Still Further Down

Posted on 31 Jul 2023 @ 7:57pm by Chief Petty Officer Afthinam Naime

551 words; about a 3 minute read

"I know people say this a lot but it's really true. It's not about you, it's me."

Yeah, people do say that, not sure it's ever true. She didn't say it, it was just her thoughts lashing out. She let the Starbase's background quiet rumble be the only sound punctuating the silence. The quiet lingered. Naime couldn't bring her eyes up from the point on the carpet in front of her. They were locked onto that spot on the ground like it was the most important thing in the universe, but really the most important thing in her universe was sitting next to her and the chief couldn't even think about turning her eyes to look at the other woman. Maybe she'd seen this coming, the writing had been on the wall for a month now, but that didn't make any little part of this anything but painful.

It was only minutes but it felt like hours before the now ex-partner spoke again "You going to be okay?"

The chief nodded, she tried to summon up some words, something profound for what felt like an apocalyptically profound moment in her life. She was no poet though, there aren't words enough to find the right thing to say here. "I'll be alright." my universe is collapsing, the pain in my heart right now is going to engulf all creation and smother it in the horrible light until nothing remains "You look after yourself, I'm always just a call away if you need anything."

---

Galileo, MD 16, late evening

Why did these memories always seem to show up uninvited? The doors to the chief's quarters hissed open and she made her way in, only a little wobbly on her feet. The mostly empty bottle of some Tellar Prime spirit hung loosely in her hand. The joys of being back at the station. She took a good long look at the bottle.

A voice in the back of her head reminded her that tomorrow morning was an early start. They were going to begin the repairs to the warp system in earnest. She'd need to be at her best, there was a lot to do. Somehow that voice won out, the level in the bottle suggested maybe it was too little too late, but all the same she put it down on the table and stumbled over to bed.

Sleep didn't come easy, the memory replayed again and again in her head. She was sinking into that hole, down into the deep. Some container inside her had cracked open and the liquid melancholy seeping out of her started to fill the up the endless cavity. She was drowning in it. After all this time, at the other side of space and years of travelling and looking for somewhere new, she was still waking up the same Naime.

When sleep did come it wasn't pleasant. In her dream her blood formed a river flowing all the way back to memory. The currents were strong and she got pulled along until it all poured out into a messy sea filled with everything that makes a Naime what she is.

You can't tread water forever, eventually you go under.

In the darkness of the sea's depths a monster lurks.

 

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