The Evaluation (18+ disturbing imagery)

Posted on 05 Mar 2014 @ 4:38pm by Lieutenant Teth Miir & Petty Officer 1st Class Viru Evek
Edited on on 05 Mar 2014 @ 4:51pm

2,654 words; about a 13 minute read

Mission: Episode 06 - Legend of Souls
Location: USS Galileo, Deck 3, Counselor's Office
Timeline: MD 4 1530

ON:

Teth stared at the small potted fern on the corner of his desk. He wondered if it was getting enough water. It was purple and gave off the faint odor of decomposing paper.

"So," the caitian said as he leaned over his desk and picked up a cup of tea, "You haven't had a psychological evaluation since the one they gave you during your enlistment process?"

"Yes, sir." the young Cardassian man replied, he was now examining the fern. It smelled a lot like something he used to eat as a child.

"And according to the report from that examination, and I quote, 'recruit is intelligent and outgoing, but very guarded in regards to answering personal questions. He prefers secrecy over openness and will likely perform better working individually or with small closely knit groups...' Et cetera. Now, for me to actually give you a clean bill of mental health, I am going to need you to open up some. Are you willing to answer some personal questions today?"

"Yes, sir." the crewman replied flatly.

"You know, you don't have to call me sir. Counselor Miir would be fine. A little less impersonal, don't you think?"

"I suppose so, counselor." Viru frowned. He really did not want to discuss his life and feelings with someone who is just going to record them and analyze and scrutinize every part of his psyche.

But he had promised Dr. Mott some time before that he would give therapy a try. And who was he to break a promise?

"So, tell me a little about yourself, Mr. Evek. Where are you from?"

"Bajor." he said with a bored sigh, "I was a war orphan. I was raised by Bajoran monks in an orphanage full of mostly Bajorans. I wasn't very popular, to say the least."

"With the other children, or with the adults as well?"

"Both." Viru replied, picking as the seam of his left shirt sleeve. part of the threading had become frayed.

"If you think Bajorans don't like Cardassians now, they definitely hated us with a burning passion right after the war ended. I was raised by a Vedek and her monks. They were a very strict order who followed the religious teaching very literally. If you failed to live a godly enough life, you would be punished."

"How would they punish you?"

Viru shrugged and broke eye contact with the counselor, but still remaining calm and collected.

"They would make us kneel on dried grains and recite religious verses. They would have us scrub the lavatories or peel tuber roots. And if all else failed they beat us within inches of our lives."

"That must have been a very difficult time for you."

"These things happen. I had the misfortune of getting orphaned on a planet my parents helped invade. As awful as it was, I really feel like I've forgiven everyone who hurt me there or who tried to make my life more difficult. They were hurting badly. I know one of the more cruel monks had lost his wife and three children during the war."

"Well that's quite exceptional that you have managed to find the strength to forgive those people on your own already." the counselor noted, taking a long sip of his tea.

"Did you know your parents at all? Your biological parents, I mean?"

"I didn't. I have a picture of them, but they were killed when I was a baby. My mother apparently hid the fact that she was pregnant with me and was deployed with a Galor class starship called the CUS Serkara. I was born on Bajor, though, the ship ended up in battle with marquis near Bajoran space, my mother and father were both killed along with everyone else on the ship. Except me and a young nurse who carried me onto an escape pod and ejected. Everyone else were killed and the nurse knew he would be killed for desertion. He handed me over to an orphanage before he defected and handed himself over to the mercy of the Bajorans. I have no idea what ever happened to him."

"So were you ever adopted?"

"No, I stayed at the orphanage until I was sixteen. I tried finding a job on Bajor for a while, I got hired as a janitor at a hospital. But I ended up not being very happy with that and I joined Starfleet. I wanted to travel, meet new people. People who maybe weren't quite so xenophobic toward Cardassians."

"So you chose Starfleet instead of returning to your home world?"

"They wouldn't have wanted me either. No family, raised by Bajorans, at the time I practiced Bajoran religious beliefs. It would likely have been worse than just staying on Bajor."

The counselor nodded and punched something into his PADD. Evek's stomach started turning to knots, wondering what the Caitian might be saying about him.

"So how do you feel now that you are in Starfleet?"

"I love it. I am a chemist, I assist in the science and medical labs, mostly. Sometimes I have helped synthesize new drugs, which is very exciting because that has in the past lead to helping to save my crewmates' lives."

"Do you get along well with your crewmates?"

"Of course.... I did have an odd encounter the other evening."

"Ok, I'll ask the question you want me to." Teth said, mildly irritated that his patient didn't just want to come out with it. "What happened?"

"Well, I had to speak to the quartermaster."

Teth's heart sank. He knew the quartermaster quite well at this point. He also knew the quartermaster's mate and the fact that the quartermaster had a very difficult time with sexual promiscuity. He braced himself for the rest of the story, having a feeling he might know how it ends.

"He was attractive enough. A Betazoid, quite young. I invited him to the holodeck to play my favorite program. It is more or less a 'zombie apocalypse' scenario as our human friends might say. I didn't really realize that he had witnessed combat up close or that he had lost his parents to the war as well. I should have asked. So he got very upset, and then he tried to seduce me. I mean, he is attractive, but I had just met him. Not to mention that he picked that time to tell me he was in a relationship. Why in this universe would he do something like that?"

Teth knew the quartermaster quite well. He remembered their counseling sessions together and his troubled past working as a prostitute. He also remembered that night they met up together in a hole in a wall cafe in the middle of the night. The counselor just wanted to talk, but the quartermaster had assumed he had other motives.

"Sometimes when people experience very traumatic events, they will act out sexually. And by that I mean, they will have potentially dangerous or harmful sexual encounters because it makes them feel control of their life and their body. Especially if they have experienced any kind of a sexual trauma. But really, it can happen from any kind of trauma where the person felt their body was being controlled by someone or something else."

"Well I've lived through plenty of trauma in my life, I don't go around trying to seduce strangers after crying about my dead family. I think I see your point, but it's just so odd."

"Were you ever sexually abused?" the counselor asked frankly.

"Well, not really, no."

Teth frowned, unsatisfied by the response.

"What does 'not really' mean, exactly?"

"Well, the monks were very cruel. I don't think they got any sort of sexual gratification out of what they did, but they might have. And though many of the punishments were sexual in nature, it really seemed like it was designed to humiliate us and hurt us more than anything. They were designed to shame us into complying with religious doctrine. "

"You don't have to if you aren't comfortable, but can you elaborate? What did they do?"

Evek stared at his hands which were folded in his lap, trying to remember years of events he worked hard to forget.

"I don't really want to go into detail right now." he said, his voice suddenly more shaky, "But they had very unusual and strict interpretations of the Bajoran religious texts. They decided that sex was only for married people for the purpose of procreation. If any of us got caught exhibiting immoral behavior, they would find creative ways to teach us a lesson. Publicly. And given that many of us were teenagers or soon to be teenagers, that obviously resulted in a lot of public displays of shaming."

"I see." Teth said, thoughtfully. "You know they were wrong for doing that to you and the others, right? None of it is any fault of yours. Does it ever cause you nightmares or intrusive thoughts?"

"I know it wasn't my fault. And I think I have made peace with all of that for the most part. It's not something I like to dwell on, and like I said before, I've forgiven them. It has stunted my romantic life to some extent, but... I am still young. I have some problems with exhibiting affection which naturally can lead to all of my first dates also being last dates. On the bright side, there is plenty of time for that. My people are long lived, so I'm not worried yet."

"Well I am glad to hear that. But if you do ever feel the need to talk about that, or anything else, don't be afraid to. In any case you seem like an exceptionally well balanced young man. Especially considering all you have been through. I think you will be a wonderful asset to this crew-"

"I accidentally killed a little girl when I was a kid. I have nightmares about that even to this day." Evek blurted out, immediately wishing he could pull the words back into his mouth.

Teth was about to dismiss him, but the counselor's smile turned to an expression of deep concern.

"You killed someone?"

"Yes." Evek said, feeling completely numb and he replayed the events of that day in his head.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"Well, when I was in the orphanage, I sort of got adopted by these three Trill siblings who were also there. Their parents were researchers aiding the Bajorans at the time, and they were killed. Anyway, it was two boy and a little girl named Nori. She was four. I was supposed to be watching her while her brothers were elsewhere. I lost track of her, and she fell into a river and drowned. I saw it happen and tried to dive after her, but I couldn't swim...."

Evek stopped to try to stop crying and to catch his breath. Such an emotional display in front of a stranger was extremely humiliating in it's own right.

"They found her body days later, miles from where she fell in. I saw her when they brought her back to the orphanage to prepare her for burial. She was so swollen and blue and something had tried to eat her eyes. She was covered in... bite marks."

Suddenly the Cardassian felt extremely nauseous and searched for something to possibly vomit in. The only thing his frantic mind could spot was an empty glass vase on the shelf. He sprung to his feet and grabbed the thing, retching that morning's coffee into it.

Teth watched him closely as he went to grab a box of facial tissues. When Evek had cleaned himself and regained his composure, he returned to his seat, silent and staring at the fern on Teth's desk.

"Viru," Teth said softly, "You didn't kill anyone. It was an accident. You were a child."

"I should have saved her. They trusted me, I was their brother, but I killed Nori and I ruined it all."

"You never should have been put in that position. What happened was an awful tragedy, but it wasn't your fault. I mean, did you push her?"

"No, she fell on her own."

"Well, that sounds like an accident to me. You were just a child yourself. You risked your life trying to save her. You couldn't even swim and you still tried to save her. I really think you went above and beyond what most people, most adults would have in your situation."

"Then why do I still feel like a murderer?"

"Are you familiar with something called 'survivors guilt'?" the caitian asked as he stood from his desk and began rummaging through a cabinet full isolinear chips containing various records and books and notes.

"I haven't really, no."

There was silence for a moment until Teth turned around producing an empty PADD and isolinear chip that he clipped into a port on the side of the device.

"I want you to read this book. I think you might find it is insightful into your own emotions surrounding Nori's death. Possibly the reaction the quartermaster had to your holo-program as well. I've been reading this myself lately, actually. It was written by a Vulcan psychologist at Starfleet medical who was observing the behavior of Starfleet members and their families following exposure to traumatic events. War, being taken prisoner, being assimilated, non-consensual telepathic encounters, whatever. Being a Vulcan, the writer remains very logical and impartial to the events and I think that allowed her to have a more clear understanding of cause and effect in these people's minds, so to speak. This is a good thing, because it provides a very clear and analytical explanation of the ways in which other races cope with trauma. There is even a chapter about a young half Bajoran half Cardassian man which I think might be of interest to you in particular."

Evek took the PADD and stared at it then back up at the counselor.

"Thank you." he said, uncertain if he was feeling sincere or not.

"I also would like to start seeing you on a weekly basis. Start reading that book. Let me know what you think of it when I see you next week."

The chemist did not go the see a counselor in hopes of receiving a homework assignment. But he decided he would give it a try, none the less.

"I know you feel like everything is your fault. I have been there before myself. So please, if you ever need to talk, just let me know. I'm always available."

"I'll keep that in mind, counselor."

Teth looked at his watch and then to the Cardassian.

"Our time is up. I would like to see you here, this time next week? Is that going to be ok with your schedule?"

The cardassian nodded. "Yes sir- I mean counselor. It should be fine. Thank you for the book."

And then, without any further comment, Evek bolted from the counselor's office, book in hand. He had hoped that telling his story would make him feel better or feel some kind of relief. Anything. But at that moment he could only relive the moment he saw Nori get washed away by the current so many years before. Her last scream, her panicked face bobbing above the water for the last time. Burned into his mind and put on repeat for some indefinite span of time.

He stared at the PADD in his hand. How much could a Vulcan really understand about emotional responses? As far as he could tell, they were a close step down from the Borg.

OFF:

Lt. JG Teth Miir
Counselor
USS Galileo

&

PO1 Viru Evek
Chemist
USS Galileo

RSS Feed