Concern amongst Counsellors

Posted on 22 Mar 2015 @ 5:43am by Lieutenant Prudence Devin Ph.D. & Lieutenant JG Drusilla McCarthy

2,699 words; about a 13 minute read

Mission: Episode 08 - NIMBUS
Location: USS Galileo, Deck 3 - Counselling office
Timeline: MD-02, 10:30

ON:

Prudence Devin frowned as she waited for Drusilla to arrive. She had gotten the referral from Doctor Voutilainen, with the details that Drusilla had been to sickbay and that the medical personnel had decided she needed counselling. Well. That was at least something. She sipped her tea, reading through the notes she had on her Assistant Chief. Whatever it was clearly was due to a new development. Hopefully, it was something that could be resolved. It did however explain the way Prudence had noticed something off with the woman.

Whatever it is, I am sure we can work through it. She is an intelligent enough woman, Prudence reminded herself, sitting back as her hand curled around the heat of her cup.

Dru had been expecting the call, if anything she'd been on edge waiting for it. Given what had happened in sickbay two days before she would have been surprised if the Doctor hadn't done a counselling referral.

Glancing down at the PADD in her hand, the counsellor went over again what she needed to do. She needed to formally inform her Chief of her pregnancy and after that...she could deal with whatever came after, she had no choice in the matter.

Glancing up from the PADD, Dru straightened her jacket as she pressed the chime to announce her presence. She could use her own code to go in but she didn't wish to catch her boss unaware...even if her boss was expecting her.

"Enter," Prudence said and smiled gently, watching her for a long moment. "Hello, Drusilla. Please, come in and sit down. Can I get you anything to drink?" she asked gently, standing.

As Dru spotted her boss, she moved inside of the room as she clasped her PADD to her abdomen with both hands. "Ma'am...You asked to see me? I can guess wh..." Interupted in her words, the counsellor's eyes suddenly filled with tears as she felt choked up. Irritated by her body and mind betraying her, she harshly wiped the tears away with one hand before trying again. "I can explain..."

"It's okay," Prudence said patiently, motioning for the seat. "Sit down. You're not in trouble..." she moved to get her a glass of sweet iced tea, offering it to her. "Not sure you want a proper cuppa tea...not sure of the Irish stand on an English remedy." She smiled gently as she watched Drusilla, holding her eyes.

Still pushing away the tears, Dru managed to move over to the offered chair, leaning over to grab some tissues always left at the ready before taking the offered glass. It helped to keep somewhat moving, if she didn't stop and let thoughts linger than she was all good. "It's ok....The Irish saying is that a cup of tea can fix anything."

"I'll get a pot," Prudence said easily, moving to get the teapot. She measured proper tea for her, considering. "Assam," she clarified before getting the water in and carried it over. She took two proper mugs too...and milk and sugar. She carried it all to the desk and sat down, facing Drusilla. "You were referred here by your doctor," she said, deciding to be honest and straight with her. "And...I can tell something has been off with you, Dru."

Dru set the untouched glass of ice tea to one side as her eyes lingered on the set up her boss had just placed infront of her. Thoughts tumbled through her mind as she tried to sort them one by one, the tears threatening to start again. "I'm sorry that i didn't tell you before....I needed time to take it all in and...and..." As she felt the tears start to weal back up again, Dru pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Hey..." Prudence reached out, taking her hands and holding them. She searched the woman's face before shaking her head. "It's okay, we don't have the trust yet. But I am here for you..." she let go of her hands after the moment of physical support, watching her. "So no apologies. Just talk to me."

Feeling her hands cupped in Prudence's, Drusilla looked up as the tears continued to fall from her eyes. She could only focus on one thing, a statement her boss has made. "I didn't tell anyone....It took me close to two weeks to tell somebody....And I only told that somebody because he made me promise to tell him how my medical went. I couldn't break a promise...."

Prudence nodded, watching Drusilla for a long moment before reaching to pour the tea. "You did well, you told someone and you went to sickbay. It's a big step and you know it," she said softly, meeting her eyes for a moment. "But now you have another step to take. I know you are strong enough. So..." she added milk and sugar to the tea and gently put it in Drusilla's hands, letting the warmth of the mug soothe her. "Now you just need to believe it too."

As she held the warm cup in her hands, Dru looked down into the milky depths as if the answers to everything might lie somewhere between the surface and the bottom. Moments passed before she could process anything, before she could look back up. Watching her boss once more she tried not to trip herself, "I don't know what to do...."

Prudence nodded gently, her eyes on her, but with sympathy and concern. "I want to help if I can. In any way I can," she admitted softly. She knew Drusilla needed time as well. To open up. But they had time. They had all the time they needed.

As Dru focused back on her cup, just watching it and not drinking she mulled over everything going through her mind. Aside from Markum she hadn't talked to anyone else, she knew that this was an oppertunity but she didn't know what to say; she didn't know who to trust. She knew Markum...he'd long ago established her trust but everyone else was so new. Perhaps if she just started with the facts as they lay, something Doctors and counsellors would know even if she never talked. "The Doctor confirmed that the pregnancy is viable...she detected a heartbeat during the exam."

Prudence held her eyes, taking in the facts. She didn't ask any real questions...she knew Drusilla was working her way through it in her mind before it could be said. "That is something," she said softly. "How did it make you feel?"

"Numb...." The word slipped passed Dru's lips with ease because it was the truth. She was operating on autopilot and doing her job but if she looked under the surface she knew what was there, "It feels like it isn't happening...like it can't be happening."

"It's only natural after a shock," Prudence said softly, watching the other woman closely. "Drusilla...are you ready to tell me why becoming pregnant is so upsetting for you?"

Drusilla finally looked up but found that when she met Prudence's eyes she had to look away again. Tears filled her eyes as she felt the pain of the memories of what had happened. The guilt she felt at having let it happen and in turn having let the pregnancy happen. She felt ashamed, "I made a mistake in my last mission...the result of the mistake was I was taken captive for longer then planned and...the pregnancy happened then...the baby is part Reman."

Prudence watched her with pain, reaching to touch her arm. "I am so sorry, Drusilla," she said softly, meaning it with all her heart. "You were hurt. Badly. And you know, as a counsellor, that we need to work on making sure you are okay. You are the priority, Drusilla. Nothing else, okay?"

Drusilla allowed the tears to flow as she nodded her head. She knew what Prudence was saying was right but it felt wrong. She just wanted everything to go away and life to go back to some sort of normality...she wanted everything to be ok now. "I'm sorry...."

"Nonsense, don't be sorry," she said and took a tissue, giving it to her. "I'm glad you're here. I am...so take your time," she said softly, watching her with genuine concern, but also reassurance.

Drusilla took the offered tissue as she held it in against her eyes with both hands, trying to stop the avalanche of tears. "I'm a counsellor and I'm trained to deal with these kind of situations...I should be able to handle this but...it's hard...it's so so hard."

"It's different when it is you," Prudence said and shook her head. "Because it s so close. Counsellors are good, we have a distance and we know the theory. We guide. But when it is your own emotions? It's harder...so hard. Don't be hard on yourself. Just be honest...and we will find a way. And it is okay that it is hard, Drusilla. It would be wrong if it wasn't."

"I'm scared...." For the first time, Drusilla looked up at the other woman. Through her tears she looked into Prudence's eyes, "I'm scared what a baby means, the changes it will mean in my life. I'm scared of the circumstances in which the baby was conceived...that it will overwhelm me again....I don't want to loose what I was trying to rebuild."

Prudence nodded, touching her arm for a moment. "You will have support here. And you have to deal with what happened to you. But you will not be alone. You will not lose what you are working on. This will be part of the journey now. And no matter what decisions you make, you are not alone," she said and pulled back, reaching for her tea and taking a sip. "Do you want time off? Or...would you prefer to stay busy in sickbay for this mission?"

Drusilla felt like her stomach bottomed out as she heard the question of time off. Shaking her head hard, she fought to control her breathing as she fought off the panic. "Please...don't ask me to step back from my job...it's the only piece of normality I have left."

"I am not asking that," Prudence said softly, shaking her head. "For this mission, you will be fine working in sickbay. But...I want you to contact me if you feel you cannot do counselling for your clients. You are on edge. Understandably. And I think you have to be honest with yourself and step back if it gets difficult. But..." she smiled reassuringly. "For the next few days, we are merely doctors, right?"

Dru nodded her head as she felt the shaking start to settle. With Markus and Tuula gone she knew that she had no grounding. Things were still bring built with Prudence, she knew that she needed the familarity of her job to be the balance she needed. "I have some appointments booked for today and tomorrow...should I reschedule and focus solely on sickbay?"

"If you think you can handle the appointments fairly, then keep them. If not, reschedule," Prudence said, putting trust in Drusilla to know her limitations. "But keep the sickbay hours for shift, you can always use this office if you need some space from the others."

Looking back up, Drusila's lips parted as if to say something but it took her a few moments to get the words out. "Thank you...thank you for trusting me." The trust she saw was her boss allowing her to continue working...the woman had to know that Drusilla had a certain amount of unstability but she was willing to still place decisions in Dru's hands.

Prudence nodded weakly, watching her for a moment. "I will be checking up on you. A lot. It's not lack of trust, it is concern. I want to talk more about this, tomorrow...if you feel up for it. Cup of tea and all that," she put her cup down, her eyes gentle. "Regardless, we need to schedule a proper session once these exercises are over."

Dru looked back down at the tissue in one hand and the cup in the other. She nodding her head in understanding, she knew this moment would arrive eventually and it was better now than later. She only wished that Markum was here for further support. "I'm ok with that...maybe meet in my quarters were the surroundings are more familiar?" The counsellor didn't realise the implications of what she'd suggested until she said the words but it was too late to take back the offer.

Prudence watched her for a long moment, a small smile on her lips. "For the casual tea, yes. But the proper session after the wargames needs to be in the office. It helps our boundaries as professionals. We can also see how you are doing and see about how you wish to work during this period," she admitted before shaking her head. "I am sorry for this, Drusilla. But you are not alone here. That I promise."

"Sure...that works..." Drusilla still wasn't sure how to explain where they were to meet the following day but decided to leave it for her boss to find out when she looked up the counsellor's room assignment. "I keep being told that alot...that I'm not alone but sometimes it's difficult to see...difficult not to push back. I'm not used to relying on others...."

"Few strong women are. It is our weakness," Prudence said softly, smiling weakly. "Just remember that. When things become too difficult, you come to me. We talk. I'll distract you. And once this training exercise is over, you can do what you need to. And have the time to deal with it."

At the mention of the end of the exercise, too many thoughts moved through Dru's head. She would have to make decisions she wasn't even ready to think about, never mind talk about. Nodding her head, she shifted as she dried up the last of the tears on her cheek, "I'm sorry for keeping you...I know how precious your time is."

"Not as precious as you and this crew," Prudence said softly, watching her for a long moment. "Focus things one thing at the time. Today, the work. Tomorrow, sickbay and we have a talk...okay?" she asked gently, wanting to make sure Drusilla was as comfortable as she could be with things.

Nodding her head as she organised the sequence of events in her head, it made it easier to predict and know and plan. At least then she knew her time would be taken up and she could just focus on keeping busy. "That's fine....I will see you tomorrow so."

"Here at 13:00?" Prudence suggested, as it was not too early or too late for a meeting. And it would give Drusilla a time to focus on as well. It might help.

Nodding her head in agreement, Dru hesitated for a slight second as she looked down at her hand and tried to figure out if it was curitosy to offer it or not. Her thoughts flipped as she tried to process the change in venue and slot it back into her plans. "Here at thirteen hundred tomorrow."

Prudence nodded gently, watching the other woman before taking a breath. "And if you aren't here, I will go and track you down," she warned, but gently, making it almost playful.

This made Dru smile a little as she felt the tension loosen slightly, "I'd have the advantage though as I probably know of hiding spaces you wouldn't have dreamed existed."

"I better learn quickly," Prudence said softly, holding her eyes with a small smile. "Thank you, Drusilla."

Nodding her head in acknowledgment, Dru finally forced herself to exit the room where she felt safe and tried to prepare herself for whatever was to happen next.
OFF:

Lt. Prudence Devin
Chief Counsellor
USS Galileo

&

Lieutenant JG Drusilla McCarthy
Assistant Chief Counsellor
USS Galileo

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