'Youth is wasted on the young...'

Posted on 05 May 2019 @ 6:35pm by Verity Thorne & Nesh Saalm
Edited on on 11 May 2019 @ 3:49pm

1,630 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Episode 17 - Crystal of Life
Location: USS Galileo-A - Verity Thorne's Office
Timeline: MD -60, 1100

[ON]

Nesh Saalm had pulled the hood of her long cardigan up as she walked, her sandals barely making any sound on the deck. She had bathed and tied her hair back from her face for this and dressed in a simple dress with sandals. The cardigan was warm, cosy...made her feel better. She had no illusions about her place here, the stowaway that had thrown a spanner in the works. And even with Lirha, with her sister close and that relationship slowly patching itself together, she felt...

Isolated.

And it was by choice. She knew that. But she also knew it was unhealthy and the last thing she wanted was to fall into the trap she had been in the last year. She wanted...to reclaim herself a bit. And she knew the best way of doing that. But she didn't want to go to a counsellor. But she knew who she could go and see.

Finding Verity Thorne wasn't difficult. And she was happy to do it, to find him, to sit and talk. She remembered his gentle manners well. She stopped outside the door and rang the chime, looking around almost nervously.

"Come in," Verity called out, pushing away from the small desk to stretch his back out with a sigh. He smiled when he saw the young Orion enter, shaking his head gently. "Well isn't this a sight..."

Nesh smiled gently and pushed the hood off, meeting his eyes. "Do you...got time to talk, Verity?" she asked him, holding the eyes as her hand went to grip the cardigan.

"Always," Verity smiled warmly to her. He moved to sit on the sofa, tapping the seat next to him to try and encourage the clearly uncomfortable young lady to relax a little.

She walked over and sat down, looking ahead for a moment before she frowned. "I don't like myself," she suddenly said. And then grimaced. "Sorry. That came out wrong. I don't like who I was for...what seems like forever. I am trying to find myself. I am working...I...get up early, bake bread in the mess. And then at night I restock and clean at the bar. I am trying to be useful. I..." she let out a shaky breath. "I got so self-obsessed at one point. So...wrapped up in my own head, feeding darker impulses and emotions."

Verity watched her with a half smile for a long moment, resting his head in his hand. Was he ever that young? It seemed like a long time ago. "If it makes you feel better, we all get a bit like that in our youth," he assured her with a fond chuckle.

Anyone else and Nesh would have snapped. But this was Verity and for some reason he was so calm. She could tell he meant it genuinely. "But I am not really a teenager anymore..." she finally said and looked down. "I should be beyond that but I am not. I mean, I...I wish..." she sighed and shifted closer. "Lirha's got it all so together. And I don't. And I've let so many people down."

"And how much older is Lirha?" Verity asked softly, but it was a rhetorical question. "How much more life experience does she have? We learn by the mistakes we make. I promise you, she'll have made her share of them, as have I..."

Nesh smiled weakly at the words before she nudged him. "But I never saw them. She sees mine. Sees what a disappointment I am to the line," she said after a moment, but it was thoughtful, not bitter or sad. She was just saying her thoughts aloud. Almost...as if testing them out, judging them before her and dismissing or accepting depending on how saying them made her feel.

"How do you know that's what she thinks?" he asked with a gentle smile, holding her eyes though to impress that he wanted her to think about it rather than react.

Nesh looked at him before she pressed her lips together. And then she relaxed and exhaled, slowly, through her nose. "Mmm...true, I am not Betazoid so I don't know. I just...you know..." she shrugged weakly. "You never want to let down those you love."

"Which is natural..." he nodded in agreement, but paused to consider how to phrase his next question. "Perhaps....perhaps this is coming to mind because it's *you* that feels you've let her down?"

Nesh looked at him for a long moment, her eyes wide before she blinked. "Huh," she said, aloud, looking confused. "I suppose...that could be it."

"Is that how you feel, Nesh?" he asked softly, his eyes reassuring as he leant to her, rubbing her forearm gently to try and offer comfort to the young woman. It seemed like such a long time ago that he was that young.

Nesh thought about it before she nodded, slowly, holding Verity's eyes. "Yes. I...I think that it is how I feel."

Verity nodded slowly with a gentle smile. It had been what he'd suspected, but she needed to get to the conclusion too. "What makes you think you let her down, what specific events or decisions?"

"Leaving Starfleet. Smuggling myself here. I...every silly thing I have ever done where she has had to bail me out," Nesh met his eyes, not afraid to tell him her fears.

"What's happened has happened, we can't change it, so why waste energy trying. Besides, nothing in that list makes you a terrible person. I promise you that we have all done things we regret..." he laughed lightly, but at himself. Oh, there was so much on his list. "There's nothing there that you can't make up for. You have so much time ahead. Just make sure you don't let her bail you out of this one. You'll feel better if you make your own amends, pay your own debts. And resolve to make better choices here on out. You'll be surprised how much can be forgiven and forgotten with a few good deeds and sincere acts."

Nesh watched him closely at his words, shifting slightly in her seat as she paid attention. As she really, really paid attention. "Good deeds and sincere acts," she echoed, thoughtfully. "Do you think I have it in me to do that, Verity?"

Verity's smile became warmer at the question, his chest aching just a touch at the fact she'd even ask it. "Of course I do. You're not a bad person, Nesh. You're just a young lady who made a few bad decisions
...like all young people. The key is, you have remorse and question them. You wouldn't be here talking about it if you didn't. And by doing that, it helps you make better decisions next time."

Nesh looked at him, almost shyly, something that never really happened with her. She...it felt good to hear this, that she wasn't bad but...that is happened. "Learning from my mistakes?" she asked softly.

"Exactly," he gave her a broad smile of encouragement. "Believe it or not, no one is born perfect...no matter how many people might seem that way or try and tell you they were," he gave a playful roll of his eyes at that. "We are what we learn."

"We are the sum of our actions and decisions...we are our memories," Nesh said softly and smiled weakly, looking down. "Thanks, Verity. I...I needed this."

"Nothing to thank me for," he assured with a genuine smile, showing he meant it. "Although...I am considering asking a favour from you. So long as you don't consider it tit for tat," he added with a playful chuckle.

Nesh smiled at that, her eyes warm as she shook her head. "I won't. What do you need?" she asked, already curious.

"The art group I run," he gave a wry laugh to that turn of phrase, shaking his head at his own limited artistic talent. "We need someone with real skill to give lessons. I...hear that you are being given...community service, for lack of a better description. Would you run the actual art lessons part of the programme? I know you're a talented young artist."

Nesh looked at him for a moment before she smiled. Now this was something she was passionate about. "I would love to. I mean, we can have...live subjects, or abstract...I would like that."

"Me too," Verity replied with clear relief. It dug him out of a hole, fulfilled the First Officer's instruction to find some form of 'community service' for her and he also thought it would be good for Nesh. It sounded like she needed to find her confidence again...helping others find theirs would help hers. It always did.

Nesh smiled warmly and nodded, considering it for a moment. "Perhaps you could model for us? You have an amazing face for sketching..." she said lightly before she tilted her head. "Don't worry, I wouldn't even suggest you posed nude!"

He watched her with a mix of both horror and disbelief, laughing warmly as he waved his hands in front of him. "Oh no. No, no, no.....use....fruit...or something...."

Nesh just laughed, her eyes shining at the words. "Oh, what sort of fruit?" she asked innocently before she stood, taking a deeper breath. "Don't worry too much, Verity. I wouldn't do you wrong on a canvas."

"Make me look like that new holonovel star in the Ruby Flame Saga, then we'll talk..." he teased with a grin, giving her knee a playful slap for good measure.

[OFF]

--

Nesh Saalm
Civilian
USS Galileo-A
[PNPC Vansen]

Verity Thorne
Chaplain
USS Galileo-A
[PNPC Blake]

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