The Doc Aint Havin A Good Day (Part 3 of 4)

Posted on 17 May 2012 @ 1:57pm by Lieutenant Commander Pola Ni Dhuinn M.D. & Lieutenant JG Brayden White Ph.D.
Edited on on 17 May 2012 @ 6:00pm

2,557 words; about a 13 minute read

Mission: Episode 01 - Project Sienna
Location: USS Galileo - Sickbay
Timeline: MD06 - 0715hours

Previously....

"You've made a friend." He took a sip from the coffee and put it back beside her. "And... drama?" he asked with a small tilt of his head.

Realising her mistake too late, she was reminded why she'd choosen Brayden as the ship's counsellor, he was very quick to pick up on the smallest of items. "Drama...I guess it's just been a long night of rehashing memories I'd pushed into a box and hadn't thought about in awhile but people keep saying things lately which seems to be unraveling the packaging."

"Or maybe you're just ready to start opening the box again," he said, folding his arms on her desk. "Are you?"

Sitting back in her chair, Pola suddenly felt an overwhelming tiredness rush over her as she lost her appitite. "Well you've already prodded the box while you were operating on me, what do you think?"

And now the conclusion...

[ON]


"Pola," he met her eyes kindly, hoping that understanding and reason would soothe her somewhat. "I'm not going to push you on something you don't want to talk about. But I would like to just put this one idea out there, for you to think about. I don't know what you've stored away and neither, I think, does anyone else. The things that are coming up for you are probably coming up for a reason that has nothing to do with anyone but you. I can say that, when it seems to me like many of my conversations are starting to center on one issue, that's usually a clue that I need to start thinking about why that topic is so important to me at the moment. That said," he offered her a half smile, "we don't have to do that now. You've had a long night and a busy morning."

Turning her chair to angle it away from her office window, Pola leaned her head back and closed her eyes, not knowing what to do. Realising that Brayden wouldn't leave this lie, now had to be when she talked this over. Otherwise she'd go back to her normal life with the shadow over her that the pain of remembering would be brought up again. "Three simple words, Something to write home about. five simple words."

He didn't need to ask what the three simple words were; the five clarified that almost immediately. If not the missing words, then at least the sentiment behind them. Her parents, then. "All right," he sat back a little, giving her the space to say what she needed to. He hadn't intended on starting a counseling session here and now, but if she needed to get it off her chest, that was what he was there for. "Sounds to me like they're maybe not such simple words."

"You mentioned earlier you didn't think you were a good father as you don't contacts yours kids enough but yet you make the effort and the time to contact them. You know their dreams, their aims. I bet you could tell me alot more about them if you wished." Picking up the now cold coffee from the table, the Doctor wrapped her hands around the cup, a gesture of familiarity. "I saw my parents for a handful of days every year growing up and outside of that had no contact with them. Then at 13 they even stopped turning up. It was my Grandmother who raised me.

Brayden nodded, starting to get a clearer picture of the Irish woman, putting the bits and pieces of what he knew of her and what'd she'd said to him into place. She hadn't seen her parents in a number of years, she'd said. "That was the last time you saw them?"

Turning to look at Brayden directly, Pola felt a tear fall down her cheek. "My grandmothers funeral. It'll be 10years ago next week."

He wanted to comfort her, but he wasn't her friend right now, or even her subordinate. He had a role to fill, one she needed, and it was important not to blur the lines. He retrieved a container of tissues from his bag and gently nudged it towards her, should she want them. "I am very sorry," he said. Condolences were never quite enough, he thought. There weren't words to make anyone feel better about the loss of a loved one. She'd have been eighteen. Ayati's age. Just starting Academy. Losing the woman who had raised her and being forced to see the parents who had left her, all at the same time. And the upcoming anniversary... it was little wonder these thoughts were coming up again. "That must have been a very difficult time for you."

Shrugging her shoulders, Pola ignored the tissues and rubbed the sleve of her jacket across her eyes. Why did people always say they were sorry? It's not as if it was their fault her life and parents were the way they were. The Doctor often wondered why sorry was the first word which came to mind. "I had a lot to focus on and a lot of arrangements to be taken care of, it didn't give me the time to struggle I made a snap decision to join the academy at the time. I had no home or anyone left so what had I got to loose."

"Your grandmother, was she on your mother's side or your father's?" he asked, trying to unwind the information he was getting. There was a lot to juggle and it would have been easy to focus on that last comment, but she'd brought up her parents for a reason and he wanted to help her there. Whatever her reasons had been for joining the Academy and Starfleet, she'd clearly come to love it. He could see that much in her devotion to her work.

Smiling slightly at the mention of her Grandmother, Pola let her mind wander back to the picture of the treasure of her life, she'd spent 18years pushing the woman away but she'd spent the last 10years preserving the woman's memory and the light she'd shone into her granddaughter's life. "Mathair Chriona. She was my Mum's mother. My father was from England originally. She was big on her Irish heritage, this my name."

"Were they close?" he asked. "Your mother and grandmother?"

Shrugging her shoulders, Pola looked down at the cup in her hands. "I think so. After they left me there, sometimes I would find Mathair Chriona staring at a wedding photo of my parents, seemingly lost in her own world. She used to have a sadness about her before she would pull herself out of it and act like nothing had been wrong."

Thinking back to interactions between her parents and Grandmother when they'd taken shore leave, the Doctor felt a strike of pain at trying to remember. "When they'd be home, she'd seem to happy at the fact they were coming to visit but during their time there and after they'd leave, she would have a sadness about her again when she was caught unaware. I guess she tried to hide it from me."

"You never asked her about it?"

"No....we weren't close like that..." Pola wasn't certain if she wanted, or could go on. It was one thing to talk about her experience with her parents but her Grandmother...that was still extremely raw.

Brayden watched her, hearing the hesitation in her voice. Another raw sore. "Pola," he said her name like a balm. "I'm not really inclined to take you walking through memories that are going to hurt you. Ever," he added as an after thought, "but especially not when you're on no sleep and in surgical recovery. Sometimes, discussing the moments that hurt us can help us find our way to the root of our present circumstances, but honestly, I don't think you need much more on your plate right now. So... what do you need right now?"

Not expecting those words, Pola looked across at Brayden. "I...I..." Finding she didn't know what she wanted right now except for her foot to be better and to rewind the last 12hours, Pola suddenly burst out crying, taking even herself by surprise as the sobs raked through her chest. "I j...ju..just want to...to be ha...happy."

Screw protocol, he thought roughly, crossing around the desk. He dropped to a knee beside her chair, gently wrapping his arms around her. Hugging was therapeutic, too, even if it wasn't entirely conventional. "Hey, now," he murmured, melting into the man who'd nursed two sick girls and their two sick mothers back to health over a long, long flu-soaked week. Womens' tears undid him; they always had. "Hey, come on, mushie, you're fine, you will be, glory be, breathe, mushie, there you go."

As her body continued to shake and shudder, Pola found that she couldn't control the sobbing which just seemed to pour out of her, like a tap had been turned on and jammed that way. All the sleepless nights over the last while, the strain of getting sickbay back up and running after Robin left, the stress of wanting to ensure she didn't let anyone down, the worry about her patient Drusilla, the pain in her ankle as her injury settled after the operation. Everything just seemed to swallow her whole at this very moment. "I....I...nee...need to b...be har...hard...harder", Pola found herself sobbing out.

"No, you don't. You don't need to be anything but what you are," he held her, letting her cry it out. "Hey, you're just fine, aren't you, come on, mushie," he pressed his hand comfortingly against her shaking back as she sobbed. "You're just what you should be, just where you oughta be, doing just what you need to be right this now. Just let it all out, mushie."

As Brayden's words started to penetrate the fog in her head, Pola found her sobs started to lessen. As she became aware of the fact that Brayden had his arms wrapped around her, her heart told her she was his Boss, this wasn't right but her heart and her gut said to just screw it. She needed a friend right now, what was wrong with needing that. Placing her forehead on her colleagues shoulder, Pola felt her shaking calm down as her sobs lessened.

"Okay," he murmured, brushing his hand soothingly down the back of her head as she planted her face against his shoulder. "Okay. You're all right." He tilted his head back a bit to check on her visually and then went back to letting her dry her face on his shirt while he gazed sightlessly at the upper corner of her office, his attention on the woman pulling herself together in his arms.

As the sobbing dies down to slightly hi-cups, Pola leaves her forehead where it is, feeling she can't face Brayden right now. Softly she whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Nope. No apologies necessary. Everyone needs a good cry once in a while. Cleans out the eyes." He patted her back lightly, "All right. Maybe it doesn't, but it seems like it should. How are you doing?"

Pulling away from Brayden, Pola looked at him for a moment before moving to try walk over to the replicator, forgetting about her foot. Realising her mistake, she sat back down into her chair with a bump. "Ow....."

"Ah, careful," he hissed in sympathy and stood, heading to the replicator himself. "Water, yeah? And tea? Tea's good, too." He ordered a bottle of water, a cup of hot chamomile, and a cup of cold milk and brought them to her, crossing around the other side of the desk to give her some space, but still keeping an eye on her. "Oh," he rifled through his bag and pulled out two sterile application pads. "Soak these in the milk, press it on your eyes. Helps with the redness and the puffiness and the ache." He smiled a little sideways, "Sister, two girl best friends, two daughters, you learn. So, you let something out there. That's good, right? Feel any better?"

Following Brayden's instructions, Pola pressed the milk soaked pads against her eyes before answering, "Honestly? I feel drained, tired and like I want to curl up in a ball and hide away. It'll pass though...I guess I needed someone to talk to, to stop hiding it away...." Pressing the pads harder against her eyes, Pola tried to stop more tears forming, trying to make herself regain control. "I tried to talk to someone earlier but it didn't really go that well."

Brayden chewed on the impulse to tell her to go and sleep somewhere. There wasn't anything happening right now that her Alpha crew couldn't handle. But that wasn't his place and, even if it had been, it wouldn't have helped. She needed to know that she could do this job, no matter what. No time like the present. He wasn't about to do anything to undermine her faith in herself. "No?" he prodded gently. If she wanted to talk about that, she could. He was willing to just sit and listen to her on any topic so long as it helped her sort herself out.

Laughing, Pola tilted her head backwards, "I picked the wrong person to speak to. It didn't help they'd a headache and seem to have issues connecting with people on a personal level. I got some good tips on courses to study, such as tactical, to help me look beyond always looking at personal aspect of things, and to try also focus on non-human elements." Taking away one of the pads, Pola looked over at Brayden, "Um..Did that make any sense?"

"Sure," he answered, wondering who she'd talked to who had issues connecting with people on a personal level. Not his business to tamper. Better to deal with each individual as they came to him. "And it's fine advice, if you're inclined to take it. Sometimes it's good to take your mind off personal matters, but you need deal with them too. Otherwise, they're never resolved and you're never free of them. But you knew that," he added, watching her.

"Even when you do try to resolve them more often then not your still not free of them. There's something's you have to live your life with and those will never change no matter how hard you try." removing the other pad, Pola pressed the heel of her hands against her eyes for a few moments. "I sent them a subspace communication about my promotion to CMO, the night it happened. I still haven't heard back from them."

"Are you sure you're up to this now?" he asked quietly. He didn't want to push her and he had a feeling that finding the beginning of any kind of resolution on this would take more digging on his end. They weren't going to find the answer today, but they would find an answer. He knew that. She was strong-willed and smart. It was just about finding the right approach.


[TBC]


Lieutenant JG Pola Ni Dhuinn
Chief Medical Officer
USS Galileo

Brayden White Ph.D. (pNPC Kestra Orexil)
Counselor
USS Galileo

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