By Sight and Heart and ESP (Part 2)

Posted on 13 Sep 2014 @ 10:03pm by Lieutenant Oren Idris Ph.D. & Petty Officer 3rd Class Ellsworth Hudson

4,244 words; about a 21 minute read

Mission: Episode 06 - Legend of Souls
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 4, quarters 04-2624 JO
Timeline: MD08 - 1200hrs

Previously, on By Sight and Heart and ESP (Part 1)...

He fell silent and turned his attention to his food, polishing off the last of his shrimp and picking at the remaining pasta. Within moments, his feet were fidgeting under the table; his left leg began bouncing up and down out of nervous habit. After poking at his pasta with the fork enough to leave at least one piece completely eviscerated, he finally dropped it in the bowl and sighed.

And Now, the Continuation...

[ON]

"Do you know Ensign Jones? From engineering?"

"Grayson?" A smile formed instinctively around the engineer's name, betraying his affection for him. Not that it was something he would normally hide, but it seemed that his stay on the Galileo would be characterized by peculiar attachments.

"Yes, I know Grayson. He's lovely," Oren said softly, remembering the previous night. "He mentioned you last night when I saw him." Speaking to anyone else, Oren might have considered keeping his last encounter with Grayson a secret, but he'd learned years ago that keeping secrets from a Betazoid was unwise, especially one as dear as Ellsworth seemed to be. He'd hate to make another mistake like the one with Jones in the Observation Lounge.

Ellsworth could feel his cheeks burning. "He did?" He was silent a moment as he weighed the moral implications of just barging in Oren's mind and finding out what Grayson had said; in the end, despite all K'os's support to the contrary, he still wasn't entirely comfortable with it. Better to ask, even if he was afraid to know. Oren instinctively seemed like a person to confide in, so he was worried Grayson had aired guilt and remorse over their rendezvous. "Uh, what did he say?"

Ellsworth wasn't the only person with a keen insight into how a person felt, and Oren had the advantage of age with his own abilities. He easily noticed Ellsworth discomfort. "He said you had drinks together in his quarters. But I'm not as naive as I look, I know what drinks meant." His tone wasn't judgmental because there wasn't anything to pass judgment on. Both Grayson and Ellsworth were adults, capable of making their own decisions. Whatever emotional torment followed their decision, it was simply something they'd have to deal with.

Ellsworth smiled at the memory, but it was short lived. "I guess that's good... He didn't feel great about it afterwards. Sorta. Maybe even a little bit before, too." He picked up the fork and spun the handle between two fingers, just to give himself something to do. "I never know if I'm manipulating people, or if it's what they really want." He cleared his throat. "I may have also left out having a boyfriend. In engineering. Who works with him." He dropped the fork on the table and gave a plaintive whine. "Humans are so stupid, Oren."

Oren laughed, "Yeah, tell me something I don't know," he agreed, watching Ellsworth fondly. "Is your boyfriend human?" he asked, curious if the man in question was under his friend's 'stupid' umbrella.

"Sorta," Ellsworth mumbled. He realized K'os was becoming an increasingly sore subject, something to add to an already too-long list. They hadn't seen each other since the ship departed. He'd almost grown to suspect that he'd fallen into one of those awkward work relationships, where K'os would only ever feel comfortable seeing him between duty assignments. "He's half-human, half-Vulcan, but not really like either one of them. Usually. Sometimes he can be so Vulcan! And sometimes he can be so human. Most of the time he's unlike anyone I've ever met before. Or ever will, I guess." Ellsworth rolled his eyes, realizing how unnecessarily cryptic that was. "He... Hm. He's a touch telepath. And he doesn't have an iron grip on his emotions. So it makes for some interesting - and amazing - situations."

The young Betazoid fell silent and pushed at his fork with one finger. Tellingly, his ankle was still linked with Oren's; it was probably the only thing keeping him from being completely morose. "The things I get myself into..."

"I once dated an Andorian couple, so I understand completely how strange and exciting things can be when you're seeing someone who isn't like you," Oren said absently. He could tell his boyfriend wasn't something Ellsworth wanted to discuss more, so he thought turning the attention away was best.

Ellsworth smiled and nodded, which seemed like what he was supposed to do. "You don't think... I mean. I wasn't... I didn't do anything wrong, did I?"

The only real answer to that questions was likely to come from Grayson, but he wasn't sure he could bring himself to track him down and ask him. What of the answer was "yes"? He'd struggled all his life with the concept of right and wrong, its cross-cultural fluidity, it's elusiveness. You almost needed a chart of species and morality to cross-reference, though you'd think it would be easy enough for a telepath to tease out right and wrong in another person's mind. Except it wasn't always that easy; even in someone's own mind, right and wrong could be a very gray area.

Instead of going with his first instinct and assuring Ellsworth that he'd done well, Oren was silent, mulling over his opinion. His own thoughts turned to the same subjects of morality that Ellsworth's were trying to make sense of. As an anthropologist, the differences in humanoid morality had always fascinated him.

"Do you want my objective opinion, or if I personally think you did something wrong? Or both?" Oren finally asked.

Ellsworth gave a wry smile. "Whichever one makes me seem the most dashing and handsome?" He let the smile fade, and his eyes flicked away. He'd never thought about objective and personal opinions being different, but then again he was no scientist. Or even an objective thinker. "Both."

Oren nodded in acknowledgment, taking a moment to gather his thoughts.

"Objectively speaking, taking into account the intricacies of inter-species relationships and psychology...you made a mistake. Humans are touchier than they'd like the rest of us to believe. They're compassionate to the point of thinking everyone is exactly like them. They call it 'Human nature' and they seem to think everyone has it, even if they aren't Human," Oren explained, trying to keep his tone as even and comforting as possible, not wanting Ellsworth to get the wrong idea. His gaze softened as he moved onto his second point.

"Personally, from my perspective, you did nothing wrong," he countered, more firmly this time. "Grayson is an adult and so are you. You can't live your life, reaching out to people while constantly considering whether their mistake is yours," Oren explained, reaching over and taking Ells' hand.

"You acted like anyone in your position would. Grayson is the one who made a mistake." Not wanting to be misunderstood, he continued. "Don't get me wrong, I think you're wonderful, I can feel that you are, but Grayson seems to have some issues he needs to work through." Oren smiled, bringing up Ellsworth's hand to his lips to give it a comforting kiss.

"You have nothing to feel guilty for, Ells, you did the right thing."

Ellsworth smiled in response to the kiss; it was an inordinately kind and loving gesture and satisfied something deep. It seemed a little silly to have one's heart set aflutter by something so simple, but it was a moment he'd probably never forget: someone listening to him, talking to him, comforting him, free from the expectation of...anything.

"He's so lonely... I was just trying to make him happy," Ellsworth said, recognizing it as a half-truth the moment it left his lips. "I also just wanted to sleep with him." He grinned a little sheepishly, but it faded away as his voice dropped to a whisper. "It's dangerous knowing what people think. You can become...whatever. Sometimes you don't even know you're doing it until it's too late; it's worse when you know you're doing it, and you still don't care." He took a deep breath to clear his head because it felt like he was about to step into the same circular argument. "But... You're right. I didn't do anything wrong. We're two adults. Two very handsome adults. And charming, too."

"And so modest, the both of you," Oren quipped, rolling his eyes at Ellsworth. He could sympathise with how Ellsworth felt about the responsibility of being telepathic and told him as much. "Sometimes I feel that the only reason people seem to like me is because I'm El-Aurian," he confessed. "I put people at ease and it's...strange, being able to hear things people don't say like their feelings, their wants, needs...everything. Sometimes it feels like I take advantage, even thought I try not to," he explained, looking down at their linked hands, idly tracing the lines of Ells' hand with his fingers.

"Maybe they like you cuz that's part of who you are instead of cuz you're El-Aurian. You know, like, the other way around," Ellsworth said, doing a predictably poor job of conveying what he meant. "I just mean... I don't care what you are. I like you because you make me feel comfortable. And you're cute. And handsy, like me." Ellsworth gave a flippant, flirtatious grin before turning his attention to his hand. At first the sensation of Oren's fingers moving across his skin was just pleasurable, like their linked legs and hands. But the longer he focused on it, the more...distracting...it started to become. He flicked his eyes up at Oren, looked a little guilty and then blushed.

"Well," the Betazoid continued, "at least we can be on a level playing field when we're together. I know what you're thinking, you know what I'm thinking, and then there's no confusion, no accidental manipulation."

"I suppose you're right," the blonde agreed. "I've always been very tactile with people but some usually take it badly," Oren explained, entwining his fingers with Ellsworth. With both of them being relatively small and thin, their hands seemed to link perfectly and Oren smiled before looking back up to meet Ellsworth's eyes. Despite his feelings towards certain parts of physical intimacy, Oren had always enjoyed touching the people he liked. It always felt like a strange kind of confirmation that the person was actually there, and true to how they felt about him. Touching someone was always the perfect way for him to see if someone really enjoyed his company or not.

"They usually want it to lead somewhere else," he added and thought of his encounter with Grayson again. He was still trying to find the exact words he'd said or action he'd take for the engineer think he wanted a romantic involvement. He was no closer to finding them than when he'd started.

"You're easy to like," Ellsworth replied. "In that way, I mean. I think. You're smart, funny, exciting, handsome... I'm sure it's a lot of wish fulfillment on the part of other people. And life is lonely. They see the things they want to see, right? Or... Often, at least. 'Oh, he's holding my hand, he must want something more' instead of 'Oh, he's holding my hand, he must feel comfortable with me as a person.' And then they get embarrassed. Then it gets awkward." He paused, reflecting on his own similar encounters, then grinned suddenly. "Maybe we should be more like Pieter. I bet he doesn't have these problems."

Giggling, Oren shook his head. "No, I imagine he doesn't." Shaking his head, Oren suddenly thought of something. "Then again, maybe he's secretly a cuddle-bunny, under all of that testosterone and training."

Ellsworth guffawed. "Wouldn't that be something! But, I've seen it before, I suppose. It's not impossible." A devilish grin slowly spread across his face. "Maybe I should invite him over one evening. I'm a pretty good cuddler, I bet I could get him to drop that complaint."

"That would be a sight," Oren agreed. "But I'm afraid that, lovely as you are," he said, his tone turning slightly flirtatious. "You're not really his type. I don't think he has a type, really. I've known him for over five years and I don't think I've ever heard of his seeing anyone romantically."

"Probably married to his work and those stupid plants," Ellsworth said, almost dismissively, as if it was the worst possible fate for a person. He fixed Oren with a lingering stare, a smile tugging at one corner of his lips. "But, really, are you one to talk, Dr. Idris? I'm pretty sure you've turned down... Let's see." He held up his free hand, fingers extended, and began curling them down one-by-one. "One... Two... At least two men...that I know of." The smile broadened, and he brought down a third finger. "Three, if you count me."

"To be fair, you haven't offered," he said back with a grin. It was the truth, after all. For all of their playing around, Ellsworth hadn't openly propositioned him.

Oren chuckled, feeling a blush coming on. "I suppose you have a point but, for the record, my situation is a little peculiar," he admitted. "I tend to avoid relationships. I haven't been in one for over twenty-five years." He waited, bracing himself slightly for the reaction that would undoubtedly follow such a statement, especially considering Ellsworth's amorous nature.

Ellsworth laughed reflexively, then belatedly realized that he wasn't feeling anything but honesty from Oren. That caused his eyes to widen and eyebrows to lift in surprise. "What? Twenty five years? Are you serious?" His mouth was opened and worked a bit, as if he had something to say but couldn't find the means to say it. "I can't even...fathom.... You must be..." He looked from side to side. "You must be really frustrated."

"Frustrated?" Oren asked, confused. Searching Ellsworth's face for meaning, it suddenly dawned on him and he laughed. "Oh, you mean...No! No, actually, that's part of the entire peculiarity of it. I don't get frustrated. Ever." He shrugged, not sure what to add without going into details he wasn't sure Ellsworth would want.

Ellsworth blinked, started to laugh again, but stopped himself. He just stared for several long moments until he was afraid Oren would start to feel like an oddity on display. He understood the words, but didn't really understand them. The whole premise seemed to defy...biology. "Never? Not even, you know, a little bit?"

Oren thought about it, digging through his past experiences to be able to give Ellsworth an honest answer. "Not in the way you're thinking. Not in the sense that I feel like I'd like to act on it in any kind of way." If he was being honest, he had no other experience to compare to in order to give Ellsworth an accurate picture of how that part of him worked, but, after having this conversation several times in the past, he believe he understood the principle of sexual attraction enough to explain what not having it felt like.

"I mean, take you for example," he said. "I think you're beautiful, but I'm not sexually attracted to you at all. I like you, and I want to hug you and maybe kiss you at certain moments but nothing more physically intimate than that."

Ellsworth heard every word, felt the sentiment behind the words and, really, even understood what Oren was saying. Nonetheless, some part of his ego was wounded. He couldn't ever remember anyone saying that to him. For someone who, right or wrong, defined himself so much through his sexuality, it stung. It wasn't something to take personally, he knew, but the fact that he had to remind himself of that probably said volumes.

His heart squeezed a little at the thought of Oren picking up on his thoughts, so he tried humor to lighten the mood. It wasn't hard for the young Betazoid to feign a disappointed look; some part of him really was disappointed. "Well, damn. Way to devastate all my hopes and dreams."

But Oren wasn't easily fooled. He frowned, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. That entire part of him had been a sore spot for Oren his entire life and it wasn't the first time that he wished he'd just kept his mouth shut. Maybe next time he should refrain from explaining himself by insulting someone's sex-appeal. That would probably be a good idea.

Ellsworth tightened his grip on Oren's hand and shook his head. "I'm sorry, too. It's dumb to be hurt by something like that... You can't help the way you are, the way you feel." He stopped and frowned, wondering if he was talking about Oren or himself. He felt a little bit panicked because he didn't know what to say. Under the table, his leg began jostling nervously again. "It's... It's not like I wanted you to sleep with me. I mean, I would... But. I just... That's usually all I've got going on, and..." The panic got a little worse, and he felt himself teetering on the edge of crying. "Shit." He closed his eyes hard, then opened them again, as if that would actually clear anything away. Stupid Betazoid emotions... "Please don't feel bad just because I've got some insecurity. I don't think that's very fair."

Oren smiled bitterly. They were so screwed up and, in a moment of morbidity, his affection for Ellsworth grew tenfold. As much as his own difference and insecurity plagued him, Oren had grown used to the discomfort, like one grows used to an annoying relative that lived in your house. At some point, you just gave up trying to find excuses for them. But Ellsworth was much younger than him, an age he couldn't quite remember anymore, if he was being honest. He hadn't had time to get used to his own insecurities.

He scooted his chair closer to the Betazoid and ran the fingers of his free hand through his hair in a soothing gesture before letting the hand remain on his cheek. "It's alright Ellsworth. We both have insecurities." He tilted his head up with a finger on his chin. "I promise I'm not upset. It's just not something I enjoy talking about, despite having a lot of experience doing so." He sighed, regretting his previous reaction.

"You didn't say anything wrong. Again, it's not your fault, you just seem to attract incredibly touchy people." He smiled.

The hand through his hair had felt good. The affection and sheer physicality of it threatened to reignite the spark of desire, but he tamped it down with a concerted effort. Not everything has to be expressed like that, Ellsworth reminded himself, so instead he gave a lopsided grin. "I keep forgetting you're a wise old man."

"Hey, now, there's no need for name-calling, young man," Oren chastised playfully, leaning over to place a kiss to Ellsworth's hair before standing up. He started to clear the table, taking the empty plates over to the replicator before coming back to Ellsworth, holding out a large glass of water to him.

Ellsworth took the glass and smiled in thanks. He took a long sip and watched Oren over the rim of the glass as he continued clearing the last dishes away from the table. His inky dark eyes were wide and filled with a very odd assortment of emotions - admiration, lust, affection - all of which he imagined Oren could pick up. If he was with anyone else, he might have tried to hide it. But you could only hide things for so long, and, in some cases, there was no use hiding at all.

Later on, he might reflect on his struggle to differentiate friendship from attraction and affection from desire. He'd probably even feel bad about himself that all it took was a handful of days, a kiss on the head, a hand through the hair, a kind word or two, to feel so impossibly...whatever...he felt about Oren. It seemed a little bit pathetic, even for someone in his position. But for now he was content to just be in Oren's presence, to recall the feeling of their hands together, and to admire his really cute butt (the latter of which caused him to grin inexplicably).

"Thank you for lunch," Ellsworth finally said, quietly, still watching.

"Anytime," Oren said, taking the last of the cutlery and putting it in the replicator. He'd always enjoyed cooking for people. In the beginning, helping his parents while they cooked was the perfect opportunity to catch up and later on, once he'd left for University, cooking had been his way to unwind and connect with people. As he wiped the table down, Oren could feel Ellsworth's eyes on him.

"What?" he finally asked, returning the younger man's grin as he leaned forward on the table.

"Nothing," Ellsworth said coyly, leaning closer, too. Without breaking eye contact, he eased his hand across the table until it was touching Oren's. He finally smiled and looked elsewhere, making a noise as if Oren had finally worn down his iron resolve. "All right... I was just thinking about how much I like you and how sweet it was that you invited me to lunch and cleaned up and..." He looked up through his heavy eyelashes with practiced bashfulness. "Maybe it was fate, after the terrible morning I had. I think I could almost forget all about it now."

"Aww..." Oren smiled, taking Ellsworth's hand. "You're a good friend, Ells," he admited. "But I think it's time for you to go," he added after a shared moment.

"Geez," Ellsworth sputtered, looking from their hands up to Oren's face and trying to look upset. He'd always thought he was a pretty good pouter. He really didn't want to go - he probably could have stayed in what he'd made up to be an approximation of domestic bliss all day long - but it was really more about the theatrics. "Are you kicking me out?"

Oren couldn't help but smile wider at Ellsworth's pout. It was ridiculously adorable and reminded Oren of himself from too many years ago.

"If you want to call it that, but I'm sure you'll change your mind when you realise your lunch break ended fifteen minutes ago." To illustrate his point, Oren nodded towards the wall chronometer above the dining table.

Ellsworth's eyes flicked to the chronometer and widened immediately. Several curses ran through his head as he moved to stand up, almost knocking the chair over backwards from the force of it. He imagined that Pieter was probably hanging around outside Ops with nothing better to do than monitor when Ellsworth took his lunch break; returning fifteen minutes late was surely "conduct unbecoming" or some other asinine charge.

But despite his rush, he was reluctant to go. Without warning he leaned over the table, using his hands to steady himself against the surface, and kissed Oren full on the lips. When he pulled away there was a little mischief in his eyes, but, in all honesty, it was about as chaste a kiss as he'd ever given, more appreciative than lecherous. He lingered for just a moment, smiling, then turned on his heel to leave. When the doors opened, he stopped and leaned against the doorway, half in the hall, half still in the room. If you were fifteen minutes late, what did another minute or two matter?

"Thanks again, Oren. I'll see you again soon...right?"

Oren could swear that, on some deeper level, he'd felt the kiss coming so when it finally landed, he just returned it briefly. It felt good and, surprisingly, there was nothing awkward about it, for which Oren was extremely glad.

"Of course," he assured him with a nod. "I don't do anything around here, remember?" Oren grinned, teasing.

Ellsworth's grip on the doorway and eyes locked on Oren were keeping him firmly anchored in place, even if it looked like the rest of his body remembered he was late in returning to Ops. He gave a lazy, sultry little smile and shrugged his shoulders, taking no small delight in twisting the meaning. "I don't know about that... I think you do something for some of us."

Rolling his eyes now, Oren advanced on Ellsworth. "Alright, that's enough out of you," he berated playfully, grabbing the Betazoid by his sides from behind. "Now go." Standing on tip-toes, he planted a kiss on his cheek before gently pushing him forward and out the front door. Before Ellsworth could say anything, Oren simply gave him a teasing wink and closed the door in his face.

Ellsworth grinned at the door, quickly degenerating into endless giggling. He placed one of his hands on the shut doors and leaned until his forehead was touching the cool surface. After a few moments his giggling died down into an affectionate smile, so he stepped back, turned and skipped off down the corridor towards his workstation. Surely no one would notice he was...a brief glance at the nearest chronometer...23 minutes late....

[OFF]

--

Oren Idris, Ph.D
Archaeologist/Anthropologist
USS Galileo

&

PO3 Ellsworth Hudson
Quartermaster
USS Galileo
[PNPC - Mott]

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