Bitch Stole My Man!

Posted on 05 Jan 2015 @ 10:29am by Commander Norvi Stace & Lieutenant Tuula Voutilainen M.D. & Lieutenant Olsam Mott

3,142 words; about a 16 minute read

Mission: Episode 07 - Sojourn
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 3, Mott's Quarters
Timeline: MD09: 2000hrs

[ON]

With most of her clothes put away in Dr. Mott's closet, and the good doctor having made his way back to the feast before anyone noticed, Tuula was taking care of a few details to make the illusion complete. Mounting a bone saw on the wall of Dr. Mott's quarters was a little more difficult than she anticipated, but having replicated the right tools and reading some instructions on the LCARS system, she had finally gotten the hang of it and got the saw mounted.

As she sat in her chair admiring her handiwork, she was interrupted by a chime at the door. "Olsam, is that you?" she asked, her Finnish accent leaving little question for her visitor who was behind the door.

"Oh!" Stace exclaimed as the doors parted and who she expected to see was not who her eyes fell upon. "I apologise." She took a step back out into the corridor, flicked her head to the right to check the room number and knitted her brow in wold confusion. Unsure of how Mott was attempting to play this delicate situation to the rest of the crew, the Trill cleared her throat and then took another step in, her arms laden with unfolded clothes. "Sorry, Lieutenant. I didn't realise anyone else would be in here."

Her attention then switched down to her clutched bounty as a disingenuous smile broke across her pale face, her eyes now glancing back to Tuula. "I - uh - came back to return these. Mott's quarters, right? I washed them. By hand. With water. I can't fold. So here I am bringing them back to him. Is he - uh - in?" Stace's attention darted about the room as she looked for her ally.

"I guess you an put them on his bed or something," replied Tuula, rolling backwards to get a look at the bonesaw from a distance. It appeared to be level, though it could perhaps be raised a few inches.

Stace walked over to the bed and suspiciously just dumped the pile of clothes on the top of it. She turned around and then out of the corner of her eye, spied Tuula. "I wasn't aware that Mott shared his quarters with yourself. For some reason, I had it in my mind that he roomed with Counselor Miir. But then again, I can be forgetful. Is there... anything I can help you with, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, actually," replied Tuula, turning back towards Stace. "Could you help me mount my bone saw on this wall here? I'm trying to get it in just the right spot, and need to look at it from a distance to make sure it's just right." Tuula's voice was friendly, and didn't miss a beat at the reference to her bone saw. To her, it was as though she were asking someone for help hanging a picture or a mirror. "It's a little low, don't you think?"

"It's a little something..." Stace muttered underneath her breath as she walked over to the wall. "Um... why don't you just let me?" Stace placed her hands either side of Tuula's and then smiled in her face. "Why don't you take a step back and have a look?" It had completely missed the Trill why the woman was hanging her own bone saw - let alone the fact that it was a bone saw - in Mott's quarters at all.

"Thanks," replied Tuula as she backed herself up to a vantage point across the room. "Raise it up about 20 centimetres... no, that's too high, lower it down by five... perfect. Right there." The Bolians had something known as Zartt Enhui, the ancient art of interior decorating. Each object -- even decorative objects such as paintings and cupltures -- had a purpose, an energy, and a flow to it. Placing furniture and decorations in just the right place was key to maintaining the flow of positive energies throughout the room and dissipating negative energies. To have even a few objects out of place could create a vortex of negative energy, bring ruin upon all the room's inhabitants. Tuula wasn't exactly sure what sort of energies her bone saw would bring to the room, but she figured she had it positioned just right to maintain the existing flows.

As Stace finished mounting the saw, Tuula rolled up to her. "Thank you so much," she said, her eyes wandering to a ring with an opalescent jewel, not unlike the one she was wearing on her own hand. "I noticed your ring; who is the lucky Bolian?" she asked in a cheerful voice.

The Trill coughed in surprise as she whipped her hand away from the bone saw and it dropped to the floor with a clout. She sprung to pick it up and then caught sight of her hand again and then covered it with her other quickly. "It's not a wedding ring," she barked and then winced as she caught herself in her own lie. "What I mean to say," she added, now attempting to gain her repose and lower her urgent voice, "is that I think it used to be a wedding ring. My sister. She was once married to a Bolian. And he died. So... she gave it to me?" Her questioning inflexion at the end of the sentence was more to see if Tuula had bought her story. Her keen eye then fell upon Tuula's hand to an almost identical ring.

"You're married to a Bolian? I didn't know you were even engaged."

"Married!?" exclaimed Tuula. "Oh, that," she replied, adjusting the ring, before letting out a nervous laugh. "I'm not really married per se. It's more of a... well..." She glanced down at Stace's hand again; what she saw was definitely a Bolian wedding ring, and the story of how she came into possession of it didn't make sense. "It's a fake marriage," she blurted out. "I'm pretending to be Doctor Mott's wife while his family is over. He said it should only be a few days."

"He asked you as well?" came Stace's angered reply before she modified her tone when she realised that her frustrated rage should be directed at Mott and Mott alone. She whipped out her hand and then, with a gentle snatch of the wrist, took Tuula's hand to investigate her adornment. "They're almost identical!" she exclaimed astonishedly. "The incredulous little petaQ!"

Stace then took a breath in and walked slowly over to the pile of clothes she had dumped onto the bed. "These are actually mine. I thought to make the lie more grounded, I'd scatter some of my belongings around. I can't imagine Miir even knows."

"That's a good idea," replied Tuula, as she pushed herself towards the closet. She was a little frustrated. And angry. Even though it was a fake marriage, she was offended at the thought that Dr. Mott thought that she couldn't play the role herself and needed to bring in another woman. And to do so behind her back... why, it was practically infidelity!

"In fact, that idea good, I already thought of it myself," she contiuned. "You... might not have much closet space," she explained, sliding the door open to reveal a few uniforms and a large number of rather dark outfits. There were black dresses, fishnets, chains, and collars, something for every possible occasion from a child's birthday party to a funeral. And boots. Lots and lots of boots.

"So," she added, sliding the door closed again and turning back towards Stace, "I guess that makes us co-wives?"

"Co? Co-wives? Mott sure has a lot of nerve," Stace replied flatly before accepting the situation and sighing. In fairness, Mott had and was continuing to help the Trill with her own personal matters and she never could quite pass up the chance for a little theatre. She slumped down onto the bed and then clasped at her clothes. Counselor Miir again popped into her head. If Mott hadn't discussed the finer point of two wives with Norvi, she couldn't have imagined that, in passing conversation, he would have mentioned this development with his roommate. Since I have my own quarters, this predicament should probably take place there. It would appear more logical. But then I don't want to forego my own comforts. So Stace discarded that thought immediately.

"Have you been told of what to expect from this, Tuula? A family dinner? Anecdotes about how we met? Why I would agree to share my husband with another? I know us Trills are more widely traveled than most other humanoids, but this is certainly something I would take issue with. I suppose I have to get my head around that."

"Not really. But I did date a Bolian a few years ago, so I have some idea." Just thinking about him made Tuula angry. "He was a horrible person, by the way, and I hope he dies in a plasma fire."

Tuula was interrupted by the whooshing sound of an opening door. "That's Mott!" she whispered. "I have an idea, follow my lead."

Seeing Stace nod slightly in the affirmative, Tuula suddenly reached up and slapped her across the face, not hard enough to cause pain but just hard enough for theatrical purposes. "You whore!" she exclaimed loudly. "Stay away from my man!"

Stace was genuinely taken aback at the slap and a beat of shock made her step back and clutch at her freckled face. Her eyes widened as she realised what Tuula was attempting to do but then narrowed at its enthusiasm. "Uh!" the Trill exclaimed, amateur dramatics not being her strong suit, and she stepped forward to confront her abuser. "How dare you!" she bellowed, bearing her teeth. "That blue cuddle monster is mine! And you'll have to step over my dead body to be with him!" From the side of her body, a swift upwards slap connected with Tuula's face as they both exaggerated their reactions. "Next time, it won't be an open handed strike!"

"Oh, I see what's going on here," exclaimed Tuula, feigning outrage. She was giving quite the performance, having previously starred in a Starbase 173 Amateur Theatre Society production. "'Step' over your dead body?! You think that just because I'm in a wheelchair you can waltz in here and steal Olsam away from me?! Well, I have news for you, you can't hold a candle to me, physically or intellectually. You don't even have a medical degree, you ignorant slut! If you think Dr. Mott is going to leave me for a spotted psycho bitch like you, you're even crazier than I thought!"

The 'step' retort jarred Norvi a little. She hadn't quite thought through what she was saying in the simulated heat of the moment but stuck to the performance as Tuula did all the same. "A medical degree? Oh, how engaging! When you've got five lifetimes of experience pleasing men then come back to me and finish off this conversation. You haven't even been a man, you inked up freak!" She knew her comeback was weak, but powered through with it regardless.

"Inked up freak?!" Tuula pushed herself backwards, towards where the bone saw fell. "I'll show you an inked up freak!" she shouted, grabbing it and holding it aloft menacingly. She turned to Mott. "Olsam, tell her that you're my man, before things get bloody!"

With surprising acumen, Olsam had determined what was going on within a moment of setting foot in his quarters and had done an about-face to take himself back into the corridor almost immediately. When Tuula called out to him, he was only a micron or two from the door sensor. He froze in place like prey before its predator, weighing his options. He'd hoped to just leave them alone and come back in half an hour; they'd either be getting along, silently fuming or one of them would be dead. Regardless, it would have worked out in his favor better than being caught in the middle of the argument.

"Uh, oh, look, my two favorite people in the universe," Olsam said, turning around slowly and forcing a smile. His foot fell back a half step toward the door, just in case he needed to make a run for it. So far, marriage wasn't quite all he'd expected it to be. "Tell her what? There's... Uh, there's really no need to fight, ladies. Or murder. Please. I see you've met each other... I mean, of course you've already met each other. We all know one another here. It's a small ship. A friendly ship. Everyone gets along, yes?"

"Stop your babbling, Olsam!" exclaimed Tuula, with all the fury of a spurned woman. She lined him up in her icy stare, watching beads of sweat form on his bald blue forehead. "I thought what we had between us was special and unique! And now I find out that you're married to another woman?! What does she have that I don't? Is it the spots? Do they turn you on? Do they make you feel aroused? Is that it?"

Olsam's gasp could be heard on the decks above and below them and probably three sections down the hall. "Tuula! Discussing my state of arousal was not in our marriage agreement at all. I... Well, I meant to tell both of you. About one another. You know, that you'd have to share. But it slipped my mi-... Wait, what are you? What's even going on? Why are you fighting? It's a fake marriage but the two of you... Oh. Oh no."

The Bolian sighed and tossed his hands up into the air, clearly exasperated. When he brought them down, they landed open-palmed on top of his head, and he began pacing back and forth in front of them. "I was afraid this would happen. I warned myself. I said, 'Olsam, this is a stupid plan. You know how these things go. You shouldn't get involved with colleagues. You shouldn't make romantic advances with a woman you work with, even fake ones. It's happened before, and it will happen again. You know you're simply irresistible to the opposite sex.' And now look at this, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Look! You've both fallen in love with me already."

Dropping her own raised hand to her side with a thump, Stace's angered face also dropped into one of utter disinterest. "Don't flatter yourself, Doctor," she said, now her whole demeanor shedding off her like a dramatic snake. She turned to face Tuula and then, with a mischievous smile, added, "Well played. I didn't know that you had it in you. You can - uh - leave the bone saw out of this for now." She winked and then turned back to the Bolian. "But the same rings, Mott? I'm going to want a settlement after our fake divorce. Why did you complicate matters and claim that you had two wives?"

Olsam sputtered. "Why wouldn't I? No one's going to believe that just one woman would want to marry me. Besides, I couldn't expect that just one of you would do all the household chores and maintenance. That's a lot of work for just one woman - cleaning the quarters, pressing my uniforms, making sure dinner is on the table when my shift is over. It's far too demanding for just one of you to take on given the mental and physical fragility of the opposite sex, and I'm not an unreasonable man. This way it's much easier for you to share the burden between you. This way I can expect higher quality meals, efficient cleaning routines and more personal attention after work. After all, these feet aren't going to massage themselves, you know."

Tuula's jaw dropped at Dr. Mott's little "explanation" and she turned towards Stace. "Norvi, are you sure I won't need the bone saw?"

"I think that we should flay him first; leave the bone crunching until after he's passed out from the pain." Stace casually extended her hand to take the saw from Tuula and then turned to squint at her. "Since you're the more qualified in this arena, I believe I should take the mantel with this. It'll probably maximize the damage..."

"Wait!" Olsam shrieked, stepping backward toward the door. He had to work on his comedic timing. They'd played a joke on him, so it was only fair that he play a joke on them, too, right? "I-I-I was just kidding! You both know me, I'm not chauvinistic! There's no need for bone saws and flaying... Who-who even thinks of that? Was one of your hosts employed by the Obsidian Order?" Olsam let out a nervous chuckle that sounded much more like a strained, high-pitched squeak. "There's no reason why we can't all get along and be one big happy family unit, t-together, the three of us."

"Have you ever tasted Bolian cracking, Tuula?" Stace asked, casually shooting her a disinterested glance as she took a few more steps towards him. "It's foul. Hanor, my second host, actually used to choke at the thought of the blue, crispy skin. Quite a delicacy, so he was told, in a system in the Beta Quadrant. I rather think you would have got on with him - He was a doctor, you know - But I'm not Hanor, am I? And the idea of Joining with new hosts is to experience new things. Why don't you get the barbecue fired up?"

"I have a better idea," said Tuula as she advanced towards Mott. "Have you ever tried blue sushi?" She gave Stace a wicked smile before turning back to the squirming Bolian. "Oh don't worry, Olsam, I'll make sure you get to try some too."

Crispy blue skin? Bolian sushi?

Olsam took another step backward and looked from one wife to the other, seeking some sign that they were kidding. But they made no sign it was a joke, at least none that he could see. They had to be kidding, of course. Right? He didn't have the greatest grasp on humor and lacked all social finesse, so it was often hard for him to tell but the way they were looking at him, so eerily... He turned, thinking he could just step into the safety of the public hallway, but found himself face-to-face with the door whose sensor was apparently malfunctioning. Seeing his escape route cut off, he let out a little squeak and shut his eyes tight.

Was this what marriage was really like?

[ OFF ]

Lieutenant Olsam Mott, M.D.
Assistant Chief Medical Officer
USS Galileo

Lieutenant (J.G.) Tuula Voutilainen, M.D.
Medical Officer
USS Galileo

Lieutenant Commander Norvi Stace
Chief Science Officer/Second Officer
USS Galileo

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