but not unexpected. They all were facing similar challenges and scrambling for any purchase that would help gain more solid footing to combat the issue. "I offered to assist you with meditation. I propose threh-tor kashek, which means 'shared mind.' It is a formal teaching method generally used with children just learning to control their minds. I do not mean this disparagingly; it is simply a good starting point given your lack of proficiency."

Sofie might quite have enjoyed further speculation about the motivations of the nightmare creature, it was just the kind of futility that she enjoyed. More important though was that Sera wanted to move on, she understood that, and she accepted it. "Don't worry, as someone who has never meditated before I would assume I am starting out as a child would. What are we going to do? Talk me through this." She set her eyes on Sera's with the intensity of a student ready to listen to her wise teacher. She would approach this with as much rigour as she approached learning anything.

Sera reached down and placed one of the pillows in a suitable position and then kneeled down, placing the second one a suitable distance away to allow the meditation candle to burn between them. The candle came next, and Sera lit it with a striking stone against flint, making a spark which kindled the flame on the candle's wick.

"Please sit, a-dun-" Sera's voice choked off. Sweet Surak, what had she almost called her?!

Can you truly be so angry at Lamar, now? a voice within taunted. She is a lovely creature...so intelligent. A challenging mind...you should make her yours...

Sera looked down to her waist as she forcefully measured her breathing - as if controlling this would somehow control everything else going sideways inside of her.

"You...you will place your hands in mine, palms up...and I will guide you through the exercise."

Sofie wanted to ask all sorts of questions as she got herself into the instructed position. She had an insatiable appetite for information and already she was curious about the objects and their places in the ritual. She didn't get to ask any questions though: as soon as it was lit her eyes were drawn to the candle's solitary beautiful flame. It captivated her attention, kept her from noticing any half-spoken words from Sera.

"Alright." Sofie held out her immaculate hands, they were shaking very slightly, and rested them in Sera's. She calmed the building anxiety by looking again to the flame between the two of them.

"Yes. Just so, Sofie. Study the flame..." Sera's voice cut through the lassitude that came from focusing on the candle. The woman's smaller hands were resting on her palms and the contact produced a rather captivating current up her arms to the base of her skull. Shutting her eyes momentarily, she exhaled a slow, measured breath and began speaking. "It is the light of clarity, it chases away the shadows of doubt..." Her words trickled into Vulkhansu, as the verbiage itself became irrelevant, only the physical connection between their fingertips.

To be continued...


[OFF]

=====


Ensign S'Ers-a M'Lyr'Zor
Chief Engineering Officer
USS Galileo-A

&

Lieutenant JG Sofie Ullswater
Chief Science Officer
USS Galileo-A

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