Confidences

Posted on 29 Jan 2023 @ 12:45pm by Verity Thorne & Lieutenant Aria Rice

3,410 words; about a 17 minute read

Mission: Episode 18 - Cold Station 31
Location: Verity Thorne and Oliver Sylver's quarters
Timeline: MD-09, 18:00

[ON]

Lieutenant Aria Rice frowned as she rang the chime to Verity Thorne's quarters. It had been a day since the disastrous climb on the holodeck, and her conversation with Tarin. Despite the distance she had allowed it, her emotions were getting in the way for her. She had spent her shift somewhat distracted, and extremely achy. She wore her trainers because her feet hurt, her jeans and tee shirt, but a grey hoodie a few sizes too big with the hood up. Comfort clothes. She had come off her shift, changed and...and come here.

Usually, she would have turned to Scarlet to talk, or Gabriel. But Scarlet had so much on, being the XO, and Aria didn't want to put this on Gabriel. He too had enough going on, with the long shifts and everything else. No. This was better. She liked Verity, he was a friend, but more importantly he was removed from the situation.

"Come in," Verity called out, writing with an actual pen in an actual book. He closed it when he saw Aria though, smiling as he set it down on the table. "Aria, this is a pleasant surprise," he noted how different she looked from her usual vibrant clothing and hair, but didn't comment on it.

Aria walked in, looking at him for a moment before she looked down. "Is it a bad time? I...I think I need to talk to someone," she said, knowing as she said it that the two statements would have been a bit strange. And then she felt bad for it.

"Of course not. I'm the Chaplain. That is, really quite literally, what I'm here for," Verity assured with a grin, pushing himself up to get to the replicator. "What can I get for you? I've managed to programme in a half decent iced tea recipe now..."

"That...that would be nice," Aria said, taking a moment to look around. It felt like a home here. "You and Sylver have a nice setup here..." she moved to a chair, hesitating before she sat down, kicking the slippers off to pull her legs close to her chest.

"We've tried," he chuckled, offering one of the glass cups to her before taking the seat close. "It's difficult, in such a small space."

Aria nodded, taking the cup and sipping the iced tea, closing her eyes. "Mm...that's nice," she said, hesitating before she swallowed. "I don't think I am cut out for being on the ship anymore. I...Tarin, I..." she let out a breath before laughing. "If it had been a few months ago, she'd have Wyatt, an actual capable person as her Chief. Instead poor woman's stuck with me, and my...idealist ideas of what Starfleet is."

"What's wrong with having idealist views of what Starfleet is?" he chuckled softly, shaking his head. "I don't think that's unusual in the fleet."

She smiled weakly, putting her glass down and pushing her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. "I'm struggling, Verity," she finally said, frowning. "I don't feel like myself here anymore. Maybe it is the new position, but...I don't know. I'm so tired. Since we left, it's been...training, or working, or paperwork, or more training. I can't...live up to Tarin's standards."

He smiled weakly at that, nodding as he let out a long breath. "I hear that the officers have had daily PT sessions to contend with on top of mission preparations."

"And if you can't keep your mouth shut, there's also after shift trekking up a mountain in a volcanic environment whilst wearing 60lbs packs..." Aria chirped in, trying to sound cheery, but there was pain in her eyes. "We talked. I...I tried to explain, about this being a science ship...that it is too much too soon for people. All I did was disappoint her. I...think I'm losing my career again, right in front of my eyes. It feels like I am losing my home."

"That's a big leap to make," Verity shook his head with a reassuring smile, resting back to get more comfortable. "Was anything you said untrue or impertinent?"

"I..." she met his eyes, holding them for a long moment. "I don't think so, but we both know that my mouth has a life of its own and I am not exactly...you know, like...eloquent," she added quickly, shaking her head with a small smile.

"Well, if it was true, and you weren't obnoxious, I don't see why we've leapt to career shattering apocalypse" he teased, but with a warm smile, his eyes kind.

She huffed, watching him with some humour. "Okay, but in perspective...hello! Our new Captain is pretending this is a war ship, and we're all the infantry! I mean, seriously, it's..." she stopped, letting out a sharp breath. "You know, I hate being this serious. Hate it. Like, I smiled my way through dance recitals with bleeding feet! I made moonshine to barter with travellers, I captured sexy space pirates and took their cargo! And boom...this Earther pops in, takes the Captain's chair, and makes me feel like a constant disappointment because I'm not like the previous Chiefs."

Verity was silent for a long moment, looking into his drink as he considered her words. "And...what extraordinary feats of the last Security Chiefs are you comparing your own too?"

She looked at him, giving a small shrug. "Older, stronger..." she said, considering it. "Former Marines, that sort. More...urgh..." she pretended to box, before she smiled. "Alright, so maybe, just maybe I am having a bit of a crisis of confidence. I wouldn't have under Saalm. Because she knew my worth. But Tarin..." she stopped, looking down at her hands. "All I seem to bring out around her is disappointment. Mimi and I, after one of the daily exercises, we were talking with Tarin. And I...sort of made the mistake of saying that not everyone can be the best of the best, and that it was okay. And the discussion became a bit more, personal. So Tarin ordered us to meet her, and...go to the holodeck after our shift. To re-enact Hill 873, with 60lbs packs on our backs." She looked down, frowning as she thought about it. "Verity, she knew we couldn't do it. She told me afterwards. She set us up to fail, and worse than that, Mimi got hurt and we had to take her to sickbay. So when Tarin asked me what...I thought, like really asked me, I..." she stopped, holding his eyes. "I think I just threw my career away. Certainly my position on this ship."

"Would you rather have kept silent on what you really thought about that situation?" he asked her bluntly, shaking his head firmly as he held her eyes.

Aria met his eyes, watching him before she made a face. "Yes," she finally said. "And...no. I don't know. It would make my life easier. Simpler. But it would also have annoyed me to no end, and I would have said something some other time. Can't keep my mouth shut about that stuff." She reached to pat his knee, holding his eyes. "I have always hated unfairness."

"Then you did the only thing you could live with," he pointed out with a half smile, shaking his head. "If...you don't agree with how this Captain treats the crew, why are you worried about what she thinks of you? It...doesn't matter what someone else thinks you're worth, what matters is that you know your own worth."

"Difficult when it is the Commanding Officer you're serving under," Aria admitted, giving a weak shrug. She reached into her hoodie, pulling out the broken commbadge, with its sharp edges. She looked down at it, frowning as she considered it. "She's making me doubt my own worth. I was already unsure if I had what it took to be a department Chief, a senior officer. It's not helping. She has to be able to trust me, or else I am nothing more than window dressing...superhot, awesome window dressing, but...you know...still the same thing." She met his eyes, holding them for a long moment. "I don't trust her, Verity. I think that is the real problem. I don't trust her wanting to get us all back home alive. Safe. She will put the mission first, no matter what the mission is. Even if it is...grey and not, not what we should be doing."

Verity nodded slowly, letting out a long breath as he sat back, crossing his legs. There was a lot in what Aria was saying, and he couldn't speak to each point...but she needed to voice it, give the thoughts form, so she could break it down and work it out. "The rumourmill says that the inspection went...er...not so well...?"

"Oh, I hear everyone failed," she said, glancing down at her hand, stroking the metal of the commbadge before she put it back into her pocket. "We failed, and had until midnight to clean all the weapons. And the shuttles weren't up to standard either..." she held his eyes for a long moment. She suspected he already knew that, because of his boyfriend.

Verity nodded slowly, meeting her eyes for a long moment. "All of you, hm?" he said softly, spreading his hands in a motion of question. "So...none of the senior staff on the ship has what it takes then...?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, a small smile curling her lips. "Alright, I get your point," she finally said, sitting back. "It's not just me, it's the hazing she does to every one. She might just have picked me as a pet project because I am brand new in my position."

"Or...because you're the one that spoke your mind about it?" he suggested, shrugging lightly with a small smile. "And for some people, we have to make that choice. Live a comfy life and keep our mouths closed when we see things we don't agree with or don't believe in...or accept the uncomfortable road when we feel that speaking up is the right thing to do. I think we both know which one you are. And you wouldn't be you if you didn't."

"I got a long history of it," Aria said, looking at him with some humour. She shifted, clearly having calmed down a lot from just talking to him. "You know, I've...always done what people didn't want from me. My mother, she wanted me to become a ballerina. One of my Academy instructors suggested I went into something else...like an airlock..." her eyes shone with humour. "Maybe it's what makes me who I am. Following my own stars."

"I would say so," he grinned, watching her with a fond smile for a long moment. "Aria, if you've always gone ahead and followed your own star, why doubt it now?"

She held his eyes at that, taking a deeper breath. "Because I'm worried," she finally said. "I'm worried that she will push too hard too fast, and the crew crumbles. I know...the other Senior Officers will keep things going. But what if that isn't enough? What if I get pulled into it? I'm...me, you know. Joke a minute, nothing serious, water off a duck's back Aria. What if I have to be someone I'm not?"

Verity gave a warm smile, searching her eyes with confusion. "But isn't that exactly who we need if things do go wrong?"

"Well, as long as we both know that I don't have the command codes for self destructing the ship..." she said lightly, taking her glass to sip. She nodded, smiling gently as she looked down. "I really just need to suck it up, right? And...fight for what makes me happy?"

"I think...you need to stop worrying about what you should or shouldn't do and just do what your heart and head are telling you is right," he said softly, searching her eyes. "It sounds like you don't regret what you've said and done because you think it was wrong...but because you're worried about the reaction of other people...?"

She looked at him, her eyes wide for a moment. "Nooo...totally not..." she said, her voice a bit more high pitch. And then she groaned and tipped her head back. "Alright, so maybe I am worried about that. Oh, and whatever other hellscape that woman has planned for me. There's only that much I can do on day four of three hours' sleep a night."

"You're right, there is only so much you can do on limited rest...and that's her choice to put you in that position," he pointed out, shaking his head gently. "She's made that choice. So all you can do is your best with the cards she's dealt you."

She looked at him, holding his eyes before she nodded. She leant forward, her hand taking his. "Your man...is lucky to have you," she said, before she smiled. "Thanks, I...I feel calmer. Just have to do the best I can, no matter what. Might not be right for her, but it has to be right for me."

Verity nodded with a soft chuckle, squeezing her hand gently. "When it all comes down to the final act, you have to answer for your own actions. No one elses. And with no excuses for betraying your instinct and conscience."

She nodded, reaching into her pocket. She pulled out the broken commbadge, holding it up, showing him. "I got this, at my father's...memorial. It's broken and charred and..." she turned it, showing the name inside of it. Antonio Rice. "My father always followed his conscience. I think at the end, he...was so tired. I am starting to understand him more now I am getting older." She met Verity's eyes, closing her hand around the commbadge. "I'll follow my instinct and conscience, like he did. No matter what road it leads me down."

"I...think you may be the kind of person that won't be able to live with yourself unless you do," he admitted with a soft chuckle, shaking his head gently. "Were you and your father close?"

Aria smiled at that, nodding. "Mm...he wasn't home a lot, he was active service. A career Marine. We could have gone where he was posted, but my mother wanted me raised with...something under my feet. But when he had shoreleave, he always came home. He...would be the buffer against my mother's ambitions."

"Ambitions?" he asked, resting back a little, giving the impression he was settling back to listen rather than to talk.

Aria looked at him, holding his eyes before she looked down. "She was a dancer. Ballet. And then she met my father and...fell in love. She quit dancing to be a Marine's wife, studied science instead. But she always wanted me to be a dancer."

"I take it that the fact you're here means you didn't?" Verity asked with a weak smile, shaking his head gently. It wasn't easy being pulled between worlds.

"Oh no...I skipped the audition for the ballet company and took my Starfleet exams instead," Aria admitted, a small smile coming to her. "She was fuming. But...it was what was right for me. I wanted to serve something...bigger than myself. To believe in something bigger. The idea of the Federation and Starfleet."

"Do you think you're doing that fully if you don't speak your mind?" he asked, letting the question come slightly from left field after the meander they'd taken through her past.

Aria looked at him, considering it for a moment before she shook her head. "Although you could argue that all I am doing is making sure I won't be part of the Fleet for long," she said lightly. "I...am not a big risk taker."

Verity watched her with surprise before grinning, shaking his head slowly. "What on Earth makes you say that?"

"Let's be honest..." Aria leant closer, hands together, but there was now some humour creeping in as well. "I have been promoted and demoted so many times, I think I have been breaking records. But no matter what, I came back here and things got set right...Under Lirha. Now, she's not here. I have Tarin. Tarin who, sooner or later, will realise that I am not cut from the same cloth as she is. That I am, to her, a liability. I can handle that. What I am...struggling with, is that I can't come back here to recover anymore. This..." she gestured around, biting her lip. "...is my last chance."

"I would say that it takes a risk taker to get demoted and...remoted," he grinned, watching her with shining eyes. "So...are you telling me that you'd rather be a wall flower that doesn't stand up for what she believes in, in return for a cosy, easy life?"

"Sure!" Aria lied, before she watched him. And then she bit her lip. And chuckled. And shook her head. "I'd last about five minutes before I got all...urgh about it. So maybe not. I mean, I don't dress to be a wallflower, right? So not my personality. I just wish, at times, that...I could be a bit more balanced."

Verity nodded with understanding, resting back before suddenly chuckling, looking to her with a smile that brought a shine to his eyes. "Do you know what else is in perfect balance? Beige."

Aria's eyes widened and she almost sneered with disgust. "Be-ige..." she shuddered, swallowing hard. "Oh no, no, no...it's the worst colour! It has no real use, it looks dull..." she smiled, watching Verity for a moment. "You're sneaky. I love that about you. And...you're right. I am trying to talk myself into compromising who I am because of what I think others see in me. It's...not helpful, is it? Making assumptions?"

"To be fair, it's just your brain trying to be helpful," Verity tried to offer some assurance on that side of things. "It just becomes unhelpful when we mistake assumption for fact."

"I mean...it's all about survival, right? Old instincts..." she said before he reached to take his hand. "I needed this. Just getting my...head together."

"We all need this now and then," Verity said quickly, reaching out to squeeze her knee. "When you're in the middle of it, it's so much harder to see clearly."

She nodded, smiling gently at the words, taking them in. "Who do you go to, when you are in the middle of it all?" she asked, curious of what he'd answer.

He blinked with surprise at the question, taking a deep breath as he considered it. He rubbed the back of his neck, smiling weakly at himself. "I pray," he said quietly. Because he didn't really have a person to take it to.

She looked at him, watching him with a small smile. "It helps?" she asked, softly. Because she wasn't religious, but she liked the idea that something like that would help. She did see the way he moved, the awkwardness.

"It helps me," he replied honestly, relaxing slightly at the question. "I tell Him everything. I'm sure He's bored of the sound of my voice by now..." he chuckled.

"I've always heard that God doesn't get bored of things like that," Aria said before she smiled, her hand going to take his between hers. "If you ever...find that it isn't helping, or more you just want to say it to someone's face...you know you have me, right?"

Verity smiled warmly at the offer, squeezing her hand firmly. "But you're important people now, Aria," he teased, but with mischief in his eyes. "Thank you."

"Well, I'm important and able to multi-task," Aria said in a dramatic voice before leaning forward, hugging him as she closed her eyes. "I'm pretty sure my life would have been a lot poorer if I had never met you, Verity Thorne."

He blinked with surprise at the heartfelt words, closing his eyes as he hugged warmly. "I'm the lucky one," he assured firmly, smiling fondly.

[OFF]

Lt. Aria Rice
Chief Security Officer
USS Galileo-A

&

Verity Thorne
Chaplain
USS Galileo-A
[PNPC - Blake]

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