Day Eight

Posted on 01 Feb 2016 @ 11:04pm by Ensign Jaana Voutilainen

352 words; about a 2 minute read

It’s day eight of treatment at the eating disorder clinic in San Francisco. The first week was hell. The shrinks trying to break you down and put you back together again, the nutritionists monitoring every calorie, and the constant surveillance are all so stressful. What I wouldn’t give for a whole chocolate cake, or a deep dish pizza, or…

No…

They say I’m making progress, but I don’t feel it. I still feel the urge to binge and purge, but between the medication they’ve been giving me and the locks on the replicators, that’s not really a possibility anymore.

They say if I keep taking this medication for a year, it will undo most of the damage I’ve done to my body. I’m still going to have to get some dental work done; the idea is that if I’m feeling better about my looks, then that will translate into a more positive self-image. Though I’m skeptical about that…

Dr. Chou, my shrink, thinks this is rooted in some deep childhood issues. He’s probably right; it was so hard growing up as the unpopular kid with the learning disability, and always comparing myself to Tuula. I don’t know how she does it; how she manages to be happy and confident all the time under all that dark makeup.

Sigh…

Tuula. I haven’t seen her in over a week. I wonder how she’s doing; she told me she was going to visit Akkadia. At least she didn’t tell my parents about this. Doctor-patient confidentiality and all. For all they know, I’m on a training exercise out near Vulcan. I have to thank her for that... and I suppose for sending me to this place.

On the bright side, in the few hours of the evening I have to myself, I’ve had a lot of time to work on my dissertation. If nothing else, I’m one step closer to being Dr. Jaana Voutilainen, Ph.D.

(deep breath)

I can do this. For Starfleet. For Tuula. For myself.

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