Survivors Guilt (Part 1 of 2)

Posted on 25 Oct 2017 @ 3:19pm by Ensign Miraj Derani & Edward Bauer
Edited on on 08 Nov 2017 @ 4:17pm

1,826 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Episode 15 - Emanation
Location: Earth - San Francisco
Timeline: MD 24, 1230

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With Lirha's trial over, Miraj could finally do what she'd been wanting to do for the past four months, go some where private with Luke, and consumate their relationship.

And it was going to be significant in more ways than one. She'd never gone that far with anyone before. She wanted it to be special, so she went out into the city to find something to fit the occasion. It took all morning, but she finally found something to fit the bill. She had a sample made up, and sent the schematic to her wardrobe to replicate again, and realised it was time for lunch.

The nearest place was a crowded street cafe just off the main drag, but spending hours looking for the right bran and knickers and all the other bells and whistles had been too much, she couldn't face the walk back to somewhere less busy, "To Davy Jones with it," she muttered and walked up to the greeter's podium, where she was shown to a marble topped table for two, in a long row of tables for two lining the far edge of the cafe's street seating. Ordering a chocolate chip milkshake and a salad, she sat back to wait, observing the world bustling around her.

Edward entered the cafe after having walked the path lining the San Francisco Bay before the Starfleet complex. The stroll was sombre as returning to earth found a way to remind him of memories he simply wished to forget. In his left hand, he clutched a set of dog tags, standard issue to a Starfleet marine but not issued to him, at least not by the Corps. This particular accoutrement was given to him by an old friend, one whose empty grave lay buried amongst the heroes of Starfleet in the memorial cemetery. Despite his wife being buried in the same field, Edward could never bring himself before his friend's grave. To him, he did not deserve the honour of standing before the hero that was his former platoon commander. It was the only corporeal remains of her, the body never recovered.

Her screams echoed through time, crushed under the weight of the fallen structure. No amount of alcohol could wash them from his mind, but that didn't stop him from trying.

The waiter showed him to a table on the far side, in a line of small tables filled with other couples and single diners, sliding him in between a pair of dour looking vulcan women on one side and a young alien girl with candy pink bunches, who was staring at the passers by thoughtfully whilst sipping on a straw stuck in a milkshake speckled with chocolate chips. "Can I get you a drink to start, sir?" The waiter asked, placing a menu in front of him.

"Double Rye on the rocks." Bauer stated resting his elbows on the table. He paid little attention to those around him looking forward through the diners in front of him. His stare piercing each of them seemingly looking onto a plane beyond the one he currently resided.

"Certainly sir." The waiter moved off to fulfill the request, leaving Ed to his introspection. He reappeared a few moments later with a large clear crystal tumbler, with several large chunks of ice in the bottom, little icebergs floating in the golden sea of whisky that came to half way up the glass. It was set down in front of him, and the waiter withdrew with a promise to collect his order in a few more moments.

Edward retrieved the glass from the table slowly bringing it to his eye level. He tilted the glass slightly as he inspected the liquid swirling it around the tumbler allowing the ice to gently clink the edges. When he was seemingly satisfied by the condition of the brew he tilted his head back driving the glass towards him and the liquid down his throat in one quick motion. Normally in a mess hall he would slam the glass upon the table signalling the bartender for another. This was no mess hall and Bauer was not the young marine he once was. Leadership taught him patience and that all good things come with time.

He gently set the glass down upon the table waiting for the waiter to return for another order.

On the next table, Miraj saw the man drain the large drink in a single gulp with surprise, and was even more surprised when the waiter returned and the man ordered another one straight away, rather than a more reserved chaser along with his double rye.

Before he could catch her staring she turned her eyes away, gazing out across the bay, sucking more of her milkshake up. A moment later the waiter was back with a second drink and her grilled cod salad. She put her drink down, and picked up her cutlery, sneaking another peak at the man across from her as she speared an innocent baby tomato on her fork.

Edward once again performed his ritual of inspecting the liquid within the glass before driving it down his throat once again. Today was a day when the normally harsh drink went down his throat all too smooth. Part of it may have been his location, part of it might have been his throat burned out from years of drinking in the corps. The Dominion war had exposed him to some of the finer liqueurs the universe had to offer and some of the worst. He once had a shot contest with a corporal, the choice of drink was Klingon bloodwine.

This rye was water compared to that.

The waiter tried to avoid his eye after downing two large drinks in under ten minutes, but couldn't ignore him entirely. "Are you ready to order food now, sir," he asked, brandishing the small padd for orders hopefully.

"Not hungry." Edward huffed as he eyed his empty glass. "Can I get two this time? One's for a friend." He did not make eye contact with the waiter but instead grasped the dog tags in his left hand tighter indicating he was holding back some type of straining emotion.

"Yes sir," the waiter said stiffly. It was clear he didn't approve of the just drinking but Ed didn't seem anywhere close to drunk so felt no need to cut him off. He came back with more drinks, placing the second in front of the empty chair at the table.

Edward looked over to the glass at the empty seat. A tear fell from his eye as the memories of Hunter swirled in his mind. He took the dog tags in his left hand wrapping the chain around the glass. He took a few minutes to stare at the mini memorial before returning to his own glass.

"Semper Fi Captain." He stated raising his glass into the air, then tapping it on the table before he slammed it back once again.

Miraj watched the ritual with curiosity and then a little sympathy when she heard the words. Her fallen comrade Ryan Alexander had spoken of his time in the marines before he had died with the Galileo. Semper Fi, short for semper fidelis, always faithful, the marine motto. She didn't know why he was putting the dog tags on the glass, but having dog tags out, and not on, she knew wasn't a good sign. She put down her cutlery and leaned over. "Are you all right?"

Edward slowly turned his head to the colorful individual sitting next to him. "Just fine." He replied in a low soft tone smiling to the girl before turning his attention back to the front of the table.

Miraj had watched him down the best part of half a bottle of grog in less than half an hour. "I don't believe you." She replied. "You don't look okay. You don't look okay at all."

"I used to be better at hiding it." He responded, eyes still locked to the front of the room. "Maybe it's old age, definitely ain't this water they call rye." He joked turning to her slightly with a smirk.

"Are those yours?" Miraj asked, nodding at the dog tags. She was ninety percent sure they weren't, but now she was curious.

"No." Edward said shaking his head. "They belong to a friend of mine, she couldn't make it today." he said solemnly looking towards the glass.

"Oh." She looked down at her lunch. not sure what to say. She could read between the lines enough to know she, whoever she was, wouldn't be making it any day. "I'm sorry for your loss."

'Sorry for your loss'. Edward had heard those words a thousand times and still it gave him no reprieve from the grief he had felt ever since the day he had left Hunter behind. The only one who should have been sorry was Edward to Lindsay's family. He never could muster the courage to face them, he really had no idea how they felt about the whole thing, if they even knew. "I'm the one whose sorry." He admitted to the woman beside him. "She was a damn good Commander and I failed her." He waved his hand to the waiter signalling for another round.

Miraj was now fully in the grip of her curiosity. "What happened?" she asked before even considering it might be impolite, or prying.

Edward turned to the girl sizing her up. The pink hair, her outfit. Girl probably had nightmares about running out of candy let alone the screams of a woman being crushed by thousands of pounds of steel and concrete. "It's quite an unsettling story, not sure you are the kind of person to stomach it." He quipped.

"I don't mind unsettling." He was quite obviously hurting, and she didn't want to give up without at least trying to help. "A trouble shared is a trouble halved."

Edward couldn't argue the woman's logic. A similar mantra was adopted by the corps, burdens were shared. She was either wiser beyond her years or read it on a cup somewhere.

As he began to think about it his mind was brought back to the day on the colony. There was no wind that day, the sun beamed down on the team as the still air acted like a convection oven. In their gear the marines felt as though they were being boiled alive.

Edward let out a sigh as his mind returned to the current venue. "We were on a humanitarian mission delivering supplies to a colony. It was the usual cover the fleetees they could perform their work. We had done it dozens of times, never a shot fired.....but nothing, nothing could have prepared us for this. We thought we were ready for anything, were we ever wrong."

To Be Continued

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--

Ensign Miraj Derani

&

Edward Bauer

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