Nostalgia

Posted on 05 Jul 2015 @ 8:00pm by Lieutenant Oren Idris Ph.D. & Lieutenant Benice Gyce Ph.D.
Edited on on 08 Jul 2015 @ 3:18am

3,597 words; about a 18 minute read

Mission: Episode 09 - Empires
Location: USS Galileo, Deck 3, Mess Hall
Timeline: MD -1: 0730 Hours

[ON]

The mess hall, Oren observed, looked mostly deserted, despite the hour and he wondered briefly if anything had changed. As someone who liked to cook for himself, Oren didn't favor coming to the mess often, unless invited by someone, usually Grayson. Still, in his current mood, Oren felt accomplished even getting out of his quarters and that was what his little outing to mess was all about. Just getting dressed and getting out of bed. Thoughts of food had nothing to do with it.

Gyce had been doing her best to keep herself busy lately. And that might of been why she chose to eat the mess. Watching people and studying them was a very good distraction for her, given her moral dilemma. That was the main reason her warm food and gotten cold.

Still... Her situation could be a lot worse, and she was thankful for that. But knowing she violated so many rules, as well a doing something so very much against her personal beliefs? Those thoughts could never truly leave her for very long.

Across the room, Oren debated going to sit with Benice after spotting her. His only other option was sit alone and try not to cry and stare into his cereal. He was sick of doing that so, taking the chance of rejection, Oren made his way to the Bajoran's table.

"Lieutenant." He smiled, noting she looked troubled. If anything he hoped she'd appreciate someone breaking her out of her thoughts. "Would you mind some company?"

"You can call me Gyce, Doctor." The Bajoran smiled at him and pointed welcomely to the empty seat next to her. Any distraction at the moment was better than her own.

"Thank you." Putting the tray down on the table, Oren slipped into the offered seat. "Benice Gyce," he said after a moment, feeling the name on his lips. "Benice is a Kendra Province family name, right?"

"It is. The valley region mostly," Gyce answered with an impressed smile. "How long have you been on Bajor to know surname origins like that?"

"I was born there. In Rakantha province, to be precise. When I was young, I had a friend who was a Benice. His parents moved to Rakantha from Kendra." Oren took up his spoon, poking gently at the cereal in his bowl. It was the only thing he'd been able to stomach lately, not that he was much of an eater anyway.

"Might be related to my aunt," Gyce mused over her own plate of sausage. "We used to have a massive family. Farm was just as massive. Vineyard, really. Grew lots of jumja bushes and trees for the winery, my family did... Can't say I ventured much into the Rakantha. Both the cells I belonged to were Kendra-based."

"Hmm...I was there before the Occupation began," he explained, acknowledging what she said. "And when it was just...a helpful hand." His voice took on an edge then as Oren stared down at his cereal.

"You also have a slight Kendra accent. The way you pronounce your vowels," he added with a smile, wanting to distance himself from the previous topic slightly. "They used to make fun of Rem for it." Oren shook his head at the memory.

"Well we Kendra are rather simple people," Gyce acknowledged with a laugh. "My aunt runs the farms now. I imagine if I ever get the time, I'll visit and maybe talk her into giving me some more seeds to plant here."

Gyce thought about that a long moment. There was a half-smile. One not sure of returning, yet still curious about seeing her old home. "You visit your old homestead often, Doctor Idris?"

He shook his head. "Not really...." Oren shrugged. "There's nothing for me there anymore." He let that linger for a moment. "And call me Oren, please."

"I do miss it sometimes. It's the closest place to a real home I've ever had, even if I didn't fit in there at the time."

Gyce was very subtle and respectfully as she leaned over and held his ear. Her brown eyes closed and smiled.

"Your Pah is strong, Oren." Gyce pulled away from him gently and nodded. "Yes... You might not have ridges, but you're of Bajor. So far as I stand, anyway."

Oren couldn't help but smile widely at that. "That's very kind of you to say," he said, sincerely meaning it. It was nice to speak to someone about home, someone who didn't just see the Occupation in everything Bajoran the way many others did.

"You know what I miss? The Peldor festival. My parents wouldn't let me participate, so I'd sneak out with my brother every night and watch the lights and the commotion."

"You saw our scrolls alit and burning to ash," Gyce concluded with a massive grin on her face. "It's a symbolic display, but still very pretty to watch... Still. It is one of my favorite holidays to enjoy. I especially love to make the jumja pastries and even a hasperat casserole."

"Ugh, stop. You're going to make me nostalgic," Oren playfully chastised, nudging her shoulder. "I loved the festivals and the ritual. My parents would never let me participate in anything. Something about maintaining our cultural integrity." He rolled his eyes, the action saying all it needed to tell Gyce just what Oren thought of his parents' reasoning.

"There is assimilating into another culture, and then there is adding more to your personal heritage," Gyce spoke very sagely. "For instance, after the Occupation, I came to live on Earth. In the states, to be exact. And while I loved some of the aspects of human culture, I did not integrate every aspect of their culture into myself. Because at my core, being Bajoran is still very important to me."

"I think that's admirable. A lot of people seem to change themselves, push away their own heritage or force it to somehow fit with what I like to call the Starfleet morality, which in itself is a Human morality," Oren explained, impressed with Gyce's integrity. "When I left Bajor, I went to Betazed. I'm pretty sure the two cultures are polar opposites. Even young I couldn't adapt well."

"Telepathic worlds are the hardest for non-telepaths to integrate in," Gyce agreed from a very scholastic and observation standpoint. "Telepaths, by their nature are far more sensual and personal. Especially in their families. Little is a secret, to a good deal of their cultures."

"I'm El Aurian so I understand some of it. I know what it's like to know things about a person without really knowing how you know them." Going over that sentence in his head, Oren briefly wondered if it needed clarification. Giving up, he continued, resting his elbows on the table.

"It was just a big culture shock for me. There were a few Bajoran orphans with me there, so we all kind of stuck together."

"It's nice that the Betazed people opened their doors to Bajorans," Gyce noted with shock. "Back then, the Federation viewed what went on on Bajor as a Cardassian matter... But then, we all knew it was really because the Federation could not afford to keep fighting the Cardassians, as they had in the Boarder Wars."

"I know," Oren said, matching Gyce's expression and shaking his head. "To tell you the truth, I think the Betazoid accepted Bajorans for two reasons. First, we just showed up and they didn't really have much of a choice, and two, they're telepathic. I think it's difficult for them to turn away people who were clearly suffering. Most of us were children," he said sadly. Shaking his head, Oren realised that, even after such a long time, he didn't particularly enjoy thinking about those days.

"But yes, morality and staying with your own code of ethics can be difficult," he said, going back to their original topic.

"I've tried to forget about that time in my life," Gyce spoke rather quietly. "Trust me when I say, that you have to talk about it or it will consume you in some form or another."

"I know. You can't forget about it," Oren said with an understanding now. "It shapes you. Ignoring it or forgetting about it is like trying to cut out a piece of your brain. It just doesn't work. Of course, you also can't let it define you, even though you sometimes think it does, but...you seem to be the only one who knows it, so....Well, you can't win, either way."

"They way I understand most sports, games are based on points and best time," Gyce spoke with a very logical point of view. "Perfect shutout games are hard to achieve. And mistakes and errors are often expected. But it is what you do to learn from those errors that allows your team to persevere and win... So in my eyes, even with the losses I attained, my soul is still intact. I call that a big win."

Oren smiled. "That's a nice way of looking at it. I wish I could have that view but I think I'm just wired for self doubt and overthinking things."

"Don't get me wrong," Gyce admitted. "I sometimes go through small bouts of self-doubt and depression. Natural for folks like you and I. But in the end, I have my faith to anchor me back. Maybe some day you'll find that peace, if that's what you want."

"Maybe one day." But I doubt it.

"So," Oren continued. "What does Lieutenant Benice do when she isn't working?"

"I work on cold cases mostly," Gyce admitted with a half-frown. "Yeah... I know... Dead ends. But I've solved a few of them over the years. So it's not completely a lost cause."

Oren smiled, but shook his head. "Cold cases? That's not really relaxing, is it? That's like me saying I love studying artifacts and running excavation simulations on the holodeck for fun."

For a moment, the image of Oren's brother went through his head. Could that be considered a cold case, he wondered. Compared to the case of his brother's disappearance, Oren imagined all of Gyce's cases looked hot.

"It's how I contribute in this universe," Gyce shrugged aside. "and I like to give families of victims some peace when possible."

"Well, that's very noble of you," Oren said with a smile. "But the stress must weigh on you. How do you cope?"

"That is my stress relief," Gyce answered. "It sounds weird, I know. But I love my work. When you close a case, it makes the stress worth it."

"I'll take you word for it," Oren conceded, taking in a spoonful of cereal. Chewing, he watched Gyce for a moment. "So, did you enjoy the Klingon party last night? I didn't attend but I heard it was a success."

"Klingon parties were never something I got into, but it was nice getting to know some of the people on the crew I've yet to actually meet," Gyce admitted with a huge grin. She'd left her food alone entirely now, for talking was a for better distraction.

"A bane of good detectives is that we rarely socialize like that. We have to be the objective, but friendly cop people can turn to," Gyce went on to explained. "So it was nice for them to see me in a neutral environment."

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. I had a lot of work to do," Oren told her. "And I'm vegetarian, so I really didn't see the point. Although, I do regret not being able to observe, from an anthropological perspective. It's always fun to watch people of different backgrounds and cultures shuffling around each other. I'm surprised there was no blood spilled. I'm assuming the Klingons consider the meeting a real bore because of that."

"They had some friendly fighting but I'm not really into that sort of sport," Gyce admitted, then took a sip of her juice. "I don't openly display what my capabilities are, unless it's a real situation. And plus, I've experienced enough violence in my life, that I avoided even watching that barberism."

Oren nodded, understanding. "I'm a pacifist, so I wholeheartedly approve," he said. "I couldn't imagine myself watching it either." Taking another bite of his cereal, Oren chewed slowly. "So," he began, hoping she was relaxed now. "Are you working on a tough case? You looked really worried about something when I saw you sitting here alone. You were looking all serious and broody."

"More like a tough personal matter," Gyce corrected quietly. "A crisis of faith and morality... Been trying to figure out if what I did is forgivable in the eyes of The Prophets."

"I suppose that begs the question of what you did?" Oren said, watching her. "You don't have to tell me, but I am willing to listen if you do and promise it will not leave this room," he promised. He knew it probably wasn't the smartest decision to go around, letting people unburden themselves on him, but he couldn't allow someone to carry their pain alone when he could help.

Gyce had her cold cases, Oren had his compassion to fulfill him.

"I slept with someone that's taken by another, yet their union is in the process of being severed," Gyce said and then swallowed hard. "In the moment of the act, however, I adored how my lover made me feel and I ignored all my moral and religious beliefs because of it... Now I hate myself for it. Because I knew what I was doing was wrong."

"From my understanding, limited as it is, I doubt the Prophets would wish for you to hate yourself. Hate tends to blind you, even when it's directed at yourself," Oren explained. It there was one thing he understood well, it was self loathing.

"Especially when directed at yourself."

He only felt like a hypocrite slightly because he felt that his own truth wasn't necessarily Gyce's. "Surely it says something about your faith and morality that you have immediately seen your actions as wrong. Doesn't it?"

"Maybe I am too hard on myself," Gyce agreed with a small smile. "And I do like this person a lot. But I'm not entirely sure if I'm fine sleeping with a committed person."

"You should probably tell them that," Oren suggested. "Use the time apart to reflect on why you acted the way you did. Feelings are...complicated." As he said the last words, his tone took on a note that betrayed his own experiences.

"Sounds like you have a lot of your mind too," Gyce noted after she finished her drink. "Full discretion with me, if you need to talk some things out."

Oren smiled at her, but it only lasted a moment. "Let's just say you weren't the only one who got involved with the wrong person," he said, thinking of Ellsworth. For a moment, he wondered where he was. After his conversation with K'od he couldn't help but dwell on the Betazoid's well being. Was he alone? The thought made him sick from both worry and disgust with himself.

"Mine also made me question certain things. Made me think."

"So here we are, both deciding if we're love sick or something else," Gyce laughed with irony. "With me, I never really pushed for a true relationship. Work always comes first... But after a night with my lover, I find I'm intrigued with her. I want to know more about her and see where it goes. But she's got a person she's bound too already. And I fear I could be the rebound if I wait for that mess to settle and take a chance with her."

Nodding, Oren stared at his empty glass for a few moments. "If she's in the process of getting...well, unbound, then you may have a chance." He smiled at the thought of at least someone getting a little happiness. "I always pushed for relationships, but it backfired. People grow older, mature,...leave. So I stopped pursuing them. Until recently, that is. I thought I might have found something real, but it turns out it was all in my head. Well, maybe not all, but partially. So I have started to wonder if I can really trust others that way. If I can trust myself."

"My job often required me to sleep with people to steal information," Gyce admitted none-too-proudly. "And with the many innocent and propaganda-fed people I killed with bombs I made in the Occupation, those people I slept with for information were the closest to relationships as I felt I deserved... A lonely life to have, I know. One I accepted along with the fate of my leg. It's one I don't think I want anymore. Not with the amount of joy I am starting to find in relationships and friendships I'm making now."

"Well, relationships are a source of joy and happiness. It's one of the few needs most species have, regardless of their nature. Companionship is important to everyone and everything." Oren's heart went out to Gyce and he admired her for trying to overcome her perceived faults.

"You need to learn to celebrate life, My Friend." Gyce smiled brightly at him. Forced, though practiced in the way many could. That ones that lied as a profession.

Oren was not the man she last recalled. Troubled. And she was too, which meant they were poor company for the either. But still, she wanted him to be blessed, in ways she could not.

"I would have an easier time celebrating life if it didn't feel so endless," Oren admitted, staring down at his half empty bowl of cold cereal. Suddenly, he didn't feel very hungry.

"Your people are in many ways, similar to the joined Trills," Gyce spoke with envy. "Many lifetimes to learn and evolve from. Constantly evolving, really. But unlike joined Trills, your people are nomads. Far fewer of you than the Trill Symbionts, I imagine. So in order to carry your people on, I imagine your people mate outside your race."

"We do. I think it's in our blood to keep as far away from one another as possible. Maybe it's some kind of instinct," Oren said with a shrug. "Besides my parents, I've never met another."

"As for our similarities with Trill, I envy them. They live a full lifetime, then the host dies and the Symbiont goes to a new host, a new life and a new identity. My people don't get that. We always remain who we are. There is no real fresh start for us."

"Yes there is. You just don't see it that way," Gyce spoke very respectfully with her correction. "You never need to live in new skin to move on. In fact, the Enterprise-D had a bar manager, just like you. And she was said to of had close to ten mates in her lifespan. That's several different lifetimes of sadness, but mostly happiness."

It was not often Gyce exercised her psychology degrees. Nor did she advertise that particular skillset of hers. But in situations like this, it was probably a good thing. To give educated advice in a subtle way.

"And you have to remember that moving to the next lifetime, doesn't mean you're forgetting about the loved ones in the lifetime before it," Gyce added. "Like all things, you have to mourn loss. But then you need to celebrate life again, once your heart is ready to."

"That's really easy to say but, trust me, it's much more difficult in practice," Oren told her kindly. He knew she had the best intentions, but accepting that the people he loved would die while he had to carry on felt impossible. Perhaps, as the years pass, he'd get more used to the idea but, for now, he was nowhere close to it.

"I lost my parents and my sibling in the Kendra Valley Massacre," Gyce spoke mournfully as her brown eyes darted to her hands. "So I know moving on is never easy. And I sometimes still cry for them, but for the most part? I live on for them now. Everything I made in this new life, away from Bajor, was to honor them."

"Then you're a much stronger person that I am," Oren said simply, meeting her eyes for a moment before turning his gaze back to his bowl.

"It's only because I talk to people," Gyce admitted. "You try and shoulder your burdens alone, it'll weaken you. So if you need an ear, you can always come to me."

"That's very generous of you," Oren just said, appreciative of the sentiment behind her offer. But, in his experience that's all it was - sentiment. Everyone was willing to offer their help, but few meant it and Oren had learned that from an early age.

"I meant it," Gyce added wholeheartedly. "I have to be on shift relatively soon, unfortunately. Prep for the wargames. You have your department squared away?"

"Yes," Oren said, nodding. "Well," he continued, standing up slowly. "I suppose I will leave you to get some peace before your shift. Thank you for your company."

"Until next meeting, Oren," Gyce spoke with a very relaxed smile and posture. It was a good talk for her.

"I look forward to it, Lieutenant."

[OFF]

---

Lieutenant JG Benice Gyce
Security Investigations Officer
USS Galileo

Lieutenant JG Oren Idris
Chief Research Officer
USS Galileo

 

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