We Could Be Heroes

Posted on 15 May 2014 @ 5:00am by Commander Andreus Kohl & Ensign K'os Beaumont

2,601 words; about a 13 minute read

Mission: Episode 06 - Legend of Souls
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 4, Compartment 2926
Timeline: MD -05 - 2048 hours

[ON]

In the personal quarters shared by Andreus Kohl and Corynn'tha, the LCARS display set into the bulkhead was dominated by the presence of Professor Summer Karavas. She was speaking passionately, and loudly, about heritable behaviour in Gunji jackdaws. The gestures she made with her hands seemed nearly as important as her choice of words, and she was prone to digressions and elaborate examples. Fortunately, Corynn'tha wasn't around or trying to sleep. Rather, the professor's enthusiastically rambling lecture was drawing the rapt attention of two students sitting in Kohl's quarters.

Since the communication link wasn't programmed to accept questions at this time, and the professor couldn't see any of her students from all over the quadrant, Andreus Kohl had made himself comfortable. More than comfortable, some might say. He was slumped low on the sofa, with his legs extended across the coffee table nearby. One foot was idly tapping at the table, as he worked his way through a rep of one of his simpler rehabilitation exercises. Said foot was dangerously close to kicking his cooling cup of tea. Meanwhile, the brunt of Kohl's attention was focused on the PADD in his lap, where he was scribbling notes. It was only through Kohl's second time at the Academy had he learned how to study effectively based on his own learning styles. And kinetic learning seemed strongest for him.

K'os had insisted on sitting on the floor crossed legged beside the coffee table. Although he sat with his back straight without moving much, he seemed comfortable. His arm rested on the coffee table along with his PADD. He was taking notes as well, albeit in a more relaxed and casual manner. Some sections included the usual notes students took, but many other sections just included shapes or single words written in different coloured font. He chuckled when the professor attempted a rather vague and awkward joke to illustrate a point she'd just made. He enjoyed listening to people that gesticulated a lot. It emphasized what they said and helped K'os create detailed memories. His grey-blue eyes flicked to Kohl to see if he had caught the joke too.

Without looking up from his PADD, Kohl was shaking his head at the childishness of the joke, but a snicker had escaped his lips all the same. Sunny shore leave was still evident on Kohl's aquiline features, with tanned skin and his side-swept hair more honey-brown than ever. His neatly-trimmed beard was darker than the sunstreaked hair on his head. Kohl was clad in his uniform, but had long-since lost the boots and the black jacket, leaving him in his teal tunic. Kohl could feel K'os' eyes on him and he remarked, "She would be perfect company at a pub."

"Or Karaoke." K'os rubbed his smooth chin before turning back to watch the last parts of the lecture. He had never tried to grow a beard before, and seeing how it looked on the other man he couldn't help but wonder what he'd look like if he tried to grow one. K'os was about to turn and ask him if he trimmed it himself or had someone else do it for him but remembered at the last moment that he shouldn't always interrupt someone studying. He had learned the hard way before, that being able to split your concentration wasn't a skill that came easily to other species.

The point proved moot, though, as Professor Karavas tied up her story in a neat bow of a punchline, and began the administrative task of reminders for the next class. She highlighted the readings in the syllabus, as well as the lab work that would need to be completed before the next distance learning class. Kohl had thought he could feel K'os' eyes on him again, but when he looked towards the younger man, K'os was watching the professor on the display. Since Kohl knew he already had the syllabus in writing somewhere or other, he leaned towards the coffee table to lay the PADD on its surface. He snagged the handle of his mug, and sat back to finish the last dregs of his tea.

K'os rocked back and hugged his knees to his chest as he continued to sit on the floor. "I'm glad there was someone else on the ship taking this course, sir. I much prefer to study with other people." He beamed a dimpled grin at the other man. While he had never met the man before now, being an enlisted engineer he normally would ever have met the man. He did however know of him. K'os had a great desire to one day work in the Science department and he had admired the man greatly. Even though he tried not to engage in it, enlisted crewmembers did have a great propensity for gossip. Having a nursing back ground and then moving to the position of Assistant Chief of Sciences, Kohl gave people like K'os hope that they could one day find themselves in important leadership roles even if they started off in a seemingly unrelated field.

"Did you want to work on the labs together? Or do you prefer working alone?" He asked quickly. He hoped Kohl didn't mistake his enthusiasm for youthful idolization. At least too much.

"I think," Kohl said, and he rubbed his chin as he did so, "if I really preferred to work alone, I wouldn't be posted on a starship." He set aside his mug on an end table. Kohl pulled his knees in to his chest, and he winced and and he sighed, at the inordinate amount of effort it required. He hugged his knees to his chest, and then he let his feet fall to the floor. "I would be thrilled to work on the labs with you," Kohl finally answered. "I bet you know how to motivate me too."

With his attention now completely on Kohl, he couldn't help but notice the wince when the man pulled his legs in. K'os made friends very easily, and it was usually his level of compassion for others that seemed to bond him to people. He had heard talk about how the ACSO received his injuries, but the extent of which was always a debated topic with some enlisted crew who all heard from a friend who works with a friend who knew with some varying degree of truth how it happened. He knew with certainty only that it involved the Borg and that at some point the man was seen with motor assist bands. Every version of the story was violent enough to pain the half-Vulcan when he heard them. He eased his Vulcan grip on his limbic system and took a deep breath as the subdued emotions he had tucked away during the lecture came to the surface. His face flashed a painful expression as he attempted to experience what it might feel like to K'os, had he been in a similar situation. The expression vanished as he dashed those thoughts away, replacing the look of discomfort with a warm smile. The rapid change would be noticeable, but he hoped it wouldn't put Kohl off too much.

"Then it's settled. We'll be lab partners then." His tone had taken on a more gregarious quality, in contrast to his reserved quietness during the lecture. His grey eyes couldn't help but flash towards Kohl's legs. Without being able to hold in his compassion for the man's circumstance any longer he blurted out, "You're considered a kind of hero among the NCOs on the Galileo, did you know that, sir?" His eyes then flicked back to the officer's face.

When the warm smile had come to K'os' face, it had been infectious enough to curl Kohl's lips into a bemused smile and then a genuine grin. But when the question came, Kohl physically recoiled from K'os. Kohl's seated posture stiffened, and he pushed himself further back into the embrace of the sofa. He blurted out a, "What?", that sounded far more strident than he intended. As he crossed his arms over his abdomen tightly, Kohl offered a repentant, "I'm sorry. I think I misheard you..."

K'os flinched at the sudden change. He knew he could be oblivious sometimes, and he hoped he hadn't offended him somehow. Instead he hugged his knees tighter and forced the smile back on his face. He cleared his throat and started again, slightly louder. "I said, some of my colleagues call you a hero. It's not the word I use to describe you, but many people admire you. Nurse practitioner to ACMO, then CMO now you're the ACSO? That kind of career progression is usually a dream to specialists that get stuck in one trade for their entire career. "Especially after..." What would one call it? An incident? Accident? Ship invasion? "...the ship's recent encounter with the Borg--" K'os suddenly realized why Kohl may have recoiled from his sentiment. He immediately turned pink and released his knees, deciding if he should stand or not. "I'm so sorry, sir. I'm being overly familiar and none of this is my business." He waved his hands in front of his face and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as if trying to erase his words.

Even though K'os insisted on calling Kohl sir, Kohl made a point of using K'os given name. "No, oh no, that's quite all right, K'os," said Kohl. His tone was apologetic; K'os' reaction had sent Kohl figuratively back-peddling. Kohl's posture remained withdrawn, but his expression was warming. "I have a tendency to breed familiarity. I prefer it that way, I think," Kohl said. "It's, uhm, it's like this: I tend not to think about what people think about me. And then actually hearing about what people say about me, what they think about me... (Hero is such a strong word.) ...It can be disorienting."

K'os nodded slowly with renewed understanding. "That word does have strong connotations. I think I prefer the word resilient." His expression turned thoughtful as he considered his next words. "I've never experienced violence to that degree before, but I think I understand the emotions that would be involved in such a situation." A tear welled up in his eye without him noticing and it slowly rolled down his cheek as even the very thought of Kohl's situation produced a strong emotion within him. His warm smile never wavered. Something about Kohl made him feel ok with expressing himself and he wondered if it had something to do with any sort of natural Argelian trait or if he himself fostered openness. If he was phased by K'os' hyper-emotionalism, he didn't seem to show it.

"I don't know how reliable my memory is now, thinking about it through the trauma. I've told the story so many times, the telling is more vivid than the memory underneath," Kohl said. There was a hesitancy underlying his voice --either he was uncertain he wanted to share this with K'os, or he was uncertain he wanted to think about these thoughts again-- but it didn't slow him down one bit. "I don't think I felt much of anything when it happened. It was too fast. It would be like counting your heartbeats in mid-transport? Before it all started, I do know I was frightened. Knowing intruders were coming; knowing my patients were helpless. I could barely breathe through the fear." --The words flowed out of him far easier than when he had tried for his Counselor, Kohl noticed-- "By the time the drones had smashed their way into Sickbay, it all happened so fast. I fired my phaser once. I tried to fire again, but I was a heap on the floor."

K'os had closed his eyes while Kohl spoke. He wasn't sure why he wanted to live the feelings he didn't actually experience himself, but because he had control over what emotions to feel or not, he allowed himself to experience fear, anger, helplessness and dread so that he could better understand where Kohl was coming from. He didn't feel sorry for him, nor did he try to offer any sort of sympathetic statement. He just listened and experienced. When Kohl stopped, K'os opened his eyes. Tears had streamed down his cheeks and he wiped at them absently with the back of his hands.

"My mind does the same thing with trauma. It tries to protect it from harm by making the memories vague so you don't experience the same level of fear and harm you felt at the time." K'os placed a finger on his forehead. "It's almost like it tries to disconnect itself from the realness of the moment." K'os dropped his hand into his lap. He spoke not from any sort of training in counseling, but from personal experience and hours of self reflecting meditation that gave him insight into how his brain worked. While he hadn't experienced anything remotely like what Kohl experienced, he understood trauma and how the mind messed with his emotions. "My mother was struck by a hovercar when I was young. At the time my brain tried to suppress the memories of seeing her body in the street. To the point where my mind just wanted to latch on to the mundane parts of the memories. Like the blaring lights in the hospital. The almost whispered words of the doctors to my father. I wasn't sure if my memories were created just from what the doctor's told me or from how my father described that day later on. Even when the counselor's asked me about what had happened, I just reiterated what was told to me by doctor's, until it was repetitive enough for me to think that their version was the correct version. It isn't though, is it? The memory we create? It isn't the same as the version we tell people. How could it? The real memory is too painful to remember with clarity."

"I wonder the same thing sometimes," Kohl remarked, and it put him in oddly good humour to have recognized that same thought in a mind other than his own. He smiled tightly, but the expression didn't move much past his lips. Kohl lowered his hands to his knees, when he said, "But then I wonder if it actually means anything. Absolute truth. The only absolute truth is your mother is dead. The nerves in my spine are damaged. Anything else is... is details. Minutia." He shrugged, and a helpless chuckle slipped out. "Our fractured memories have more impact on us than whatever truth there might have been."

K'os shook his head. "They used to have an impact on me. I cannot change the things that I have no control over. My mother being dead, and your spine being damaged are things we can't control. It is minutia, as you say. How we react to our memories and the actions we allow them to take in this moment though are most definitely in our control. Death is inevitable, and all things are impermanent. So I choose not to be directed by those memories, or anything outside my own influence. They have no hold over me. Not anymore."

"There is certainly a great power in agency," Kohl said, somewhat obliquely, and yet it made perfect sense to him.


[OFF]

Lieutenant Andreus Kohl
Assistant Chief Science Officer
USS Galileo

and

Petty Officer 3rd Class K'os Beaumont
Matter/Energy Systems Specialist
USS Galileo

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