Bald, Blue, Boisterous & Baffled

Posted on 08 Sep 2014 @ 4:06am by Lieutenant Olsam Mott & Petty Officer 2nd Class Ardon Zuwtt

1,719 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Episode 06 - Legend of Souls
Location: USS Galileo - Deck 7, Main Engineering
Timeline: MD08 - 1400 hrs

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Olsam stalked into Main Engineering like a man on a mission, which probably looked a bit odd since he was a doctor. No doctors had missions in engineering.

"Petty Officer Zuwtt!" he called out, putting on his meanest looking face for when the cowardly Bolian revealed himself. It looked a bit more constipated than mean, but it was the best he could conjure up. While waiting for Zuwtt, he took a few moments to look around engineering. He'd never really spent any time here, and there were so many fascinating looking pieces of equipment, lights and panels flashing here and there. By the time Zuwtt showed up, his mean-constipated look had faded into one of amazement and delight.

"Hello, Doctor!" called out Zuwtt from the upper level of engineering where he was monitoring the plasma flows for possible tribble-induced damage to the EPS systems. He wondered just what it was about the ship's circuitry that tribbles found to be so tasty. Maybe they should be coating the wires in some hajjlaran based hot sauce. That's it, thought Zuwtt. Once this tour of duty would end, he decided he would develop tribble-proof components by coating regular starship parts with hot sauce. With the right connections, he could get a contract to supply parts to Starfleet and he'd be rich.

Zuwtt quicky climbed down the ladder to the lower deck to meet the other Bolian. It was strange to see him come down to engineering, usually they wouldn't get blueshirts in there very often. "Doctor, if I'm late for a physical, you can always just call me on my comm badge. You don't have to come all the way down here."

"Don't you 'hello' me, bub!" Olsam huffed, forgetting his earlier fascination with the warp core. It was just so blue and rhythmic... No. No, snap out of it, Olsam. "I've been hearing a lot of disturbing things about you, Zuwtt. Quite a lot. And we stand out like big blue sore thumbs, which means everything you do reflects on me and Bolarus and I'm not about to stand around here having you womanizing and doing whatever else you get up to on a daily basis and then people start thinking I'm a womanizer or all Bolians are womanizers and then the next thing you know no one wants to even date a Bolian, much less be anywhere near them, and how's that going to turn out for us, huh? Our economy thrives on interspecies relationships, Zuwtt, and your behavior is threatening the very existence of our way of life. Why do you hate Bolarus so much, Zuwtt? Why? Just tell me. I really want to know."

"How dare you!" shot back Zuwtt. "Coming in here, coming into my work, and shouting at me in front of all my co-workers!" By now, everyone was staring at the bald blue men bickering in front of the warp core. "You're embarrassing yourself, Dr. Mott, and you're embarrassing Bolarus. And how dare you ask me why I hate Bolarus! I love Bolarus! I love the beaches, the oceans, the seafood... I love Bolian cuisine! Especially those fermented shrimp. You know the ones with that salty batter? And Bolxx-style viral sauce! I could eat those all day. But they never had any on Earth. At least not in Helsinki where I come from. that's a city in Finland, an area of Earth which is very cold. But they did have something called lutefisk which was pretty similar. Lutefisk is great, it reminds me of some of the cuisine we have back home. Have you ever tried it, doctor?"

It hadn't taken Olsam long to become completely - entirely - distracted by the food conversation. In fact, if you'd in and asked him why he was in Engineering, he probably wouldn't have been able to recall.

"Of course! I've had it on several occasions. Several. I even tried to make it once, but my neighbors complained. Imagine, French people complaining about smelly food! And I always take my lutefisk with gamalost. I don't know how they get that cheese to be so putrefied but it is absolutely delicious. It just has that...aroma, you know? Full-bodied, pungent, like jellied vednexx on a hot flatrokk at a picnic beside Bumbaloo Bay on the Fifth of Moxcember."

The specificity of the scene seemed to transport Olsam away; his eyes unfocused and he became transfixed by the fuzzy, pulsing blue warp core.

Zuwtt's stomach rumbled; all the talk about food was making him hungry. "It's been too long since I've been to Bumbaloo Bay..." Seeing that Mott wasn't listening, he gazed over at the warp core along with him. "It's beautiful, the intermixing of the warp plasma, the blue glow... like a jar full of fireflies from the Zopalott forests. Only this one puts out one point twenty-one jiggawatts of energy a second."

Olsam nodded absent-mindedly. The warp core reminded him of his co-father's freighter, where he'd spent the majority of his summer breaks during his formative years. He was even born next to that warp core, following the very traditional Bolian belief that such a birth would bestow blessings and good luck upon the baby.

"Hmm, twenty-one jiggawatts," Olsam mumbled. He stared at the warp core for several long minutes then cleared his throat and frowned; he'd suddenly remembered why he was even down here in the first place. "Zuwtt! You are supposed to be a complete sleaze ball, an asshole of the first order. What's going on then, hm? Is someone slandering your good name, or is this just all an act? You seem like a perfectly normal Bolian to me. Perfectly normal."

"One point twenty one jiggawats," corrected Zuwtt. "Is there a such thing as a perfectly normal Bolian?" he joked.

Olsam's brow pulled together, though it was unclear if he was frowning or thinking. He'd always considered himself a model of Bolianism, of course, but one had to leave room for all sorts of different personalities. Not everyone could achieve such an extraordinary height of Bolian virtue.

"Well... I suppose not," he admitted reluctantly, but then stiffened and huffed a little. "Dr. Tuula seems to feel like you are a pompous... What did she call you? A pompous, cowardly... Hm. Pompous cowardly...cowardly...."

"Horrible jerk? Psychotic asshole? Bald-headed prick?" offered Zuwtt. "Are you really going to take the word of a jilted ex over that of a fellow Bolian? I'm sure a handsome man like yourself, a doctor no less, has broken more than a few hearts in his day."

Olsam did the galaxy's worst job of looking modest. It was true, he had broken his fair share of hearts, but all of them were completely unintentional. The most dramatic example was the Denobulan girl he dated for six months at the Medical Academy without realizing they were actually dating. She just seemed to show up at his place a lot, and she was always trying to kiss him. He thought it was some weird Denobulan cultural thing and usually managed to dodge them; afterward, she'd go on at length about the "old world charm" of his chastity. Every time she told him she loved him, he was quick to reply because, frankly, he loved everyone.

It wasn't until she touched on meeting her parents that he finally realized what was going on. When he let her down gently - "I am not and have never been romantically interested in you" - she smashed everything in his apartment.

"Well," Olsam began, reflecting on who was more likely to be truthworthy - a colleague or a Bolian. Damn. If only he had the option of Bolian colleague, this would be so much easier! "I guess she might have a warped perspective. And you are a Bolian... What happened between you? Did she hate your mother's masaaki sauce?"

"No. Well, yes, but that wasn't it." Zuwtt's eyes darted across the room. "A gentleman never kisses and tells, but for a fellow Bolian, I'll make an exception." Zuwtt closed in and lowered his voice. "One day, she just up and left. I came home, and all that was left behind was a note telling me not to follow her. I heard later that she left for Starfleet Medical Academy, and left me behind in Helsinki. And..." his eyes darted back and forth again, "...that she was pregnant when she left."

Olsam gasped so hard he may have pulled the warp core's magnetic constrictors out of alignment. "No!" His own eyes darted back and forth, as if they might be under surveillance by that shady Amynta Markos. "She's been hiding a half-Bolian baby right under my nose this whole time? Impossible! Wait, you don't think she... You know. Shoved it out an airlock or anything, right? And she must have had a good reason to leave! Are you sure she wasn't just scheduled to go to the Medical Academy and you forgot? Sometimes I do that."

"I don't think I would forget something like that, doctor," replied Zuwtt. There was little point in trying to be discrete, Dr. Mott's gasp had attracted the attention of the entire engineering staff. "She was very clear in the note that she didn't want to see me anymore. And she was also very clear that she didn't want to talk to me when I met her in the mess hall. Though, that might also be because of her new jarhead boyfriend."

For a moment, Olsam envisioned a human male's body with an enormous specimen jar in place of the head, and it caused him to smirk. "Wait, what? She has a boyfriend? Well, she didn't say anything about that... It could interfere with her training. Terribly interfere. I'll have to talk to her about that. And get to the bottom of why she just up and left you. That's just rude. Terribly rude." He turned away and took a few steps toward the door as if he intended to do so right at that moment.

"Good luck," called out Zuwtt before turning and heading back to his workstation.

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PO2 Ardon Zuwtt
Damage Control Technician
USS Galileo
[PNPC Tuula]

&

Lieutenant Olsam Mott, M.D.
Assistant Chief Medical Officer
USS Galileo

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