Kiri Cho's Great Expectations, Part Two

Posted on 31 Jul 2012 @ 7:36pm by Lieutenant Kiri Cho

2,721 words; about a 14 minute read

Having filled out her application, cleaned and cooked with her mother Kiri found herself watching the sun set. Having climbed up the mountain a slight way she stood on the overlook, able to see the rivers reflecting light. So far she hadn't talked to her grandmother about what she was doing. Her mind was made up, her mother approved, so that left one person. Kiri loved her grandmother, taking her as a guide of how to act and behave, moulding herself to what she wanted of a granddaughter. The stars were starting to shimmer, it was a cool evening, a soft breeze. Time didn't seem to matter right now. So far the idea of leaving home hadn't really dawned on her. While she spent most of her time focused upwards, at distant stars and wonders, one of the things she loved most was here. Seeing it every day had dulled its impact but it was beautiful here, it was like nowhere else on the planet, maybe the universe.

Kiri was wearing a blue dress, fitting to her small frame the sleeves ran all the way down to her wrists. The only break in colour was a black triangle that cut in at the waist from the left hand side. When she was standing it flared out over black tights just over her knees, right now, sat on a rock she pulled her knees up to her chin, hiding. If they hadn't broken up for the last time Kiri would normally be in her school uniform. Fitted silver shirt and skirt with a white jacket, again she always wore hers with tights. She didn't like anyone to see her skin, something she was extremely paranoid about. Cold fingers traced in circles on cooling rock, around her it was getting darker, lonelier. For once there wasn't a whole lot on her mind. Sure there was telling her grandmother what she wanted to do but even that seemed a long way away.

Looking up to the slowly appearing stars she started to pick them out, ones she knew by name for the most part. Even the moon would twinkle now though, colonies on the darker side of the crescent made it glitter. With exams building up and up she hadn't had much time to even think about stars and space. Her mind drifted between them, awash with facts. In this skyborn state she didn't hear the slow footsteps behind her, the shallow breaths.

A hand reached out and grasped he shoulder, wrinkled and rough the grip was incredible. Startled Kiri whipped her head around to meet a set of eyes that she loved, that she was also scared of. Her heart thumping in her throat Kiri, eyes wide struggled to give a small smile to the woman standing over her. Silver hair tied up in a bun, a wizened face, wearing a green cheongsam she stood close. Not looking aggressive, neither looking very friendly. A lifetime of hard work made her look much older than her seventy four years, her voice rasped slightly, "Snn, what do you see?"

Kiri always spoke with reverence towards her grandmother, even if she often found her hard to understand. Her voice was much quieter and softer, "The stars grandmother," Kiri stopped, startled by her own wistfulness. She was talking to a woman that took delight in turning everything into a puzzle, Kiri was very used to dealing with her though.

The older woman also looked upwards, to her stars were attractive decorations, nothing more. They were something else for someone else, the same as the trees around them. They had little to do with the soil she tilled or the fabrics she weaved, the food she ate or people she talked to. Yan was the last in a line of isolationists that had lived in this village for hundreds of years. Wars and space had passed them by, so had the march of time. Things here were had changed so little that someone from a five hundred years ago would feel quite at home. After a long silence of thoughtfulness she asked, "Divining your future?" She knew her adoptive and only granddaughter enjoyed the stars and science that Yan couldn't care less about. She planed for Kiri to remain close, to live a life like she had and loved. The galaxy was a very dangerous place, too dangerous for anyone with an ounce of sense.

Looking down at the village that scattered out below Kiri bit on her lip, glad that in this light she was harder to see. Despite trying she wasn't able to discard the wistful tone, "I am in some ways grandmother." She had no idea how to explain to her, someone who wouldn't care even if she did.

Yan was placated by that answer at little but not much, her arms folded and she looked down at the girl who was still seated, "Have you made plans?" She had seen and read the girls exam results. She knew that something would be happening, Kiri had been taught never to waste time.

Turning to face her attention on her completely Kiri bowed her head, "Yes, I do grandmother," The words choked in her mouth, recoiling as if she was expecting to be struck.

There were concessions, she had allowed herself in her mind the chance at study further away. Yan knew that Kiri would be wasted on simple farm work, she didn't have the aptitude for it, though she was good with the fruit trees. They had even talked about it a little, "So you plan to go to Beijing for mathematics?" This was what they had talked about, this was what Yan deemed acceptable.

The prospect of what she was about to do made Kiri feel sick. She had come up here in her own way to think about how to do it, what to say. Before she could do so though her grandmother had sought her out and trapped her with no escape. Her insides somersaulting she bit hard onto the inside of her cheek, "No grandmother." She wished the rock she was sat on would come alive and swallow her up.

In the increasing darkness Yan gave Kiri a cold look, she was angry. Things went the way she wanted them or they didn't happen, she knew what was best for her family. However smart she might be with numbers Kiri was just a child, she didn't know anything of the world. The choices she would make for herself wouldn't be good ones, her mistakes would be a waste. She wouldn't let her granddaughter make those missteps. Her voice was sharp and aggressive now, "Then what?"

Kiri did scoot away on the rock slightly, putting some space between herself and her grandmother, keeping her eyes tightly on the ground. She was starting to feel clammy, her legs tensing so much it hurt, "I," Her voice broke and gave out, "I, it, its something else." A cold sweat was starting to form on her skin now, her spots started to itch.

"Obviously," Her brow furrowed, leaning in closer to the girl.

Kiri's eyes were almost watering, that she could remember she had never been so scared before, her hands started to shake. It was a struggle to speak, her body fighting against her. It seemed to be more worried than her mind was, "I, I want to go to Starfleet, Academy." The idea of upsetting her grandmother was abhorrent, but her mother told her to do what she wanted. Kiri didn't want to only stay here for the rest of her life, she'd sort of worked out what she wanted. The idea of causing conflict though, that was also a first for her.

"You will not!" The shout made Kiri shy away further, her legs turning from extreme tension to jelly, barely able to hold her in place. There was nothing in her mind she could return with, so she remained silent. Releasing her arms in anger Yan remained still, wanting to grab the girl by the shoulders and shake her. Her tone was on e of scolding, "Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there? It isn't like the village, or even Earth, people die out there. Fighting stupid wars and taking dangerous risks, why would you ever?!" The silence fanned the flames, feeling slightly overcome by them Yan stopped, taking a breath. The creature in front of her was pathetic, there was no way she could look after herself out there, away from their safety.

How could she argue? Kiri almost never argued and hated any hint of conflict, she'd never seen her grandmother this angry, maybe she was right, it was a bad idea. What of what she wanted though? She knew the there were dangers in space, that some people died and never came back. Still what would her life be like if she never did what she wanted? That was something that her mother had taught her. Should she stay here for the rest of her life, looking up at the stars and never going there? Maybe she was impulsive and silly, maybe her mind would change in a while, she'd want to do something else. There was something though, throbbing under all of the concerns, worries, fears and doubt. Something that echoed with the same force of knowing that she felt around being ethical. When she knew something was wrong, like stealing or hurting people, not going to Starfleet wouldn't be right. She wasn't used to her feelings telling her useful things but she did trust them, sort of.

Closing her eyes Kiri took a panicked breath, ordering what she could into a semblance of words. In a whisper she blurted something intelligible, it was only now that she realised how dry her mouth had become. Swallowing what felt like a burr down she tried again, "I understand," No it wouldn't work, how to say? Like a wave it hit her, at once perking her up slightly, "Grandmother, what did you want from life?" It was part simple deflection, for once though it had a point.

Yan was not in the mood to change subject, this was about what her silly granddaughter would be doing, not her. Her frown didn't change, neither did her voice, "Don't change the subject Kiri, so you'll be staying here?"

Clenching her eyes shut Kiri was starting head towards tears, she hated that her emotions could come to the surface so easily, "Please, grandmother, I want to know, to explain." Her breath was a jagged gasp suddenly, why wasn't this easier?

Fine, Yan was still quite embittered and it showed in her tone but she answered, "I wanted to look after my parents land, care for my family." There was a pause where Yan found herself trying to work out if she considered this adopted member of her family, an alien at that, really her granddaughter. Something that hadn't really cut across her mind since Kiri was a year old, "So should you."

Kiri knew that it was something like that, she was hoping to use that to explain how she felt about this, but her plan hadn't really worked. It felt like her words were clumsy, none of them fitted what she wanted to say. Still she tried, "I do want to, but, there is something, I want something else." Shame was starting to creep in as well now, that what she was doing was wrong.

"So you want to leave us all behind and risk your life on a silly whim?" Yan couldn't help herself but use guilt as a weapon, she didn't want to lose any of her family.

Words like that pulled very hard on Kiri, she couldn't seem to put a dent in her grandmothers argument. She couldn't put forward anything in return, there had to be something thought. Calling her dreams silly started to make her angry, "Its not silly." She gripped her hands into small fists for a second before releasing with a breath, "Why can't I do both?"

Yan had never known Kiri to talk back to her, it took her off balance. Her glower remained though, her own fingers twisting with anger, "Do you think I am going to let my only granddaughter go and get herself killed? Both? Do you know how dangerous it is? What would happen if you died?" Who would carry on the family, then she didn't share any blood with any of them. In that respect, her family line was already empty.

Kiri was starting to feel that she couldn't convince her grandmother it was a good idea, or it was even a reasonable one? It was more dangerous than staying here but not by much, there were so many people in Starfleet that didn't die. Everyone died at some point anyway. Tears were forming in her eyes as she finally spoke up in a firm voice she never heard before, "I already applied." She stood up, finding some sort of strength in her legs. On top of the rock she was a foot and a half taller than her grandmother, silhouetted against the sky.

"Then retract it, you'll be staying here," Yan was starting to sense the same thing that Kiri was, that for the first time she wouldn't be following her will. That the child she thought she knew, was different. The idea that she was losing control, horrified her. That was the only thing she had left, while she wanted to shake the girl until she saw sense, could she? She took a step forward, easing onto the rock.

"No," Kiri didn't like the sound of that word. Aware of the danger of moving back she remained still, her stance cowering somewhat now. This was the first time she'd ever disagreed with her grandmother, it made her feel sick. Her breathing became sharper, as if she could sense she was under threat.

Now also standing on the rock, Yan was angry, losing her calm for the first time in a long while. She wasn't thinking, she wanted to get her way, the only way ahead was clear, her hand reached out. In the dark Kiri's heart was racing, violence was never something she'd encountered. Words were the worse attacks ever thrown at her. She didn't know what to do, running away wasn't an option. Should she relent and back down?

Yan lifted her fist to strike her, discipline the way she was used to growing up, to respect her elders. Her attention was on the action, but she missed. Kiri was remaining still but Yan had lost her footing, she started to fall backwards. Kiri reached out to her on reflex but didn't make contact. Her grandmother toppled backwards, hitting the rock with a thud and rolled heel over head. At once Kiri bounded down the rock in a dainty way, kneel at the older woman's side. Her voice was now racked with concern, "Grandmother?" If someone was going to be hurt by her wants then she would never have expressed them. Was she okay? Was she dead? What should she do, pain burned across her cheek and Kiri fell backwards.

Embarrassed and angry Yan, gritted her teeth. Adrenalin was awash through her body, she'd struck out with the back of her hand. Her body and ego was bruised, in silence she stood up, dusting herself. Kiri remained stunned on the ground, trying to work out what happened. Yan started to walk back down the trail, much faster than she had come up. Her words caught roughly on the wind, "You aren't my family." She kept on walking without stopping, without looking back.

Before she knew it Kiri was crying, firstly from being struck. Then from those cruel words. They cut her far deeper than being hit could have ever done. Coming from someone she loved and respected, looked up to and other than today obeyed. Deep down in her core, she felt she was the one that was wrong. That what she was doing was evil, terrible and horrible. Yet, it was what she wanted. Clenching her hands in the sparse soil she tucked her knees under her chin. Breathing jagged, now she was alone in the dark, with the stars.

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