Nowhere To Fly

Posted on 21 Jan 2023 @ 6:58pm by Lieutenant JG Sofie Ullswater & Commander Morgan Tarin

3,079 words; about a 15 minute read

Mission: Episode 18 - Cold Station 31
Location: USS Galileo-A - Deck 7, Arboretum
Timeline: MD 08, 2147 hrs

[ON]

Aside from the chatter of the ducks it was blissfully quiet in the arboretum at this time of day and for an ensign looking to escape from her responsibilities and just generally avoid her friends it was the perfect spot to hide away. So that's exactly what Sofie was doing. In a couple of hours time she'd have to be back on the bridge for gamma shift and after that it would the captain's morning routine but until all that started she had this moment of peace. Somewhere she could sit in serenity, silently sipping a hot cup of tea. And in that moment that was all she needed. She was able to forget about all the stresses of life here, in that moment among the trees she could be somewhere else, somewhere safe. So far away was Sofie in this moment that she didn't even notice as the storm that was about to disrupt this calm walked in through the door.

The soft hiss of the arboretum's entrance opening then closing was covertly hidden amidst the room's thick foliage and chirping avian life forms. Commander Morgan Tarin stepped inside this special place aboard Galileo to view it for only the second time since she'd become the starship's de-facto captain. It was a unique facility which served multiple roles, including those of a recreational area, flora and fauna habitat, and experimental facility. Regardless of what it had been designed to be, it was...simply put, a beautiful place. The growing trees and underbrush contained specimens from various Federation worlds, all growing together in harmony. A respite from the Nova-class' metallic bulkheads and ever-blinking LCARS terminals.

Morgan was a firm commander but never expressed any outward disdain towards the sciences. At least, she liked to think so. The educational expertise possessed by STEM personnel was a unique skillset she didn't possess. Instead, she'd gravitated towards more practical matters both as a youth and during her time at the Academy. Sports and physical performance. Piloting. Logistics. Those things in life that were more visceral than cerebral. Yet here, in this unique room, she was reminded of Central Park where she grew up as a child in New York City. A bastion of ecological freedom within the concrete jungle.

Clasping her hands loosely behind her back, the commander started to stroll through the arboretum's winding pathways while observing the small pond and different forms of surrounding tree growth. The pleasant scent of flowers and pollen tickled her nose but with little concern. She continued her pace and slowly walked around a new corner where an unexpected object came into view. "Ullswater," announced Tarin with a light and unobtrusive voice as she approached the ensign from behind.

Sofie took a moment to respond. She'd instantly recognised the voice and the implications that came with it but it takes a moment to put the mask back on. It takes a moment to fall back to the real world and another moment to pick yourself up again. She might not be wearing her uniform right now but she slipped back into it in her mind, time to be a professional. She turned slightly and set down her cup of tea on the bench "Captain." she said and stood up from her seat in a quick but smooth motion and gave a deferential nod of acknowledgment.

"What brings you here tonight?" asked Morgan while silently observing the ensign's casual dress and beverage. Her question wasn't intended to be intrusive. At least, she hoped it didn't come across that way. But, as she was sometimes prone to, the tone of her voice didn't quite match the intention.

And that tone instantly put the ensign on the defensive. "Just having a drink by the pond sir." She kept her voice calm and warm despite all the alarms ringing inside her head. What possible things could she be doing wrong right now? What would the captain berate her about this time? How do we get out? "I like ducks sir." She continued by way of explanation accompanied by a well practiced casual shrug.

"Mm," mumbled the acting captain. Ducks. Morgan glanced to the pond where the mixed flock of waterfowl appeared to be casually floating in the water and socializing with occasional displays of grooming and throaty quacks. An unorthodox question then crossed her mind, for no apparent reason. "Do you think they're aware we're traveling through space..? Or is all they know this artificial habitat we've created for them?"

"They know sir." The ensign said with certainty. She too turned to look at the birds, she couldn't help it as a grin came across her face as she tried to imagine what it must be like for them here. Must be peaceful. "The ship isn't old, that means these birds know what its like to live terrestrially. They won't be able to sense a planet's magnetic field here, its something they can do that helps with migration. Magnetite in the beaks. Also they'll be missing things like seasonal variation and angles of the sun."

"Are they..." the commander considered the correct choice of words, "in distress? Content? Happy?" Sofie was the expert in such matters and Morgan assumed the ducks wouldn't be present if the animals weren't habitated in optimal conditions. She looked up to the arboretum's ceiling then across its confined expanse. "There's not a lot of room for them to stretch their wings."

Sofie glanced over to the captain for a moment, drinking some more of her tea, somehow the captain's question framed her in a different light. For once the woman seemed to be showing some compassion to the small creatures that lived under her command. "The instinct to migrate is hormonal, brought on by changing weather conditions and photoperiod. Our waterfowl here don't feel like they have to fly away because resources are plentiful and their internal clocks are telling them that everything is fine." Talking about this was easy for Sofie, she knew the science well and enjoyed sharing it and it showed "Really sir, they are happy here. We scientists do spoil them, they might be some of the happiest creatures on the ship."

Morgan felt a twinge of pleasant relief from Ullswater's report. Not that she ever considered the ducks to be victims of mistreatment, but rather the knowledge that Galileo's personnel were, in fact, slowly living up to their reputation as Starfleet's premier science crew. As far as spoiling the ducks were concerned, she didn't expect anything less. Her thoughts then lingered on trail end of the ensign's last sentence. "And you? Are you as happy as these birds?" Considering there's no Q to spoil us.

"No." It was said quietly but with a firmness that couldn't be misconstrued as uncertainty or hesitation. In a moment of silence the ensign stared intently at the ducks, bobbing their heads in and out of the water, as she desperately tried maintain control of her composure. She didn't want to be talking about this here and now, not in front of the captain...

The commander regarded the ensign closely, observing her body language and facial features. Interpreting. Judging. But Ullswater was a tough young woman to read. "Is something wrong?" she proceeded to inquire. "Aside from the lack of human-sized swimming pools, of course," she chuckled to herself.

If there had been any fear to Sofie that it was all going to slide away the quick witticism of the commander cut through it and brought her mind back into focus. "No, mostly just that sir." a smile came across the ensign's face, this wasn't going to be a repeat of this morning's breakfast with Lamar, she wasn't going to let it be. "Though I never was very good at swimming. Used to be quite good a rowing though You ever row, captain? You seem like the sort." Just be yourself, keep it light, keep it chatty.

"Row?" Morgan's eyes lightened at the compliment. "I'm flattered but...no. Boat life never sat well with me. Or my stomach." She leaned in quietly to reveal a small secret despite the lack of the other personnel around to overhear her confession. "I used to get horribly seasick. Still do. The doctors explained it's something to do with my inner ear configuration. Whatever that means." Letting out a casual sigh, the commander then shook her head. "I played basketball and ran cross country at the Academy."

The thoughts of her old rowing team, of running through the hills and of her love of the outdoors back in her academy days came back to Sofie. "And its not really the same is it?" The ensign captured the pond, the ducks and the artificial lighting in a gesture. "Being aboard a starship I let these things slip. We're just like the ducks, we know we're in an artificial environment hurtling through space. Why go out for a run when I know that I'm just running around in a box?"

The acting captain pondered the psychological question. She would be remiss to ignore the obvious nature of their space deployments and the struggles they presented. Even though she and the majority of Starfleet personnel were well-trained to adapt to the lifestyle, decades spent traversing the cosmos in starships still manifested unique complications from time to time. Both physical and mental. "I run because I enjoy it. Holodeck, turf, real grass or a sports court...it doesn't matter. It keeps me in shape. Relieves stress. Healthy mind, healthy body," she revealed.

"Well that is admirable, sir." The ensign's response was terse and carried with it the unspoken message that not everyone is the same way. Neither her mind nor her body felt particularly healthy but Ullswater found no solace in the captain's words, there was no actionable advice to escape the pit she found herself in. "As good as exercise may be for our state of mind, it doesn't alter our material situation. Maybe it does offer a temporary relief to stress but it does nothing to combat stressors. I could go for a run right now but the life I would return to afterwards has not changed. The material problems we have will persist." She blurted it all out hurriedly, almost apologetically.

Morgan listened as Sofie spoke. Non-judgmentally this time and with an honest and receptive ear. The ensign was a tough nut to crack. The commander would be lying to herself if she said she'd been able to figure her out. Their encounters always seemed to present different sides of science officer. From their first interaction aboard Regula I in the cargo bay, to bridge duty, to their PT sessions and inspection. "Are you...alright, Ullswater?" she finally asked after a long silence. Maybe the younger woman was simply eccentric like many scientists. Or maybe there was more to it. The only way to be sure was sometimes to be blunt.

"Of course not, captain. I think I'm fairly obviously not alright." She said it like a scientist in her lab reading off some observation or stating a trivial fact. She said it like it didn't mean anything. It did.

"What is it?" Morgan inquired in a softer-than-usual tone. Sofie was right - she was certainly presenting distinct outwardly disgruntled signs, and had been for a few days. But why it was happening was difficult to discern and perhaps most important to understand. "Do you miss the Sol sector? Tour of duty burnout? Is it my command style?" She paused to reflect on older conversations between the two of them. "Or are you still thinking about the Latari mission?"

A shudder ran down Sofie's spine at the mention of the ship's previous mission. She knew it wasn't just one thing, it was an amalgamation of all her uncertainties, the endless doubts and insecurity, all the failure from a lifetime of nothing ever going according to plan. It was everything she tried not to think about, but the captain was right in that there was one recent event that stood above the others "It's like we never left..." The ensign tried to shrug as if it didn't matter as much as it really did "I mean, its more that just one thing, of course."

"Have you spoken to a counselor about this?" Morgan waved a casual, clarifying hand toward the arboretum's small pond. "About these feelings you've been having?" She was unsure if the young woman was already seeking treatment. Or if she was, whether or not she deemed it futile. Was Ullswater a broken officer now? Beyond redemption and perpetually scarred? She didn't think so. Many Starfleet careers were historically defined by the individual's ability to overcome and adapt. The Human strength of mind, which ironically also happened to be one of their species' greatest weaknesses.

The last thing Lamar had said to her at breakfast that morning still rang in Sofie's ears. Now hearing it from the captain too she wondered how long she really could get away with avoiding the inevitability. After weeks of trying not to think about it and just keeping going maybe it was time to admit that help was needed. On the other hand... "I'm considering it, captain. Though in the meantime my work as an officer is as good as ever." She began her deflection with a renewed tone of professionalism and as if to prove that she wasn't lying she continued "We performed the Level One diagnostics in the science labs like you asked. We concluded that the deficiencies you detected came from your own imprecisions."

Normally Tarin would have admonished such an accusation coming from a junior officer - unfounded or not. However, Sofie was semi-familiar to Morgan and the nature of their current encounter had so far been casual. Casual yet strained. So here and now, the red-collared commander made the conscious decision to delve deeper into the subtle complaint. If it actually was one. "Imprecisions?"

"It was specialised equipment, sir. For very specific types of spectographic analysis." The ensign tried to stay deferential in tone, she didn't want to upset the captain but at the same time she felt like some things needed to be said. She needed to show she was still good at her job. "I understand that calibration of scientific equipment isn't an ordinary part of your every day. Just a matter of experience with the equipment." So leave it to us next time.

Morgan thought long and hard about the ensign's reply and its implications. That she - a Starfleet commander and captain of the vessel - wasn't familiar enough with the robust systems to produce an accurate analysis of their function level. Or that she, despite her decade of deployments across different starship classes, wasn't competent enough to compete with the assessment of a young junior officer. "I see. And is there any other element of starship operations you don't feel I'm experienced enough to evaluate?"

"I don't think its my place to say, sir." The belligerent response felt to Sofie like an attempt by the captain to evade her deflection away from mental health, like the captain wanted her to bring up the PT, the new stricter rules and all the other reasons Sofie found herself miserable. But she wasn't going to be baited, the captain wasn't a therapist and Sofie was not going to be treated like a patient. "My experience is in scientific instrumentation, not these other elements of starship operations."

The commander remained silent and she turned her attention back to the ducks in the pond. They indeed appeared content with all of their needs met. The life they lived was incomparable to that of a Starfleet officer. Even though they were simple-minded creatures, the complex duties the Galileo crew were required to perform on a daily basis was outside their realm of comprehension. Morgan glanced back to Sofie and realized the woman might prefer some more simple tasks to help alleviate her routine. Something to bring her closer to the creatures she enjoyed observing. "I understand," she acknowledged, then unclasped her hands and forced a smile to the ensign.

"Well, I will leave you to your free time, here. It wasn't my intention to intrude," Morgan added. She turned on her feet and took several steps back toward the arboretum's exit before suddenly stopping and looking back at Ullswater. "Have I ever told you the story of Hill 873?"

Just when I thought I was rid of her... "No sir, I don't think you have." She'd heard something, a single story of such a numbered hill, but that was a story from Ensign Mimi and though related was probably not the story the Captain was referencing. Remembering what Mimi told her a kernel of guilt started tugging at her stomach. How many days was it since she had spoken to Aria now? How long was she going to hide away with the ducks?

Morgan observed Sofie one final time. "After this mission, when we're transiting back to Regula I...I'll invite you to my holodeck simulation. To learn some history about our past." The commander flashed a small smile to the ensign then respectfully nodded her head. "Have a good evening, Ullswater." She turned back on her heels then headed out through the arboretum's exit with a swish of the doors.

Sofie didn't respond, she closed her eyes as she waited to hear the door close behind the commander. She let a few more seconds pass before opening them again. She swore, loudly and several times with her ducks as the only audience. She cursed her stupid mouth for all the idiot things she said. Why had Tarin had to have shown up here?

After a few minutes of haranguing the ducks with her self piteous rant she sat back down on the bench, shaking slightly, and cried to herself for a while. Only for a while though, because on a ship this small there's nowhere left to escape to anymore. The serenity of the duck pond had been vapourised leaving nothing but the anxieties she had been here to avoid. It was time to get back to work.

[OFF]

--

Ensign Sofie Ullswater
Science Officer
USS Galileo-A

CDR Morgan Tarin
Acting Commanding Officer
USS Galileo-A
[PNPC Saalm]

RSS Feed