Caught Out

Posted on 19 Feb 2015 @ 3:45am by Lieutenant Prudence Devin Ph.D. & Petty Officer 1st Class Gabriel Stark

2,647 words; about a 13 minute read

Mission: Episode 07 - Sojourn
Location: USS Galileo: Deck 3 - Counselling Office
Timeline: MD 43: 1415

ON:

Prudence Devin kept her eyes on the PADD she was reading, the frown on her face, knitting her eyebrows together. It wasn't a pleasant profile she had here, no pretty flowers and easy things. What she had was a young man who had served prison time, who could have been a promising officer but had not been able to cope with the pressures. The drugs, the prison, the good family...she stopped, going back to the name. Stark. She remembered that name. She sat back, somewhat surprise before shaking her head.

If she remembered correctly from the press, the Stark boy had been a bit of a rebel. She could identify with that from her own youth. But what truly mattered now was that there was a young man who had somehow managed to avoid regular checkups with counselling and medical despite it being on file he should be attending. And she was not going to stand for it. She looked at the time, keeping a close eye on it as her fingers went to her necklace, playing with it as she waited. One minute late and she would go and track him down.

Gabriel was dragging his feet down the corridor, his hands in his pockets. He was ambling, slowly, sort of in the direction of the counselling office, but he was running slow, almost making a wavy path, clearly debating whether or not to go at all. The last time...well, it hadn't been helpful, all it had done was drag crap up he didn't need to think about.

Prudence frowned as she saw the time tick away, standing and smoothing her uniform out. She walked out, stopping when she saw Gabriel. "Mr Stark," she said, watching him for a long moment. "Please, come to my office."

Gabriel pursed his lips as he watched her, frowning at being caught. He would have preferred just missing the slot and being done with it. He followed quietly, arms folded.

She watched him for a long moment before smiling gently. "Have a seat, Mr Stark. My name is Prudence Devin...I am the new Chief Counsellor on this ship."

He nodded, clearing his throat as he sat down, but pretty much on the edge of the seat, setting his elbows on his knees. "Gabriel Stark," he offered, even though it seemed she already knew who he was.

"It's a pleasure. Do you mind if I call you Gabriel?" she asked, getting the tea ready for them. She saw how tense he was. Anxious. Nervous. It was her job to try and create an atmosphere to relax in.

He shrugged lightly, letting out a soft breath. "Whatever you want, it doesn't bother me."

"Very well. I find Gabriel a fetching name anyway and you suit it..." she placed the pot down and took the small mugs, pouring the green tea for them. "I've asked you to my office because I've read through your file and noticed you have a history of avoiding these sessions."

He blinked with mild surprise. Most never looked through the pattern. Or at least, they didn't see it. "I went to my last one...."

"Yes, you did. And if I understand correctly, it went without a hitch..." she said and sat down, holding his eyes. "Which peaked my interest as to why a follow up had not been scheduled. A single session is nowhere near enough to have finished, yet nothing else was booked in."

Gabriel shrugged, looking around the office with a touch of curiosity. "Honestly? I didn't like it."

She nodded as she watched him, searching his features. "Then I hope this will go...better," she said gently. "But can I ask what you didn't like about your last session?"

He was silent, unsure how much he should say as he rubbed his knee awkwardly. "I...don't do this talking thing well. What's private is private and....stiff upper lip and all that. But I tried last time. Because I'm not stupid, and I know the First Officer was giving me a chance to get back straight after my argument with our Science Chief. So, I tried to be honest and talk, but...it felt difficult, like, I don't know, I wasn't getting much back. Nothing felt better. Just all on the surface."

"And nothing to help you cope with what was dug up," Prudence said as she watched him, giving a small nod. Poor follow up. Sometimes, it just wasn't a good match between a counsellor and a patient. You needed the right...people to fit. It wasn't necessarily anyone's fault, just life. But it was her job to make sure he was with someone who fit better. "I understand the...difficulties. Being brought up in a...society where you do not talk about your problems, when all the matters is the outwardly appearance...it does leave its marks as well. And some people are naturally more private in nature. No one likes having it all out there. You did well, with taking the initiative last time. I would like to have you do it again, with me."

Gabriel sighed before nodding softly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Are you going to do more than nod and sympathise?"

She chuckled at that, watching him closely. "I might offer you a different viewpoint. Or challenge your way of thinking to make you see another aspect. And if you lie to me, I will call you out on it."

He watched her, clearly considering it before nodding slowly. "Okay," he whispered. Input, even harsh, was better than talking to a wall.

"Good," Prudence said and smiled gently, watching him. "And you are aware that the sessions will be recorded? Do not worry...there will be a level security access and no information will be shared unless it shows you as a danger to yourself and or others."

He nodded with a half smile, holding her eyes. "For your work and reference, right?"

"Yes," she said and gave a nod, glad he understood. It helped. "You seem to have a good understanding of what needs to be done with these sessions."

"I'm no counselling virgin," he gave a weak smile, shaking his head firmly before looking down.

She chuckled softly, nodding as she crossed her legs. "Good. I think we can work well together, Gabriel. If you learn to trust me."

"It might take a while," he replied honestly, deciding blunt might be the best way to play it.

"It's meant to. There's no magic pill for trust," Pru said, sipping her tea before giving a small smile. "I should tell you something about me. So that you have more of an image of me than a uniform. I was born in Oxford. I am a psychiatrist. I practiced as a civilian and only joined Starfleet...well, the same time you did, oddly enough. And I am aware of who you are and your family."

He sat back with a sigh, but nodded gently. Many did, for better or worse. "I'm not my father," he said simply.

"I am very aware of that," she said and nodded, her eyes gentle. "I remember the newsfeeds of you as a party boy...but times change. People change. And you have been through a lot for a man your age."

Gabriel swallowed at the words, his fingertips pressing firmly together. "Maybe."

"Not maybe," she said as she stood, to pour herself more tea. "It's a fact. You have been through a lot."

He tilted his head, watching the tea without really seeing it, frowning. "I try not to think on it," he admitted softly.

"It's important to think about it. Do not get me wrong, lingering unnecessarily on small slights is counter-productive to anyone. But...these things need to be thought of," she said and stopped, watching his face. "Or else it consumes you at night."

"Yeah, I don't do sleeping well," Gabriel admitted, but with a soft chuckle that didn't have much feeling as he looked down.

"Is it worse after the last session?" she asked, glad he was opening up about that at least. It was a balance...he didn't trust her yet and she wasn't going to be pushing that.

He nodded with a frown, rubbing the palms of his hands awkwardly together, hard. "Yeah. Can't deny it."

Prudence watched his hands before frowning. "Don't do that," she said, her voice firm. "I know pain is an outlet, but you do not deserve to feel that pain."

He looked to her with surprise at the bluntness in her words. "Not heard a counsellor say that before."

"It's true," she said and held his eyes, not letting him look away either. "It's a way for you to cope with the swell of emotions you feel. I would rather have you try to voice them."

He licked his suddenly dry lips, reaching for his tea quickly, both for some time to recover and to get rid of the dryness in his mouth. "You know a lot about that then?"

"Yes, I do," she said and smiled gently, but almost as a reassurance to him. "Half the time, I doubt you will even realise your physical reaction to your emotions. It's...like nervous ticks. You do it, it reassures you, you keep doing it and do not even realise it. As for the emotions behind it all...well, if we talk about them, it will ease the rest too. With time. There's no magic cure and unlike a lot of my...peers, I do not like subscribing medications all the time. A hypo is not a solution."

"Good," Gabriel said quickly, shaking his head with a deep frown. "It sounds stupid after my drug use, but...well, I can't stand the thought of taking meds for my head."

"Because it is your mind," she said and smiled weakly. "You may lose control of everything else, but not that...not that part of you, that secret part hidden away. Recreational drugs didn't make you lose control of that bit. I am willing to wager that alcohol, synthahol and sex doesn't make you lose control of it either. After all...those are choices you make. If you took something for your mind, it would mean...a proper loss of control. Am I wrong?"

Gabriel's frown deepened as he looked down to his hands, holding his breath tightly at hearing the words spoken out loud. He shook his head though, honest.

She watched him for a long moment, taking in his features. "I am confident we do not need to resort to medications, Gabriel. You...have functioned without them for years in the Fleet and shown yourself a capable man."

A slight smile returned at the words, although not wholly convinced. "Thank you," he said softly, sipping his tea.

Prudence took her own cup, sipping it as she watched him. "What was it you were trying to tell your previous counsellor, Gabriel?

"I don't even know anymore," he said quietly, closing his eyes. "I'm exhausted and have had enough of it all."

She nodded weakly at that, frowning. "If you are exhausted, you need to sleep. And I mean get some proper sleep."

"That's easier said than done," he admitted quietly, shaking his head with a half smile. "I get nightmares. It makes sharing a room horrible."

Prudence frowned at that, nodding weakly. She wouldn't have recommended sharing for Stark, but it was a small ship. "If you want, we can look at something to ease your sleeping. Even if it is herbal rather than a hypo. It won't help the nightmares. But it might send you off to a sleep where you do not have them as frequently. As horrible as it sounds, nightmares and dreams are ways for your brain to process what has happened. Taking them away completely does more damage than good."

"You have them then," he replied with a shake of his head, but there was a ghost of a smile on his lips.

She smiled weakly, watching him. "Unfortunately, I can't wave a magic wand. Tell me about them?"

"I get different ones," Gabriel admitted softly, shaking his head with a sigh. "Some from prison, some from when I was young. Nearly all are....based on memory. Twisted often, but based."

She nodded at the words, leaning closer at the words. "Which one is the...most frequent?" she asked gently. "Memory?"

"I don't know," he sighed, licking his lips as he leant forward a little, rubbing his forehead. "Maybe being younger."

Prudence watched him closely, clearly taking in the information. "How old were you?" she asked gently. An open question, but it helped her seeing an age. An age could symbolise level of vulnerability.

"12," he said softly, shaking his head as he looked away, letting out a long, uneasy breath. "About 12."

"Not an easy age in general. The beginning of puberty for many...for others, still their childhood. It's...a vulnerable time. Emotionally. Physically. What happens in the nightmares?" she asked as she watched him, knowing she was not going to be able to push him much further.

Gabriel just shrugged, setting the cup firmly back onto the table before folding his arms. "Anything. Everything. It doesn't matter, not anymore."

"It matters," she said firmly, watching his face. "Gabriel, it is part of the...beginning. Whatever you felt when you were 12 has stuck with you...and is still with you. We will, slowly, be going through it."

He held her eyes, letting out a soft breath, seeing she meant it. "It won't be easy."

"I know. It'll be hard. You'll avoid me. I'll track you down. We will get there though...together," she said and gave him a small nod. "I want you to do something for me."

"Depends what it is," he replied bluntly as he met her eyes. "I don't make promises until I know what I'm signing up for."

"When you have a nightmare, you write it down..." she said and reached into the drawer. What she took out was old-fashioned...a pen and a notepad. To write down things, the old way. "I assume you know how to write by hand?"

"Of course," he took it, frowning as he touched the cover. "I...I haven't kept a diary since I was a kid..."

Prudence nodded, watching him closely. "I want you to keep one. Sometimes...putting it down on paper helps you analyse it. It might work. And if you wish, we can review it together."

He considered the words for a long moment, tapping the pen against the book with a soft breath. It would be easier than saying things out loud. "Okay. Let's try."

She nodded, smiling gently at that. "You've done well," she said, gently. "I hope...you found this different in a positive way."

"We'll see tonight," Gabriel replied quietly with a shrug, but was serious.

She nodded gently, holding his eyes before standing. "You can contact me, day or night. If you want to talk, or if you are finding things...difficult."

He stood with her, letting out a breath as the muscles in his neck and back eased up with it coming to an end. "Thank you. I....I'll have a go at this diary thing."

She watched him breathe that big subconscious sigh of relief, nodding gently. "Thank you," she said and offered her hand to him. "We are going to be seeing each other a lot. I will book another session for you soon. If you are late or miss it, I will hunt you down."

Gabriel sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he cleared his throat. "Sounds fun...." he met her eyes before gently taking her hand.

OFF:

LT Prudence Devin
Chief Counsellor
USS Galileo

PO1 Gabriel Stark
Security/Tactical
USS Galileo
[PNPC Blake]

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