Survivor's Guilt (Part 2 of 2)

Posted on 26 Oct 2017 @ 2:01pm by Ensign Miraj Derani & Edward Bauer
Edited on on 08 Nov 2017 @ 4:18pm

2,172 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: Episode 15 - Emanation
Location: Earth - San Francisco
Timeline: MD 24, 1230

Previously on Survivor's Guilt

As he began to think about it his mind was brought back to the day on the colony. There was no wind that day, the sun beamed down on the team as the still air acted like a convection oven. In their gear the marines felt as though they were being boiled alive.

Edward let out a sigh as his mind returned to the current venue. "We were on a humanitarian mission delivering supplies to a colony. It was the usual cover the fleetees they could perform their work. We had done it dozens of times, never a shot fired.....but nothing, nothing could have prepared us for this. We thought we were ready for anything, were we ever wrong."

And now the conclusion.

[ON]

"What happened?" Miraj urged, blue eyes wide, milkshake and salad forgotton.

"An explosion, it was like thunder had literally passed through you. The shockwave was so hard it got through my vest. Felt like my guts were getting squeezed into a vise. Took the wind outta all of us. Think my ears rang for a good minute or two before I could hear again. However long it was it might as well have been a lifetime. Times moves real slow when shit hits the fan." he continued as he could now feel pains in his torso, subtle reminders he didn't need of the force that had pushed him from his feet.

"It killed her." Miraj realised and began to understand the drinking. "And you survived."

Edward took a drink from his recently refilled tumbler. He looked forward as he next part was the hardest to recall. "That would have been easier. I can accept dead marines, but Captain Hunter wasn't dead. Once the ringing in my ear stopped the next thing I heard was her screams. Makes me wish the damn ringing didn't stop." He turned to the girl. "I'd ask you if you'd ever heard the sound of someone screaming in pain, not the good kind like child birth but a blood curdling call when you know you're about to die. Something tells me you haven't." he said dismissively turning back to his drink.

Well. There'd been listening to the cries and screams of the injured on Galileo when it had exploded. The screams of the other crew chosen for 'interrogation' by the forces that had captured them. Her own screams when Ko'raH's Klingons had tortured her. "Not really."

Edward's brows furled as he looked at her unconvincingly. He had fully expected a different retort but the one given did not speak of someone lacking experience in what he had described. "I don't know if you know, but I used to be the Sergeant Major at the marine academy and in that time I learned when my troops were trying to pull a fast one on me, and when they were lying. Somehow, I'm not convinced you haven't."

Miraj was surprised at his comment, her reply had been non-committal enough. Maybe he was part telepath and felt her bad memories or something. But she didn't want to distract him from his story. "My last ship got damaged. Some people got hurt." She explained. "Go on."

Edward noted the deflection and could appreciate the girl not wanting to speak on the subject. He knew however, one day she would need to let it out, when she was ready. He sighed as his mind returned to the colony. "Once the ringing stopped and we got our bearings, we realized Captain Hunter was trapped in the rubble. We tried to find her but with all the dust and huge slabs we had no way. Then our radio man tells us there are two dozen enemy troops converging on our location and HQ is calling us back. I get on the comms and spend the next ten minutes arguing with the Colonel to let us get Hunter out. It's no use, we stay and we get captured or killed. We leave, Hunter dies. She was my no-win scenario." The last sentence was almost a mutter as he shook his head seemingly disappointed with his decision. In his mind, he knew he did what the Corps asked of him, what he was trained for.

That still didn't make it feel any better.

"The one who fell behind, got left behind," Miraj said, her voice laden with sympathy. "That must have been awful. And after? Did you go back? I know Marines always try and bring everyone home, eventually. My Dad's helped with some of their recovery operations in the past."

"There was no going back for Hunter. Once we were exfilled from the surface, we broke orbit and got out of the system. Her grave, it's just an empty box with her name on it." Bauer replied with a hint of anger in his tone. This was the part of the story he was most ashamed of, leaving her back there, likely desecrated by the savages they were ambushed by. A political victory for their people. There were days he wished they had just scorched the planet's surface. It would have been a better fate for Hunter.

"And today? Can't you go back? Is the colony not still there?" If there was something to find, with time passed sometimes retrievals got easier. Politics changed, permissions changed. Sometimes it was easier to wait twenty years and go back, than swim against the current of the political reality of the time.

"The Federation never returned to that colony." Bauer admitted. What he didn't admit is even if he could he would never return. How could he face the woman he betrayed? Why should he, the coward and traitor get the honour of bringing her body home?

Maybe this was him leaving her behind again....

"Why don't you go back? As a tourist or private citizen? Not The Federation." Miraj asked, trying to find a way to cheer him up. He looked so miserable. Sometimes her father had had more luck going somewhere as a private concern rather than a Federation sponsored retrieval operation. It depended on how the winds were blowing. "You never know."

Bauer scoffed as he threw back another shot. "You think I haven't thought about that?" He replied apprehensively. "That building is long gone and Lindsay's body with it." His teeth and fists clinched as emotion tried to override his composure. For the moment, cooler heads prevailed.

"How do you know that? You just said you never went back. For all you know she's in a coma on that world, waiting for a familiar voice to bring her back." It was the sort of ridiculous thing that only happened in the awful melodramas her father liked, but she had to given the poor man some hope, or inspiration, or something.

"I worked with Marine Intelligence, they gave me the means I needed." Bauer said despondently.

"Oh." Miraj had no answers for that. "Then... She reached for her milkshake, prodding at the bottom with her straw. "Has it been long?" time didn't heal, but it could make some fairly tough scabs.

"It was during the Dominion War. Seems like forever ago." Bauer replied. Even though so much time had passed, the vivid memory was still imprinted into his mind.

The Dominion War was forever ago. She'd been a toddler, and the closest she got to sitting at conn was sitting on her father's knee, watching the readings with hypnotised joy. Even then she'd been happiest at the helm. "That's along time ago." She sipped some of her milkshake thoughtfully. "Surely if she was that good a commander, she'd not want you to ..." she trailed off, not sure what to say. "Wouldn't she want you to ... move on?"

Bauer smirked with a slight laugh looking to the young girl. "That's exactly what she would have said, but Lindsay Hunter just isn't someone you forget. She had a way, she always said you don't demand respect you earn it. Captain Hunter did that everyday. She'd go out there and she'd give you her heart and soul. I haven't seen many officers in my time do what she did. Made my job easy. She just clicked with everyone, she brought the best out of everyone. I just had to show up." He called for another drink from the waiter, raising his empty glass to him.

"She must have been quite something." Miraj offered. "I don't think I've met anyone like that."

"You don't forget people like Lindsay. For one she had the strangest voice, had an odd rasp to it. I've never met any woman who could match it, something you don't forget. She came a long way to get where she got. Had a rough childhood but instead of drugs or some other lifestyle she chose the corps. She told me that the corps saved her life. I think that she might have saved others. Damn I miss her." He admitted.

Miraj twisted the end of one of her bunches between her fingers. This Lindsay didn't sound like the sort of person who'd want to see one of her men trying to get three sheets to the wind with misery. But it also wasn't her place to judge. But her heart went out to the man who was obviously hurting. He looked about her father's age, and she wondered how she could ease his pain. "Why don't you do something in her memory? Like volunteering or something. Be with people rather than alone."

Edward took a deep breath. "That's why I've enlisted into the civilian corps. Maybe some good chow in deep space could go along way with the crews. I know it used to do wonders for me and the boys after a long deployment. Hoping I can bring some of that to some ship out there, make the tour somewhat more enjoyable. Replicators are crap in my opinion."

"I burn toast." Miraj admitted. "Once I set the galley at home on fire. I'd starve without replicators."

"Well I'm afraid I'm going to have to do something about that." Edward suggested jovially shifting his mood. "How about you come by the Academy mess hall one day? I volunteer there until I find an assignment. I'll show you what real food tastes like."

"That would be great. What do you cook?" her face was bright with eagerness at the thought of more real food. Her meal with Luke and her family had been great, but she always found the process of cooking fascinating, even if she herself was incapable. "I don't like Gakh. Or anything Klingon." Not after the last few months.

"Klingon is an acquired taste. Most of the meat requires an intense radiant heat to be cooked properly with proper preparation. The key is in evenly cooking the core and the outer layers. With the proper blend of spices even an aged targ can make a decent steak." Edward replied in a more jovial tone as the topic shifted from its glum beginnings.

any mention of targ sent her thoights to Snuffles, the admiral's young adult pet targ. the thpight of eating that smelly ball of aggressive affection turned her stomach. "No, no targ. What do you make that isn't Klingon?"

"Name it and I can probably make it or watch people die at my attempt." Edward retorted grinning widely at her.

"Salt beef, sauerkraut and ship's biscuit?" The traditional food of the Golden Age if Sail was supposed to taste terrible. She'd always wanted to try it but had never found an authentic recipe for a replicator.

"Are you kidding me?" Bauer said turning to her astonished. "That has to be one of the first things I learned to cook!" he announced. "You simply don't run a galley, and not know how to make Salt beef, sauerkraut and ship's biscuit. Hell, something like that should damn near be a crime."

She hesitated. It felt like he was ribbing her. "Are you joking? Only. Its supposed to be not very nice. "

"It's an acquired taste. It's also one of those dishes you either love or hate. I'll make it for you sometime." Edward offered.

"I'll hold you to that." She promised. "If you're cooking at the Academy I'll come by. I suspect I'm not going to get shipped out any time soon."

"Shoreleave?" Bauer inquired.

"Not exactly." Miraj shook her head, setting her pink punches dancing around. "The ship I was on was lost. All of us who survived are waiting on new assignments."

"The USS Galileo." Edward began, talking a sip from his scotch. "Word travelled fast. I'm sorry about your friends, but you honor them by pushing forward. I think you'll do just fine." Bauer said encouragingly.

"Thanks. And if not. I guess I'll be eating hard tack and salt beef quite a lot." Miraj smiled with glee, as if the idea wasn't as bad as all that.

[OFF]

--

Ensign Miraj Derani

&

Edward Bauer

RSS Feed