Tricorders Kill

Posted on 25 Jan 2013 @ 1:41am by Rear Admiral Lirha Saalm

3,316 words; about a 17 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo: Deck 2, Captain's Quarters
Timeline: MD -01: 2240 hours

[ON]

Leaving the dinner with the captain and Nesh, Maenad returned to her quarters feeling as full as she'd been in a very long time. Lirha had put a lot of time and effort into the evening and making everything just right, but Nesh had this morning planted thoughts in her mind that had kept her unsettled all day. Nesh had asked if she were Lirha's girlfriend. She denied it, but despite that the thought held on. And again, at supper, Nesh had skirted the question, burying the idea in food and pleasantries.

Maenad hadn't changed out of her clothes. She was standing in front of her doors, burning a hole into the floor with her thoughts. Lirha had looked at her in that way not just once, not even twice. She didn't know how many times. When she admitted that they were friends, an awkward chill had gone down her spine that wouldn't have otherwise. Her frown became more intense and her body increasingly stiff.

For the past two weeks, when Maenad was around the captain, she lusted for her. She hadn't thought about it; rather, she refused to. She hardly lusted for anyone, even the people she found most attractive. Maenad was very good at keeping herself under control, but around Lirha all her restrictions seemed to melt away. Why? She told her self to think. Think to what, to when? The first time she had met Lirha it was very late. Her transport had arrived late evening, after she'd been rushed off of Vulcan from a conference she'd been attending. By the time she had boarded Galileo, she found herself clumsy, unprofessional, and unMaenad-like. It had been three days since she had had slept soundly.

What happened? Lirha had offered her bed if she didn't get her quarters that night. Maenad had tried to sleep in her new office, but woke up in the cold and with a sore neck. Why was her neck sore? She pursed her lips; the couch was too hard, she remembered. She went to the captain's quarters to take her up on the offer, but it was out of desperation for somewhere comfortable - no bed for three days and hours of low-warp space travel had exhausted her.

Maenad's frown intensified as she dug further into her memory. They had talked, laughed, had some drinks. Lirha sat close to her. Too close to her, actually, but she didn't protest. Why didn't she? Maenad didn't like sitting next to anyone, much less intimately close with a brand new captain and complete stranger. She had only had one or two glasses of the brandy, hadn't she? And even then, that wouldn't have done anything to her. Maenad drank wine like it was juice, two glasses of brandy wouldn't have dented her at all.

Wait a minute. Maenad's frown vanished. Her eyebrows shot up, her eyes widened. Lirha had offered her a pill. A terrifying pill that looked though it was intended for a horse. Or en elephant. It was white. It was to suppress the effect of Orion pheromones. Pheromones. Maenad had said that she was not affected, that she would be fine. She refused it, and remembered the look of surprise on Lirha's face. She even left it on the table in case she changed her mind. That was it. That was the reason.

"No," Maenad whispered, barely audible even to herself. She raised her eyes to the windows, the stars streaming infinitely by. She stood like that, horrified with herself. Over time, exposure to the pheromones had intensified, increasing her sexual desire whether she had wanted it or not. She remembered the piano, the way that she had let Lirha manipulate her body like a puppet. Her pulse increased, she could feel it throbbing in her chest, in her neck, in her temples. She hadn't said no because she couldn't have; Lirha thought that Maenad knew what she was doing because she had refused the pill. "No," Maenad cracked now. She looked at the piano bench, where it had begun for the first time.

She moved to her couch and sat down on the arm. Maenad hadn't noticed that she'd been standing in the shadowed light of the stars. She looked at her hands, like she'd murdered someone with them. How could she have been so naive. How could Maenad Panne-- how could Doctor Maenad Panne have made such a stupid mistake? She wanted to scream, she wanted to rip out her eyes and crush them in her bony palms and drown herself in the bathtub. How could she have done this? Why hadn't she taken the pill as Lirha had passively urged?

Not realising it, Maenad sat on the couch properly now, crossing her legs tightly enough to cut off circulation. Like the brim of a visor, she hid her eyes with one hand, pressing in on her temple with a long extended thumb and the opposite with a forefinger. The other hand held the top of her head, standing up her hair between her fingers. Her own ignorance, no her own pathetic loneliness, her own prolonged sexual depravity, had done this to her. But she hadn't done this to just herself, but to Lirha as well. To her captain. To her friend. To the woman whom she'd made believe she wanted her. One of the greatest crimes a person could ever commit, as far as Maenad was concerned. She would know, she'd fallen victim to it a thousand times and here, she'd done it to someone else. To someone she genuinely cared about.

Maenad sat like that on her sofa in near-total darkness for a very long time. She hated herself now and it wasn't just something to say, something to make herself somehow feel better. It was legitimate. How could she have done such a thing. What could she do? How could she fix this. She couldn't. There was nothing that could fix this. Time. Time would heal it, but forever there would be a scar. And on such a lovely day, too. After Lirha, after Lirha had made a nice dinner and everything. She even chose a nice wine that she knew Maenad would like. Was so kind while Maenad was so horrible. Her eyes burned. Even though no one could see them, her whites in her eyes had gone red. She wanted to cry for being so discreetly monstrous but she couldn't, which infuriated her more. She wanted to cry; she deserved to cry until she died. But she just couldn't do it.

Finally, after an even longer time, Maenad stood. Her numb leg tingled as fresh blood finally returned. She had to confess everything. She had to tell Lirha. She had to reveal to her what an awful person she was, what kind of selfish animal she had welcomed on board as her science chief. The despicable person she had grown to adore, the creature to whom she had been so affectionate, had cooked for.

There was no stopping her now. Maenad was already in the corridor. Like a ghost, she floated. That's how it felt, anyway. In reality she moved solemnly as if on a death march, like a criminal who'd accepted her grim sentence. Outside Lirha's quarters, probably more than an hour since she had left, her thumb involuntarily moved to press the chime. Her fate was sealed.

Inside her quarters, Lirha laid on her couch watching an entertaining holo-vid on a small PADD. Nesh had left her quarters shortly after Maenad, and it had taken the captain about a half hour to clean up her small apartment and wash the dishes. There was still a great deal of leftover food, but Lirha had simply put it all in her small refrigerator for her next couple of meals. She was quite pleased with how the evening had turned out. At first, she was a bit hesitant about having both Maenad and Nesh in her quarters at the same time, but they had turned out to get along well enough. And with limited awkwardness and drama, which was always a pleasant relief. Most importantly, Lirha and Maenad's relationship had not been overly revealed, which was great for the older Orion because she secretly had many future plans for the two of them. Sensual, erotic, and loving plans.

Sighing softly to herself as her mind began to drift, Lirha continued to watch an old Earth film called Pandorum. It was a sci-fi/horror film involving the extinction of the Human race, and she had been captivated by it over the past fifteen minutes; So much so that she barely heard the chime to her quarters sound. She was dressed in her night clothes now, only a simple black tank top and a pair of sweat pants, and she quickly paused the film and rose to her feet, wondering who was at her door. Maybe Nesh had returned for more food? She had quite an appetite for a growing teenager, after all. "Enter." she called out.

Maenad stepped inside. The doors closed. She looked like she'd killed someone. "Lirha," she said after too long a time for just a hesitation. "Lirha, I..." she was here, it was too late to go back. She knew what she had to do, but she couldn't find the words. "I have to tell you something, but..." all the attention was on her. Her tone said that what was on her mind was unpleasant. She felt like she were a knife. "I am so sorry." Maenad wanted to hug her, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

Seeing Maenad enter her quarters, Lirha smiled warmly at the woman, hoping that she had come to indulge herself in an evening of romance. Unfortunately, one quick look at Maenad's ghostly face revealed that something appeared to be wrong, and the captain walked close to her. As Maenad continued to speak, twinges of fear and worry began to spread through her. "What's wrong?" she asked, putting a gentle hand on the tall woman's shoulder. "Is everything okay?" she wondered out loud.

"No," Maenad replied. "No, everything is not okay," she said. "I have misled you," she looked her right in the eyes. Her own pain was unmistakable. "I... I didn't take the pill you offered me, on my first night here. I was too vain. And because of that, I have not been honest with my feelings to you, or to myself." She felt that her voice was shaking, that her jaw was quivering. She felt as light as a feather, and she thought she might throw up. "I hope you can forgive me, Lirha."

The Orion shook her head, not understanding what the science chief was trying to tell her. She had misled her? she wondered, How? She thought back to the first night they had met, and indeed remembered that Maenad had refused the pheromone blocker pill. Lirha hadn't thought much about it recently because Maenad never seemed to develop any negative side effects from her pheromones. "What do you mean?" she asked with confusion.

What did she mean? Do I have to spell out for you? an angry voice shouted inside her skull. "Lirha, I," she let out a long breath through her nostrils, unable to look the other woman in the eyes. "I do not have the same feelings for you that I believe you have for me. And..." she finally managed the courage to look her in the eyes, "I think it is my fault that all of this has happened."

Lirha felt as if someone had suddenly jabbed a knife into her stomach and twisted it. A tight knot formed at the back of her throat and a painful wave of emotion flooded through her. Was Maenad ending their romantic relationship? Telling her that she felt nothing for Lirha despite the many hours and joys they had spent together? She didn't understand why, but realized that it might have something to do with the mention of the pill, and therefore her pheromones. "You don't...have feelings for me?" she finally managed to ask in a shaky voice, "You think this is all...fake? Because of my pheromones?"

"No," Maenad could hardly make a sound. And a long and sad frown sunk on her features. "No, I..." The way that Lirha had said because of my pheromones really hurt her. She never wanted to hurt anyone. This whole thing was just awful, the entire situation was heartbreaking. And it was her fault. "Lirha, I just don't know... I like you, I really do. And my pleasure and joy was genuine, it was. But, I don't know that I have the same feelings." Maenad might have been able to look down at Lirha, being as tall as she was, but right now she felt the height of an ant. She wished that she were, so that she could hide under a rock, or be even be stepped on.

"This morning," she choked on, "Nesh scanned me in my office. She said that she knew we'd been together; I don't know how, I don't understand Orion physiology. She didn't know how to read the results, but I saw that pheromones and aphrodisiacs are in my system." Her eyes swelled. Her lips quivered. "I hadn't thought of it rationally until today, and I think she is right." She sniffed. "I, at dinner, felt enticed by you more than before, and last night, well, I did too. But I haven't been acting like myself, Lirha. I have never moved so quickly with anyone, nor have I been so drawn to a person." Maenad looked to the floor. "I just... I don't know what's been happening to me, and I am sorry."

Ever so slowly, Lirha was finally beginning to understand what Maenad was attempting to tell her. Simply put, the science chief felt that her lover's pheromones were creating an unrealistic relationship of sorts, one which was guided more by seduction and hormones rather than true, deep feelings. Lirha was somewhat shocked by the revelation, especially considering that most Human females were not capable of being affected by her body's natural chemicals. Most...but not all. During her Starfleet Medical courses at the Academy, she had studies several cases in which a Human female, for whatever reason, was just as susceptible to Orion pheromones as her male counterparts. The chances were very slim of such an event occurring, but apparently Maenad fell into that small percentile.

Still upset even though she comprehended Maenad's objections, the captain walked over to her desk drawer and retrieved a tricorder. Unfolding the small silver device, she pointed it at the Human and began a series of quick scans, after which she stared in awe of the readings. Like she had just been told, Maenad's body indeed contained high concentrations of pheromones and aphrodisiacs, and her brain's serotonin and dopamine centers revealed a high level of recent activity.

Lirha closed the tricorder with sadness and placed it on a nearby table. She wrapped her green arms around herself suddenly feeling very vulnerable, and stared down at her carpet. "Yes, my sister is correct." she whispered. "And the aphrodisiacs in your system were from the massage oil that I used last night. I thought...it would add a bit of fun to the experience."

"It was fun," Maenad admitted. She was even more hurt now that Lirha had scanned her to see if she were lying. "But it wasn't me, I don't think," she pressed her lips together, staring at her feet, her hands clasped over her lap.

"So you...don't want to see me anymore?" the Orion asked, looking up at Maenad with wetness around her green eyes. She couldn't believe what was happening, how she had just cooked a lovely meal for the woman several hours earlier and now was being told that she had had fake feelings for her all along. And through no real fault of Lirha's own, but rather because of her body's natural biology.

Maenad remained silent. She could not remember the last time she had made someone cry. Right now, she wanted to cry herself, but she couldn't. For some reason the tears wouldn't come. The back of her eyes stung and her nose was wet, but her cheeks were dry. "No, Lirha, I would still like to see you, but I am worried that I might give you the wrong impressions," she stammered. "But as soon as I realised what was happening to me, I had to tell you," Maenad sniffed, still looking at her feet. "I'm sorry I let this happen."

The Orion took a deep breath and noticed that the air in the room suddenly seemed very heavy in her lungs. She felt hurt and rejected, like somehow all of the time they had spent together suddenly meant nothing to Maenad because she thought it wasn't real. Yet as bad as such a situation sounded, Lirha had anticipated it and attempted to give her the pill, if not simply out of courtesy. A pill which Maenad had refused to take, and now...

It was too much for the captain. She wiped a new set of tears from her eyes and felt her anger begin to boil. She had come so close to falling in love with the woman and discovering romance in space, but at the last second it had been ripped from her grasp because of Maenad's own vanity. Looking up at the tall woman, Lirha stared at her through sad and angry eyes. "At least...you are honest." she finally replied. "Now, I would like you to leave."

Maenad shivered at the sound of Lirha's voice. It was worse than a slap in the face. Except for when she was summoned to the ready room to learn about the chief research officer, Maenad had only known Lirha's kindness. She looked up from her feet, looking somehow exhausted, broken, pleading. She opened her mouth to speak, to ask for more forgiveness, for some understanding, but she couldn't make a sound. There was nothing Maenad could do.

She closed her mouth, her thin lips tight. Her jaw clenched, her cheeks moved. Her eyes went wide. Like a soldier on parade, suddenly Maenad twirled around, her skirt catching air. She wanted to run away as fast as she could. Instead, she made a brisk pace to the door and left without looking back. In the corridor outside, Maenad stood for a few seconds, thinking, or trying to. Lirha was not happy with her; she wasn't sad, she wasn't disappointed - she was angry. Maenad didn't know how to feel anymore. She didn't expect Lirha to be angry, of all things she'd anticipated. She wanted to cry, but still she could not.

The captain couldn't even watch Maenad leave, instead she quickly turned her head away as she walked back to the couch. Hearing her door swish shut, she sat down on the corner, pulled her knees up into her chest, and rocked back and forth as she began to sob...softly at first and then uncontrollably as the enormity of what had just occurred set in. Perhaps there was no such thing as love in space...at least, not for an Orion.

[OFF]

--

CAPT Lirha Saalm
Commanding Officer
USS Galileo

Lieutenant (JG) Maenad Panne
Chief Science Officer
USS Galileo

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