Long Overdue

Posted on 05 Jun 2013 @ 11:27am by Chief Warrant Officer 4 Cyrus Kiwosk & Marine Captain Ray Fernandez (Ret.)

1,168 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo - Kiwosk's/Watt's Quarters
Timeline: MD 08 1240 HRS

ON:

Ray let the door open without announcing his entrance. "Damn it Cyrus, I haven't even gotten to sit down with you. You have too much to do or something?" Ray bellowed, smacking the half asleep ex-marine with his cane. "I didn't just do this because I enjoy ship travel you know!"

Cyrus accepted the smack, he had been avoiding talking to Ray for many reasons, some were work related, but many revolved around his past experiences on the Fitzgerald , his former ship. Cyrus and Ray had been the only two survivors of a botched mission. Cyrus felt the conflicting emotions once more as he struggled hard against them.

Ray realized that there was more wrong with the younger man than he was letting on. It didn't take long for the experienced vet to understand Kiwosk's constant avoidance.
The boy was still dealing with his final mission on the Fitzgerald

"It wasn't your fault you know." Ray stated simply. "You know that the mission was supposed to be infiltration only. There was no way for us to know they were waiting."

Cyrus sat up and opened his mouth to reply, but felt the words choke up in his throat. He shut his mouth and tried again to no avail. Finally, he just case a sad look at Ray and stared at the ground, his massive shoulders sagging visibly under an unseen weight.

Ray knew right then that his assumption has been correct. "Have you been seeing people?" Was all he asked.

Cyrus nodded absent mindedly.

"They have been saying that you have been coping well. " Fernandez said slowly, unsure where this conversation was going to end up.

Again, Cyrus simply nodded, his eyes still pointing downward.

"Until I showed up, and then the memories..."

Cyrus finally looked up and ray could see pain and fear behind them. "Flooding back." Was all he said, his voice cracking slightly.

Ray found a chair and sat down as Cyrus stayed on the bed and the two men sat in silence for several moments. "It was a terrible time, and you had gotten the most of it."

Cyrus said nothing.

"You saved them you know. Those civilans. " But Ray knew that it wasn't the PoW that was the problem, or even the grenade.

"I didn't save one." Was the only reply Kiwosk could make and he could feel the wetness in his eyes. "Remember that little girl?"

Ray winced unconsciously. There was one little girl, she couldn't have been more than six or seven. She had lost an arm and was dying of infection. She breathed her last breathe shortly before everyone had escaped. It had been Cyrus that she had asked if she was going to be alright and then collapsed.

"You can't keep that guilt Cyrus, it wasn't your fault. " Ray explained, but Kiwosk was already shaking his head.

" That little girl should have lived Ray, she shouldn't have died. I wake up in cold sweats and I see flashes of white light, sometimes i feel the pain from that explosion. Sometimes I don't feel anything at all, but that little girl is always there. She was the only person I couldn't have saved. Even if she had made it out of the complex, she was dead...and there wasn't a damn thing I could do. " He stared at Ray hard, his eyes fighting back several tears. "I go back to that one moment in time, every single damn time I shut my eyes. Every time I try to shove it out of my head on mission." He sighed shakily. "Bright lights still make me nervous, being responsible for others still makes me anxious."

Ray nodded understanding completely. He had suffered through similar feelings early into his career, only he had been responsible for the lives onf hundreds of Marines and other starfleet personnel. Ray had tried to bury those problems in a bottle and by recklessly throwing himself into the front lines. Cyrus had slowly fallen into a deep brooding depression that he refused to show anyone, but the people closest to him. He seemed fine to most people, laughing and carrying on, but when he was alone, the nightmares kept him from sleeping.

In its own way, what Cyrus was doing to himself was worse than any bout of alcoholism.

"Son, you know you're not the only one that's had to deal with this, you're certainly not going to be the last one. " Ray started. "Unfortunately it comes with the territory. It's what we are called upon to do. It's not easy, it never gets easier. All you can do is find something or someone to fall back on. " Cyrus nodded absently, letting the information roll over him.

"I thought I had...but she had to leave." Kiwosk said.

"The doctor, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, Pola...she was special...but I don't know if it'll keep going the way it is. she had a transfer and now it's not going as well. Maybe if I had been here longer we wouldn't have as many issues..." He explained. Pola and himself only had been dating a little longer than a month when she had been transferred. Kiwosk saw his old habits were coming back...the not sleeping, the nightmares were all returning at a rapid pace. He still struggled to take his medication properly, refusing to allow himself to grow dependent on the sleeping aids, but he felt it was a losing battle.

"I lost my wife to distance, you know. It's a shitty feeling." Ray chuckled sadly. "Took the kids, never have seen them since." He sighed. "Be happy you knew her and who knows, maybe you will be able to reconnect later on, you're only just starting and she's far from finished. The universe isn't as big a place as people make it out to be." He chuckled.

Cyrus looked up and took heart in his former mentor's talk. It seemed that he was constantly bumping into people even though it should be physically impossible given the size of outer space. He managed a small smile. "Maybe you're right."

"I know I'm right, but you have to believe it before you can accept it." He sighed. "There is only two ways this is going to go. you will either stay together and get past this, or you two will grow apart. It's only been a month, you two were just getting to know each other. Do with it as you will. " Ray got up from the chair and moved to the door. "I hope that you decide what is best for you and for this ship. You are really a pain in the ass when you sulk." The door slid open and Ray stepped out, hoping his words sunk in.

they had, but Cyrus didn't want to admit it. He threw himself back onto the bed and slammed his eyes shut, but that wasn't going to do anything. "Damn it Ray." He muttered angrily.

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