Further Apologies

Posted on 13 Apr 2015 @ 10:08pm by Lieutenant Oren Idris Ph.D.

3,888 words; about a 19 minute read

Mission: Episode 08 - NIMBUS
Location: USS Galileo, deck 6, Faye/Van Zyl quarters
Timeline: MD-1, 1100 hours

[ON]

As always when he returned from his nightshift, Tyrion first spent an hour just gathering his thoughts and having something to eat. Then a quick shower before finally crawling into his bed. He was dreaming, when he heard the door chime and at first he didn't realize that it was the door and not his dream.

It took several more persistent jingles, before Tyrion finally was awake enough to realize that it was, in fact the door, and not his dream. "Come!" he grumbled, refusing to come out from under his pile of blankets.

Oren was surprised that, when the door opened, there was no one there to greet him. He hesitantly stepped inside, looking around the unfamiliar rooms. Holding the box he'd brought with him, he stepped deeper into what seemed to be the living room before getting a clear view of the tiny bedroom, if it could be called that. From the lump on one bed, Oren finally saw the head of the man he was looking for. Biting back a comment about finding Tyrion in the same position he'd left him on the base, Oren instead gave him a small smile. "Hi...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"Who says I'm awake," the Betazoid grumbled from under the blankets. "What are you doing here Oren? I thought you didn't want to be associated with me anymore."

"I..." Oren frowned, swallowing the small lump that had formed in his throat. "I came to apologize," he said in a small, but firm voice. "The way I acted when I saw you on the Galileo was really rude and there's no excuse for it."

"No there isn't." Tyrion folded the blankets back partways, exposing his head and part of his bare upper body. "You hurt my feelings Oren...I was happy to see you again, I thought that we were friends. I know we said no strings attached, but I do have feelings...I don't like being used."

Looking down, Oren couldn't meet Tyrion's eyes for a few moments, wishing to compose himself under the criticism. "I know," he said. "I just,..I feel really bad about how I treated you and I know this doesn't really mean anything, but I wanted you to know that I wish I had treated you with the respect and affection you deserved instead of the way I did."

Unable to remain angry for long, Tyrion sighed and patted the bed, wanting him to sit down. "Alright...apology accepted," he relented. "But I still don't understand...why did you leave?"

Oren sighed, walking over and sitting down on the bed tentatively. "I just felt like...like maybe I was overstaying my welcome. I noticed that you were starting to have...some feelings, so I thought it would be best to cut it off while I could. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Isn't that supposed to happen when you get intimate with eachother?" Tyrion asked, now fully sitting up, the blanket crumpling in his lap. "Don't get me wrong, I think we had a great time together even though it was a little overwhelming. And I wouldn't change anything but your abrupt departure." He shook his head, reaching up to rub his eyes and stiffle a yawn. "I just wonder...what brings you here just now, why now and not sooner?" He reached out, brushing his fingers past Oren's cheek. "You're not lonely are you? You have someone..."

Oren flinched lightly at the sudden contact, but didn't pull away. The gentle touch felt good, and familiar. "I don't have anyone," he admitted softly, looking down at his lap. "I wanted to apologize now because something happened and I got hurt so I started to wonder about all the terrible things I'd done and I thought of you. I know that probably makes me sound selfish, but the guilt wouldn't leave me alone."

"Oh I know how you feel," Tyrion answered softly, "I know how guilt feels, only too well, remember? It's okay though...I forgive you." He shuffled closer, pulling the sheets around his waist. "What happened?"

"I cared too much about someone who didn't care enough about me," Oren replied with a small shrug. "That old tale," he added, giving Tyrion a smile. "I was stupid and got too attached. It was my mistake." That was the conclusion Oren had gotten to after a full day of thinking on it. He had been foolish to expect more from Ellsworth than he'd been willing or capable to give. That didn't stop him from feeling hurt and depressed, but Oren hoped it wouldn't last long this time.

"But you cared," Tyrion encouraged, "and that must've meant something. Do you want me to give the person a stern talking to?"

Oren let out a small laugh at the thought but it died off quickly.

"No, that won't be necessary," he told Tyrion. "But that's very sweet of you, Tyrion." Smiling, Oren leaned over and planted a small kiss on the Betazoid's cheek, a habit he regretted almost instantly. "I'm sorry," he said once again, sighing. These were the kind of habits he needed to break if he wanted to avoid any more conflict with people.

"It's alright," he said, "not like we own each other right?" Tyrion smiled. "I still like you Oren, that hasn't changed. I was just hurt, but I'm fine now. Sort of...I met someone but it's pretty unlikely I'll ever see him again." He sobered a little. "Thanks to your kindness though, that was an experience I'll never forget."

Smiling back, Oren couldn't help but be happy for the moment. "I'm glad that I was a part of that experience for you," he admitted. His own first time had been horrible and Oren was happy that he'd been the one to make someone else's enjoyable.

"So...thank you for that." He chuckled. "I did have to see a doctor, and she wasn't happy with me, I can tell you that much. But I'd do it all over again if I had to do it again." This time, he leaned forward to kiss Oren's cheek. "So...thanks."

Oren blushed slightly at the mention of a doctor getting involved. Surely, he hadn't been that careless! He was about to reply when Tyrion leaned over and kissed him. He felt warm as the Betazoid pulled away. "You're welcome," he said, looking down at his lap again, and then away as he became a little too aware of their current position. Catching sight of the box he'd left on the small coffee table, Oren turned back to look at Tyrion again.

"I brought you a cake. It's chocolate, and don't worry, I used to room with Pieter, so I made sure to replicate things especially for him, so he won't die if he eats any of it."

"How'd you know I'd share this with him?" Tyrion exclaimed, feeling like a kid in a candystore. "And that's very considerate of you. I try to keep his dietary requirements in mind too but well...I made the odd mistake. It's safer to just stick to his requirements that way if ever something's left out, he can safely take it." His smile widened, turning a little cheeky. "And how'd you know I love chocolate?"

Oren returned the smile. "Oh...I don't know," he said, feigning ignorance. "A little bird told me."

"Hm-mm...I don't know any birds Oren....usually...I am the bird. Do you want some too? You did make it yourself, didn't you?"

"I did," Oren said with a small nod. "Sure, I can have some if you are."

Slipping out of bed, dragging the blanket along with him, Tyrion went to get a plate and a knife, then crawled back onto the bed, draping the blanket around him. Gingerly, he cut the cake in half, leaving the other half in the box, and putting one on the plate. He then cut it in half again and held up the plate. "I do love chocolate," he said, "especially home made chocolate cake."

"You don't say," Oren said knowingly, taking the plate from him. "I don't usually eat a lot of sweets, but I do enjoy the occasional treat," he admitted, smelling the piece of cake as it's aroma filled the small space between them.

"That does depend on the sweet," Tyrion answered, watching him closely.

Oren just hummed in agreement, his attention still on the cake in front of him, oblivious to Tyrion's attention being set on him. Lacking utensils, he considered going to the replicator for something but first, he couldn't resist breaking off a piece of the corner and popping it into his mouth.

Chuckling, Tyrion watched him. "And that's the only proper way to eat cake," he commented, before biting off a good bit of his own piece.

Oren smiled widely, licking his lips. "I'm glad you're not mad at me," he admitted. He'd been extremely nervous coming to see Tyrion, expecting a much more severe reaction from the Betazoid and steeling himself for harsh criticism. After all, it was what he felt he deserved for leaving the way he had.

"Nahh....why'd I be mad? Disappointed sure, but I got no reason to be mad. We're not a couple, we agreed no expectation so I had no right to expect anything from you."

"I know," Oren said with a shrug. "But still, it was a bad thing to do. And then I gave you the cold shoulder when we saw each other again, like I was ashamed of what we'd done. It...well, it wasn't a classy move, and I regret it."

"There's no shame in being together with someone when you need it most. Obviously, you needed it, and I don't regret it at all." Now Tyrion shrugged. "Nothing ado with class Oren, nothing at all."

Oren smiled, his expression softening as he turned his attention back to his cake. "I suppose you're right," he said, taking another small bite. "How are you, anyway?" he asked, remembering how down Tyrion had been when they'd met. Sure, he'd been happier as the days went by but Oren knew that some feelings couldn't simply be replaced by others.

"I'm alright, getting there one step at the time." He rubbed his bald head, grinning broadly. "Got a good roommate who helped me a good deal along the way, and I even met someone, though he's a long way away from here now." He nipped at his cake. "And you? You look less than happy..."

"That's because I am," Oren admitted around a small mouthful of cake before swallowing it to continue. "I feel like a support craft hit me six or seven times before letting all of its passengers walk over me."

"Hmm, I know that feeling..." Dropping his cake back into the box, Tyrion suddenly reached out. "You need a hug. Don't worry....just a hug. C'mere."

Eyes wide, Oren hesitated for a moment before shifting closer to Tyrion, allowing himself to wrapped up in his arms. He settled his head on the Betazoid's shoulder, the familiarity of it feeling incredibly comforting. Slipping his arms around his middle, Oren settled himself against Tyrion's bigger frame, allowing himself a moment to close his eyes and soak up the offered comfort.

Tyrion briefly tightened his arms around the man, squeezing him closer for a moment, then released him. "Feeling better?" he asked softly, gently reaching up to run his fingers through Oren's hair. Out of prior habit, he leaned up and kissed his temple, like he'd done before. "I'm sorry...I said just hug, I'm sorry." He sat up a little straighter, giving Oren room to pull away if he wanted.

Oren did, shifting away just slightly but even that required extensive effort from him. He'd enjoyed the physical affection, the familiarity of Tyrion's embrace, the comfort freely given, that he felt tempted to crawl into bed with him right there, allow his arms to wrap around him and fall asleep. The need for it made him ache all over, the small show of affection having made it worse, but Oren refrained, knowing it to be the wrong move entirely. He couldn't allow what happened with Ellsworth to happen with Tyrion, even though he knew his feelings for Tyrion weren't the same. It was still a risk he wasn't going to take, for his own sake "You don't need to apologise," he said in a small voice, suddenly feeling sadder than he had coming in. "It's alright."

Being Betazoid, unfortunately, had it's perks. "And now you're even worse than before." He set the box aside and laid back, pulling Oren down with him but keeping the blanket between their bodies. "What's going on Oren....I can't help it here, your feelings are just about screaming at me. You're miserable."

Oren pushed himself off of Tyrion almost immediately, feeling anxious. "You're really sweet, Tyrion but I don't really want to talk about it," he said, sniffing slightly as he felt the tears starting to build in the back of his eyes. "I should go," he said, standing up from the bed.

"Oren...." Tyrion looked up at him in concern. "I'm not taking advantage of you, I don't want anything of you if you're like this. I'm just offering a shoulder to cry on that 's all." He could see the man was close to tears and it almost tore his heart out. "Please...what's going on, why are you so sad?"

Shaking his head, Oren rubbed his eyes, hoping to clear the mist in them. "I just...I don't even know anymore, I just am. I wish I wasn't, but I can't help it. I'm sorry," he said, feeling the need to apologize again. It was bad enough he'd woken up Tyrion, now he couldn't even control himself to keep his feelings in check.

"Have you tried talking to someone? Anyone?" He tried to pull Oren back down onto the bed. "You're welcome to stay here for a little while, Pieter won't be home until after lunch."

"I don't think me staying is a good idea, Tyrion," Oren admitted, though he couldn't think of anything better than doing just that. "I did talk to someone, I'm seeing a counselor. I saw her this morning, actually."

"Why not? I can't let you go off on your own in this mindset. I know the feeling of being shattered, of having your heart ripped out. It's not good Oren, not good at all. "

"I know it isn't but...I'll get over it," Oren said, trying to shrug it off. "I just...I don't even know what I'm doing," he added helplessly, sitting back down on the bed again.

"Then don't do anything for now," Tyrion suggested, "just let whatever's supposed to happen, happen for just a little while." He smiled, semi-sitting up to wrap his arm around Oren's waist again. "Just lay with me and close your eyes. When's the last time you had a proper sleep?"

"Days, I think," Oren admitted, running his hand through his hair. He didn't resist, but made no move to lay down yet.

"Then sleep here," Tyrion yawned, "bed's wide enough for two. I'll keep my hands to myself, I promise. I'll watch over you, keep the demons away."

"That's very sweet of you, Tyrion," Oren said, still hesitant. Watching him, he felt the need to at least clear up something that seemed to be on the Betazoid's mind. "I'm not afraid that you'll take advantage of me like that," he told him. "I'm just...I get attached easily and that hasn't been ending well for me lately."

"Watch over me then," Tyrion suggested, pulling the blanket back up to his chin. "I really need to get some sleep before Piet comes home."

Oren watched Tyrion snuggle down into the covers, envying his peace of mind. Fighting with himself for a few moments, his need for some kind of reassurance won over and Oren slowly slipped into bed behind Tyrion, over the covers. Resting his head on the pillow, he gently rested one arms over his ex-lover's side. The position was one of Oren's favorites, comforting without feeling overwhelming.

"There's more blankets if you want them," Tyrion murmured, not even offering him to come down under as well. He knew that'd be mighty awkward. "Good night Oren," he added, his voice muffled by the blankets.

"Good night, Tyrion."

---

A couple of hours later, the doors to the quarters opened to let in Pieter who was finally finished with his shift. Taking his uniform jacket off, he walked over to the bedroom only to stop upon seeing Tyrion had company. Curled around him was the last person he expected. Both Oren and Tyrion seemed to be asleep, although the latter was beginning to stir slightly.

Awakened by the sound of the door, Tyrion opened his eyes partly and smiled. "It's not what you think," he murmured, still half asleep though aware of his roommate watching them. "Nothing happened."

Oren just shifted slightly, but remained asleep, burying his face into Tyrion's back. Watching, Pieter nodded. Reaching for his VOICE to lower the volume to what he assumed would be reasonable, he spoke.

"I know."

Turning over, Tyrion gently repositioned the still sleeping man and watched his roommate. "He came to talk to me, and I discovered he hadn't slept in a while, so I told him to stay here. Something is wrong Piet....I can't really put my finger on it, and he won't talk." Caressing Oren's face gently, Tyrion grabbed his robe and slipped out of bed, then turned to cover Oren's body with a spare blanket. "How was your shift?"

"Same as always," Pieter replied, stepping out of the bedroom so as to not disturb Oren's sleep. "Do you think he will be alright?" he finally asked as he sat down on the couch. Part of him was still concerned that perhaps his last conflict with the El-Aurian might have set off some kind of chain of events, but he also knew that the most likely cause of the man's pain was Ellsworth.

"I don't know, " the Betazoid replied honestly, "I hope so. Initially, he didn't want to stay but I kind of made him. I didn't think it wise to let him leave in this condition. I know that what we had together wasn't much, and didn't mean much, but I'd be a lousy friend if I didn't care in the slightest. Do you know what's ailing him?"

"I have my suspicions, but I don't think it's my place to say," Pieter replied, silently agreeing with Tyrion's idea of not letting Oren leave when he was feeling too depressed. Having lived with the El-Aurian for such a long time, he'd seen him at his low moods a couple of times and it was never a particularly pretty sight, and Pieter was never able to quite accurately pinpoint the exact cause each time.

"I'm sure he'll say when he's ready. Can you keep an eye on him for a minute while I get dressed?" He knew Pieter preferred him to be properly dressed when they were conversing, because he wasn't exactly wearing anything underneath his robe.

Pieter nodded, watching Tyrion leave to get dressed. He stood up from his place on the couch and walked over to stand in the doorway to the tiny bedroom again, watching Oren. From the way the blanket was moving, Pieter could see that he was breathing softly, but his face didn't look at all relaxed. After a moment, he seemed to shift several times before snapping awake, green eyes blinking open. Oren reached up to run his hand over his face, rubbing at his eyes. Despite the few hours of sleep, he felt worse the instant he realised where he was exactly. The fact that he saw Pieter in the door didn't help.

"I'm sorry," he said, pushing himself up into a sitting position, the blanked pooling around him and his hair sticking out at different angles. "Where's Tyrion?"

"Getting dressed," Pieter replied, his face neutral. Oren nodded, looking down at his hands, unsure of how to act as his mind was still in a sleepy daze.

Tyrion returned a few seconds later and smiled as he saw Oren was awake. "Ah, you're awake," he stated unnecessarily, "did you sleep well?" He sat down on the bed to put on his socks and shoes. "Don't worry, nothing happened...."

Oren gave the Betazoid a funny look. "I know," he said, rubbing the remains of his nap from his eyes. "I didn't sleep so well but at least I slept," he explained, feeling suddenly awkward. This wasn't what he'd set out to do when he'd shown up at Tyrion's doorstep.

"I should go," he announced, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"You don't have to," Tyrion said, "you can stay here for a while."

"Uh..." Oren looked up at Pieter, who was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his broad chest. The two exchanged a look and Oren shook his head. "No, it's best that I leave." Pieter nodded in agreement, pushing himself off the door and going back into the main living area.

Oren sighed, then turned to Tyrion. "Thank you for this."

"It's what friends do," Tyrion replied quietly, following his gaze towards Pieter, "and one must cherish the few friends one has." His eyes met Pieter's. "Right?"

Pieter just shrugged after catching his roommate's gaze and then went to fiddling with his VOICE, finally taking it off.

Oren shook his head. "Don't bother. He's never going to like me much," he told Tyrion. "But really, I appreciate what you did. We should go to the Lounge sometimes."

"Sometimes," Tyrion agreed, walking him to the door. "And you're welcome to come here anytime you can't sleep. Just...alpha shift would be best as I work gamma and Piet works alpha."

"I might take you up on that," Oren said with a gentle smile, but knew that the chances of his ever showing up like this to Tyrion's quarters were slim to none. "I'll contact you about drinks," he promised, pressing a small kiss on Tyrion's cheek.

"Looking forward to that," the Betazoid replied, blushing slightly. "Take care Oren."

Smiling a little wider, Oren gave him a small wave before turning and walking down the corridor towards the turbolift.

As the door closed, Tyrion sighed and shook his head, then walked over to the table and offered Piet a quarter of the remaining half of the chocolate cake. "It's safe for you," he said, "Oren made sure it's safe."

Reading what the Betazoid said from his lips and mannerisms, Piet nodded and took the cake without hesitation, no suspicion in his eyes. Replicating a fork, he took a piece. For once he didn't question whether it was safe. He knew Oren better than to think he would be so careless about something like that. He was a lot of things, but even Pieter knew he would never purposefully endanger someone's life.

[OFF]

CPO Tyrion Faye
Intelligence Officer
USS Galileo
[PNPC T'Vanna]

Oren Idris, Ph.D.
Archaeologist/Anthropologist
USS Galileo

 

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