"Xanth Personal Log, Stardate 67554.4..."

Posted on 26 Jul 2015 @ 11:12pm by Lieutenant JG Cyrin Xanth

447 words; about a 2 minute read

"...The trip though the singularity was not a pleasant one. Lieutenant Idris and I...Oren, I guess, we wound up stuck together in the lab with hull breaches threatening our lives. The specifics are in my official log, so I'll not go into those but I wanted to get something out that has bugged me since then."

"I think I said too much to him. Brought up some regrets I had about not making any friends on board, that I didn't even realise were there. I have been perfectly happy since I came on board to stick to myself and focus on my work, I thought. I've gotten a lot done these last few months, seen some interesting things, and basically stayed out of everybody's way and off the sensors of my superiors."

"That might not be a good way to earn a promotion maybe, but I guess I don't really care about that. Or maybe I do. I don't know. I don't know a lot of things anymore I guess. That's not something I'm used to. I was always the one growing up and over the last few years who always knew the answers. The prodigy in school, then one of the smart ones at my class at the Academy. This second guessing myself isn't normal, no matter how awkward I can get at times."

"Let's say, for the sake of argument, that I do regret these things and possibly more. Even figuring them all out isn't going to be easy, and the last thing I want to do is see a counselor. I managed to get through the Academy with enough confidence to not raise any issues. They'd take one look at me now and throw me out of Starfleet so quick I would be back on Trill before the ink dried on my discharge papers."

"Then there's actually figuring out what to do about it. I'm no good with people, and it's not likely I'll get many promotions because of it. An officer is supposed to be able to lead, and while I have an easier time with enlisted than I do with my peers, I know I'm not a leader. As for friends, I wouldn't even know how to start. Growing up, it was always study and school, then later sports and I never really got to know the team very well. Then more study and more school. Then off to play with the Vulcans, and it's not like they wanted to make friends."

"In any case, it's not something I'm going to figure out right away. And...if that's putting it off once again, so be it I guess. Computer, end log."

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