Uneasy lay the shoulders that wear a medical smock

Posted on 09 Mar 2015 @ 8:06pm by Commander Andreus Kohl
Edited on on 13 Mar 2015 @ 8:25am

2,517 words; about a 13 minute read

Mission: Episode 08 - NIMBUS
Location: USS Nautilus - Deck 6, Sickbay
Timeline: MD -03 - 0927 hours

Previously on "Hands and Knees" from Episode 7...

Kohl moved on again, closing the distance between himself and the freestanding LCARS console near the doorway. Kohl crouched down behind the console, and pulled open the access panel at the base of its pedestal. While Naois questioned Kohl's health and waved a tricorder at him, Kohl was busy inspecting the inside of the LCARS console. He only used his eyes and his hands, though, to complete his inspection. Kohl returned to his full height, and he turned to face Naois. He stepped slightly too closely. "You don't know me yet," said Kohl. "I'm Andreus Kohl. Noisy, fidgety and evasive just about sum me up. That is my baseline." --He held out a hand and he smiled-- "Pleased to meet you."

Naois just cast him a cold stare in return, refusing the offered hand. "Doctor Naois Mercy." His tone was clipped as he studied his tricorder while taking a slight step back to avoid unintended physical contact.


[ON]

"Well, well, well, Doctor Mercy..." said Andreus Kohl, only a few heartbeats after he stepped into Nautilus' Sickbay for the first time. His gaze was drawn by the medical equipment. For a moment, Kohl tried to guess when the biobeds and sensor clusters had been manufactured, judging by their shape and design. Then, he returned his attention to Naois and he asked, "What do you think? Are we all going to die?"

"Yes," Naois answered without pause, then smiled slightly at his visitor. "Eventually, we all die, though hopefully not on this mission. I fully intend to be reunited with my mate and children." he tugged down the hem of his jacket, which had the annoying tendency to creep up. "Do you require medical assistance?"

Kohl answered, "No, Doctor Mercy, I'm not here for myself," and he shook his head for emphasis. He moved further into the Sickbay compartment, but he remembered not to stand too close to Mercy. His intonation flip, Kohl said, "I meant to say here. Are we all going to die here." --Kohl waved an arm to indicate the room where they were standing-- "Does your new Sickbay measure up to your standards?"

"I have no intention of letting anyone die here commander," Naois said, the amusement vanishing from his voice in an instant, "this sickbay meets all current medical requirements as set down by Starfleet. And my medical skills are up to par, conform Medical protocol and requirement. Are you trying to question my judgement commander?"

Standing his ground, Kohl looked at Mercy, looked right at him to gauge his response. Although Kohl kept his volume low, he spoke in a firm voice. "I am not questioning your judgement, Lieutenant," Kohl said, referring to rank because Mercy had done so. "I am inspecting our ship; this ship we all rely on. I was asking you about your Sickbay, and if it provides you everything you need."

"It does, though what I need most, is kept from me," he replied, even though he had never argued having had to leave his children behind. His family was the pillar he relied on to function, and now with a new addition on the way, he was keen to protect them. He sighed and shook his head, looking away. "I feel nervous," he admitted, "I am not certain I am ready to function as chief medical officer."

Kohl held back a comment about his own history of career insecurities. Kohl's facial expression could almost be considered a glib remark of its own, but Kohl pulled himself back to neutral posturing. Instead, Kohl asked a question. "What makes a person ready to serve as Chief Medical Officer?"

"I do not know," Naois answered honestly, "I have served as chief counselor before-" He faltered, looking away briefly. "Before Valeia died, then something happened that I am not proud of and it nearly cost me my license. I took a break, did keep my license valid and while undergoing therapy, also attended medical school. This is my first posting as medical doctor, and I feel, I lack experience."

"Did you know," Kohl said, and then his voice caught in his throat. It surprised him --and that surprise showed in his eyes-- that making this admission still terrified him. After all this time, he still worried what the reaction might be, when he said, "I've served as Chief Medical Officer? And I've never been a Doctor?"

"How did you manage to get away with that?" Naois asked seriously, his expression changing minutely.

"I didn't... get away with anything," Kohl said, but he caught how defensive his affirmation sounded coming out of his own mouth. Kohl set his jaw, straightened his shoulders, and he smiled. It wasn't a terribly genuine smile, but he hoped the Vulcanoid might not notice the difference. He calmed his mood in the telling of the story. "Not every medical officer is a doctor," Kohl said. "I am certified as a Nurse Practitioner. I wasn't named the department head to cure every space plague, or rack up the most surgery hours... I was promoted to be a leader for Sickbay."

"I was not judging you," the Vulcan clarified, "I was...curious. And if you are a qualified nurse I may well draft you if required." He shrugged. "After what I have done..it certainly is not my place to judge."

Kohl was getting ready to talk about the facial expression Blake would make, if her Number One were to step off the Bridge to treat some cuts and bruises, but Naois' further comment stopped him. Speaking in a neutral tone of curiosity, Kohl asked, "What have you done?"

Naois shook his head. "Are you certain you wish to know?"

Kohl's somber mien was cracked by a self-amused smile. "I wish to know everything, Doctor," Kohl said. He shrugged helplessly and patted at his own chest. "You never have to protect me from mere words."

"When my late wife was dying, I attacked someone I cared for in sickbay, hurting her." He sighed. "I will never forget even though I have not seen her since valeia's death."

Kohl hadn't been able to control his visceral reaction to the image in his mind's eye. His abdomen tensed, his eyes widened, and he leaned away from Naois. Perhaps too quickly, Kohl said, "That should haunt you. That's fair." Then he shook his head, and his expression turned impassive. "But that has nothing to do with being a leader. With being a Chief Medical Officer. Regardless of the other qualities living inside you, Rear Admiral Saalm must have seen qualities of leadership in you. She felt you should be in charge of the wellness of this crew."

"I am a doctor now. I do not discriminate between friend or foe. I never did as counsellor either." Naois had noticed Kohl moving away. "I am not a violent man commander, those were extrenuating circumstances. I do not carry weapons, ever. I am a healer, and I will never allow it to happen again. However, I am terrified. My mate is pregnant...of twins, she said."

Kohl offered his congratulations on the twins, and then he said, "That's another-- that's good reason not to worry about a posting as Chief Medical Officer. You are a father. You're going to be..." --Kohl lost track of where he was going with that sentence, and so he ended up saying-- "A father. ...Some more. If you have raised children, come on. Serving as CMO will take only a fraction of your skills."

"A fraction?" the Vulcan arched an eyebrow at him. "I do not understand. What does being a father have to do with being a CMO?" He shook his head. "My three children are adopted commander, my late wife could not carry a child to term and after one attempt and her nearly losing her life because of it we decided not to risk her life like that again." He paused, licking his lips nervously. "And now Eva told me she is expecting twins...my life is in a rollercoaster. Pon Farr, bonded, pregnant mate... I am not sure I can cope..."

Moving closer to Naois, Kohl came to rest on the foot of an empty biobed. Kohl squeezed his own knees with his hands, as his facial expression crumpled with concern. "I'm not asking for details or diagnoses," Kohl said, "But are you talking with anyone about how you're feeling? Lieutenant Devin, perhaps?"

"No. I did not know about having twins until we dropped our children off at the starbase. She came to see me a few weeks ago to tell me she was pregnant. I did the honourable thing and told her I would take care of her, and the child. She helped me when I needed it most. What kind of example would I be if I turned her away?"

He paused briefly. "We bonded, properly this time as she agreed to be my wife, and mother to my three children. As I said it all went very fast and I do not know how to cope."

Kohl's own pause was equally brief. "Then you don't cope," Kohl said. His manner was determined, with a hardened edge to it. "You don't feel all of this. You put all of this" --Kohl waved his hand in a circle around the shape of Naois' grief and fear-- "in a box and you lock it away in the repressed corner of your brain. We're only going to be here for a week, tops. Then you'll be back with your bond-mate, and your children, and the brilliant counsellors. And you can unpack it all, and feel it all. Then."

"How?" Naois asked of the man. "How do I lock it away? I cannot just...not feel just like that."

In a heartbeat, the harder edges to Kohl's words were replaced with concern and sympathy. "Have you never repressed your emotions before?" Kohl asked him in a sotto voce. As he spoke, Kohl braced his hands on his thighs and leaned closer to Naois. For the most part, he held Naois' gaze, but Kohl couldn't help himself from glancing at Naois' ears.

"Not since Valeia's death," Naois replied, "not with three children who need to understand emotion because they are not even in part Vulcan. I needed to be there for them, I could not fail to grieve or support them. I am still learning to understand all these emotions, even though I never fully controlled them. My father is Human."

Kohl stared back at him in bafflement. "...Huh," was all Kohl could say, and he couldn't find any words. Still staring at Naois, wide-eyed, he rubbed the back of his neck. After Kohl raised to his feet, he said, "I suppose... I don't know how to explain how I regulate my own emotions. It's something I do without thinking about it. Do you-- Are you familiar with any meditation techniques?"

This time, Naois nodded. "Yes, and I apply them every evening. But it does not seem to help. Though.... I am not certain how long the aftermath of pon farr should last. The last time it was over very quick, after a few days, but lately I still find myself on edge. Eva has moved in with me, she did accept to be my wife. I..." He sighed miserably. "I do not know anymore. I fear, I have lost track of who I am, and who I was supposed to be."

"Could you invent who you're going to be? Decide who you're going to be?" Kohl asked, and this time his manner was conflicted. He was both genuinely asking out of concern, and also suggesting it as an Executive Officer who needed his Ship's Doctor to not fall apart. At the same time, he was questioning if it was even possible for a man in Naois' condition to affect a change to make it real. All three thoughts were blatantly evident in the cadence of Kohl's words and the natural emoting from Kohl's face. "Be a Chief Medical Officer. Be a father to your medical staff. And whatever it takes to be those things, decide to be those things." --Kohl shrugged-- "...For a little while."

The Vulcan seemed to brighten at that suggestion. "That is an excellent idea," he said, a genuine smile touching his mouth and which also reached his eyes. "Like a father to my staff. Thank you."

Taking a deep, relieved breath, Kohl nodded and said, "You're welcome, Naois." His whole posture relaxed, now that Naois had a plan, now that Naois wasn't figuratively pinwheeling. "You're going to excel at serving as Chief Medical Officer to our crew," Kohl said.

"If you say so," Naois answered, unable to fully agree. "Was there anything else?"

"There is," Kohl said. On the hip of his uniform, Kohl was wearing a holster for a tricorder, but there was no tricorder within. He cupped a hand over the holster. "There is one other little thing."

"And that is?" the doctor asked expectantly, missing the entire gesture.

"Starbase 84 has a Little Argelius district in the promenade. I couldn't find anything with a familial connection, but I found a seed that had originated in the city where I grew up," Kohl said. From his holster, he produced a small paper box, with a seed inside of it. Kohl proffered the box to Naois. "Just before I boarded Nautilus, I had the seed blessed as a talisman of growth and rebirth. ...If you wanted to plant it in your Sickbay."

This time, the Vulcan offered he man a full smile. "Of course," he answered happily, "we can plant it here, and when we return to the Galileo, I will make sure it gets a proper space in sickbay. Agreed?" His smile widedned, his eyes regaining some of their usual sparkl. "Tell me, how do I plant a seed, and how do I care for a plant?"

Kohl offered an eager nod at Naois' words. Kohl explained, "You bury the seed in some soil, and you pamper it with water, and light, and warmth. The replicator can make you whatever tools you need. Give the seed everything life needs, and it will live. Be a father to the seed as well."

"I will try," Naois promised, staring at the seed inside the box. "I will care for it, and when this game is over, I will take it back to Galileo."

"Thank you, Doctor Mercy," remarked Kohl. "You'll be brilliant."

"I will try," the Vulcan repeated, "and you will help me try. Right?"

"I'll be right here," Kohl said, and he sheepishly added, "Figuratively. Literally, I will be on the bridge. Helping you. I won't help you try. I'm going to help you succeed."



[OFF]


Lieutenant j.g. Naois Mercy, MD
Chief Medical Officer
USS Nautilus

Lieutenant Commander Andreus Kohl
Executive Officer
USS Nautilus

RSS Feed