If it wern't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all

Posted on 28 Mar 2016 @ 6:39pm by Commander Allyndra illm Warraquim

606 words; about a 3 minute read

The office was fairly quiet, there was always something noise as the machines in the lab did their thing and permeated the wall. The sickbay was empty and yet still there was power and various little sounds as the machines there did their own periodic checks and routines.

Allyndra sighed. "Computer open personal log"

[Log is open]

"Ah where to begin. Things are quiet, the ship is underway, things at home are at least stable and I suppose that those are things to be grateful for. Still it never seems to stay the one thing that lies at the bottom of my long journey and that is that I am alone again. The Twins smile and then fetch away the bit happiness all in a change of their faces.

I must admit to having had very close feelings for the new chief science officer and almost hoped that perhaps something might come of that but there was too much other history and I felt guilty that I would betray Lamar though it is not our culture to believe that. Still I respected his feelings from the last time and tried to understand.

It mattered not anyway, it seems as if Wil quickly found love and companionship in the arms of another and seems quite contented for now. Blessing of the Twins upon those two.

I know I have not kept Lamar fully up to speed with all the things happening but so much has been a whirlwind since the mirror universe to handling the situation at home. Mother? Can you believe it? Mother of House Warraquim. I never thought it would happen nor even now do I want that title and honour.

Responsibility there and still the duty and responsibility here and now today I get a medical record from one Commodore Talla H'Rhar. I wonder, did Lamar even think for a moment? He should have known as chief medical officer the record would come to me or was he so taken with aiming so high?
A commodore no less and one that is now carrying his child. I wish that at least we could have talked first before this file came here.

I suppose it is for the best. I could never have had children with him and perhaps there is that in his own mind that pushed him onward. My fault for not being closer, my fault for not being able to be a mother for him, my fault for so many things. Still, I suppose that the gods have moved the pieces on the board, for the Council would probably never have allowed me more than a companionship since becoming head of a house. Too insular, too xenophobic, too many secrets, too many lies all are still there in the past and the Council does not want to face.

Still, while I am not sure I am ready for a permanent partner, a partner, a companion, someone to share my bed would have been nice. The lonliness does not fade with the honours but only intensifies. The Earther's have a proverb that goes something like all work and no play make for a dull person. That is what I fear I am becoming, dull, dried up, an old qwiklick good for only pulling the cart.

I keep telling myself to hope, but it is becoming harder and harder to believe those words. I feel as if for love, it it were not for bad luck, I would have no luck at all.

*****long pause

Computer close log.

[Log closed]

The machines continued there routines not caring an iota to the sound of weeping.

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