Problems Need Resolutions

Posted on 13 Aug 2015 @ 8:06pm by Commander Norvi Stace & Lieutenant JG Cyrin Xanth
Edited on on 14 Aug 2015 @ 10:28pm

2,750 words; about a 14 minute read

Mission: Episode 09 - Empires
Location: USS Galileo: Deck 4, Crew Quarters
Timeline: MD03, 0030 Hours

[ON]

Cyrin's shift had ended a while ago, but he had taken his work with him back to his quarters. Lieutenant Lucero was out somewhere, so he had the place to himself for now. That was just how he liked it, nice and quiet, no one looking over his shoulder, alone. Though he usually worked extra hours in Astrometrics or one of the other labs, sometimes it was just easier to think away from other people and especially now since there was so much chatter; they knew now that they'd passed into another universe when going through the vortex and that worried people.

It worried Cyrin too, but he wanted to prove that this was something that he could help with. He sat at the desk, trying to figure things out. Now they just needed to figure out how to get back, and Cyrin was certain that they could use the deflector again to pull it off. Now he just needed to find a way to actually do it. A steaming cup of Terran coffee was nearby, and a larger pot he'd been refilling to keep himself focused long past the time he should have hit the rack.

The door chimed through the quarters rather loudly as Stace stood on the other side of it. She'd undoubtedly seen Cyrin throughout the few months before their entrance through the rift but hadn't made time to go to him properly. But with repairs on the way and the slow footing being made towards the asteroid belt, she finally took herself down to his new quarters to speak with him... and find out what he'd gotten up to since burying his head in the sand.

It was an odd concept for Norvi: She'd been elevated by two ranks since she'd last spoken to him at any length and was now no longer in charge of just the Science Department but the ship as a whole. But on such a small ship as the Gally, instead of concentrating on the running of a department, she now made it her priority to see to all the crew. And Xanth was now most certainly amongst that set. She waited until the door opened and then smiled widely. "Ensign, hullo. May I come in for a bit?"

Though he'd sighed with no small amount of frustration at having his concentration disrupted - that had been the whole point of working from his quarters rather than staying in the lab late - Cyrin nevertheless made his way from the desk to the door. When he saw who was waiting for him however, he stiffened from head to toe, took an involuntary step back, and stared with wide eyes. "C-C-Commander! Oh, um, yes, p-please c-come in."

He hurriedly got out of Stace's way and stepped to the side. The quarters he shared with Lieutenant Lucero were clean and put back together after their bumpy ride through the singularity, but had more of the human's personality present than the Trill's. The only telling sign of his occupation here was the long metallic surfboard mounted on the wall nearby his bunk, and the black-and-white football beneath it. The young man gaped, possibly trying to ask if he might offer the first officer a drink, or how he might help her, but really just looked a bit like a fish out of water.

"I thought that I would just pop down and see you, Ensign," she said, looking about the room with a keen eye; attempting to take it all in quickly. She made her way in across the threshold and stood in the middle of the room with her hands behind her back. "It's been a while since we chatted, and now that I am no longer your direct superior, I seem to have lost touch with what you've been up to this week."

Her lie was obvious, but Cyrin had been worrying her of late and now that she had the time to dedicate herself to the crew, she wanted to clear the air between the two of them. "I don't want to pry, but with you being a fellow, younger Joined Trill, I'm more worried of you that I ought to be. Is everything all right? Other than your duty shifts - of which you seem to just complete your work quietly and leave - I haven't seen you about the social areas of the ship much."

That Cyrin was easily intimidated by his superiors was a given. Their expectations of him often gave him trouble, tripping him up, making him a nervous wreck. He even had difficulty interacting with his peers, though not quite as much. Out of all of his superiors, however, the one he'd come to often dread the most was Norvi Stace. It wasn't because she was unfair, or unkind. In fact, she'd been welcoming and patient with him when he'd first come on board the Comet. But, like she'd just mentioned, they were both Joined, and he was far younger. That lead to a lot of respect for her wisdom, and a slight terror concerning her judgement of him.

To have her take an interest like this made Cyrin's brains misfire a few times it felt like, "Oh, ah, well. I've b-been sort of b-busy, Commander. W-with work and s-stud-studying." He took a deep breath, held it for a count of five, then let it out slowly, obviously trying to control his stammer.

She allowed her silence and slight squint speak for itself. Not in an intimidating way, but in a way that allowed her fellow Trill to know that she certainly wasn't buying his bullshit. No matter how unconvincingly he tried to sell it to her. She squinted a little more and then broke into a sort of smile. Not waiting to be asked, she walked over to one of the chairs and then took a seat, crossing one leg over the other. "Why don't you take a seat, Ensign?" she asked. She took in a breath and then said, "I want you to be honest with me, Cyrin. Are you having trouble adapting to being Joined?"

The young man followed her and dutifully took a seat, taking suggestion as an order. His head was hung a little low, having seen the look she'd given him. As he was just getting settled, she asked a simple question that hit him like a torpedo strike. Cyrin's mouth dropped open, his form shrank back in the chair, and his eyes were wider than before. "I...it's not..." Cyrin realised he was about to lie to her, again, and that he'd been lucky that she hadn't dressed him down the first time. He squeezed his eyes shut, took another breath, counted. When he looked at the woman again, there was caution in his gaze, "It's di-difficult at times, yes."

"That's okay, Cyrin," Stace answered almost immediately, placing her hand on top of his in a comforting manner. "Listen, the training can only prepare for the Joining so much. And until you've gone through the process a few times then it's a jerky, disjointed feeling. But it is just that: a process." She paused and then cast her mind back to her own Joinings. Some more interesting and bumpy than others, but they all managed to work their way through one way or another.

"Locking yourself away from the crew, from your friends and colleagues, isn't the way to naturalise to your new self. And it's certainly not what the Symbiosis Commission would want for either of you. They want you to go out and experience new things. And Starfleet is built for that!"

Cyrin heard her words, and he understood that was how things were supposed to be. Somehow, it felt like signals got mixed up by the brains somewhere between his cranium and his pouch. It was hard knowing he'd left the Joining less confident than he'd gone into it, especially since the Commission had been aware and staring at him with their weighing, judging eyes. And it was hard to sit here before another with so much more wisdom and experience, to think he was disappointing her as well. Yet, the idea of trying to interact with people any more than he already did, when he felt so confused all the time, was paralysing.

"H-how did you um, handle it?" Cyrin asked, hoping that he wasn't prying into things he shouldn't. "I mean, the first time you w-were Joined, C-Commander? I doubt y-you were this much of a m-mess." The ensign spoke down about himself slightly, but it wasn't like he was not aware of his behaviour.

She cast her mind back to being that singularly. And it was an odd foray into her past. With each joining a new being was formed; a new interpretation of the layers that had built up over the years that she had to strip back; the personalities and memories of five lifetimes laid down like translucent carpet.

Kell was her first host. An extremely artistic woman who delighted in nature and solitude. And now thinking upon it, she wasn't too dissimilar to Cyrin only without the crippling self-doubt. "A mess is not the word I'd use, Ensign. But I enjoyed my own company a little too much. But I wasn't locked in a tin can with eighty other people like you are. I escaped to the mountains of Trill where I settled in quiet existence. But what is it about yourself that wants you to hide away?"

It made him feel surprisingly better that she might have had a similar experience in part. That whole knowing he was not alone in his feelings went a long way. "Well, I uh...it's like I c-can't slow things down, C-Commander. In m-my head. Can't stop thinking, over ana-ana-analyzing. When p-people expect s-something from me, it all get's overwhelming." He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, obviously having such difficulty now, but it was also painfully obvious the young man needed to talk about this despite not reaching out himself. "And I d-don''t know who I am anymore so I d-don't want others to s-see that."

Stace shifted in her chair, running her tongue over her teeth whilst thinking about what her younger counterpart had said. She inhaled and then uncrossed her legs, placing both hands on her knees and leaning forward a little. She sighed whilst thinking what course of action to take and then winced a meek, small smile.

"Perhaps we can contact a Joined counsellor to come and speak with you, Cyrin. This isn't just a personal concern but if it's affecting your job then it has to be addressed. I'm sure that I heard of one on Deep Space Nine. I could perhaps contact them."

Affecting his job? That had been the one thing he felt he was sure of, that he knew he wanted and he knew he enjoyed. The thought that even that was going bad stunned him. "I...I...I..." He cursed himself, told himself to get a grip. Thinking over how he'd behaved so far, it was no wonder she felt he needed help. He told himself it was lucky he wasn't put off the ship. "I would appreciate th-the help, Commander," that hadn't been nearly as painful to admit as he thought it might.

"I know you do," Stace replied calmly and with a little affection. "I'll look into who is available once we get back to a starbase or space station for you. There's bound to be someone with experience and training to help you with this." She took in a breath and re-thought what she had just said. "I will help you where I can. And I want you to know that I am here to help you, both as your superior officer and a fellow Joined Trill. I don't want you thinking that there's something wrong with who you've emerged from all of this. The Symbiosis Commission chose you to Join with Xanth. You must at least take comfort from that. They know what they're doing above all else."

The young man was obviously deep in thought, perhaps too deep as he'd described to her with a mind that took things too far too fast. All sorts of thoughts flashed through his mind, ranging from the slightly paranoid to the self-deprecating, and all of it mixing up enough that it left him shaken and confused. Stace's patience with him was something he appreciated as well, and he continued to try to force himself to focus.

"Th-thank you, Commander. I mean it. I know I h-have to f-figure things out. I just feel...overwhelmed by things." He'd managed to slip through the Academy without these kinds of difficulties however, or at least not so pronounced as they were now. That he could manage was something he'd experienced, and needed some way to find a way back to. Especially if he wanted to keep his career in Starfleet going.

"Do you not think that an infant is overwhelmed with the shiny bright lights and stimuli of the world when it first takes its steps beyond their own back garden?" Stace asked, a familiar smile now adorning her face. "This is no different."

Stace's understanding was putting him at ease some, but he was still uncomfortable discussing this. He'd always respected her, as a fellow scientist, as his superior, and as one of the Joined who had so much wisdom to draw upon. That she had taken an interest in him was both deeply humbling and difficult for him at the same time, but he didn't want to disappoint her either. Cyrin made an obvious effort to focus, to get himself under control, more than he'd displayed earlier. When he met Stace's kind green eyes with his own grey, he was able to smile a bit.

"You're right. I'm b-being too hard on myself, aren't I? I guess...I can see how that I'm hurting myself with it. In my job I mean." And in his personal life, which was basically non-existent. "I r-remember I told you I wanted to be the best officer I could be, when I f-first came on board. I haven't really been living up to that with all this worry. And I'd like to make friends, Commander. I'll try harder." That he was going to try to stop hiding away was a bit frightening, but he held his chin up and gaze steady.

"I want you to," Stace replied back with an affectionate smile. "And not for me or the ship, but for yourself. You owe yourself that much with all the work you put in to getting selected for Joining."

Cyrin sighed and turned his gaze to some bulkhead, thinking hard and fast. He couldn't help it, it was how his mind worked, and it was a great trait for his job. As a scientist, being able to think of dozens of different possibilities when testing a theory was great. When dealing with emotions and his personality and his mental state, not so much. It was overwhelming. It was why he shrank away from people, because he overanalyzed their reactions to him. He couldn't figure it out on his own, so he was actually grateful for the counselor she suggested even if it also embarrassed him of what he'd become after the Joining.

"Under-underst-stood C-Commander," he said eventually, looking back at her somewhat, though his eyes were focused on her pips rather than meeting her gaze. "I will t-try."

"I want you to, Cyrin. For both your sake's and the good of our people. And I'm always here for you."

"Thank you, C-C-Commander," Cyrin said. He fully intended to speak to the Trill counselor too, just as soon as they got out of whatever mess they were in now; he wouldn't let himself stay messed up now that he saw a way out. Until then, he had to focus on getting his job done. That singularity was exactly what he was on board for, and it's properties were astounding the more he studied it. Finding a suitable asteroid to land on was also his job. Astrophysics was not only Cyrin's job, it was one of the things he loved most in life. "I'll call if I need...reminding."

[OFF]

Commander Norvi Stace
Executive Officer
USS Galileo

&

Ensign Cyrin Xanth
Astrophysicist
USS Galileo

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