I'm Not Trill (Part 1)

Posted on 22 Mar 2013 @ 8:20pm by Lieutenant Kiri Cho & Raifi Zaren

3,903 words; about a 20 minute read

Mission: Episode 03 - Frontier
Location: USS Galileo Deck 6 - Multi Purpose Lab, Deck 2 - Messhall
Timeline: MD03: 1100

[ON]

Kiri was sat at her desk reviewing projections for probes and trying to get feeling back in her legs. They were stiff and sore, and however much she showered she still felt oily. Sweat wasn't something she was used to and it seemed her body was extremely paranoid to it still being there, though she knew it was gone. Finally thinking that a break was called for she stood up and clenched her eyes shut. She wasn't on duty so it wasn't like she had to work, if she wasn't though Kiri felt completely useless. As long as she didn't have to focus on herself at least she didn't feel lonely.

Checking no one else was around she bend down and rubbed her thighs before checking her face in the reflection of a panel. Sighing stepped out into the corridor and was met with a sight that shocked her. Kiri had never seen a man, well a Trill dressed the way he was. She knew there were reporters on board but he wasn't what she expected, "Um, good morning?"

Zaren beamed at the young Trill who stepped out of the laboratory into his path. He'd given up on hovering near the arboretum and had just decided to go and visit the mess hall... and here was another home-worlder. "Zhial'xek," he touched his heart. "Izena Raifi Zaren da. Skouz da'xi."

Feeling completely lost Kiri looked at her combadge, she must have caught the tiny switch on something, "Bu hao yi si zhi dao." She picked it up and fumbled with it for a second, feeling extremely embarrassed.

The embarrassed guidance? His universal translator wasn't terribly universal after all, it seemed. Zaren considered her curiously. "Hello?" he tried again, in Standard this time.

"Good, morning," Kiri replied in slightly strained basic her voice catching on the vowels. Resetting her translator she slipped her badge back on but kept going in basic, "Sorry, about that. I am Lieutenant Junior Grade Cho, how can I help you?" Her manner was different in Basic, slightly less fluid and rather more controlled, giving her time to think about her words.

"I was just passing through," Zaren grinned and offered a hand. "Raifi Zaren. Nice to meet you, Miss Cho. I apologize for the confusion. I thought," he touched his own dermaglyphs and shrugged. "Where are you from?"

Handshakes weren't something Kiri liked, and she wasn't very good at them. Loosely taking his hand she waited for his lead, "Earth, China." For someone that grew up secluded, and then at the Academy she hadn't seen anyone like him before. It was rather scary, he reminded her of some of the more aggressive boys at school. She did take note of how he touched his spots though, did that mean anything?

"Really?" he asked, interested. "So the language you spoke before - that's a variation on Terran from this China. It's quite unique. I've not heard it before. Where are you headed?"

Kiri hadn't really made up her mind yet, it was likely to another part of the Science Department for a while. Still it didn't have to be, "I was thinking about going to the mess hall?" It wasn't so very far from time for a meal and this man was Trill right? A culture she was meant to be finding out more about, to understand.

"Now you're speaking my language," he grinned. "Mind if I come along?"

"That's fine," Kiri slipped back into Mandarin without thinking. Holding her hands together in her lap she slipped into step with him and then dropped back ever so slightly.

"What were you up to in there?" Zaren asked, gesturing back towards the lab they were leaving behind.

Kiri was about to answer but caught herself, "What are you doing on the ship?" It wasn't a good idea to say what she was doing to someone who wasn't even on the ships crew as far as she knew.

"I'm with the Federation News Network," he answered her complete non-sequitor without a blink. "But we were talking about you."

"Yes, sorry." Kiri had never spoken to a reporter before other than Trisha's mother, but she knew she shouldn't say anything about the mission. Taking a breath she looked at him, "I can't really talk about that."

He peered at her quizzically. So much distrust, everywhere he looked. What were these people so intent on hiding? If even mission-preparation was considered top secret by them all, his story for the network would be pitifully short and absolutely no use to anyone. Didn't they understand he was here to help? Apparently not. The folly and short-sightedness of youth. And this one was young. Very young. And rootless. "I take it you haven't touched the homeland?" he asked.

"No, I haven't," Kiri didn't really know what the harm was talking about the mission but those were her orders. There were no rules about talking about anything else though.

It was clear enough, but he'd needed to be sure. Assumptions without correction led to permanent misunderstandings. Misunderstandings were the root of discord. "Any particular reason?"

She couldn't say it was because she was scared, neither could she say it was because there wasn't the opportunity. Her parents had made sure she had the option since she was eight years old. Remaining silent a few seconds too long she answered, "I just never really gave myself time to go."

In twenty years? he wondered as they stepped onto the lift. More? He couldn't tell how old she was exactly other than 'young'. He'd never met a Trill born on world or off who hadn't been driven to seek out their homeworld. Then again, neither had he met one who hadn't spoken their native tongue. Perhaps there was a correlation between language and connection to the planet and culture? It was an interesting thought, but unlikely. Still. He wasn't a counselor, she didn't seem to want to talk about it, and it wasn't for him to make judgements on the preferences of others when they didn't bring harm to those around them. Interesting little girl. He stood by her in silence as the lift took them up and deposited them on Deck 2. "What do you feel comfortable talking about?" he asked as they stepped off.

Kiri didn't exactly have a long list of things she felt comfortable talking about. Unless it was computers or mathematics, or even science at large she didn't exactly have much experience in anything. Her assumption was that he didn't want to talk about those things as most people she met didn't. So after more consideration she replied, "Can we talk about Trill?"

"Sure," he smiled. "Do you think one of the moons will be similar in atmospheric conditions to the homeland?"

"It is statically unlikely," Kiri followed him closer to the mess hall, "But I don't really know much about what Trill is like."

"What do you mean by 'not much'?"

"I know its a class M planet, but not much other than that," She knew the name of a few cities now and a little bit about what it looked like in detail. But she couldn't really picture it, it was meant to be warmer than Earth though, mostly.

Zaren studied her, surprised. Maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe she wasn't actually Trill at all, despite the dermaglyphs. He supposed it was possible there was another race in the universe who had similar markings to his own, especially considering the vast numbers of humanoid species that existed. Surely, at her age, if she'd been Trill, she'd have read a database or an LCARS or a guidebook. Her parents would have spoken to her about it. Something. "I'm sorry for the confusion; I made a false assumption," he apologized. "There are a great many species I haven't encountered yet. Trill is the planet from which I come, the one which I referred to by saying 'homeland'. It is a planet very much like the one you were born on, though we are marginally closer to our star. Four continents and a great deal of ocean. And your people?"

Kiri's first reaction was to correct him and say she was born on Luna, but that didn't really matter. Confused more than anything she, couldn't help but give him a funny look. Increasing the distance between the two of them slightly she spoke very softly, "I am Trill, but I don't have a people."

"You are," he murmured, looking at her. "I thought so, but..." he quirked a brow. "It seemed as though you'd have known more about the homeland than it's planetary classification. I admit, I'm a little confused."

"I hadn't met anyone that had been there before a few days ago," Kiri didn't mention that she hadn't found it relevant for most of her life. Or how much is used to scare her, it still did. His words didn't exactly make her feel welcome, maybe Lilou was right about them not liking strangers?

"Yes, but... there's Starfleet's famed LCARS library. And I know there are a great many Trill in the sciences at Starfleet academies throughout the Federation. How is it you never managed to speak with them? Or-" the thought occurred to him. "Is there no information about the homeland on your servers? I haven't looked."

She didn't like that he kept probing the point, there were only so may excuses she could make and each was weaker than the last,"I, it just wasn't something at has been a priority for me."

It bewildered him that her own heritage might not have been a priority. Though... "What has been your priority?" he asked, thoroughly curious. It had to be something enthralling, didn't it?

"My education and then the Academy," Kiri was praying there wasn't more detail than that wanted. It was something she physically couldn't do was just leave the conversation.

"I'm not very familiar with the origins of Starfleet. You're a lieutenant; how long have you been out of the academy?"

"Almost a month," Kiri knew it was a very short time but at least in this she was confident. She had her rank because she was very good at her job, the same reason she had gained her position.

He grabbed a tray, considering her, and started loading food onto his plate. He'd never been in any organization based on military standards or otherwise, but he'd talked to crewmen who'd been crewmen most of their lives. "And your education and the Academy were different things?"

"Yes," Rather uncertainly Kiri picked up her own tray and kept following him, not really sure of where he was taking this line of inquiry.

"I've never gone into much detail on the educational system on Earth," he related, "so. Tell me."

"Okay. Well it is taught mostly as lectures in age groups of around twenty people at a time. There are teachers that specialise in different subjects and they spend different lessons teaching different subjects. Explaining the topics and setting work to develop and prove understanding of them. So that the students are better able to function as individuals and as a group. This exists from the age of three to four for humans until the age of seventeen or eighteen. I applied to study at Starfleet Academy after school for four years where study is much more individual in development and responsibilities." It was starting to feel that she was a little rusty at talking at such lengths.

"What did you study?"

"At school all subjects, at the Academy most of it was Science or Command training related," Kiri had trained half her life for her current job but it still didn't seem enough, "I specialise in Mathematics, Computer Science, Physics and Sensor Systems."

"And you did this... all day every day? No personal time?"

"Most days, yes." Kiri didn't flinch that, she still felt that was right. It was the reason in part she was quite inept socially but it was the reason why, at barely twenty two she was the second in command of the Science Department on a top of the line since vessel.

"Fascinating," he murmured as they found a table and took a seat. "That must have taken an enormous amount of will-power."

"I don't really know," Kiri wasn't sure about that, she didn't have much to compare it against. It was true that when she set her mind to something it happened but, this had happened because she had set her mind on not taking part socially.

"I mean, to set aside all curiosity about yourself in favor of something entirely outside of your own being. I don't know... anyone, really, who's done that. Self-exploration is such a huge part of our education growing up on Trill."

"What is Trill education like then?" Kiri pursed her lips, she really didn't have the foggiest.

"Less about conformity," he shrugged, dumping sugar into his coffee, "than it seems other cultures are. We're encourage to pursue our own interests. Yes, there's an incentive to study and work hard in our primary, secondary, and tertiary education, but basically every subject is linked to self-study. Mathematics reflect how we think, how we are in the world. Sciences reflect our physical world on micro and macro scales. Art and music can't be accomplished without self-reflection. Without a knowledge of the self, who am I, how do I personally see my world, my friends, my family, without that, how can I exist in any situation? I'd be blind to the intents and motivations of others, because I wouldn't have a clear view of my own. I couldn't understand another culture, because I wouldn't have a point of reference. It all comes back to mirror work."

Cupping her own drink, a steaming purple mass that smelled like grass clippings Kiri watched the sugar pour. That was a completely different world to her own, but she understood some of it. To her it was something unspoken that she was never taught but knew to be true. While she could say she didn't know herself that wasn't entirely true, she knew some things, all of which she was scared to show. But her family she knew and where she fitted, while not with her friends she knew within work where she fitted. That she existed how work let her belong. The self she was never really came into that, it never needed to, rather it wasn't allowed to. She didn't know what motivated people, well she did. Just not on a personal level, just a general motivation for improvement, or company, or something. "What is mirror work?" That was the next question, she was full of them.

"There are several levels. Babies are placed near mirrors when they're first born, so they're constantly exposed to themselves, even when they're in the company of others. Differentiating between 'me' and 'them'. We're encouraged to play mirroring games in school, where two people mimic each others action in time, to learn sympathy, empathy, and also to communicate personal needs and desires non-verbally and to understand the needs and desires of others as individuals. We have intense personality profiling, once a year, every year until we're adults, so that we can look back and see our personal growth. And also so that our parents and teachers can keep track of who we are and what our specific needs are for education, class size, teaching style, whether we learn better through visual, audio, or activity. And we read those profiles so that we have an objective perspective on ourselves from which to have better insights into our own actions. Why we do things. Why we react certain ways. How to manage our own impulses, needs, and desires." Zaren looked at her quizzically; he'd never really thought about what it might be like to not have that culture growing up. "Your parents made no effort to afford you this training?"

"I don't think they ever needed to," She thought about what he said, most of it what automatic to her. There wasn't a point where she didn't feel aware of those things as much as she was now. It was easy to know she was different from them. She didn't really know about reading the desires of others, if there was a deeper level than she was aware of. Only at the Academy had her personality been looked at and all she had gotten was a pass. She felt the warmth course through her hands, "I knew how I learnt best, I think they tried different ways when I was little. I know how I react to things, I didn't need to be taught it, I learnt myself."

"But your own physiology requires intense objective awareness of every level of yourself. Otherwise, how can you ever hope to be a secure host?" Zaren paused with a little hum. Well, she'd been raised on Earth and had made apparently no effort to learn about her own physiology. Still, surely she was aware of her isoboramine levels, her pouch, the genetic matrix that waited inside of her to prepare a nest for a symbiont. Then again, perhaps not. If she'd known that much, how could she have avoided all the other information that came with it? Was it possible doctors had just assumed she understood her body rather than painstakingly explaining every aspect of it to her as they did on Trill?

"I didn't consider hosts until a few days ago," Now she was starting to feel ashamed again, "I'm still not really sure." She'd known enough about her own body not to make herself sick. What she could and couldn't eat, to keep herself warm but not too hot. When she was younger she didn't want to know more than that, now she didn't really feel she needed to.

What an incredible life to lead. He'd never met a Trill who hadn't devoted at least two to three years to symbiont preparation. Many decided it wasn't for them and they weren't going to complete the pre-Initiate training. And still more finished that and never applied to the Commission. But to have never put any thought to it? The idea was incredible. "So tell me about you, Lieutenant Junior Grade Cho. What's your vision for the next three weeks?"

Public information was all she could really give him, "I will be in command of the Science Department during the Beta shift, so I will be doing a lot of things. Whatever is needed." It wasn't really about her but it was her vision for the next few weeks, there wasn't that much more to it than that.

"Yeah, I get that. I meant, what do you expect, personally? What do you hope to find. This is kind of a big deal - this whole journey from ensign to lieutenant on Starfleet's leading science vessel then discovering new planets. You must have feelings about the situation."

"I don't think it is appropriate to speculate on what we might find," Most of the time it wasn't and even more so with a reporter. "I do look forward to the challenges and discovers we might come across," Lifting her cup Kiri looked down at the soup on her tray.

"I wasn't asking you to speculate. I was asking what you hoped to find or how you felt about the experience." He shook his head on a laugh, "You're how old? This is a new solar system," his voice surged with emotion. "An entirely brand new to us never before seen realm of possibilities. Planets and moons and one magnificent central star guiding them all through the galaxy that somehow evaded our notice until just now - get excited. This is brilliant. This will probably never happen again for you in your lifetime - well, I don't know if it will for you, maybe that's why everyone seems so bored with the idea. Maybe you've all seen a hundred undiscovered galaxies and are just keeping them all under wraps from the rest of us, but it most likely won't for me because I tend to find places and stick to them for a little while. Still, I mean - this, just this - this is what I live for. Pressing and scrabbling against the verge of New. You can't apathetically, objectively just 'look forward to it,' can you? Doesn't it simply make you want to stand on a table and shout for the sky to eat you whole with how incredible it all is?"

"No," Kiri shook her head, there wasn't any part of her that wanted to climb on tables. What he said was very poetic but given the troubles she was having getting excited wasn't a very high priority. Her first real time standing on a new planet had been Vega and that had been like Earth really. The planets and moons here were more likely to be different, there were also large questions to be answered. That would be fun, nice, but exciting? "There will likely be things not seen before but I see new things almost every day. I am not apathetic but I don't want to lie about how I feel." Though she did it all the time constantly.

"What sort of new things do you see every day?"

"Lots of different things, new foods, new ways of thinking, feeling, people, stars, mathematics, computer programs. New planets aren't entirely different and neither are what we might find. Statically though, its not something likely to prove hugely exciting." Kiri took a sip and placed the cup down, still too hot.

New planets weren't that different from computer programs? Not something to prove hugely exciting? It really was all in perspective. All right. "So tell me about the new stuff you're discovering."

She wasn't allowed to talk about anything about the mission, nor very much that was personal. Thinking hard she tensed up for a moment, "In the next few days there is a star that is going to take another step in forming. Blowing away enough of its gas cloud so that visible light will travel a quarter of the way across the galaxy to where we are now." That was what she had been working on other than ship sensors or probes. For another example, "I discovered I was telepathic, at least potentially a few days ago." That at least might let her learn something more and might distract a little.

Zaren rested his chin on his tattooed knuckles, watching her, fascinated. "Where's the star?"

"Twenty seven thousand light years away, near the edge of the Gamma Quadrant," Kiri answered almost at once, not really sure why that was the important thing. Then he was Trill, maybe her personal news was mundane to him?

"Tell me about it."

"It has been forming for hundreds of thousands of years, inside a stellar gas cloud. It will be faint but you will be able to see it from the ship when the light reaches here," Kiri wasn't sure what more she could say without going to a lot of detail.

"Incredible. So how did it get on your radar? What do you do with the information?"

[TBC]

Lieutenant (JG) Kiri Cho
Assistant Chief Science Officer
USS Galileo

Raifi Zaren
Journalist, FNN
USS Galileo
(pNPC Lilou Peers)

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