"Xanth Personal Log, Stardate 67568.0..."

Posted on 31 Aug 2015 @ 2:03pm by Lieutenant JG Cyrin Xanth
Edited on 31 Aug 2015 @ 2:31pm

646 words; about a 3 minute read

"...I have to say that was one of the most uncomfortable conversations I've had in a long time. Commander Stace stopped by and...well...She was about as up front with me about all this...well..."

*a deep breath in, and out slowly*

"I'll be seeing a counselor from the Symbiosis Commission when we get back. I mean, it's a good idea, I understand. I've been so overwhelmed since I left the Academy. Things were good there. The constant hard work, too much for me to live inside my own head. Heads. But out here I get plenty of time to think, and I don't mean just about work."

"Its gotten harder since the Academy, a lot harder. I know it started on the Vulcan ship. I didn't have anyone to talk to aboard the Se'lok. That was two years being part of a crew, my first crew, and feeling so alone. The only non-Vulcan on board. And their expectations, that demand for nothing less than perfection in all things, it started to drive me a little crazy. I should probably save this part for the counselor. See? I overanalyze myself more than anything. But I do a lot of that with other people."

"Take for example Commander Kohl. The man is so intimidating! The way those eyes can stare at m-you, the way he says certain things, or holds himself. I just don't know how to respond to it. And he expects much you can tell, but not so much that it's impossible. But it's a little hard to know exactly how much. If that makes sense. So I think about him over and over again and what his expectations are, worrying myself till I'm sick that I'm doing my job okay even though I know, rationally, if I wasn't he'd probably come down on me like a ton of shuttlecraft. He's a great boss who drives me crazy with worry. And he's been nothing but patient with me. Even went ion surfing once but..."

"See? I get myself all mixed up anyways. There's this stuff with Oren. The guy is really trying to be my friend, I see that. And it's really nice. I'm going to try to be in return though I think we're both a little awkward about it. We shared things that day in the lab when we thought we were going to die. I won't say what it is here, not for logs that'll be public someday. That's his business, and mine. But nearly dying together really does have a way of cutting through some of the tarq shit doesn't it? We'll see how that goes and if I can keep from over analysing every facet of the relationship. So I guess that's a thing now. I haven't figure out what yet. Further data is required before I can even begin to hypothesise."

"Anyways...what else? Work has actually been really good. Enough challenges for me that I've been able to calm myself down. I love all of it. The mystery of what's happened to us. The variance of a couple hundred kilometers I think from where we should be. All the strange telemetry from the singularity we were pull into. And then the fun of finding an asteroid. I won that competition too. What did Kohl say I get? Something like a week to pursue my own research and projects? I had to put a bunch of that on hold with the emergency. I'll be so glad to get back to my experiments on gravimetric distortions, space-time curvature, and harmonic resonance of Class-F stars near superstring clusters and the effects it has on subspace waveforms pertaining to the astrometric charting of and warp travel through large sectors of space. I should probably think of a better title..."

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