Much ado about celibacy...

Posted on 15 Feb 2015 @ 6:08am by Lieutenant Tuula Voutilainen M.D. & Lieutenant JG Ethan Walker M.D., Ph.D

2,502 words; about a 13 minute read

Mission: Episode 07 - Sojourn
Location: Starbase 84, Brunt's Tavern
Timeline: MD39, 20:00 hours

[ON]

"Pelok, you dolt!"

"I'm sorry, boss!" exclaimed a nervous Ferengi waiter, staring down at his feet and the shattered glass and spilled liquid around them.

"That glassware is coming out of your pay! As well as the plate from last Tuesday!"

Brunt was irate. Not just at the clumsy waiter, but at this whole situation. He used to be a liquidator with the Ferengi Commerce Authority until Rom ascended to the position of Grand Nagus and embarked on a campaign to "root out corruption" within the FCA. Without a business license from the FCA, he thought that buying and running a bar would be an easy way to turn a profit outside of Ferenginar's reach. After all, if Quark could do it, so could he. But even on a busy night like this, the amount he would make in drink sales didn't come close to matching his previous salary. And the tips weren't anywhere near what he used to take in as bribes.

But worse than the loss of latinum was the insult of having to surround himself with smelly humans and other less advanced species and actually pretend to be nice to them. He even had to smile for his customers and pretend to be interested in the inconsequential events of their lives. For a man used to liquidating people's assets, it was a horrible, wretched existence.

As he surveyed his new domain, his day was brightened by the arrival of a particularly fetching woman. Of course, as a bar owner, he was excited whenever an attractive young woman would enter his establishment, as the first rule of the bar business was first you attract the women, then you get the men, then you get the profits. But something about her -- whether it was her dyed hair and dark makeup, or her spiked collar and fishnet top, or the tattoos she was so cavalierly revealing, or the strange wheeled contraption that she was sitting in, immediately captured her attention.

"Pelok! Watch the bar!" he shouted before leaving his station with a drink menu to approach the woman.

"Excuse me, madam, may I get you something to drink?" he asked as she pulled up to a small table for two. "Perhaps an Andorian ale, or a Bolian--"

"No!" exclaimed Tuula. She had snuck away to this tavern to get away from Bolians, and the last thing she wanted to do was to be reminded of them in any way of the existence of those strange blue people. She offered Brunt an apologetic smile before continuing. "I'll have a Samarian Sunset, if you please."

"Of course, that will be no trouble at all," he replied, placing a PADD on the counter. "Our menu. If you would like anything at all, please don't hesitate to call my name. It's not every day we serve a woman as dignified and attractive as yourself, Ms..."

"Doctor. Doctor Tuula Voutilainen."

"Brunt. Proprietor of Brunt's Tavern," he replied, bowing towards the woman. A doctor was not considered a noble profession on Ferenginar like that of banker or financier, but it was a lucrative one. After all, having the power to save a life meant that one had in her hands much leverage with which to extort patients out of their latinum. "Of course. If there is anything, anything at all, I can get you--"

"Just my drink, thank you very much," interjected Tuula, slightly flattered but quickly tiring of his routine.

"Of course. Right away, Doctor," replied Brunt with a wink before disappearing towards the bar in the sea of customers.

Tuula took a deep breath and took in her surroundings. There was not a Bolian in sight. It was... perfect.

A man stood on the other side of the table, looking about the room uncertainly holding a glass of iced tea in one hand and a small plate with what looked to be some kind of baked good on it. He was frowning about the room before finally turning to Tuula. "Excuse me..." he said, drawing her attention. "... the lounge seems to be completely full at the moment. Would you mind if I shared your table?" he asked politely.

Tuula glanced around. There really wasn't another empty chair in the joint. "Sure," she replied, motioning towards the other chair with her hand. "You know, I'm less scary than I look," she replied in response to the uncertainty on his face.

"One Samarian Sunset for the lovely lady," interrupted Brunt in a voice that only a Ferengi could think was sexy, "and for a woman as fine as yourself, a fine Acamarian brandy on the hou--" Brunt paused suddenly upon seeing a male companion seated at Tuula's table. "--ow are you today, Mister..."

"I'm well, thank you." Ethan nodded, turning his attention to his baked treat. It had been a long trip to get this far from Starbase-99 where the Ardeshir had left him after his transfer had gone through, and a long boring ride back here to Starbase-84. A few hours of down time and a well-earned treat were what he had been looking forward to for some time.

"Very well, let myself or one of our fine staff like Pelok here know if you need anything. Anything at all." Brunt offered the two customers one more fake smile as he tried to figure out whether they were together or not. They didn't look like a typical couple, the straight-laced appearance of the man contrasting sharply with the unique and dark style of the woman.

"So," said Tuula as Brunt returned to the bar, "I guess if we're sitting together, we should get to know each other a bit, Mr..."

Ethan smiled casually back, "Walker." he answered, "Ethan Walker, I've just come aboard as the Galileo's Chaplain. And you are?"

"Oh, you're the new chaplain!" exclaimed Tuula, her eyes lighting up at the mention of the Galileo. "Dr. Tuula Voutilainen, USS Galileo," she added. "I haven't seen you in sickbay yet; you wouldn't be trying to avoid a physical, would you?"

Ethan smiled, "No. I met with Doctor Warraquim a little earlier." he replied, "Alls well. I would never skip a pre-flight physical - it's a little hard to hold other crew accountable to things when you don't do them yourself." he added.

"In that case, I'm sorry I missed you," replied Tuula before taking a sip of her samarian sunset. It was all right, though definitely not made from top shelf liquors. "So, a chaplain... does that mean you're celibate?"

Father Walker smirked and rolled his eyes internally but didn't let it cross his features. He supposed that everyone thought that they were being terribly clever asking that question of a Priest, and maybe they truly thought they were but as much as he didn't like to prejudge anyone - starting a conversation with that question general said a lot about that person's personality.

"A Priest serving among scientists, non-human's and every other color, creed and background imaginable, and that's your first question?" Ethan asked patiently back, sipping his tea.

Tuula turned bright red with embarrassment. The question had just sort of spilled out. "So... Are you?" she asked in a meek voice. "I mean... You don't have to answer if you don't want to. It's kind of a personal question," she blubbered frantically to try to rectify her little social faux pas. Changing her strategy, she decided to just change the subject. "I mean... Let's get some appetizers. On me. Do you like calamari? Brunt!"

Within a few short seconds that felt like minutes to Tuula, Brunt had made his way over to the table. "Yes, madam, what may I--"

"One order of calamari rings," interrupted Tuula in a slightly frantic voice.

"I'm terribly sorry ma'am, but we're fresh out," replied Brunt. "May I interest you in our special, a Bolian oyster--"

"Sure," replied Tuula, cutting him off again.

"Very well, it will be ready shortly," replied Brunt, offering Ethan a grin that seemed to say something like 'you lucky dog, you' before heading back to the kitchen.

Tuula turned back towards Ethan, but her nervous smile turned to an expression of horror as she realize what she ordered. She didn't need medical knowledge to know that Bolian oysters were a rather potent aphrodisiac. "I..."

"Something the matter?" Ethan asked innocently, still sipping his tea. Funny how people got when dealing with him - suddenly every word, movement and suggestion could be a potential offense to his delicate religious nature. He called it the 'Halo' effect - and it never failed to produce interesting results, especially in first meetings.

"Oh it's nothing," replied Tuula before taking a quick swig of her drink to calm her nerves. "I'm sorry, I've just been on edge lately, between my parents visiting and this fake marriage." She let out a sigh. "Never pretend to marry a Bolian."

"It's usually best not to pretend to by anything you're not. It never works out in your favor in one way or another." Ethan replied sagely, as if used to dispensing advice out of nowhere. "Marriage under the most normal terms is... complicated."

"Especially when it's to a Bolian," added Tuula before downing half her drink. "So, Ethan, aside from doling out spiritual advice, what do you do for fun?"

Ethan smirked, "Enlightenment." he answered, as if that was the newest and most popular hobby these days. "I'm a student of theological history. That's my passion and my hobby." he explained, knowing that she would have no idea what that meant. "Through that... enlightenment." he smiled.

"I... see," replied Tuula. He was hardly religious, but she could appreciate the study of anything, if only because of how fascinating she considered things like Bolian anatomy and the history of medicine to be. "So like.... old books?"

Ethan shrugged, "Sure. Old transcriptions, ancient texts in dead languages. But there are plenty of historical theological figures in more modern times so it's not all dusty old volumes."

"Interesting," replied Tuula as Brunt returned with a tray of oysters. Nodding her thanks towards the Ferengi bartender, Tuula reached for one. After all, even in spite of their rumoured potency as an aphrodisiac and the social connotations that went with that, it would be a shame to waste perfectly good food.

"Unfortunately, religious texts aren't exactly my area of expertise," she continued. "I prefer to study anatomy." With that, she offered Ethan a quick smile before pulling the oyster up to her lips, tilting her head back, and slurping the contents of the shell, leaving a touch of black lipstick on the empty half-shell.

As the oyster slid down her throat, Tuula suddenly realized the double endtendre in what she just said. Nearly choking on the oyster, she quickly forced it down and took a breath, before trying to stammer out an explanation. "Anatomy as in, people's bodies. I loved studying anatomy at the Academy. I mean..." She winced, trying to gather her thoughts, but her mind was filled with so much white noise that it wasn't quite working. "Anatomy... that's not a sex reference, I mean actually studying anatomy. Did I mention I'm a doctor?"

"As am I." Ethan chuckled, "Twice." he added, enjoying once again watching someone squirm under his gaze as if he alone possessed the ability to judge them and damn them to an eternity in Hell, or whatever afterlife they believed in.

"Oh?" asked Tuula, her curiousity aroused. "A medical doctor? What brings you the business of being a chaplain then? It wasn't enough to save people's lives, you had to save their souls as well?"

Ethan laughed outright, he'd certainly never heard it put that way before, but it had a certain ring of truth to it. "I suppose you could think of it like that." he smiled back, feeling much more comfortable in this conversation than in the previous topic. "But really it's just me wanting to help others - that's in my nature more than anything. Mind, body and soul I suppose." he grinned. "It's all I've ever really wanted for myself - to help."

"I know the feeling," replied Tuula. "It's why I decided to become a doctor. I don't know what I would do with myself if I couldn't practice medicine." For a moment, she thought back to her childhood, performing countless surgeries on Jaana's teddy bears. "Well, aside from maybe being a veterinarian. I love animals. So much that I have my own pet tribble who I nursed back to health. Do you have any pets, or do they interfere with the life of a chaplain?"

"To be quite honest, I've never thought of having a pet." Ethan shrugged, "I can appreciate their therapeutic properties, but... I don't know... no creature has really ever struck me as something I'd want to keep bottled up in a Starship. Though, I suppose, a tribble is small enough not to make too much trouble." he smirked, "Is it much trouble?"

"No, Gilbert is quite the pleasure. He's quiet and calm and so soothing." Just thinking of him put a smile on her face. "Of course, they caused some problems on be last mission. Just imagine how quickly breeding Tribbles can fill a Nova-class starship and you'll have some idea of the gravity of our problems last mission."

"I thought that was rabbits, until I saw my first Tribble." Ethan joked, "But... another reason not to have a pet. Abstinence isn't something easily instilled in lesser creatures such as that." he chuckled, "Can you imagine convincing a dog to keep it to himself? Neutered or not?"

"Well, tribbles do reproduce asexually," explained Tuula as she reached for her drink. "The poor things."

Ethan lifted his eyebrows dramatically and turned away, "Anyway..." he pushed on, "I've noticed the Galileo has quite the eclectic crew. It's funny, Starfleet is supposed to be full of various species, yet usually you find its mostly Human's, Vulcan's and your occasional Andorian. I really get the impression that, here at least, Starfleet really is a diverse organization."

"Yeah, it's an interesting bunch," said Tuula nonchalantly as she fiddled with the spiked collar and skull necklace she was wearing, seemingly oblivious to her own "interesting" nature. "I'm sure you'll get to meet them all eventually, after all, even the non-religious sometimes need someone to talk to."

"I'm available as a Priest, Doctor, Counselor, fellow human..." he smirked, "... to anyone. No exceptions. I've noticed Priests tend to get a bad rap. People assume we're going to judge you into hell and damnation, but the truth is we're just like anyone else; we just want to help. I wouldn't mind if you passed that around to the others... kill some of the stigma."

Tuula finished the last of her drink before responding. "Well, you haven't damned me to hell yet, so you're off to a good start."

[OFF]

Lieutenant (J.G.) Tuula Voutilainen, M.D.
Medical Officer
USS Galileo

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