Memories, Regrets, Decisions

Posted on 11 Feb 2015 @ 2:42pm by Lieutenant JG Drusilla McCarthy

1,301 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Episode 07 - Sojourn
Location: USS Galileo - Markum's Quarters
Timeline: MD45 0330hours

[ON]

Stirring from her sleep, Dru was away of a solid warm mass pressed against her cheek. Not wanting to let go, she burrowed in closer as her mind struggled to move from its exhaustive state.

Her last memory was of tears...sobs that ripped from her body over and over as she lost control for the first time since it all had happened. Up until that moment everything had begun to slowly unravel since the news of a pregnancy had been broken to her. Days and weeks spent barely able to hold it together and finally it all snapped.

As other memories begun to lead through, comprehension begun to wake Dru more fully as she realised who she lay against. Never in her wildest dreams had she ever imagined this happening.

Closing her eyes again for a brief moment, she reopened them to find that nothing had changed. Markum still lay there with his arm locked tight around her waist, the even raise and fall of his chest acting as a pillow for her head.

Confused at how right it felt, embarrassment flooded Dru's mind as another memory came back. She couldn't believe that she'd thrown herself at Markum like that...what must he think of her now.

Slowly she lifted his arm before moving her feet to the floor; quietly moving to stand before she looked back at the man over her shoulder., hoping that she hadn't disturbed him. As he grunted softly before burrowing further into the couch, the counsellor breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't managed to wake him. She needed just a little time to try and understand what was happening.

Moving further into the softly lit room, she couldn't help but smile at the evidence that a bachelor lived here. Clothes were strewn across furniture. Her smile lightened more as various baby toys seemed at odds with the masculine touch. Tyra....even when she wasn't here it seemed her presence still was from the toys and pictures scattered around the room. She reconigised Markus in some and assumed the baby and younger man to be Tyra and Marcus.

Pushing her fingers up through her sleep loosened hair, Dru pulled the band free as she recognised this area for what it was...home. Despite all he'd been through himself, Markus still managed to create a space where he and his children could call home.

Sadness sparked in the young woman's eyes as she realised that home was missing in her own life...she had thought that the last time on this ship she had finally found home but her head injury and subsiquent rehabilitation had put an end to that. The last ship had never felt right...she had made friends but...it just hasn't felt right, even before the kidnapping had happened.

Rubbing her eyes, the counsellor felt a weariness tugging at her conciousness as she turned to look back at Markum. Last time theyd met he'd asked her to move in but it hadnt felt right then and she wasn't even sure that it felt right now. She come to realise now though, the invite had been as a friend with the hope of maybe more at time progressed. At the same time, knowing the man as she did; she knew that he'd never push her to anything that she didn't want.

Dru went to move back over to Markum but something held her back, the peacefulness etched into the features in his face. As her eyes moved down his body, the blanket had fallen away and she could see the reminants of the marks shed left on his shin. Quickly looking away, the counsellor realised that she wanted to see his eyes...his expressive eyes couldn't hide anything, he was so free with his feelings and emotions...that's what she'd always liked about him. He wasn't afraid to tell people how he saw it and he wasn't afraid to hold out his arms when a friend needed it.

Somehow she knew they'd already gone beyond friends but she didn't know how....last time on board was still a muddle and mess of memories and emotions to her. Lirha had been the prominent feature in her life then as the counsellor had struggled with finding a balance in the new path her life had taken. It had been full of raw emotions....love for the first time with another woman, fear at the unknown, anguish that she was trying to be someone who didn't feel right, pain that ultimately she would hurt those she loved.

Markum had been a consistent...he'd pulled her by the arm and forced her to sit down and breath. He'd forced her to just stop and see the fun in life; the fun she had locked away inside. He'd forced her to remember who she was when life's situations threatened to drown her. Back then he'd not just been a light she had needed to pull herself back but more....Looking back Dru could see now stirrings which may have been the initial emergents of something more but she'd readily ignored them because she wouldn't have ever betrayed Lirha in that way...it wasn't in her to be able to.

Now? She'd heard the ship talk about the former Captain getting married....Dru was happy that Lirha had finally found that special somebody she had been longing for, somebody to finally settle down with. The Orion deserved the happiness that her partner would give her.

Did that give Dru a right though to allow Markum in....To bridge that gap between friendship and something more. Did she have that right to happiness in herself? Did she have those feelings for Markum? Last night had been about opportunity, somebody she knew cared for her being let in to try to erase the memories and scars; even if the way wasn't right. Did she have it in her to let Markum and her do things right?

But still...that bear he'd given her had become her best friend. Someone...something to tell all of her worries and troubles too. Little Markum had taken on the role that the person who gifted him to her had once fulfilled. Maybe part of that had been because she hadn't wanted to let Markum go mentally after they were forced to part physically when they left the ship.

Now....Dru moved over to kneel down at the side of the couch and lightly brush her fingers across Markum's cheek, causing his face to crinkle at the light tickle before he settled back to sleep. Now...she didn't know. Now part of her was broken and although he knew some of it he didn't know the rest....He didn't know of the baby she carried and the uncertainty she battled with over what to do. What would be think of her if he knew the truth....What right had she got to happiness after everything she had allowed to happen?

Brushing away a single tear that trickled down her cheek, Dru pushed herself back to her feet as she looked at the door. She knew that the easiest way out was to run....To leave before he woke but she also knew that was the cowards way out. How long had she spent running, she'd even run from the Doctor who told her she was pregnant....She also knew that Markum deserved more. He deserved to at least know the whole truth before things went too far that nothing could be reversed. She owed him that....

Looking around, Dru ignored the mess and instead picked up the discarded PADD on the table. She would wait...after last night she owed him that.

[OFF]

Lieutenant JG Drusilla McCarthy
Assistant Chief Counsellor
USS Galileo

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