Traumatic Stress and Bad Dreams (2/2)

Posted on 03 Apr 2013 @ 9:51pm by Lieutenant Kiri Cho & Lieutenant Dawn Meridian
Edited on on 04 Apr 2013 @ 12:14pm

2,981 words; about a 15 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo Deck 3, Counsellor's Office
Timeline: MD-1 1135

Previously...

"That's probably the best the way to deal with it," Dawn said. "Once nothing's happened there for a while, it shouldn't be much of a problem anymore. It's good to hear that it's getting better." She let out a little breath, just short of being a sigh. "If it gets bad, can you ask someone to work with you? It should be a bit better if you're with someone you trust."

There was only one person she could sort of trust in the department and she could hardly ask Maenad to work with her when there was so much to do. Realising how stupid it sounded Kiri braced herself, "I don't really have anyone like that."

And now the conclusion...

[ON]

Dawn blinked once, more than a little bit surprised. Kiri did seem a bit withdrawn, but it didn't seem like anyone would have a problem working with her. If she'd been in science, she wouldn't have minded. "Oh." She felt a bit bad for making the suggestion now. "I guess waiting it out is the best way, then. If it does get really bad, I don't mind talking about it." She paused, offering Kiri a smile. "It's the only way I can help with most things."

Kiri took a deep breath, "I think that is a very good way to help." She'd make sure to remember if it got worse, it seemed like her best option. At least as far as she could without risking having herself taken off duty. Unsure of what to do next she just looked rather sullen and sucked on her lower lip.

"It's all right," Dawn said, her voice soft. She didn't like seeing that glum expression on Kiri's face. She wondered what Kiri looked like when she smiled. Dawn wanted her to smile, but Kiri seemed so helplessly sad. It was probably for the best that they didn't talk about everything awful all at once. Kiri'd already talked about horrible nightmares and her fear of strangers, and they'd only just met. She'd wanted to help Kiri get the dreams off her chest, but it felt like it had only made her sadder.

"Do you have anything you do to take your mind off things? Hobbies?" Hopefully that wouldn't be as depressing. Everyone had things they liked doing, and maybe if Kiri thought about them she'd be happier.

"I like to do mathematical puzzles," Kiri sloped down to stop, she didn't feel like pretending the other things she did was really hobbies any more. It wasn't exactly the boost that was needed, "I've been learning some martial arts and new things to cook as well, but I haven't really started yet." One session several days ago and one new recipe didn't exactly make the topics hobbies to her.

Dawn nodded, as much to herself as to Kiri. She didn't like math very much, mostly because had a hard time concentrating on something so tedious for more than a few minutes at a time. She was all right with shorter problems, though. She'd done okay in math at the academy, but much better in physics, for some reason. Maybe because it was fun to picture what was happening in the problem and find out what happened. "Those should help a bunch, once you get into the swing of them. I don't know much about martial arts, but I've always found them interesting. And cooking is a lot of fun... although tasting it is always the best part." Those would be a good way for Kiri to take her mind off of things as long as she found enough time for them.

"When I'm thinking too much, I like to listen to or play music. There's something about it that just... calms me down. Or go for a swim, although that's harder to do." Dawn smiled. She'd spent most of her first night on board with her guitar, trying to keep her mind off things.

"I listen to music when I read sometimes," There hadn't been much time for music lately. There hadn't been much time for reading either but Kiri wanted to be able to relate. Swimming was nice but she was quite terrible at it, doing more than a length tired her out and she felt stupid whenever she tried in public. Trying to ease into being even slightly more comfortable she forced a tiny smile, "What do you listen to?"

"Depends," Dawn said. It was true. It didn't really depend on her mood - after all, she was happy, for the most part, except when she was lonely. That was only during particularly dark nights, usually. Although it was always dark in space... didn't help things. "I go through phases. Sometimes I listen to things I'd like to learn to play on the violin or guitar. That's usually folk music - stuff from Earth, mostly." She lifted a finger. "A bunch of types of dance music, too. Anything with a rhythm that's easy to get lost in." Her smile widened. She hadn't been listening to as much music, lately. Maybe that would help.

"What parts of Earth?" Kiri queried, wondering if Dawn liked any of the music she did, it was possible right?

"The guitar stuff tends to be from North America, and most of the things that use the violin are European - usually Celtic or Scandinavian." She paused. Just talking about it was making her want to play. There was a certain... zen she felt when she was playing that she didn't get from anything else. "Of course, anything from the 21st century on comes from all over the place." She wondered if she was rambling. She'd become so intent on helping Kiri feel a bit better that it had stopped being a counselling session, really. But that was all right. Counselling didn't always have to be about drilling people about their feelings and experiences.

North American could mean a whole lot of things but Celtic Kiri understood, she knew a little bit about that an listen to it sometimes. Really she was grasping at straws but she wanted to be able to relate to Dawn somehow, to show she was useful and good to have around. To be wanted, "I have listened to some Celtic music," Trying to think hard of any song she had heard, "Mixed with South Asia traditional music." That one she quite liked, it was odd in a very nice way.

Dawn gave a small nod. "I've listened to some," she said. "I wish I could play it, sometimes. It's so different from what I usually hear." To be honest, she'd have no idea where to start trying to play it. The instruments were all so foreign to her; she could pick out the types of instruments - woodwinds and strings, usually - but she didn't know what they were specifically. "It's usually very peaceful compared to violin pieces. Maybe because the violin can be so sad." She smiled at Kiri.

"It depends on what you listen to, some are quite, energetic," Energetic was one of those concepts that Kiri felt uncomfortable with, for no real reason, "I haven't really listened to any in a while though."

"I guess I haven't listened to enough, then," Dawn said, her brow furrowed. She'd have to keep looking. "Oh well." She paused. "I could play for you sometime, if you like. I haven't been able to play for a while, so I might not be any good." She gave a little shrug. "I used to play a lot more than I do now, since there's just not much time anymore."

"That would be nice, if it's no trouble," Spending time with someone listening to music was quite appealing right now. Shifting her feet a little Kiri managed a small smile, "I could send you some different music as well, if you like."

Dawn positively beamed. "It wouldn't be any trouble at all," she said. The thought of being able to play for someone again was exciting and a little bit scary. She hadn't stopped practicing, but... "I could always use more to listen to," she added. "Makes my quarters less..." she hesitated for the first time, searching for a word. It wasn't 'lonely' - music didn't make that go away. "Insulated," she decided.

"I don't like mine," Kiri was hesitant about saying that but her quarters weren't her home. They weren't somewhere she wanted to be, when she had to be she worked and kept busy. There weren't any good memories there for her, just unpleasantness things, and loneliness.

Dawn nodded. "I feel the same way. Music helps with that a lot. It cuts through the silence and makes everything feel warmer." Dawn shifted a bit in her chair. Many counsellors had tried to help her with her fear of being alone. They had all failed to some degree or another. She knew they had all wanted to help, and it felt like it was almost her fault they couldn't.

She wanted to be better than that.

"So I spend a lot of time working with people, instead. I get to spend time away from my quarters, and people are fascinating. Helping them helps me." She smiled happily. "I feel like science would give me the same kind of feeling. Completing a big project... exploring new possibilities. I might be making it bigger than it is, but it seems exciting."

"Yes," Kiri nodded, that sounded a lot like her. Doing things, working meant she was busy and completing projects gave her a feeling of accomplishment she lacked elsewhere. They had something in common, there was more hope than before. There were other things she had thought about changing how she lived though, "Have you ever lived with someone, that wasn't family?"

Dawn looked like she was about to shake her head, but then she suddenly stopped. "Lucian, I guess. But I don't think he counts. He's been my only family for a long time." He'd taken her in after her parents had disappeared and was responsible for a good part of who she was. She wasn't Dawn de Fay anymore, after all. "And it's been all starships since the academy. And it's not like you're really living with the crew, most of the time. More like among them." She paused thoughtfully. "So no, I guess not."

"I just thought it might help, with being lonely," Kiri wasn't really sure how she would go about something like that but even if they weren't her friend. Having someone that shared the same living space meant there was at least someone around. It seemed Dawn has as much experience as she did.

"I think it would," Dawn said, her head tilted slightly to one side. "It'd have to be someone you got along with or it would just cause more problems, though." She frowned. "But as long as you didn't fight, it would help a lot just to know someone's around." Just to know someone's around...

"Right," That made the matter far more complex, there wasn't anyone on the ship she really knew well enough to make sharing a good idea. They would have to put up with her too, which might not be a small thing. Still, "It would be nice though."

Dawn closed her eyes. Kiri was right. If she had someone living with her, it could probably help her a lot. It would have to be someone she trusted - someone she felt comfortable being near. A friend. Anyone else would just make matters worse. And the kind of trouble that brewed between two people that were stuck together against their will had the worst effects. If even being on the same crew drove some people crazy, sharing the same quarters would just be... bad.

"I... don't suppose there's anyone you could ask," Dawn said hopefully. Maybe there was, and she was just too afraid to ask. But if there wasn't anyone she trusted that much, there wasn't much she could do.

"No, I don't," Kohl was gone and Maenad was her boss, those were the only two options she really felt she could try and they were impossible. It would be nice but it seemed as far away as everything else in her social life.

"Oh." Well, that was that settled. Depressingly. Again. It seemed like Kiri didn't have any really good friends on the ship, which was a bit confusing, because she seemed really nice. Was her anxiety really so bad that people didn't bother to try to see through it? That... annoyed her. "Well, that won't last forever. Eventually, there'll be someone you want to ask, and it won't hurt to try." Dawn smiled weakly at that, but she was still bothered. "You'll have to tell me what it's like."

"Is it, something you would like?" Talking to Dawn was easy enough compared to most people. Kiri wasn't sure if it was just her job or if it was because she liked her. There was a way to go before she really trusted her or felt she knew her but, Dawn seemed like she could be an option. The only one she really had at the moment it felt.

Dawn put her finger on her chin thoughtfully. "I don't know," she admitted. "It sounds nice, at least. And it might make sleeping less... unnerving if I knew someone else was around." Better than having to go to the mess hall to make sure she wasn't all alone on the ship, at any rate. She sighed softly. "But I don't really know for sure what it would be like. I could hate it."

Glad she wasn't alone in feeling that Kiri smiled, feeling better. There was a tiny part of her that thought about asking right now. Better to wait until she knew Dawn better, that they might be able to solve both their problems without anyone getting hurt, "It would be different, but I do think it would be nice."

Dawn gave a little nod. "You should keep it in mind, I think," she said. "I'm sure you'll have a chance to try it before long." She smiled. Even if Kiri was a bit closed off, Dawn was pretty sure she'd be able to find someone that would try.

"I don't know about that," Kiri returned the smile and shifting her hands slightly, "But I will keep it in mind." She was struggling to feel close to anyone of the ship having had the trust she'd started to share broken twice. The idea of building it enough to be able not only to have a friend but someone to live with as well seemed distant. More possible than it had been a few hours ago but still far away.

"Well, if you do any more thinking on it, my door's always open," Dawn said with her version of a sage nod. "Except when it's not. Which probably means I'm counselling someone." She gave a small shrug. "What I mean is... if you want to talk to someone, don't be afraid to come see me. I don't mind."

That was a hint that her time was up, how long had she been here? A long time, she had work to do and Dawn must do as well. Easing herself up and trying to stealthily stretch her legs Kiri half forced a smile, "I would like to see you again." She wasn't sure when but it was likely to be soon. Kiri knew she wasn't in the best of minds lately and this session seemed to have helped that a little.

Dawn smiled back, although hers wasn't at all forced. "I'd like that. That's why I'm here," she said softly. "Not just as a counsellor, either. As Dawn." It felt like she'd helped Kiri, at least a little bit. It wasn't always easy to tell. That made her happy enough. Still, she hadn't really solved anything yet. With any luck, she'd have the chance to try, at least. She eased herself out of the leather chair and stretched a little. "Thanks for dropping by, Ki-" She blinked. "Miss Cho, rather."

Wow, really? That she actually liked her, that was great. That made her feel a lot better about what everyone had said before. That there was at least one person that liked her as she was. It made her a little sad that she couldn't spend the rest of the day with Dawn, "Thank you very much, thank you, for the time." Was it really time to go already? Edging towards the door she kept her eyes on the other woman.

Dawn nodded, answering Kiri's thanks with a bigger smile. She didn't really deserve thanks. She was a counsellor as much for herself as for others. Talking with people, trying to work through their problems... she was beginning to think that it was something she did to help herself as much as it was to help them. Did that make her selfish? In her head, she gave a little shrug. If it did, it didn't matter anyway.

"It was good to meet you," she said, her eyes bright. "Try not to worry too much about everything. Things have a way of working out for the best, sometimes." She inclined her head once. "And when they don't, don't be afraid to share the burden."

"I'll try," Kiri nodded and finally headed towards the door, there were was still a lot of work to catch up on. She could hide in that for a few days if nothing else.

[OFF]
-----------------

Lieutenant (JG) Kiri Cho
Assistant Chief Science Officer
USS Galileo

Lieutenant (JG) Dawn Meridian
Counsellor
USS Galileo

RSS Feed