Counseling for Jaana

Posted on 09 Oct 2015 @ 9:15pm by Ensign Jaana Voutilainen

1,357 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Episode 09 - Empires
Location: Counselor's Office, Deck 3, USS Galileo
Timeline: MD04 - 0900 hours

Jaana didn't want to be here. Since she woke up in sickbay after passing out, all she wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. And it didn't help that whenever she did crawl into a hole, her sister was there to drag her out of it. Since finding out about her little habit, Tuula had deactivated the replicator in their quarters and wouldn't stop pestering her. So in order to get away from her, Jaana spent as much time as she could at work in stellar cartography, away from her quarters and away from her sister's prying eyes.

But now, the medical staff had arranged for a mandatory appointment with a counselor. One that she couldn't get out of. If a part of her wanted to see the counselor, she wasn't showing it as she rang the chime.

"Doctor Mercy?" she called out in a soft voice. "I have an appointment with you."

"Come in Jaana," Naois called back, "and please...just call me Naois. I may be a doctor but I really would prefer you to be at ease. If you wish to relocate to somewhere you would be more comfortable than my office, by all means, we can."

Jaana took a deep breath and looked around. "The office is fine," she said, before silently sitting down on Naois' couch.

Nodding, Naois moved from behind his desk towards his comfortable chair. "Are you alright?" he asked carefully, studying her while resting a PADD on his knee. "What would you like to talk about today? It can be anything you want, or are comfortable with."

"No offense, doctor, but there isn't anything I want to talk about." Jaana's eyes wandered; perhaps there was an air vent or a Jeffries tube she could escape out of. "But the medical staff are making me be here and... well, you got their report."

"Yes I did," the blonde Vulcan replied, "but I would like to hear this from you. Why do you need to speak with a counsellor, according to them?" while keeping eye contact, he walked to his Replicator. "Would you like a cup of tea?" he asked, hoping it may make her feel more at ease. His office didn't really look like a regular office. Aside from the desk, it really had more the look and feel of a cozy living room.

Jaana stared longingly at the replicator. "Tea would be nice." She took a deep breath. "I guess I'm here because of my... habit," she said, shame in her voice.

Returning with two mugs of steaming tea, Naois offered one to her, then sat back down. "Would you tell me of your habit?" he requested softly as he nursed his tea, sensing her same as well as hearing it in her voice. "Jaana, please remember that there is nothing to be ashamed of within these walls. Anything you tell me, will not go beyond these walls. Not unless your life is in danger and I need to inform the chief medical officer. Before that however, nothing is passed on without your permission."

He leaned forward just a little, offering a warm smile. "And I do understand your shame," he added, his voice quiet yet serious, "without shifting this to me, because this is about you, I do understand because I have suffered a dangerous habit in the past. So I understand the need to break the habit. Please, tell me about yours."

"I eat." Jaana took the tea in her hands and stared down into the brown liquid. "When I get stressed, when I get overwhelmed... it's like an addiction. I eat. The food doesn't judge me, doesn't make me feel bad. And then..." Tears began running down her cheeks. "I throw it all up."

"There is nothing wrong with eating," Naois suggested, while handing her a box of tissues, "but throwing it back up is more concerning. However, why not look at the underlying issue which causes this in the first place. Tell me Jaana, why are you so stressed? What do you do to unwind?"

"I'm stressed because I hate myself. And I hate myself because I eat. And I eat because I'm stressed." Jaana dabbed at her eyes with the tissue. "I'll get stressed out and order myself a sandwich. And then some sushi. And then a pizza. And some cake. And some Bajoran shrimp..." Jaana's voice was cracking just describing it. No doubt the counselor thought she was as disgusting as she felt. "It's like an uncontrollable frenzy, and then when it's over..."

"Jaana..." Naois interrupted her, gently touching her arm but giving her room to pull back if she didn't want this type of comfort. "Why do you feel stressed? I believe that is the root of the problem, the cause for your stress. You say you hate yourself, but what for? Do you feel you are failing in your duties?"

"Because I'm fat." Jaana held her head in her hands and sobbed. "And it's because of my dyslexia, I have to work so hard and people think I'm dumb. And my sister... I just wish I could be more normal, like her. It's like the food is the only thing that doesn't judge me..."

Not having had anyone cry in a session before, Naois was briefly at a loss on how to react. Then, he moved to sit beside her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her like he would his children. "You are not fat Jaana," he whispered, "and there are ways to deal with dyslexia so that none will ever know." He paused a few seconds. "How about I prescribe you a course to work on your self image? There is one at Starfleet medical that I know to be excellent. You would be on medical leave and you will receive all the help you need or even want. They will help you and teach you that you are perfect as you are. You are not your twin Jaana, but she is not better than you."

"Starfleet medical..." gasped Jaana between sobs. "But... my work! My research!"

"There is no reason you cannot continue your research from a temporary reassignment while you undergo treatment," the half-Vulcan suggested mildly, "please consider the option. You need this time away to figure out again who you are, and realize that you are not Tuula."

"Can I think about it?" asked Jaana, clearly in no shape to make major decisions at the moment.

"Of course you can," Naois answered pleasantly, "but as your counsellor, I do have to emphasize the importance of you finding you again. And this is best done away from this ship, and in a medical facility. Trust me Jaana, I speak from a personal experience."

Jaana stood up from the couch and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Thank you, doctor," she said, "but I should get back to work."

Work. It was the only thing she had left, the only thing that kept her mind off of the food, of Tuula and of the negative thoughts she had swirling around her head. If she could just keep her head down and focus on her work, she might not relapse.

"Get some rest," Naois suggested gently as he stood with her, "who knows when you might be able to get some next. I could prescribe you something to help you get some rest?"

"I'll think about it, doctor," replied Jaana, with no intention of doing anything but focusing on her work.

"Alright," the half-Vulcan agreed, knowing better than to pressure someone into something against their own desire. "Let me know if you change your mind. Remember though, my door is always open, just page me if you want to talk.

Jaana nodded silently and headed out the door. As soon the door whooshed behind her, she let out a deep breath. Now, maybe she could bury herself so deep in her work that no one would notice her.


OFF:

Lieutenant j.g. Naois Mercy
Counsellor
USS Galileo
[pnpc Tyrion]

Ensign Jaana Voutilainen
Stellar Cartographer
USS Galileo

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