Calm Before the Storm [part 2]

Posted on 22 Feb 2015 @ 12:37am by Lieutenant Oren Idris Ph.D. & Petty Officer 3rd Class Ellsworth Hudson

3,591 words; about a 18 minute read

Mission: Episode 08 - NIMBUS
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 4, Quarters 04-1007 EN
Timeline: MD -03, 0630hrs

Previously...

Ellsworth hadn't done that. He'd thrown a spoon, but that had been a half-hearted move. In reality he practically fell into the other man's arms and begged for the telepathic connection. He'd buried his nails in K'os' back and kissed him and made their minds one, perhaps the most intimate of all actions. The only thing that had kept him from going further had been the thing inside K'os' mind and his own stubborn pride, and it made him sick to his stomach to sit at this table, having just eaten breakfast prepared special for him, while his 'boyfriend,' his love, showered in the other room. His dark eyes shifted to the bathroom door, and he frowned. Were those not the thoughts and actions of a depraved person?

And now the continuation...

Behind closed doors, Oren took a long look at himself in the mirror, absently pulling at his short blond hair. He'd foregone putting on his uniform but made sure that every line of his outfit was straight, precise, not a crease to be seen. Looking presentable made him feel like he was, while his mind felt like it was in complete disarray, stuck between worrying about the future and trying with every fibre to ignore the past, no matter how insistent it was in teaching him a lesson. But Oren prided himself on using all the means at his disposal to try and put it behind him. He was still too young to allow cynicism to take over.
With a deep sigh, he ran his hand through his hair again, undoing his work. He moved uncomfortably in his clothes, the fabric irritating. Or was it the ever present, lingering feeling of anxiety and self doubt? Probably the latter, Oren decided, shaking his head. Why couldn't his mind just work right for a change? So Ellsworth is a little hesitant, it was no big deal. Why did he have to make such a big deal out of it, obsessing over every detail?

Happy that the doors were soundproof, Oren let out a low groan of frustration before closing his eyes. 'Deep breaths...' he told himself, inhaling.

"Smile, Oren..." he whispered after a few breaths, finally opening his eyes to look at himself. Finally, he smiled at his reflection, ignoring the fact that it almost looked genuine. 'I'm getting too good at this,' briefly crossed his mind as he turned to the side and exited the bathroom.

Once outside, he extended his hands away from his side. "How do I look?" he asked Ellsworth, pushing down the guilt he felt over pretending that everything was okay. But no, sometimes it was better to let certain things lay low. Ellsworth didn't need Oren overanalyzing everything from the very beginning, no matter how much he did it in his own mind. His mind was used to it, and there was nothing wrong with pretending things were normal for a little while. He believe that, eventually, it would be.

"Hmm?" Ellsworth asked, looking up and sounding distracted. It took him a moment to recall Oren's question, and he gave him a faltering smile. "How do you look? Are you serious?" The smile seemed to recover as he stood up and sauntered over to Oren; he left K'os behind, where he'd been sitting, forcing the ugly thoughts to slough off his mind like oil against water. By the time he reached Oren's side, walked around him, and began smoothing down some seams, he was fully present. "You look divine, as always."

Oren's eyes followed Ellsworth. "Thank you," he said, his forced smile becoming a little less so at the feeling of Ellsworth's touch. He watched his carefully, taking in the youthful lines of his face, the little crinkle between his eyes as he smiled, inky eyes shining. His hair was still a mess, but he didn't want to comment on how adorable it made him look for fear of the Betazoid making too much of an effort to tame it.

Without saying anything, Oren grabbed Ellsworth's arm gently and pulled him forward enough to press a loving kiss to his cheek.

Ellsworth smiled at the kiss and let the back end of the momentum carry him forward against Oren. He wrapped his arms around the other man and held on to him. The grip took on a fierceness the longer he held on, like he was afraid to let go, and he buried his head into Oren's shoulder to hide his face. The El Aurian's arms always felt like a safe place to cry, but it seemed inappropriate to allow himself to do so right now. How could he cry on the person he was crying over, especially when he was crying because of the hurt he knew he'd cause them? Teeth sank into the inside of his cheek hard enough to cause pain and distract his mind from it, and he tried to just enjoy the feeling of the moment while he could.

Instinctively, as Ellsworth fell against him, Oren's arms went around his body. He let them rest against his back, not squeezing or pulling him closer. Ellsworth seemed to be doing a fine enough job of clinging on and Oren couldn't help but worry. There was no doubt that something was definitely wrong now. Immediately, Oren's mind began to go over the events of the night before. "Ells?" he asked, settling into what he hoped was a soothing rhythm of rocking the Betazoid in his arms. As he thought of each moment of their night together, Oren tried to find the moment that might've caused Ellsworth the kind of distress to keep him from sleep and still have this effect the next day. As he scrolled through them, only one thing stood out. But, for now, he said nothing specific about it, simply caressing the Betazoid's back and continuing to gently sway their bodies from side to side to the tune of some inaudible tune.

"Are you alright?" Oren asked after a few still moments. He wanted to ask whether they were alright, but it felt like too much. Not to mention, Oren was afraid of the answer. The mental image of Ellsworth pulling away and saying 'no' felt too frightening because Oren couldn't even begin to imagine his own reaction.

Ellsworth knew he was staying quiet for too long, but it was taking more time than he expected to gain his composure. If he spoke before he had full control of his voice it would betray him in an instant. So instead of speaking up immediately with a cheery 'yes, of course' he just stayed in the sheltering arms and concentrated on his breathing. As he did so, he couldn't help but reflect on being in a similar position with another man only hours ago. At another time he might have been amused by the differences in their embrace: K'os was barely restrained passion, needy, with arms that threatened to crush you for want of drawing you closer and closer; Oren held you with tender compassion and made you feel not only safe and secure but also like this was the only place in the universe you were meant to be.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I just had a bad dream about us last night," the young Betazoid finally said, pushing himself back just enough to look at Oren. He'd convinced himself it wasn't really much of a lie, just a reformulation of the truth, so he was able to deliver it with confidence. It had in many ways seemed like a bad dream about them, a waking nightmare with tragic consequences. "Our dreams are so vivid... What if I could never hold you again? Or touch your hand? See you smile? Hear you laugh? Look into your eyes?"

He closed his own eyes and rested his head back against Oren's chest for a moment before finally pulling away fully and taking a step back. He forced a smile and started moving to the side, toward the bathroom again. "It was silly. Anyway, do you have alpha shift?"

The sudden shift almost made Oren's head spin. He could tell that it wasn't the complete truth, but he was satisfied he'd at least gotten a partial answer to his question. He stared at the replicator that had come into view as Ellsworth walked away, trying to collect himself after his sudden departure. "Um.." he hesitated, catching up to the question. "No, I work beta, but I need to go and feed Landi." Oren moved awkwardly for a moment, suddenly feeling uncomfortable standing there with nothing to do.

He wanted to ask if Ellsworth had any plans for the evening, but restrained himself. Being too clingy in the beginning was a mistake he'd made before, so he knew better than to insist on too much time together. Instead, he hoped quietly that Ellsworth would bring it up. In the meantime, his thoughts turned to Ellsworth's dream, unsure of how to feel about it. It felt odd that he'd dream about such a thing but, considering recent events, perhaps it wasn't that abnormal. After all, why would Ellsworth lie about something like that? Perhaps the other half of the truth he'd told was that the dream was much more tragic than he'd explained and Ellsworth simply didn't have the heart to tell him. That seemed like something Ellsworth would do, Oren thought.

"Do you know what you'll be doing during the battle exercises?" Oren finally asked, moving over to Ellsworth's bed and tidying it up; he always felt better and less tense when his hands were busy.

"I dunno!" Ellsworth said, beginning his lengthy morning routine in the bathroom. He didn't bother shutting the door as it would only mean he'd have to shout to be heard, and he wanted to keep talking to Oren while getting ready. "Nobody's told me anything, yet, but that doesn't mean anything. I think they forget to tell me stuff all the time. I don't even know if I'll have anything to do during a battle... Maybe replicate things? I can use the industrial replicator, and I know what we have and don't have in stock. So if there's damage...or, simulated damage?...I can replicate replacement parts. Or simulated replacement parts. I don't even get how this is supposed to work, they definitely didn't cover it in enlisted training. Oh my goodness!" His head suddenly popped around the door frame of the bathroom, though he kept the rest of his exposed body hidden for Oren's sake. "What are you gonna do? There's no anthropology or archaeology in battle, right?"

"Not lately," Oren replied, smiling at Ellsworth as he fluffed up his pillow and set it down on the bed. "I don't think I'll really do much of anything. I'm not even sure who is going to run the science department, what with Stace being on the bridge," he explained with a shrug. "I mean, when Kohl leaves I'm the last person who complains, but something tells me they didn't really think everything through when they sent him to whatever ship they sent him to," he added, walking over to the replicator and replicating a piece of fruit, suddenly famished.

"The Nautilus," Ellsworth blurted, then cringed as soon as it was out. It didn't take an empath to feel there was some animosity over Andreus Kohl, and that probably wasn't going to help matters. "Maybe they'll put you in charge, then you'll have something to do. I bet it's all paperwork though."

"I don't want to be in charge. How do you know Kohl is on the Nautilus?" Oren asked the question quickly after the first statement, curious. Ellsworth always made of point of mentioning how no one ever told him anything and, considering Oren spent a lot of time in the vicinity of Kohl on Deck 4, he knew Ellsworth never came around to talk to him so they weren't likely friends. So how would Ellsworth know where Kohl went? Why would he care about Kohl at all?

Suddenly, as it came to him, Oren's face fell.

"Please tell me you didn't...."

Part of Ellsworth felt like laughing at the suggestion, but he knew it would be deeply insensitive. Oren had something weird going on with Kohl, and he didn't want to hurt his feelings... Or, hurt them anymore than he was bound to. On top of that, he probably would have if Kohl hadn't been shipped off so quickly to the Nautilus. He felt guilty about it, and even guiltier over his plan's for the Argelian's return to the Galileo. He had an amazing evening floating around in his head, culminating in...well...what he always culminated things in. He clenched his teeth at the thought of that given how Oren seemed to feel about him and cleared his throat.

"No, we didn't. You...don't like him or somethin'?"

Suddenly uncomfortable, as if caught misbehaving, Oren tried his best to shrug it off. "Well..." he began, moving the orange in his hands from one to the other. "It's not that. He's just so...." 'Charming? Suave? Courtly? Dreamy? Self-important? Argelian?'

"Clean," Oren finally settled, to his complete shock and horror. 'Clean? Really?' he chastised himself for the slip up. Of all the things he could've said to voice his dislike of Officer Andreus and he settled on 'clean'? It just proved to both Oren and anyone listening how irrational his dislike of the Argelian was. Even Oren himself couldn't quite piece it together in his head. All he knew was when the man gave him or anyone that smile of his, Oren wanted to throw something at him. And Oren wasn't a man known for throwing things at people.

Ellsworth smirked. "Clean, huh? You sure you don't...like him?" The smirk grew increasingly smug. "That's almost always what it is, you know. When someone just doesn't like someone for no good reason, then comes up with things like, 'He's clean.' How do you even know how clean he is?" The smug smirk turned into a teasing grin. "Cuz of the way he smells, like he's always just stepped out of the shower? A real shower with real soap and real shampoo?" He closed his eyes and recalled the smell from only a day before. "Or the way he looks at you, like he can see through you, like any moment he's going to take you in his arms and-..." The young Betazoid's eyes popped open and flicked to Oren.

Oren's mouth was open, staring in shock at Ellsworth and the words that were coming out of his mouth. "You totally did, didn't you!?" he asked, not the least bit fooled by Ellsworth's earlier denial. Watching him close his eyes, apparently lost in some filthy fantasy with Kohl made Oren's heart sink, despite the way he tried to brush the entire thing off. 'Of course Ellsworth likes him! What's not to like? He's charming and handsome and he always acts so smooth, no one can see him for what he really is.' What Andreus was, in Oren's head, was still very much a mystery, but Oren wasn't fooled. There was something. No one was that perfect.

He watched Ellsworth fantasize, frowning at him without really noticing the change in his expression. He couldn't compete with Kohl, of all people. Especially not with Ells, who put so much value in sexuality and sex appeal. Oren was just...Oren. Sweet, and a little gangly, not tall, well built and suave. Just because he couldn't see Andreus for the sexually attractive man that he apparently was didn't mean he was blind to the effect he had on people.

"No, I swear! It was just a kiss!" Ellsworth said, face contorting in sympathy and shame and a helpless need to comfort Oren. Technically, it was 'kisses' but it seemed unnecessary to say. He moved to take both of his hands and pouted a little at him. "I didn't, promise." Almost against his will, the pout shifting back into the hint of a smirk. "You really don't like him, huh?"

Oren, still frowning and looking at Ellsworth suspiciously, just shook his head in reply. He looked down at their linked hands. "I can't explain it. Don't judge me," he said, lifting one of Ellsworth's hands to his lips and giving it a kiss while looking up at his face, the shine in his green eyes making it clear his previous worries were still there. He didn't comment further on them though. It made no sense to burden Ellsworth with his insecurities.

Ellsworth squeezed his hands, but remained silent, too. It was an awkward conversation made all the more awkward by his own feelings for Kohl, though they could hardly be called feelings. They were more like urges, founded on little more than the man's sexual appeal and the slight edge of danger promised by the extraordinary differences in their rank and age. But seeing the look on Oren's face, especially the lingering questions, did a lot to dampen anything he felt for Kohl.

"Judge you? C'mon," Ellsworth said, using his grip on Oren's hand to pull the El Aurian closer to him. There were a lot of irritating thoughts of K'os and Kohl bouncing around in his head, but he made a concerted effort to shove them off into a corner. He'd never really seen anything like doubt or worry in Oren's eyes, not like this, and despite whatever other things he felt for whatever other men, he did care about him and it plucked at his heart strings.

Oren just nodded, but all he could really notice about the entire exchange was the lack of any reassurance and suddenly felt foolish again. It wasn't Ellsworth's obligation to console him or assuage his neuroses and self-doubt. Breaking eye contact, he glanced down at the Betazoid's neck and collarbones, fixating on a small mark there, on the left one, while he tried to stabilise and calm his thoughts again. It was easier said than done, but without seeing whatever look Ellsworth was giving him, he managed. Doing math problems inside of his head had been a suggestion by a past therapist and it had always helped Oren to distance himself from his more emotionally vulnerable states. This time was no different and, soon enough, he looked back at Ellsworth. When he did, the look of uncertainty was gone, pushed back expertly.

"I have to go now," he announced, leaning forward and capturing Ellsworth's lips into a chaste kiss that only lasted a moment before Oren pulled back.

"Wait," Ellsworth said, taking a step forward to close the distance between them again. His limbs felt shaky, and he didn't like the way they were about to part. It had seemed like if he'd just let Oren walk out the door then things wouldn't be right, something would be off and stay off. Of course something was off, but that didn't mean he had to let it dominate their every interaction. "When am I going to see you again? Um... Maybe, tonight, huh? I..." He wanted to suggest they stay the night together again, but something held him back from it. "...thought maybe we could watch the rest of that show. And cuddle."

The corner of Oren's mouth quirked up into a small smile. "I'd like that," he said sweetly, happy at having something to look forward to at the end of the day instead of going back to his quarters. With M'Ressa gone and no new roommate to fill her place, it was a bit lonely. Only not did he really begin to appreciate her presence and that made him feel guilty about his earlier treatments of M'Ressa. He wasn't mean, of course, but he hadn't really made an effort to be friends with her either. It was something he vowed to change with his next roommate.

"My quarters, around midnight?" Oren suggested. He figured it would be less awkward with no roommate to worry about. Not that they'd be doing something that required complete privacy, but still, it was nice to be alone with someone you cared about and only have to focus on them.

"Your quarters, around midnight," he confirmed, leaning forward to return Oren's earlier chaste kiss.

As the El Aurian finally turned to walk away, Ellsworth held on as long as he could, right down to the fingertips. He wanted to grab the hand and not let go, force him to stay. Letting go was like letting go of a piece of his heart and given the circumstances he wondered if he'd ever get that piece back again. So much about the morning had felt like the calm before the storm, that sense of unease in the air that foretold of raging winds and lightning and thunder. When the doors closed, it felt a bit like turning the page at the end of a chapter. The thought made him bite his lip and look at the chronometer: less than 18 hours, then, to figure out what to do and what to say...

[OFF]

Oren Idris, Ph.D.
Archaeologist/Anthropologist
USS Galileo

PO3 Ellsworth Hudson
Quartermaster
USS Galileo
[ PNPC - Mott ]

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