Make Just One Someone Happy

Posted on 18 May 2012 @ 7:05am by Lieutenant Lilou Zaren & Lieutenant JG Brayden White Ph.D.

2,167 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: Episode 01 - Project Sienna
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 3, Counselor's Office
Timeline: MD06 - 1200 hrs

[ON]

Lilou finished her morning cardio a little before 0700 hours. She'd missed her chance at the holodecks and had opted instead for a jog around Storage, interspersed with basic stretches and strength building exercises. She found herself in front of the counselor's office around 0700, just staring at the door, but ducked away from it as a couple crewmen passed her on the way to the cargo bay. She thought about sticking her head in to the security office, but then reasoned that Kestra probably wasn't there and if she was, she'd be working, and there wasn't any point in distracting the other woman. With a scowl at herself, she headed back to her quarters, showered, changed, and headed to her shift a little early. For the next few hours, she kept herself busy. Rothgra was out of sickbay, so she spent some time giving him straight-forward assignments to ease him back into the work. His hands were still stiff, but continued use would loosen them up.

At her lunch break, she headed up towards the mess hall, but once again she found herself standing in front of the counselor's office. This time, the door was open and she found the counselor eating a bowl of mangoes, reading his PADD. Was that all he did? Just hang around all day eating fruit and reading? "It's not my time, but... do you have a minute?"

Brayden glanced up from Sergi Petrov's file and waved her in, "Lilou! Yes. I have several. Come on in."

Lilou wound her hands as she stepped inside, "I'm not bothering you? I know you said once a week..."

He smiled, shaking his head, "You're welcome here as often as you like. I'm glad you came."

Lilou crossed to the sofa and perched near the edge of the cushion, worrying one of the pillows with her fingers. "I can sit here?"

"Anywhere you want."

"Here's fine." She knocked her heels against each other. "I came by earlier today, around o-seven hundred, but the door was closed."

"I'm sorry I missed you," he said, taking a seat in the chair across from her. "I was helping someone elsewhere on the ship."

"No, you don't have to- I mean, I didn't mean to say- it's not like I really expected you to be around. I just saw you yesterday, so you don't owe- not that you would-"

"Relax," he said soothingly. "I'm here whenever you need. And if I'm not here, and you need me, you can always call." He pointed to his com badge. "If I'm not in a session, I will answer, day or night. It's not a matter of owing," he added, preempting her next apology. "I'm happy to talk to you."

"Because it's your job," she said quietly.

He folded his hands, "All right. Yes. It's my job to listen to people. Just like it's your job to fix the ship."

"But I like fixing the ship."

"And I like talking to you. And listening to you."

"Because it's your job," she said again.

"Do you like fixing the ship because it's your job?" he asked. "Or do you do that, as your job, because you enjoy it?"

She frowned at him. "How can you want to sit around all day listening to peoples' problems?"

"Because I'm in the exciting position of getting to at least try to help them find the solutions to them. And I like seeing people happy."

"Happy," she said quietly.

Brayden nodded, watching her silently.

"And you can do that? Make people happy?"

He hummed softly through his nose, "Well, not that exactly..."

She rolled her eyes. "So you're not very good at your job, are y-" she froze, suddenly hearing the words she was saying. "I'm sorry."

Brayden's left brow rose like a kite on a tuft of wind and he smiled. She was a puzzle box. That's exactly what she was. Pull one slat and she folded, collapsing on herself. Pull another and she was direct, bold, and brazenly outspoken. He suspected, watching her immediately crumble, that the latter had been the way she'd started out. Somewhere along the way, she'd learned that that was wrong and she'd overcorrected, getting stuck in the other. Which clearly did not agree with her. "Is that something you want me to be able to do? Make you happy?"

Lilou's gaze darted to his face and immediately ricocheted to the floor.

"Do you want to know a secret, Lilou?" he asked gently. "No one can make anyone happy. No one can make anyone anything. The choice to feel what we feel is in us. And I think you are happy, sometimes."

She rolled her shoulder, uncomfortably. "Of course I am."

"So let's start there. What does happiness feel like to you?"

Lilou looked back up, suspicious. Was it some kind of trick question? She couldn't think of any answer other than the obvious one, so she said it: "Like... happiness."

"Right, but that's an idea. What does it feel like?" He smiled with his eyes, nodding towards her encouragingly. "Take your time. Just think about the sensation of happiness for you. Close your eyes, if it helps."

She watched him for a long moment, unsure if he was having her on, but he actually seemed serious. The sensation of happiness. She shut her eyes, opened them to check on him suspiciously, then closed them again. She thought about the events that typically pre-empted moments of unadulterated happiness. Figuring out a solution to an especially hard problem, hitting the center of her target, reading a good novel, running, Quinn promoting her, rolling down a grassy hill, beating her own best scores at the target range, creating a tool that did exactly what it was supposed to do... Focusing on those things, she felt the nervous energy that had been building in her all morning begin to separate, from a fog to a mist to the merest shimmer. Her breathing slowed slightly. The newly forming cramps in her shoulders began to unwind.

Brayden watched her change before his eyes. It took time, but it was worth it. The squirrely, nervous young woman grew still, her breath dropping from her lungs to her core, her furrowed, too-thoughtful brow smoothing out. Either she was enamored of sightlessness or she had an extraordinarily powerful imagination. Neither were things he'd expected from her. He'd thought he would need to guide her through to finding the roots of those feelings, help her to focus on them, sort through what made her uncomfortable and what didn't. He had never expected that she would drop into this pure state... he glanced at his timepiece... twelve minutes. It had taken her twelve minutes of silent thought to not only drop her veil of nerves and worry, but also to find a visible state of relaxation that was enviable.

She cycled through more moments in her mind. The first time she'd played with Kestra, tea at the end of a long day, unraveling particularly complex mathematical knot, the day she'd gotten her final Academy scores and on and on. She breathed deep, slow, and easy. What was the sensation? Relaxed. Calm. An almost tangible orb of glowing light just beneath her solar plexus that fizzed like champagne and expanded like a solar flare, filling her all the way to the tips of her fingertips and toes, but then instead of expanding further and consuming, just hummed. Rolling around inside of her just as she'd rolled down that hill.

He glanced at his timepiece again, then went back to watching her. The minutes ticked by in silence, the woman sitting on his couch breathing slowly and deeply, her hands loose at her sides, but not asleep. She didn't droop or slide. Just... sat there, immersed in her own head. And apparently quite pleased to be there. "Lilou?" he spoke quietly, not wanting to jar her out of her mood.

She stayed still, whirring through pleasant moments, sagging into the memory of the massage she'd had the night before. How heavenly that had been. She heard a hum, then a quiet chirp, and opened her eyes slowly.

"One moment, please," Brayden called, and went to the door, stepping outside for a moment to see the Ensign waiting there. "Hi," he greeted her sotto voce, "I'm Brayden and you are?"

"Ensign Tilven, sir."

"Just Brayden," he smiled at her. "Ensign Tilven... what's your first name?"

"Yenal," she replied earnestly.

"Hello, Yenal. I'm just finishing up a session. Can you wait a couple of minutes?"

She looked at him for a moment, and then nodded. "I have time."

"Great. I'll be right back." He re-entered the office, letting the door shut behind him, and returned to Lilou, who was now sitting still and easy with her eyes open and blinking. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," she answered, feeling fuzzy and warm and soft.

"You didn't mention you could induce trance states."

Lilou blinked at him. "Who?" Her voice was resonant, low and full. She could feel it vibrating in her chest as she said the word.

"You," he pointed at her with a gentle smile. "You've been sitting there, calm as day, for the last thirty minutes."

She blinked again. Thirty minutes? She felt like she'd just closed her eyes.

"Feeling any better?"

She shut her eyes for a long moment. "...yes." She looked at him, confused. "What did you do?"

"Absolutely nothing," he assured her. "That, my friend, was all you."

"But I- I just did what you said..." Lilou tried to think back. Thirty minutes, had he said? It hadn't felt like any time at all. Maybe they had entered a temporal disturbance.

"And took it farther than I anticipated," he told her, pleased as punch. This gave him a whole new window into how she thought, how she worked. And would doubtless prove very useful in helping her work through her confidence issues. "Did you see anything? In your head?"

"See things in my head?" she asked, with a suspicious tilt of her brow. "I thought we'd established that I'm not crazy."

He shook his head, laughing. "No. I don't think you are. What I think is that you're very sensitive. And your mind..." he tapped his own head, "is fully operating on all cylinders. So well, in fact, that your thinking specifically about that one thing took you very deep into your own head. So, when I ask 'did you see things in your head' - just now - were you seeing images?"

"Of course I was," she said. He was talking nonsense.

Brayden smiled at the casual dismissal in her voice, "That's a common thing, is it?"

"Well, yes. I think in pictures."

"You do," he agreed, fascinated.

"...doesn't everyone?" she asked after he'd stared at her a while.

"No. Not at all. And those who do, well, I haven't seen them go into a trance like that. Have you always had a photographic memory?"

"I don't," she looked at him strangely. "I just think in pictures. You know, spacial relationships and... pictures." She shrugged, the fuzzy feeling beginning to wear away.

Something new. He loved new things. And the fact that it had helped her. Oh, it was Christmas. "Here's what I'd like you to think about between now and the next time we meet," he said, reigning himself in a bit. "Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed. Or out of sorts. I want you to set a timer for fifteen minutes, go somewhere quiet, and do just what you just did. Think you can do that?"

"I can't just disappear for fifteen minutes at a time," she said. "I'm not holed up in an office all day. I work. All over," she gestured around the room.

"Why don't we agree that you'll try it at least once, between now and next week."

She rolled her shoulder, glancing off to the right. "Okay. Was there- did I hear you talking to someone?"

"My next session," he nodded. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine." She flexed her hands and stood. No dizziness, no nerves, just... like her feet were rooted to the floor and there was a comfortable weight in her chest. "I'm fine," she said again, discovering it.

"So you are," he said with a half smile. "Feel free to drop by when you need."

"Thank you, counselor."

He nodded, walking with her to the door. She sounded well-rested and centered. They'd found something here; a tool if nothing more.

When opened the door for her, Lilou ducked her head to the ensign outside and headed towards the turbo lift with a small, introspective expression on her face.

Brayden watched her go, thoughtfully, then turned to Yenal. "Come on in. Take a seat wherever you want."

[OFF]
-----

MWO Lilou Peers
Assistant Chief Engineering Officer
USS Galileo

Brayden White Ph.D. (pNPC Kestra Orexil)
Counselor
USS Galileo

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