Searching Soul

Posted on 02 Feb 2015 @ 9:32pm by Verity Thorne

1,707 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Episode 07 - Sojourn
Location: USS Galileo, Deck 3 - Chaplain's Office
Timeline: MD-15: 1510

ON:

It had taken a while before Wintrow had finally made up his mind. Back on the Sarek, he had visited the ship's chaplain frequently, when he'd had no-one else to turn to. But with the chaplain gone, there weren't many left and talking to a counselor wasn't everything either.

Though he didn't mind talking to his current counselor, she was actually quite pleasant and understanding, he still felt some part of him was missing. As if something was missing inside himself, part of his soul.

Not quite sure if this was a good idea, since he had neither heard of nor seen this particular chaplain before, the boy pressed his hand to the chime and waited to be called in.

"Come in!" Verity called out, smiling at the prospect of a visit. There were no appointments, so he hoped for a drop in. Oliver would have just let himself in, so it couldn't be him. He pushed the sheet music aside, rolling his shoulders.

The door slid aside and the teenager shyly stepped inside. "It's been a while since I've spoken to a chaplain," he murmured. A while, in truth, was nearly two years and he never really thought about it, since he heard in passing this ship did have a chaplain. "And I'm not quite sure why I'm here, but it seemed a good idea, when I started walking..."

"I hope you still think it is," the chaplain chuckled softly, moving away from his desk to greet him. "I'm Verity Thorne, it's a pleasure to meet you....?"

"Wintrow Paragon," Wintrow answered softly, "I was wondering...if perhaps you can tell me something about Betazoid and Human religion...I'm... I'm not sure where I belong, exactly. I don't know what to think, what to believe in. I know there's, you know, something...I believe there is, but I'm not sure what." He licked his lips nervously as he approached the chaplain. "My mother was Betazoid but I never knew her, and my father was Human. He died about a year ago."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Verity said softly, motioning for him to sit down, taking a seat close to him. "That must be hard for you. Has it...triggered these thoughts about religion and spirituality?"

"Over the course of time," the boy admitted, "and several months ago, I discovered I still have family on Betazed. Family I never knew existed; my maternal grandfather is still alive. I just, I feel I don't quite belong anywhere. I'm neither Human, nor Betazoid, so where do I fit in?"

"Wherever feels comfortable for you," Verity shook his head gently as he watched the young man. Life could feel confusing enough in youth, yet alone with mixed and lost heritage. "Have you spoken to your newly discovered family?"

Wintrow nodded. "Yes, I spent a few days on Betazed, getting to know them. But it's difficult since apparently my grandfather didn't know of my existence. He was told that when his daughter had died, so had I." Wintrow shook his head miserably. "I still don't understand why. My stepmother obviously didn't want me, instead of giving me so much misery she could've arranged for me to be taken in by other family right? I asked her once, rather I sent a message as she's not allowed anywhere near me, but she never replied." He swallowed. "Which brings me to another point, if there is a God...why does he allow for so much suffering?"

Verity smiled sadly, shaking his head slowly with a heavy breath. "It's a question I have been asked a lot. I can only tell you what I think. Freewill. We all have the right to choose our own paths, and He will not change that. He is our Father, we are His children. But as with all children, you cannot interfere with their lives, only hope they listen."

"I don't understand," Wintrow offered truthfully, "how can he not interfere when he sees others doing wrong and the child in question is powerless?"

"It is not His place," Verity said quietly, shaking his head with a frown. "This is not His 'world', it is ours. He is the creator and Father, not the walker of this place, no more than we could walk in His kingdom as we are now. That is what I have come to believe anyway. He can lend strength though, and light, and guide us, and I think sometimes He can even show us another path, but we have to be open to it. I think it must hurt Him to see suffering amongst His children, perhaps it is not easy for Him to watch and know."

"How do I find this path of light, and his guidance?" The boy was obviously full of questions. "And how is his light different than a prophet's"

"Well, now that's going down a very theological path," Verity chuckled softly, shaking his head. "Different people believe and feel different things. Some people think that only one God can be real, only one religion right. Others though believe that perhaps we all worship the same entity, but with different beliefs of what it is and what pleases it...that, basically, we all worship the same god but under different religions. Then there are those who even believe that perhaps all are right...that there are many different gods and prophets that all co-exist."

"I think I like that notion, that we all believe in the same thing regardless of the name. That still doesn't my first question though, how do i find it?"

"First, you have to be willing and ready to," Verity said softly as he leant to him. "That sounds easier than it is in reality sometimes. To....open your heart and listen, and pay attention to the small things. And some find it hard to have Faith in something they cannot see, which is understandable."

"I want to," Wintrow answered, "and I feel I need to. I know there's something out there, even if I find it so hard to believe whatever it is would allow for so much suffering. I don't know if this has made me stronger, the jury is still out on that one, but I know there's something. I just need to find where I belong."

"When things are broken, they can be remade stronger than they were before," Verity said quietly, reaching to squeeze his arm. "You're so young still, you have a long time ahead to strengthen up yet. Sometimes, things fixed more slowly make for a better job than a quick patch up. Have you talked to someone? About...your suffering?"

Wintrow flinched and pulled away from the touch, his eyes darkening, his face draining of colour. "Yes," he whispered, "many times. My.. guardian, he's a counselor. My counselor before he accepted responsibility of me, when I was seventeen."

Verity let his hand drop. If he was offended, it didn't show. He'd spoken to many people in his time who flinched at touch, as unfortunate that fact was. "May I....suggest you try someone else?" he asked softly. Whatever was going on, it clearly was still difficult, so the therapy he was undergoing seemed not to be too helpful. "Counselling can sometimes be better when it's with a therapist you don't know closely. It can be hard to share with someone who is in your life as a friend or family member. You can be more honest without fearing their judgement if it's someone a little more distanced."

"I was seeing Miss Carlisle but then she told me to reschedule with someone else, mid-session too. I haven't heard from her since, she's not returning messages. I don't know who else to turn to sir..."

"There are other counsellors here. You're also welcome to come here and talk to me whenever you wish, I can offer an ear, a shoulder and a bit of advice here and there, I'm not a therapist though, not like the counsellors," he offered gently.

"Can you recommend anyone?" the teenager asked softly, though clearly appreciating the offer of having someone to talk to. Chaplains, he knew, were quite different than counselors, they had a whole different, yet comforting manner about them.

"Any of the counselling team should serve you well," Verity assured with a gentle smile. "We're lucky here. We have a lot more counsellors than many other places. Let's hope that's not a sign, huh?" he teased.

"I think it's a good sign sir," the boy replied, "there's no such thing as too many counselors, I think.

"Not out here, with so much that can happen. With so much to see and experience and try and make sense of," Verity shook his head gently, looking to the viewport and out at the stars. "Still, I think it's worth it."

"I tried counseling once...when I was looking in on all departments. I did help this young crewwoman because she had something similar happen as happened to me. But I realised quite quickly, that being a counselor isn't it for me."

Verity nodded, meeting his eyes. "I think it can be harder, to try and counsel other people if you are still mixed up about something that has happened to you. It can...blur the lines and get difficult. It's not for everyone. But that's fine....we need great pilots to take us out here," he added the last with a chuckle.

"And I'll do my best to become one," Wintrow promised, "I mean...learn to fly different things, be diverse..." He stood, looking a little awkward. "I've taken up enough of your time, I should go home now..."

"Well, know that you are welcome any time it pleases you to drop by," Verity assured with a warm smile as he stood, bowing his head to him. "Thank you for coming, Wintrow, it's been a pleasure to meet you."

"And you sir," Wintrow replied politely, casting the chaplain a warm smile of his own. "I'll return when I'm able, or when I need to. Thank you for your time."


OFF:

Cadet SO Wintrow Paragon
Support Craft Pilot
USS Galileo
[PNPC T'Vanna]

PO1 Verity Thorne
Chaplain
USS Galileo
[PNPC Blake]

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