Instinctive states of mind Part 2

Posted on 08 Feb 2015 @ 1:55pm by Ensign K'os Beaumont
Edited on on 08 Feb 2015 @ 1:57pm

949 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: Episode 07 - Sojourn
Location: Vega Colony
Timeline: MD 43 - Morning

PREVIOUSLY IN PART ONE:

Just then, the door to the living space opened. "Beaumont!"

K'os turned to see his Vulcan friend, Toor standing in the entranceway. He had shouted his name, though it came out sounding monotone.


CONTINUED:

"What is the matter, Beaumont?" Toor approached K'os, but kept a little distance. He was smaller than K'os and the same age, but being a full blooded Vulcan, Toor's strength was much greater. He stayed back more for K'os' comfort.

Tears streamed down the young hybrid's face. The interruption had allowed him to regain control over himself, but K'os was sure it had loosened his grip on the Plak tow. He was sweating, and his chest heaved, and worst of all Ellsworth was in the forefront of his thoughts, but with none of the love or intimacy he associated with thoughts of his , replaced instead with a frightfully primal, borderline sadistic, urge to hunt Ellsworth down, bite him, take him and claim him as his mate. Killing or maiming anyone that stood in his way. Like his old roommate, Viru Evek, maybe? Or even, Keval zh'Erinov? No one would stand in his way! His eyes became dark as his face twisted in rage.

Toor stood, patiently waiting for K'os to work through it. He said nothing, trusting that the other man would use the training he taught him to control this outburst.

K'os' lip had curled into a snarl, but his face slowly relaxed. After a moment or two he breathed a huge sigh. "I'm in control." He assured his friend.

"So I see." Toor moved closer. "Do you need me to look?" He raised his right hand towards K'os' face for a meld but K'os pulled away.

"No, I'm ok. Really. Your block is still in place. I just..." K'os trailed off as he lowered his head.

"Could you be mistaken?" Toor looked past K'os at the metal table behind him. "You broke my table." He stated flatly.

K'os turned to see the table frame bent at a forty-five degree angle. He quickly grasped it, and with only a little effort bent it back upright, though it now had a bit of a crooked bend to it. "I will fix it."

"What brought this on, my friend?" Toor walked to the table and saw the opened message on the console still displayed. After a moment he saw the transfer order to the Galileo "I see."

"I leave for Starbase 84 in forty-seven hours, then straight to the ship." K'os moved to the couch and sunk into it with a thud. "I can't see him, Toor. I can't lie to him. It's impossible."

"You may hurt him." Toor agreed.

To anyone else, the Vulcan would have sounded indifferent but K'os knew he was trying to help. "I know that. If I don't hurt him, I could hurt Viru, or Keval, or anyone else he decides to mate with." He closed his eyes at the dark thoughts that conjured. He had never hurt anyone in his life, now it threatened to consume his thoughts.

"It has been two months since you had an outburst like this, and it did not last long. You even put it under control fairly quickly and with only-" Toor looked at his poor table, "--minor damage. Maybe you're ready to go back?"

"I don't feel ready, Toor. I still feel it. The block is there, but when it's quiet, or I'm alone, I can feel it. It's always there. Urging. It's changing me." K'os leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. "Besides," he said suddenly angry again, "he's probably changed himself by now too. I hurt people, Toor. I break them! It's better to just purge it all. Focus on my career, and move on. It's safer for everyone. It's safer for imzadi."

"Beaumont, you must not give up."

"Stop!" K'os bolted off the couch, his fists were tight. "I don't know what could happen if I bond with him again. The first time triggered Pon farr and it made him so obsessed with me, he couldn't discern what was real, and what was a result of these," he waved his hands at Toor. "I took his sense of reason away. Don't you understand? I made him love me, and now I'm sick with this disease that makes me think of doing the most carnal and primitive things I have ever felt, and then--", tears streamed down his cheeks as anger gave way to despair, "--then I abandoned him." It came out almost like a wail. "Assaulting him almost would have been a kindness next to leaving, you don't know the depth of our bond."

"You were not yourself then. You were in Plak tow, Beaumont, and you do not know if it affected him or not. Not for certain. The block is working, you said it yourself." Toor was calm and patient. He didn't seem bothered by the emotional rollercoaster in front of him.

K'os stood in silence, his mind thinking hard. Having now vented, sustaining his anger had now become a chore. He closed his eyes, and used the training he'd been taught to close down his mind, and disassociate from his emotions until they were gone. Purged. Like he had been for the last two months. The shock over returning to the Galileo subsided, then disappeared entirely.

He was back in control. "I'm not being given much of a choice, am I?" K'os' face was passive again. He turned away from Toor and stared at the console on the bent table. "Alax...." He whispered.

END

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