You Can, Because You Must

Posted on 28 Apr 2015 @ 9:04pm by Ensign K'os Beaumont

3,037 words; about a 15 minute read

This is a long story, and I apologize. The memory has been with me for a very long time. I can still recall it with as much detail as if I had experienced it today. I'm not very good at telling stories. Never have been. I get caught up in the details that are important to me, and miss the intent of the story for others. I talk about the colours I see. I talk about the tastes and smells certain sounds elicit. All things, that just don't make for good storytelling. People want to hear about stories that move them emotionally. Stories they can relate to. Or maybe even stories that inspire them.

[Vulcan, near the city of Gol. 2375]

The sun was beginning to set and many of the boys had started to return to their homes. K'os Beaumont and a small group of other kids had decided to continue on their trek for a little longer. K'os wasn't really invited, he just didn't like being left out of things all the time. His cousin, Denek was with them and K'os wanted to go on this desert 'trek' as well, even if it meant he'd have to endure the bullying that came with it. The boys were walking fast on purpose, hoping K'os would just get tired and give up following them. K'os at 11 years old was smaller than average and while his physiology was far stronger than any Human 11 year old was, he was relatively weak compared to full blooded Vulcans. They scaled and climbed over rocks, mountain ledges and steep outcrops. K'os would trip once in awhile on his desert cloak as they'd climb, but even his cousin refused to hang back to help him keep up. K'os was getting frustrated and angry at himself for being so slow and a few times a Vulcan boy would turn at the sound of K'os yelling in frustration or kicking at the dirt and angrily wiping at his tears. Their passive faces were practiced, as they tried hard to emulate their older friends or siblings. Though a few had managed to attain emotional control, there were others that only pretended to in order to fit in. K'os could do neither. He was emotionally turbulent and at times quite manic in his emoting.

Denek grabbed the ledge of rock and easily pulled himself up and over the outcrop. At the top he turned at the sound of K'os laughing. Down below, K'os was throwing food to a ch'kariya a small weasel like creature that had been following K'os. It would crawl along the ground then bury itself in the sand and pop it's head out to grab pieces of food from K'os' hand making the small hybrid laugh, even though he was still crying over being slow enough to be left behind.

"Beaumont," Denek said. Many Vulcan boys had taken to calling him by his Human name rather than his Vulcan name. "Just go home, it is going to be dark soon."

K'os looked at him happily, though tears were still rolling down his cheeks. "No, I can keep up cousin. It's ok."

Denek's lip curled a bit at the harsh, stuttered Vulcan words coming from K'os. "Very well." Denek said coldly and turned away out of view.

To say the bullying didn't bother me, would be a lie. It helped form my personal belief that all people should be treated with respect and love. Regardless of who they were or their background. Life has always seemed too fleeting and precious to me to be mean to anyone. One should never hesitate to protect people. If they're in need of help, you should put yourself before all things to make them comfortable and happy. I have always felt this way. Even when others would laugh or call me naive. I'm not naive! Why is it foolish to want to protect life even at the cost of your own life?

K'os began the process of climbing up the ledge of rock, going much slower than Denek had. His desert cloak slapped in the wind that had started to pick up and he found himself off balance a few times. He made it to the top and looked out at the sunset. Off in the distance, he could see the rolling sands of his desert home. He saw the tentacles of an A'kweth moving beneath a large sand dune far below them in a small valley of sand. He smiled through eyes reddened by sand and tears. He shot his arms straight up and let out a big 'woo hoo!' at the excitement from the climb coursing through his body. Off to his left he saw the group of boys had climbed down the other side and were now at ground level again exploring. At K'os' feet, the small ch'kariya was sniffing around looking for more pieces of food. K'os reached into his pocket and found another crumb from his lunch and dropped it for the small creature to eat before slowly making his way to the other side of the ledge and considered how best to climb down the other side to join the others. The ch'kariya expertly began it's own decent and K'os smiled before turning around and putting his foot down over the ledge to find a good footing to begin climbing down. Suddenly from down below he heard shouting and he managed to turn his body a bit to look down over his shoulder to see many of the boys climbing onto a large boulder. They were scrambling and doing so in a very hurried manner. That's when he saw a large bear like Sehlat had wandered into the area where the boys were exploring. It's 4 inch fangs could be seen clearly as it sniffed the air and growled. The boulder was safe enough, as Sehlat's were too large and weren't adapted to climbing. A few of the boys managed to get up, but there wasn't enough room for them all and a few of the boys remained on the ground close to the large creature. It slowly advanced on them.

"Hey!" K'os practically screamed at the thing. "Hey! Over here!" K'os looked down for more footing and began lowering himself. He was going too slow and another growl prompted him to look down to see the Sehlat stomp the ground as it prepared to charge the boys. He wasn't going to make it down in time. K'os let out a slow breath and with a firm set expression of determination made the rash decision to let go of his hold on the jutting of rock he was holding. He slid down the face of the outcrop kicking up small boulders, dust, and sand. His long fall was broken when he landed hard on a lip of rock but without thinking he immediately rolled off it to continue his dangerous scramble down the rock face, without a care for his own safety. He landed hard at the bottom and fell forward on his hands and face. Pain shot up through his left arm as he smacked his elbow on a small boulder that had been kicked loose during his fall. Rocks showered him from above, but he pushed himself up off the ground. With the commotion he'd created, the Sehlat was distracted with K'os now. K'os stooped down and grabbed up two large rocks in his hands and raised them above his head and started smacking them together to make a loud cracking sound.

"Heeey, Sehlat. Sehlat! Go away Sehlat! Hey! Wooo!" He yelled and screamed at the thing while slowly advancing on it, banging the rocks over his head. The large creature, uncertain and confused by the noise backed off to the side a little allowing K'os to position his small body between it and the group of boys. "Go! Go away Sehlat!" He yelled again as the thing started to retreat. It had thought it had found an easy prey in one of the boys but had grown uncertain at the large noisy little thing advancing on it. K'os banged the rocks even harder, regardless of the searing pain in his arm. Blood dripped from a cut above his eye he'd sustained in the chaotic fall. Only when the Sehlat retreated and was gone did K'os lower his arms and allow the rocks in his hands to drop.

K'os turned and found that the majority of the boys had begun climbing back the way they'd all come, obviously too scared to continue exploring anymore and were returning home. The boys that had been trapped on the ground were uncertain what to do or say. K'os could see the fear on the faces of those not quite as adept at controlling their emotions. The ones with passive expressions, simply nodded at him, too Vulcan and too proud to say anything meaningful. They too, slowly began the process of climbing to return home. Denek and two of the other boys that had been trapped on the ground had advanced on K'os. Denek tore a piece of his desert cloak and used it to dab and wipe the blood from K'os' forehead before it dripped into his eye. "Fool." He said to K'os quietly as he gently and tenderly applied pressure to the cut. K'os looked from Denek to the other two, but their attention was turned towards where K'os had fallen.

K'os followed their eyes to see what they were looking at. His eyes widened in horror at seeing the little ch'kariya on the ground. His lower body was crushed under a boulder that had been close to where K'os' head had hit the ground. In the mad, desperate scramble to get to the ground K'os had caused boulders and rocks to fall down after him. One had struck the small thing and it was laying on it's side breathing heavy and issuing tiny little squeaks. K'os exploded towards it, landing on his knees and skidding along the ground kicking up sand and dust behind him.

"No, no, no, no!" K'os repeated over again with panic in his voice. He whipped his head back towards Denek. "Help me! We can fix this." K'os looked down at the thing, but knew instinctively that it was mortally wounded. "We have to fix this!" He yelled angrily at himself. He had caused this. He had thought of nothing but helping the others in danger that he paid no attention to his own safety or that of the small ch'kariya he'd been playing with.

Denek and one of the boys came up behind him to peer at the wounded creature. One boy said, "It's just a ch'kariya. Leave it for the other animals to eat."

"It's hurt!" K'os spat over his shoulder, before quickly getting to his feet and shoving the boy angrily and hard in the chest. Infuriatingly the Vulcan boy didn't move much, and the pain in his elbow made him cry out.

"So are you," Denel said calmly. "We should go home and attend to your wounds."

K'os turned back around and knelt next to the creature. It's eyes were closed, and he could see blood pooling around under the boulder that had crushed it. It's tiny chest rose and fell rapidly. A weak squeak from the thing made K'os cry out in intense sadness. "I can't leave him." He said between sobs that wracked his body. His emotions were threatening to rise so rapidly that he was sure he would pass out again from it. Something that happened to him all too often.

The other boy, the one that had remained quiet, moved to K'os and lowered himself to be closer. His name was Ayhan and out of all the boys, he was the most adept at emotional control and many other Vulcan techniques for his age. He put a hand on K'os' shoulder firmly. "It is in pain, K'os Beaumont." He said. Ayhan always used both given names with K'os. "The only course of action is to euthanize it and be on our way. The sun will set very shortly and you have wounds to take care of." His tone was calm, and his words made sense.

"I can't!" K'os said desperately trying to convince himself that if they just got it home they could fix it. K'os would nurse it back to health and then return it to it's little ch'kariya family again. "I can't do that." Another sob issued out of K'os.

Ayhan stood and said passively. "You can, because you must." Echoing a sentiment that was very popular on Vulcan. One that would be said to K'os many, many times over his lifetime. Ayhan, Denek and the remaining boy turned and began their climb back to where they'd come from to return home leaving K'os with the decision to leave the ch'kariya or end it's painful struggle. Denek knew K'os wouldn't follow. It was best to return home and tell his father so they could retrieve his distraught cousin. He was never comfortable with seeing K'os display emotions so rawly and often. Many of his friends went so far as to call him 'Chaos' behind his back, which was a spiteful play on his name, K'os.

As the boys left, K'os suddenly became aware of his aloneness. He looked down at the dieing ch'kariya. Tears were dropping onto it's fur and he reached his none injured hand out and stroked the weasel like creature's tiny head. Again, he stroked the fur attempting to soothe it. Suddenly the strange sensation of connecting emotions flooded his brain and he instinctively felt the pain and fear from the creature. "I'm so sorry," He said out loud, "I'm sorry!" he yelled at it; suddenly angry again at himself. He felt the creature's emotions become more frightened and it made K'os sob more. He took a deep breath and willed himself to be calm. It didn't work. He tried harder. Desperately trying to think of memories that made him happy, safe, or content. He made himself recall his memories of his mother and that seemed to work better. The creatures breathing became less rapid and it had stopped squeaking. K'os pushed harder to eradicate the tiny things fear and pain.

From behind him Ayhan's voice said quietly, "Melding is as dangerous as jumping from the rock face."

"I don't care." K'os said, trying hard to banish thoughts of anger. He had thought he was alone.

"If you lift the boulder, his life will end quicker." Ayhan watched K'os with curiosity. He had an intelligence far beyond his fellow 13 year olds.

K'os was a couple years younger, so didn't know Ayhan too well, but knew that he didn't participate in the bullying with the other boys. When you're bullied as much as K'os, you learn to pick out those that don't share those actions.

The young hybrid put his injured hand on the boulder but it was too heavy for him to lift with it. The pain hurt too much and he unintentionally transferred that to the ch'kariya. He cried out and attempted to regain his concentration to try again. With the creature soothed again he attempted to move the rock once more, but it was certainly too heavy for his injured arm. "Help me." He pleaded with Ayhan.

Ayhan moved to K'os' left and bent down to place both of his hands on the rock. The two of them pushed hard and managed to roll the boulder off the ch'kariya.

K'os began to cry all over again at the site of the gore. He knew the memory of the crushed ch'kariya would became a permanent memory that would forever haunt K'os and form the basis for his altruistic behaviour in the future. He continued to stroke the fur, making sure to keep it's feelings of pain and fear at bay. He felt the mind of the tiny thing become weaker. His connection fading as the life literally drained out of it. "He's gone." K'os said weakly.

Ayhan stood and looked up at the rock face they had to climb before looking down at the wrecked and sad image of K'os crying over the ch'kariya. "We will leave it for other animals. Perhaps another creature will not starve tonight now."

K'os stood as well. He didn't know what else to do but to listen to the older boy. As if set on auto-pilot K'os shuffled after him to begin the painful climb back home.

It wouldn't be the first time that I had learned of death and loss. My mother was killed in a hovercar accident a year later. After I had returned to Earth. But that's not the moral of the story for me personally. Many will listen to this story and think, this is the time when K'os killed an animal and discovered mind melding. Perhaps you'll even think that this story is about bravery. Others still will listen and think it's a commentary on Vulcan behaviour towards hybrids. To me, this is a life lesson about the dangers of helping people in need without thinking. It's a harbinger memory that I should have listened to more up to this point in my life. My compulsive need to help, to soothe, only brings me and those around me, pain and sadness. It started with the ch'kariya. The ramifications for a foolishly dangerous decision. I don't feel brave for dropping almost to my death to defend those kids, I feel foolish. And yet, even as I say those words...I can't help but ask myself, if I had the chance to do it all over again, knowing what the tragic result would have been, would I let go of the ledge again and throw myself at danger?

I think, yes.

Yes, I would do it all over again.

OFF


Ensign K'os Beaumont
Assistant Chief Engineer
USS Galileo

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