"Xanth Personal Log, Stardate 67647.4..."

Posted on 01 Feb 2016 @ 2:48pm by Lieutenant JG Cyrin Xanth

417 words; about a 2 minute read

"I'm recording this while on the runabout to Trill, while the others are asleep. I wish I could say it feels good to be headed home, but I'm filled with worry. When am I not though? Worried seems to be my constant state of being these days. Worried about my job, my superiors, my peers. Worried about how people think of me, what I think of them, about this Symposium coming up that I have to present at. I have to see my family while I'm on the homeworld, and I'm worried about that too."

There came a long pause, and a heavy sigh, though the recording kept going. Eventually, the scientist spoke again.

"I need this though, no matter how much my pride might say otherwise. I've screwed up long enough. Instead of impressing my superiors on the Galileo, I've spent the last year doing my best to hide - no easy task on a ship that small. I haven't made any waves, haven't volunteered, haven't socialized with the crew. Worse, I think I've actually started to offend some people with my behaviour. It hasn't been intentional, but..."

"Commander Kohl came to my quarters a couple of weeks ago, and that turned into a disaster. I never really stopped to think that he'd been trying to be my friend, and I think I may have really hurt him when I admitted that I didn't think of him that way. He was my superior, or so I thought of him in my head at least. Even when we drank together that night I thought he'd just been doing what he could to get me out of my hiding places and engaged. So I screwed that up, and now he's gone off to Command School, I may never see him again, and I'm feeling...sad about it. If I don't have a chance to make amends I know I'm going to feel guilty too, more than I do already."

"But, I have to believe that things are going to get better. I'll take the shame that comes with returning to the Symbiosis Commision for help, try to deal with things, and maybe find a way to move forward without so much worry. I owe it to Xanth if no one else to try to fix things, be a better person. The alternative is to be a failure of a host, and I don't think there's anything I worry about more than that."

RSS Feed