Somniabunt

Posted on 09 Feb 2020 @ 4:08pm by Lieutenant Aria Rice & Rear Admiral Lirha Saalm

3,679 words; about a 18 minute read

Mission: Episode 17 - Crystal of Life
Location: USS Galileo-A - Deck 1, Captain's Quarters
Timeline: MD -45, 2251 hrs

[ON]

"Saalm to Rice," said Galileo's captain over a private channel. Lirha's emerald fingertips slid from the gold commbadge they'd just pressed, and as soon as the words came out of her mouth, she began to question her decision.

It was 2250 hours and the usual daily routine had finished. She'd gotten off duty then hit the gym and mess, but was now sitting on the couch in her quarters freshly showered in her nightwear. To her secret relief, Amaranai was not with her this evening and was instead tending to her younger sister Charlotte.

Over the past month, Lirha's dreams had become worse -- more intense and visceral to the point she questioned whether they were projections of her subconscious or real memories she'd been recalling. Her attempts to discern the truth of her experiences often seemed futile, and in the face of the present, she'd come to ultimately realize it didn't matter if they were real or not. They terrified her every night and she knew she couldn't talk about such a serious matter with the most qualified person on the ship. She was still getting to know Lake but she had the feeling he was as duty-bound as she, and would see through her facade into the troubled depths of her psyche.

This had led to Lirha's decision to get a second opinion. Not from her lover/security officer or ship's counselor, but from another more trusted source. Trusted yet...unorthodox.

"Rice here..." Aria's voice was happy as she answered, clearly both surprised and pleased it was Lirha who has contacted her. Truth was, she always did think of Lirha. A great friend. And friends mattered to Aria.

"Aria," Lirha replied with half-surprise. It was stupid because she knew she was going to answer, but for some reason she still felt apprehension as if she was 13 and calling her boyfriend for the first time. Except that Aria wasn't her boyfriend or a teenager.

"Sorry to disturb you. Are you...free to come to my quarters? I know we have different schedules but," she sighed to confess, "I want to talk to you." No, she needed to.

"I'm on my way," Aria said and smiled weakly, taking a deeper breath. "Rice out." She pulled on a pair of slippers and combed her hair to put in bunches before she walked through. She smiled to herself, humming as she made her way to Lirha's quarters and rang the chime...waiting, rocking on her heels. For Aria, she was wearing...less extravegant clothes. Loose trousers with a long sleeved top and a tee shirt over it, nothing more. She still had her makeup on though.

"Come," replied the captain. The door swished open to present Lirha's private quarters in all its cramped glory. She stood from her couch and walked to the door to greet her old friend. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?" she teased before reaching for a hug.

Aria hugged her back, smiling as she stood on her toes. "Nah, sleep's for children and drunken Arias..." she said playfully before she pulled back to touch her cheek. "I was just reading anyway. How are you doing?"

The feel of the Human's fingertips on her face felt almost electric. It'd been a long time anyone had touched her with such affection aside from Amaranai. "I've been well," she answered, then realized she'd just been attempting to be polite versus telling the truth. "Mostly. Come, sit." She led Aria over to the couch and pulled a small bottle of Orion brandy from beneath the coffee table.

Aria nodded as she sat down, pulling her legs up to curl on the sofa. She motioned for Lirha to sit close to her, her eyes surprisingly gentle at the words. "Mostly?" she asked, curious.

"Yes. Aside from some bad dreams here and there," Lirha answered. Reaching for the bottle and two nearby glasses, she poured each of them a hefty dosage of brandy, neat. "And you? How is life back aboard Galileo?"

Aria shrugged, eyes gentle as she watched her. "Pretty good. Working with Stark is always a pleasure," she said and took her glass, sipping it without even flinching. "A lot has changed though. Not just the ship itself, but the people. It still has...that feeling though. The soul."

The Human concept of the soul was similar yet different to the Orion interpretation, but they ultimately shared the same belief in non-corporeal attractions. "That's good to hear. We've been in space for over two months now... So no arguments or quarrels with any of your shipmates? Or roommate problems?" she probed, secretly hoping for some gossip.

Aria looked at her for a moment before she tilted her head, watching Lirha with sudden interest. "My room mate is okay. I am not complaining too much...work's interesting, as you know. I am trying to slot back in again. I feel like I have changed a bit though. My last posting...I saw a lot of weird stuff. Even for me. If you want interesting stories from it, I am happy to share..." she reached to touch her hand, stroking it. "But Lirha, I don't think you called me here to have me natter on."

Lirha felt the warmth of Aria's fingers and allowed her true feelings to come out. "I didn't," she admitted. "I've been having problems sleeping and...with my dreams. It is hard for me to talk to anyone about it, especially those in the CoC."

Aria nodded at the words, moving closer to her, her eyes on the other woman. "Well...there's always me. Unjudgy, little, annoying and maybe a bit insane me..." she said with a small smile. "Tell me about your dreams?"

Saalm opened her mouth to speak then closed it and looked back to her drink. "You cannot tell a living soul," she prefaced, looking back into Aria's blue eyes. "I mean it. Consider it an order," she cautioned.

Aria met her eyes before she smiled weakly. "You don't have to order me, Lirha," she said quietly, but there was no annoyance or malice in her. "I keep secrets well. Better than most."

Studying the young Human for a long moment, Lirha spoke again but this time in a quieter voice - one reserved for candid and confidential speak. "I think I am somehow remembering periods of time from my past. An event from over a year ago that I had no recollection of. At first I dismissed it as nightmares, but..." her voice trailed off and she brought her glass of brandy back to her lips.

"But you think it is memories resurfacing," Aria finished for her and reached to tuck some of Lirha's hair behind her ear, her touch gentle. Not judging. She never wanted to judge and Lirha was her friend. She valued her, she loved her. And she never wanted her to hurt.

"Yes." The Orion paused then shrugged. "What else could it possibly be? It's not normal to dream the same things every night. Is it?" Perhaps different species had different dream cycles, but what she'd been experiencing was pushing her to borderline insanity.

Aria frowned before she reached out to cup her cheek before shifting close. Her arm wrapped around her shoulders and she tugged the other woman closer. "You're right," she said, her voice soft. "You're...getting the memories. And the trauma with it."

Lirha allowed herself to slip into a cozy embrace with Aria but her thoughts were still scattered. "At first I thought they were after-effects from my encounter with the Borg years ago. But," she sighed and revealed her doubts, "these feel different." It'd taken her the better part of a year to fully recover from the botched assimilation attempt, and in a twisted way she was glad to be able to discount that theory.

Aria nodded as she considered it, her hand lazily stroking Lirha's hair. "Could be PTSD," she said, her voice soft, thoughtful, her eyes fixed on the wall. "Your brain blocks out the trauma of something, sometimes wipes the memory. So when it thinks you are ready, it gives you small bits of it back. Usually in dreams, when your subconscious can cope better. But without treatment it will get worse, until you have flashbacks when awake. I...think you need to see someone, Lirha."

Sighing at the wise words, the captain rested the side of her head against the security officer's. "Yes, that's why I called you," she replied. "You've always been one of my closest friends. And you're a talented lover," she added with a shameless grin. "I can't bring myself to go see Lake or one of his staff just yet. I...don't suppose you know of any ways to calm my subconscious?"

Aria looked at her before she shook her head, slowly, looking down. "No. But I can listen to you," she said softly as she shrugged. "I am not qualified. But I...don't judge."

Lirha turned her head to now look into Aria's eyes with subtle affection. She reached up with her hand and delicately ran the sharp fingernail of her green index finger along the side of her jaw. "I've missed your kindness," she admitted.

Aria watched her, her lips parting at the touch before she caught herself and smiled. "Hey, totally selfish. I mean, I get to hang out with the coolest Orion in the galaxy," she said playfully before she reached to stroke Lirha's hair. "Talking might help. And I want to listen, Lirha."

"Have I told you much about Kreanus and our time there?" Lirha paused to elaborate, "after we lost the Galileo?" Before Aria's present assignment, the captain hadn't seen the security officer in over a year.

Aria met Lirha's eyes and shook her head, slowly. "No," she whispered softly. "You haven't told me anything about it." She touched her arm, stroking it gently with her palm.

It was a long story and the Orion knew she'd need a new drink to tell it in its entirety. She broke their present embrace to sit forward and drink the last of her brandy before refilling the glass and Aria's.

"I was unconscious for the first five days after my rescue..." she started, "...after being presumed dead. Apparently Kreanan commanders had taken a special interest in my life and well-being, and beamed me off the bridge just seconds before the self-destruct detonation I'd set. I shouldn't have been alive, but suddenly I was," she somberly recalled.

Aria looked at her, frowning as she stroked over her shoulder. She watched Lirha's eyes, her own sad. "Which, if you ask me, is a good thing. But...you had prepared. Mentally. For the end."

"Yes," Saalm answered, then took a big swig from her new drink. "It was my duty as captain. Ensign Alexander stayed behind with me after the evacuation to help activate the destruct sequence manually. He also prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice." Lirha took a long moment of reflection before speaking again. "What I have now, this," she gestured to the bulkheads above them and Galileo in general, "is a new life...a second chance. I should have died if not for the Spirits' intervention. Even now, every day feels different. I find myself becoming more detached..."

Aria shifted slightly, turning to face her fully, holding her eyes. "You need to make sure you remember you are alive," she said, her voice quiet. "That you have people around you that love you, and that you love them. And you need to talk to someone about this, Lirha. Feeling like this, detached...it will bring you down a self-destructive path. If you consider yourself already dead, you don't care if you die."

Lirha repeated Aria's words in her head several times then looked into the glass of potent alcohol in her hand. She privately wondered if such a temporary euphoria was simply an escape from the reality she couldn't admit to herself, or at least as it was seen by others around her. "You're Starfleet Security...you must know this burden, too," she retorted, then swirled her glass in a slow and small circle. "It makes it easier that way, to separate the emotion from the duty. We are all Starfleet volunteers who knew the risks when we signed our Academy enrollment papers."

"Yes, we did," Aria said thoughtfully, her eyes on her as she watched her. "And there have been times I thought for sure I'd die...but I never welcomed it. I don't have that steel in me to...to be brave enough to face it without screaming at it. Maybe a part of you did welcome it. Maybe a part of you resigned yourself to it, or got a little bit in love with it." She spoke softly, not judging, the words just going with her thoughts. "You have a bit of a soldier in you, Lirha. I grew up among them but I was never one, I never had that in me. You do. You have that...edge. It's beautiful. It's dangerous if you...let it consume you. Living matters. And you have to reconnect, you have to go on living. I...know life is hard. It's not bliss, it's...just this. The hardest thing in this world is to live in it, you know?"

"Aria..." It has hard for Lirha to describe in words the losses she'd had to cope with since her Kreanus capture. Her voice trailed off then she looked candidly to the dark-haired woman. "I lost my children... several of my crew....my freedom, everything I had worked for in life." Her light green eyes turned cold and she downed the last of her glass. "It's not fair."

Aria reached out and turned her face to face her, searching Lirha's eyes. "Life isn't fair," she finally said before she pressed a gentle and loving kiss to her lips and then her cheeks. "That's...what makes it life I suppose. Real life, not...a holodeck drama..." she frowned and hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry, Lirha, for all you have lost. I am so sorry. But you are alive and selfishly...that is all I care about."

Lirha didn't move much when Aria embraced her. Instead, she reflected on the positives she'd just mentioned. Maybe Aria was right -- the captain was alive and emotionally battered, but she was still alive. The Orion Fates often spoke of personal responsibility and she wondered if this was one of their lessons.

Slowly, Lirha turned to return the hug and wrapped her arm around Aria's waist. "You've always been very kind to me," she softly replied. A silent moment then passed while Lirha looked deep into her blue eyes, and then she leaned into her and pressed her gold lips against Rice's.

Aria kissed her back, tenderly, her hand going to cup Lirha's cheek, her thumb stroking over the green skin. She pulled back a little, a small smile on her lips. "No more than you deserve," she said, after a moment. "Because you deserve kindness. Friends. Love. Happiness. And...Lirha..." she shook her head with a small chuckle, unable to stop it. "You are one of the strongest women I know. You've hit a bit of a geomagnetic storm. But that doesn't mean it won't clear up and you will have nice, calm space afterwards, with the stars above and below..."

Saalm licked her lips and felt an flush of embarrassment course through her. Maybe Aria was right. Everyone deserved those basic foundations of personal life, but now she felt a sense of guilt. "It's hard to live a normal life in Starfleet," she admitted. "And Amaranai wouldn't approve of this..."

"Amaranai..." Aria smiled gently and nodded as she looked down, chuckling softly. "Of course. Sorry..." she said and let out a soft breath. "You're still a great kisser."

The captain almost laughed out loud and bashfully grinned. "Some things I haven't forgotten," she teased. "And what of yourself? Have you found a partner to take care of your needs on this long voyage?"

Aria looked at her before she shook her head, laughing at herself. "You'd think I'd be ready to crotch-mingle, but no...I suppose I haven't. I just don't, anymore. Not on the ship, gets messy. Give me a nice bit of R&R and I'll meet and dance and greet then...for now, it's work and the bar and friends. It's all I need."

"Well," Lirha adjusted herself on the couch and gave a lighthearted shrug, "I admire your chastity. I would never be able to do it. Not for too long, that is." The thought of going without intimate affection for months, even years was so foreign to the Orion that it seemed primitive in some ways.

Aria laughed warmly, her eyes shining as she tipped her head back. "I might not be having fun with a partner, but that doesn't stop the fun, Lirha..." she said suggestively before she giggled, sipping her drink.

The Orion was silent for a long pause. Even in her inebriated state, she could feel her spirit of desire arguing with the one of her reason. "Have you thought about," she dared say, "spending time with Nesh?" It was her best attempt to retain fidelity and change the subject before she did something she might regret later. "I hear she is forever single."

Aria looked at her before she chuckled, which turned into a laugh and then a giggle. "I like Nesh, but..." she watched her before she shook her head. "I mean, could your ship take the destructive power of the two of us at the bar? I mean...really?" she teased, leaning closer to Lirha.

It only took Lirha a couple seconds to admit what she'd proposed might well in fact lead to some sort of warp core breach - possibly of the social nature. "Well, then what do you propose?" she countered, her eyes drifting up and down Aria's body.

Aria clearly thought about it, seriously, biting her lip. "That actually, it is okay to be single and just...doing things for myself. I got good friends. As for Nesh, she's young...she'll find what she wants somehow, some day."

Lirha gave Aria a brief smile of acceptance accompanied by a soft sigh of regret. "As she's grown older, it's been harder to look after her. But what you're saying is...that I don't have to?" It was hard for the older sister to accept, for she still considered Nesh a teenager and not quite ready to explore the galaxy on her own.

"It's the hardest thing...having to let go so that those you love can make their own mistakes..." Aria said and looked away, with a weak smile. "My mother...she struggled with that. With me. Tightening her grip on me every single day, afraid of the mistakes I could do. Afraid I would become a Marine, back when we still had them. Or marry one. Afraid of my bruises, my shame, my tears, my temper. And the tighter she held on, tried to help, tried to control, the further and further I pushed away, pulling at the chains. So now...we barely talk. I love her. She loves me. But that...fear she had, about me making mistakes? It is what broke the trust between us. Nesh is a grown woman. Let her figure out who she is? Let her have her mistakes, her bad days...or else, she will never recognise the good ones."

Rice's free spirit was well known to captain, but when Aria opened up, Lirha listened and learned about her childhood which had seemingly shaped her. While she sympathized with live and let live philosophies, she was still bothered. "I wish it was that simple," she replied, putting a light hand on Aria's leg, "but the galaxy is dangerous. Especially for a naive young Orion..."

"She is a Saalm," Aria said lightly as she met her eyes before she smiled tenderly. "Please tell me that it counts for something? You come from a long line of strong women. Independent women. Stubborn women."

"You mean troublesome women," Lirha corrected with a wagging green finger. "Just look at how I turned out - then multiply it by ten and you have an idea of the kind of mischief she can get into."

Aria laughed and ran her hand almost tenderly over Lirha's arm. "You know, words like troublesome are just labels given to us by the patriarchy to imprison us. If a male acted like we did, he would be considered absolutely awesome..." she said before she winked, tipping her head back as she laughed. "Or be in the brig. Maybe the brig. I mean, I'd lock him in the brig. But I like locking people in brigs, means I got someone to talk to during long boring shifts..."

Reaching for another sip of brandy, Lirha rolled her eyes at Aria. "You shouldn't joke about such things," she said in a quiet voice. Her immediate reaction was to cringe at her own memories of penal colony imprisonment, but she tried to hide her discomfort behind a long gulp of her drink.

Aria grimaced and shook her head. "Sorry. Foot lives in mouth," she said and reached to stroke her hair. "In all fairness, our brig's nice. All shiny and comfy and it has me..." she said, her voice light.

"If you give me a kiss, maybe I will brig myself for the weekend." Lirha tilted her head, closed her eyes, then leaned in.

Aria looked at her before she touched Lirha's cheek with tenderness. She smiled and leant close, her lips brushing against Lirha's almost teasingly before she pressed closer, gently deepening the kiss...and letting the moment last as long as it could.

[OFF]

--

CAPT Lirha Saalm
Commanding Officer
USS Galileo-A

Lt. Aria Rice
Security
USS Galileo-A
[PNPC Vansen]

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