Let's Get Physical (or The Last Time Andreus Kohl Fought a Klingon, and Won)

Posted on 22 Jul 2012 @ 1:04pm by Commander Andreus Kohl
Edited on 22 Jul 2012 @ 6:18pm

1,278 words; about a 6 minute read

Location: USS Berengaria - Sickbay ICU and Holodeck 2
Timeline: Early 2388 (a little over a year ago)


[ON]

Nurse Practitioner's Medical Log, supplemental entry:

Ensign Ma'kel marched into Sickbay this afternoon. From where I was sitting in front of an LCARS console, the young Klingon's broad-shouldered frame looked twice as wide as my own, and he looked like he might be a good foot taller than me. Meanwhile, I was slurping on a matcha latte, and I think there was green residue on my beard below my lower lip. I asked Ma'kel how I could help him, and he couldn't say. He didn't say anything; he only grunted, I think. Since he was one of the newly-arrived crew members, I assumed he was seeking medical clearance to report for duty. He wanted a physical examination, but he wouldn't say it. He wouldn't say the words. I instructed him to sit on one of the biobeds, while I prepared for him. The rest of the medical department were two decks down in a staff meeting. I had made an (apparently) inappropriate sex joke to a patient last night, and so the Chief Medical Officer nominated me to be on-call in Sickbay during the meeting.

I retrieved a medical tricorder from the CMO's office and I took advantage of the privacy to glance through Ensign Ma'kel's medical records. I was fascinated, truly amazed, by what I found. His medical officers at Starfleet Academy had actually written an addendum into his medical records about his consistent belligerence towards all medical professionals. Brilliant.

When I returned to Ma'kel's biobed, he was standing there. He was just standing there. I instructed him to sit on the biobed again, and he told me he preferred to stand. I advised him of the sensors in the biobed's mattress that couldn't function without physical contact. Again, he told me he preferred to stand. I raised my tricorder to him --and I'll admit, I was getting in a mood, and I swung my arm up harshly-- and Ensign Ma'kel actually flinched away as if I was going to strike him. It wasn't a fearful dodge, of course. His movement was a smooth and practiced evasion. It was a marital art dodge. I told him to get out. I told him to get out of my Sickbay, but that I would declare him unfit for duty unless he met me in the holodeck in thirty minutes.

Ma'kel didn't respond with words, of course. He simply stormed out of Sickbay. Once he left, I returned to the CMO's office to review the rest of Ma'kel's medical history. I contacted the Operations Chief. I asked her to make an adjustment to the biosensors in the holodeck. Normally, the biosensors were used as part of the safety protocols. I was convinced the biosensors could mimic the medical sensor cluster in Sickbay, and create a sensor log of a patient in the holodeck. As always, Mason made it happen. On my way to the holodeck, I stopped by my quarters to change into a lighter uniform vest over my teal tunic.

When I entered the holodeck, Ensign Ma'kel was already waiting for me. The Klingon may be taciturn, but he knew how to be on time. I had programmed the holographic environment simulator to look like the boxing ring at the Starfleet Medical Academy. I told Ma'kel that if he wanted to spar me with me, we might as well be honest about it. I introduced myself as Nurse Practitioner Andreus Kohl, and I told him a little bit about my credentials as I slowly approached the ring. I explained to him how I had a physical examination to perform. I said that if he was going to fight me about it, then I would fight him too, but he should do me the honour of letting me get on with my job while we did so. I explained how I needed this examination to create a baseline picture of his health status, which will allow the medical staff to notice any future changes in his condition. I climbed into the ring, I raised my fists, and I started to circle Ma'kel. He looked at me as if I were mentally unstable. No. He looked at me as if I were a mentally unstable bunny rabbit. I had strapped a medical tricorder to my wrist, and I programmed the tricorder to cycle through the usual sensor scans I would run for any Klingon's physical examination. I needed to get the tricorder within a metre of Ensign Ma'kel or it would do me no good. So... I took a swing at him.

I didn't come anywhere near hitting him, of course. I didn't want it to. I just needed my tricorder closer to his chest, and I needed to show him I was serious. Show him I respected his need to make everything --to make anything-- into a fight. Ma'kel's entire body moved into a defensive posture. He had mok'bara training, perhaps. I started by asking him about his family medical history. He told me, in detail, about how his parents and seven other members of his father's House had been killed. Most of his stories were violent, but he shared stories of illnesses as well. From what I knew of his medical history, I noticed that he skipped over any mention of the respiratory conditions that were prevalent in his family. I decided I would need to pay special attention to his lungs in my physical examination and review of the sensor logs. An omission like that could mean he was already experiencing early warning signs, and didn't want to acknowledge them.

We continued to circle one another and make tentative attacks. Neither of us truly aimed to hit the other, at least not yet. I was just keeping him busy, trying to get my tricorder in close. I needed sensor scans of his body at rest versus his body exerted. Meanwhile, I think he was testing me too. I asked him how he was feeling lately, and he had no complaints. He bragged for a little while about how he could bench press more now than his father ever had. I asked him if he had visited any non-Federation worlds lately. I asked him about his contact with water, food, or flora on such worlds, and I think he answered honestly. I'm sure he knew the facts could be checked against the logs from his last tour of duty. I asked him to tell me about the sickest he'd ever been. He told me about catching Rigelian fever on a cargo ship as a child. Fortunately, his family had been able to obtain Ryetalyn with relative ease, but it had been an horrific experience for him throughout his recovery. That hadn't been in his Starfleet medical records, and made an amendment to them later. I asked him to tell me if he had any medication allergies and he didn't believe he had.

After he hit me --sorry, after I let him hit me-- a couple of times, he backed down enough to let me perform a systematic manual examination. Of course, I also asked him about his drinking and sexual habits, but those don't need to be shared in this log. In the end, he told me he would still prefer to stand, but he wouldn't give me the silent treatment in future. That's... something I guess? Right? Progress, isn't it?

I fought a Klingon. And lived. End log.


[OFF]


OOC: Adapted from my recent medical course at the Obsidian Fleet Academy

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