Checking In

Posted on 13 Aug 2015 @ 8:36pm by Lieutenant JG Cyrin Xanth & Lieutenant Oren Idris Ph.D.
Edited on on 14 Aug 2015 @ 10:28pm

4,492 words; about a 22 minute read

Mission: Episode 09 - Empires
Location: USS Galileo: Deck 4, Crew Quarters
Timeline: MD02, 0830 Hours

[ON]

After being treated for the effects of minor hypoxia, hypothermia and a concussion, a simple matter these days that the medics had been able to treat without a long stay in Sickbay, Cyrin had returned to his quarters the night after the trip through the singularity and had promptly fallen asleep from the exhaustion and stress.

Now Cyrin was getting dressed a little early today, even though his shift did not start for hours yet, a pair of slightly loose pants and tight shirt he often wore when exercising. His rest had been interrupted throughout the night with disturbing visions of naked space, the endless void that he normally found comfort in. He'd seen himself drifting, frozen, and not alone. There had been faces in his dreams of others in the crew as well, pale and brittle, tumbling away through vacuum.

Despite still feeling sore in some places, a hard workout seemed like just the thing to banish the lingering images in his mind, but before he left Cyrin paused to stare at the bulkhead next to his rack. The surface was bare which wasn't right. Long strides took him around the bed, and he reached down to lift his surfboard back into position on the mounts in the wall. Cyrin ran a hand along its cool, smooth metallic surface, checking for any damage.

He was suddenly interrupted in his ministrations by the sound of the chime ringing. Outside his quarters, Oren stood, fidgeting slightly from nervous energy. Unlike Cyrin, Oren had found no rest the entire night, walking around the ship and playing catch with Landi in the hopes of tiring himself out but without luck.

Eventually, he'd just taken a long shower, changed into a fresh uniform and gone about his day. During his night of insomnia, he'd made a to-do list for himself and was determined to stick to it, for sanity sake. His first order of business had been to check on Cyrin.

"Enter," Cyrin said a little distractedly, not turning around immediately to see who stepped in as the doors opened. He had a few more inches to go over on the board, and as one-half of the personal belongings he had with him on the Galileo it was quite precious to him. Satisfied that the board had suffered no damage, as if it had and he'd missed it he might wind up in an accident next time he went ion surfing, Cyrin stood and glanced around.

"Oren?" Immediately he walked forward quickly, coming somewhat close but not reaching out. "Are you okay? Are you supposed to be on your feet already? Here, come in, sit down. Would you like something to drink?" His words spilled out almost as fast as his thoughts were running.

Smiling at the sudden onslaught of questions, Oren couldn't help but smile. "I'm fine, Cyrin, relax," he assured the nervous Trill, holding his hands up but making no move to touch. He knew better by now, after having spent time with Cyrin.

"The doctor said I'm fine, although I still feel a little woozy now and then," Oren said, taking another step inside Cyrin's room. "So maybe something light, like tea. But only if you join me?"

"Tea, right," Cyrin responded eagerly, nodding his head. "Please, relax and I'll get uh..." By then he was over by the replicator, running through at least a dozen different ideas in his head, his face screwed up slightly in concentration. "Computer, uh, green tea, hot." The replicator started to hum and glow, and he added, "Oh, and um, lightly sweetened with maple." The processors made a slight noise of protest. "Two of them." If a replicator's hum could be said to sound like a sigh, this one certainly did now.

He returned to the other, carefully balancing two steaming cups once the offended machine had finished, placed them on the small table next to the equally small couch. Lieutenant Lucero and Cyrin didn't have much space, but then again neither did most people onboard the small ship. "Glad to see you're okay, sir," Cyrin said, settling back into a seat and stretching his long legs out in front of him.

A small laugh escaped Oren as he gave Cyrin a strange look. "Sir?" Chuckling again, Oren took a seat near the Trill. "None of that please," he said. "I think almost dying together means you can call me Oren. Besides," Oren said, taking the tea Cyrin had replicated and taking a whiff of it. The syrup had dulled the sharp smell he associated with green tea, making it sweet. "I'm still not used to anyone calling me 'sir."

"I guess so," Cyrin said a little doubtfully, but lifted his own tea to take a sip. He rather enjoyed the mixture, with its notable flavours without being overwhelming. He supposed they had, nearly died together that was. "I guess it m-might be odd for you. The rank, I mean. When you came onb-board as a civilian."

Oren nodded. "Yes, but I wasn't always a civlian," he revealed, sipping his tea. "Even then I wasn't very comfortable with my rank, it's one of the reasons I left Starfleet."

The Trill was probably one of the least observant people on board, at least when it came to the state of mind of others. Too often wrapped up in his racing thoughts, his nervousness, it wasn't often that Cyrin had much insight. Having a visitor to his quarters was such a strange occurrence though, that he was quite confident in the accuracy of his next statement. "You didn't come here to talk about your rank."

"No, of course not," Oren said. "I came to check on you. See how you were feeling after...well, everything." He gave the Trill a soft look, green eyes full of sympathy. He knew that Cyrin had taken their near demise especially hard due to his symbiont and had spent all morning worrying about him.

"Really?" Cyrin asked before thinking. It was a little surprising, that someone would come by to check in on him. "I mean, um...I'm okay. Thanks. Just a little sore is all. And relieved."

"That's good!" Oren said, visibly relieved, although he didn't really believe Cyrin for a second. No one was just 'okay' after almost dying. Oren wasn't, but he was good at being a hypocrite these days, so he gave Cyrin a concerned look.

"After what happened, I kept thinking about you, and what you said," Oren told him, sipping his tea to give Cyrin a moment to realise what he meant. "So I had to come and see how you were feeling. I know I'm not feeling so great, but I think that's just a side effect of the drugs. I'm waiting for it all to hit me once they wear off."

Cyrin shifted uncomfortably in his seat, drawing his legs up, and busying himself with his tea for a few moments to buy some time. He had said things to Oren, thinking that they were going to die, that he didn't even like admitting to himself. But then, Oren had said things as well. Here the El Aurian was though, trying to be friendly even if he might suspect he'd screw it up at some point.

"Thanks," Cyrin said, trying to search for the right things to say now. "I uh, I guess I'm trying not to think about it. There's going to be enough focus on what happened on my duty shift I guess." He tried to close off as politely as he could.

Oren watched Cyrin carefully, trying to get a read on him. Although his words were uncertain, his body language spoke volumes and Oren decided to get the attention away from the Trill and onto himself. "Yeah, the whole thing got me thinking too. I've had some drama lately in my life but, at that moment in the lab, it all just seemed so....stupid, you know?"

Feeling more comfortable or at least hoping he looked more comfortable for Cyrin's sake, Oren crossed his legs under him.

"But now that it's over, I've started analyzing it all again and I'm...confused and conflicted."

Cyrin supposed he understood that. When he thought that they were facing the end, a cold and suffocating death, all his issues with trying to make friends with people had seemed ridiculous. He'd just been sad that he was going to die friendless. But instead of speaking about that again, he took the opportunity to keep things focused on Oren, "What do you mean? Has something happened to you?"

"Well..." Oren hesitated, wondering how much he should share with Cyrin. Then, thinking that maybe talking would put the man at ease, he continued.

"Do you know Ellsworth? From Ops, he's the quartermaster."

In a carefully guarded tone, Cyrin replied, "I know Petty Officer Hudson." In his first few days on board the ship, the Quartermaster and him had actually spent some time together, what Cyrin had thought might be the start of a friendship. They'd shared a similar love of surfing, and Ellsworth had seemed at least somewhat into the football games Cyrin had showed him. But then Cyrin had done as he usually did, withdrawn, and he didn't think he'd actually even seen the Quartermaster for weeks now.

Oren smiled, remembering Ellsworth's laugh and befuddled expression when Oren had referred to him as 'Petty Officer Hudson'.

"Ellsworth and I were...close," he said diplomatically, not wanting to give out too much information. After all, as much as he liked Cyrin and wanted to reach out to him in a friendly manner, they weren't that close and there was such a thing as too much information.

"I thought that he and I shared something more than friendship," he continued. "But then Ellsworth got sick and it affected him so he acted in a way that was really hurtful to me. Now he's better and wants us to be as we were but I don't know what to do about it." As he spoke, Oren tried to be as vague as the situation permitted, without making Ellsworth look bad.

"Oh," Cyrin sat back in his seat. That confirmed some suspicions he'd had about Ellsworth for a while now. The guy had seemed to pay a lot of attention to his spots while the football game was on. He thought quietly for a moment, sipped his tea. "Um, you said he got sick? Was that why he did the things that hurt you then?"

Cyrin was hesitant to get involved, even if all they were doing was talking. But Oren had spoken to him about how he'd screw things up if he tried to be a friend, and Cyrin had spoken to the other about how he'd never tried to be a friend at all. It seemed like that if they could admit to how wrongly they acted, maybe they could change things. And Cyrin's feelings of regret, that feeling he'd had when thought he was dying, hadn't faded with the rest of the incident.

"Well, partially. Even before that he was....I don't want to say manipulative because that makes it sound worse than it is," Oren explained, shifting uncomfortably. "He's so...young and he doesn't think how his actions affect other people and I'm...too sensitive, but I'm not stupid. I know when someone is using me, which he did. And it all kind of culminated into him lying to me and I found out and just....I don't know." He let out a frustrated noise, laying against the back of Cyrin's couch.

The Trill was obviously confused, and for a good number of reasons. There was so much more going on than he knew about, for one. For another, he'd no way to relate with what was described. Oh, sure, he knew it wasn't pleasant to be lied to, and being used for someone else's purposes didn't sound like fun. But if it were so bad, why didn't Oren just walk away and not look back?

"Uh...I don't think you can go back to the way things were. But is there any way you two can um...I dunno...maybe figure out something new that works for you?"

"Maybe, I just feel so...weak sometimes. Like..." Oren hesitated, looking down at his tea. "I could forgive him....for everything. I know I could, in a heartbeat," he revealed. "All it would take is to see him, for him to give me that stupid smile and to say something in his stupid voice, and I would just...cave in. I hate that about myself."

"Why?" Cyrin asked, sounding surprised. "Isn't it a good thing to be able to forgive people?" The Trill sounded a bit wistful as he continued, maybe even a little jealous - though not for anyone in particular. "And it sounds nice, knowing someone wants you even after things get rough for a while. You said what he wanted. Do you want him back, Oren?"

"I do but...he's so...young and stupid," Oren said, looking sulky as he sipped his tea. He was surprised by his admission but after a moment of considering, found it to be true. He did was to be around Ellsworth again, to listen to him prattle on, or to give him those starry eyed looks, as vain as that sounded. But reality and one's wishes rarely coincide. "I'll just over analyze everything every single time he does something. Or I will think he did something or didn't do something I thought he was supposed to do. It's just....It's too much. I don't think us being together that way is a good idea."

"Huh," Cyrin said, but was quiet for a while. He finished off his tea, and was obviously deep in thought. It sounded a lot like he did all the time, in more things than just relationships. The Trill had the tendency to over analyze just about anything, especially when it came to dealing with people or facts. For the latter, that worked well, since it was his job as a scientist to test his theories from as many possible angles as he could imagine. For the former, however, it was one of his biggest issues. But it was his issue.

"Oren uh, maybe you just um...it sounds like this is about you, not about Hudson. I mean that uh, well, maybe you already did forgive him and you just don't know if you can trust yourself with him? Probably off the mark here..."

Taking his own turn at staying silent, Oren watched Cyrin speak, then shrugged. "I don't know. You're not off the mark very much, though. I don't trust myself, or my judgment anymore," he admitted, sighing.

"Every time I think about it, the idea of being with someone like Ellsworth seems stupid. I'm getting a little too old for stupid and I don't know what to do when it's all said and done," Oren explained, swirling the contents of his cup around. "He's coming over later. To pick up Landi, my dog. He says he misses her but I think that's mostly an excuse to just come and see me."

I wish someone was making excuses to come see me, flashed a jealous thought through Cyrin's mind. Immediately he felt guilty for it, and his cheeks turned red.

The Trill cleared his throat, finished off his tea, and regained some composure with a deep breath, "But what I r-really mean is uh, well...if he...if you." So, Cyrin needed more practise at getting his thoughts in order. Another deep breath followed, and as always when he wound up talking to Oren, he was appreciative that he was never rushed. He went with what he knew in the end: mathematics. "Does he make you h-happy more than sad? I guess it c-could sorta be like balancing an equation. Or m-maybe a cost-b-benefit an-analysis for a risk assessment."

"A ris-What?" Oren asked, but his words trailed off into a grin and a small huff of laughter, and he felt inexplicably charmed by Cyrin's advice. Composing himself, he gave Cyrin a patient look that, despite his previous reaction, held no mockery. "I don't think the scientific method can really be applied to this kind of situation," he said kindly. "But I appreciate the effort. I think there are too many variables to really weigh things out so clinically."

Cyrin flushed again, but shrugged and made a half-hearted attempt at a smile. He really didn't understand why something like this couldn't be charted out in some way. Multivariate equations were easy. "What do you think y-you're going to do? Ellsw- I mean uh, Hudson seems like a genuinely nice guy, but if he isn't what you n-need..."

Oren shook his head, now feeling slightly silly for even bringing this all up. He was acting like a lovesick teenager, but it wasn't like he could help it, so in his current predicament he could either talk about it or push it down until he came even more of a mess than he already was.

"I don't know, Cyrin. I don't know what I'll do or what I need. All I know is that, no matter what he did, I still have feelings for him," he admitted with a sigh. He glanced up at Cyrin again and gave him an appreciative smile. "Thank you for listening. I'm sorry I dumped all of this on you."

Cyrin shook his own head then, "No, its okay. I mean, you need to talk about it. I'm sorry I don't have answers." He let out a sigh, wishing he knew what to say to make things better somehow.

"It's fine, Cyrin. Sometimes there aren't any answers, as frightening as that probably sounds," Oren said calmly, giving Cyrin a smile.

It suddenly dawned on Cyrin what was happening here. They were sitting together and chatting, overall comfortable and relaxed in each other's presence - his own slight freak outs notwithstanding of course - acting like two friends. The thought made a large smile bloom on the Trill's face.

"Thank you, Oren. I mean for checking up on me and for sharing. I know what I said to you before, in the lab when...I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm glad to be doing this with you. And grateful."

Oren smiled back. "It's my pleasure. It goes both ways too, so if you do want to talk about something or just some company, you can always come to my quarters..." He paused. "Well, Grayson's quarters now. My quarters have been annihilated."

Cyrin's smile slid from his face then, and he shifted in his seat. The idea of going to the Chief Engineer's quarters was intimidating. The man was one of those handsome types that made Cyrin feel tongue-tied, and even he'd heard the skuttlebutt of the equally handsome Intelligence analyst that Grayson had taken up with recently. With Oren in the mix for good measure, Cyrin was sure his eyes would pop out of his head.

"Th-thanks. I uh..." Cyrin hesitated, wondering how he might bring up something that might be embarrassing for both of them. He looked a little helplessly at Oren, obviously having some difficulty here. "C-Can I ask a p-personal q-question?"

"Of course," Oren said without hesitation. He felt comfortable around Cyrin, so he felt not trepidation about what he might ask.

Cyrin took a deep breath and broke eye contact as he asked his question, "What's it l-like? Being in a um...r-roman-mantic re-relation-shn-ship?" He knew enough to know it wasn't anything like the holo-dramas, but Cyrin was obviously also saying that this was something he had no experience with.

Blinking, Oren considered Cyrin for a moment but if he was surprised, he certainly didn't show it. Instead, he leaned back on the couch and took a moment to think. What was it like, he wondered briefly. After all, it wasn't like every one of the relationships he'd been in were the same across the board. Still, they did have some things in common.

"It's not always the same," he began, not wanting Cyrin to believe it was. "In the beginning it's always a little frightening, since all you have to go on is feelings, but it gets more comfortable if things work out and you get to know one another." He paused, wondering how to put the feelings into words. He was always much better at actions, so he struggled, hoping he would manage to convey to Cyrin what he meant while remaining as objective as one could talking about such things.

"It's...not easy sometimes, even if you do love the person. It takes sacrifice and putting yourself in a position where they can really hurt you, but..." Oren trailed off and a smile appeared on his lips, one that made him look like a teenager. He even began to fidget slightly.

"When it works out and you really get in deep with someone, it's amazing, and it makes you feel light, and loved, like you actually mean something and all the pain you went through just seems worth it," Oren explained, resting his head against the back of the couch. A moment of silence passed between them and Oren watched Cyrin quietly.

The Trill scientist thought over what Oren had said. It wasn't much to go on, at least not what Cyrin had been meaning to ask about. He was more interested in the processes by which relationships operated, what was considered to be acceptable advances or things that should be avoided. What was romance exactly, and was there a list of actions he might study that were considered to be romantic. It wasn't as if Cyrin had anyone in mind in asking this, he stayed hidden from his shipmates quite often, but the answer he did get made him wonder.

Cyrin hadn't failed to notice the happy smile on Oren's face, though, and eventually asked, "And that's h-how Hudson makes you feel? That it's w-worth it, even if he is uh...'young and stupid'?" Cyrin was only a couple of years older than Ellsworth himself, though perhaps his serious demeanor made others forget that at times.

Oren's face fell slightly at the mention of Ellsworth. "He makes me angry, and sad and hurt. I want to yell at him and throw things at his head." He groaned, leaning his head back against the couch and staring up at the ceiling.

With obvious awkwardness, Cyrin reached out a hand to pat Oren on the shoulder, "I'm s-sorry." Though he didn't know what had happened to provoke such an emotional response, it seemed to him that whatever Oren's feelings for the Quartermaster, they were strong ones. "I hope you t-two figure it out. It'd b-be nice to see you happier, Oren."

"Thank you, Cyrin," Oren smiled at him. "Um...why did you ask earlier? About romantic relationships?" he asked then, keeping his tone gentle and hoping he wouldn't startle Cyrin too much.

"Well..." Cyrin got up from his chair and started to pace in front of the couch and table, a good way to avoid eye contact. Oren hadn't really answered the question before, or at least not in a way that Cyrin understood. But what did he even want to hear? "I guess...nevermind, Oren." Cyrin stopped pacing and looked at the El Aurian a bit sheepishly.

Pursing his lips, Oren looked back at Cyrin. Hesitating for a second, Oren considered how to proceeded. If he insisted Cyrin tell him anything, he knew the Trill might freeze up and possibly sour their whole conversation. "You don't have to tell me," he finally said, giving him a supportive smile. "I was just curious."

"Maybe some other t-time," Cyrin said. He'd been curious himself and asked because it was something he thought about often, but really didn't understand. All the years of study and training without much in the way of socialization, watching people when he even had the time to, it wasn't a good way to understand romance. Maybe he'd get a chance to observe Oren and Ellsworth, if they patched things up. "So, you want to go for a run? I was about t-to go for one myself."

Oren frowned suddenly, exaggeratedly. "Why would you suggest such a terrible thing? I thought we were friends, Cyrin..."

For just a second, Cyrin looked at him with a worried expression, his mind rushing with concern about how he'd messed up again. Then, he tried a tentative smile, and though he was pretty sure that Oren was kidding he couldn't get rid of the first thought he'd had, "That was a joke, right?"

Oren grinned back brightly. "Of course it's a joke," he assured him, standing up by Cyrin now. "But I'm not going running with you. Ellsworth is coming over later and I need to go clean up so I look nice...." He paused, looking up at Cyrin. "Don't judge me," he added playfully.

"You always l-l-look n-nice, Oren," Cyrin stammered, scratched the back of his head with one hand, and looked a bit bashful. Hopefully his comment would be taken the way he meant it. The Trill thought of half a dozen different ways what he said could go wrong. In any case, "Th-thanks for checking on m-me, Oren. And, uh good luck. With Ellsworth I mean."

Smiling, Oren made a few hesitant movements, wanting to give Cyrin a hug goodbye but knowing better. Instead, he reached out give his arm a small squeeze, making sure he moved slowly so that the Trill could see it coming and not be too startled.

"Thanks, Cyrin," he said, taking his hand back and moving towards the door. "For listening and everything else. If you ever want to do something together, just send me a message, okay?"

Cyrin weathered the touch better than he'd expected, and he'd stood his ground instead of pulling away. Perhaps a small improvement, a bit of feeling comfortable around Oren. He stood and walked with the El Aurian to see him out. "I w-will. M-maybe we could w-watch a football m-match sometime, or you c-could share something you l-like." Cyrin was making a real effort to include someone in his life here, a bigger step than letting himself be touched.

"That sounds great," Oren agreed, a smile still on his face. "Once this whole mess is settled, we'll definitely have to set something up. In the meantime, I'll see you in the lab?" he asked, standing in the open doorway.

"See you in the lab," Cyrin promised, then started to stretch his arms overhead. He still had his run.

[OFF]

Lieutenant (j.g.) Oren Idris
Chief Research Officer
USS Galileo

Ensign Cyrin Xanth
Astrophysicist
USS Galileo

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