A Whirlwind Affair...

Posted on 01 Mar 2015 @ 12:04am by Lieutenant JG Drusilla McCarthy

1,250 words; about a 6 minute read

Lieutenant Junior Grade McCarthy's Personal Log, Stardate 67539.30

A brief silence in the room as the video strem shows Drusilla sitting crossed legged in the middle of a double bed, her head bowed in thought as her fingers plucking at the bed cover before her voice is finally heard....

I wonder was this is a mistake....Now he's gone I have too much time to think again...to think how much of a whirlwind this feels. How much all of this feels like a whirlwind.

I thought that the most difficult part of my life had been when I had the brain embolisim. I'm told that I spent days in a coma, noone was certain if I would pull through or not. The Doctor's had to operate on my brain to keep my alive....Even after I woke sometimes I wondered if I would be better off dead. Unable to do the basic needs such as walk, talk...I relied on others and equipment to even help me when I needed the bathroom....For an independent woman who's spent her whole life surviving and pushing through, it was an almost death sentence.

Everyday, counsellors told me to fight, to push myself to regain my speech, to regain my physical strength. They told me to look to the future but sometimes the present time pulled me back into a darkness I was never sure I would recover from....

As Drusilla's voice trailed off, the video stream shows the woman still seated in the same place, refusing to look up. Moments pass before her voice is heard once again....

All during that one time I kept one friend close....Little Markum Junior. A silly little teddybear that Jonathan once told me saved my life. If the teddy hadn't knocked off his comm badge and brought him back to the counselling suite...it doesn't bare thinking how long I'd have lay there before I was found.

A silly little teddybear that I was given as a present during a period in which my whole life felt like it was closing in on me and I didn't know which direction to go in.

Momentarily, Drusilla disappears from sight as sounds of rooting can be heard before she reappears with a ragged teddy in one hand, upon closely look it resembled the shape of a seal. The grey scarf had seen better days with only one of the cotton balls on either end surviving. As the video stream showed Drusilla settling back on the bed, she hugged the seal close as she buried a cheek against the fur.

I remember the first time we met....plain double bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a sweet tea. I remember thinking at the time that he had a big personality to match the big appetite.

As Drusilla paused again, for the first time a smile was shown settling across her lips.

He opened up to me that day...let me in on his closest secrets. I know that people do this because I'm a counsellor, a person to open up to but in this case...it felt like more.

He told him to call him Mark...That his mother had always intended to call him this name but confusion caused the name Markum to be applied instead and resulted in it sticking. For some reason though he's always Markum to me....

Nothing more happened that day...the next I heard was that the was a developing romance between him and a scientist...Tarishiana....At that point Lirha had come into my own life also and things became confusing....

We met again once after that...the day he won me the teddy. He made me feel like a child once again during those handful of hours....Careless and carefree...He talked to me about his wrench therapy....I wonder if Willis still gets whacked by Markus at times? I must ask him sometime....

As Drusilla fell silent again, she rubbed her cheek against the fur as a shadow of the smile stayed on her lips as the video stream showed the flickering of emotions through her eyes.

Even as a counsellor I was blind back then....I put it down to friendship but maybe it could have been more. We didn't get a chance to find out as we both went separate ways in the end. Him engaged and with a baby on the way, me....me alone, back to Earth for recovery and redeployment.

The video stream showed Drusilla's smile disappear once again as the expression on her face first turned serious and then turned to remorse.

My course in life led me to where I am now....Back on the USS Galileo and pregnant....Pregnant....

As silence descended once again, the video stream showed Drusilla hesitantly move a hand to hover over her abdomen before being quickly jerked back as the same hand moved through the woman's hair, pulling it back from her face to show the tears that had started to trickle down her cheeks.

The Doctor says that the baby is part Reman and a heartbeat has been detected making the pregnancy viable....Markus says that nothing matters, he wants to be here for me...and the baby. He says that it doesn't matter if it's as a friend or something more....

More silence occurs in the video stream as Drusilla looks at the room around her before speaking again.

I didn't mean it to happen but it did....We slept together and it felt so right....I really didn't mean it to happen! I wanted to slow things down, I was starting to feel overwhelmed by everyone and everything. I wanted to make my decision with a clear head but he kept wearing me down.

Don't get me wrong! Markum didn't make me do anything that I didn't want to do...I'm just surprised that...well....I gave in to myself to easily. I told myself the first time needed to be special. So much time had already been robbed from us, we would have all the time in the world to find that place that we needed to be.

I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking and the next...the next I needed him. I needed Markum in everyway possible. Touch, smell, taste...I just needed it all.

I don't regret it....It seems to be the only decision in my life that I don't regret but I'm scared....I'm scared someday he will wake up and decide that he's made a mistake.

What if I don't keep the baby and he can't look me in the eye....What if he gets to know what's beneath my surface, the regrets of my past life and realises that I'm not the woman for him....

Silence descends once more in the room as the tears flow freely down the counsellor's cheeks. The only sounds was the woman's heavy breathing as she tried to control herself.

I'm scared....I'm just so scared and I don't know what to do. I'm scared about my future and what lies there....is it the baby? Is it Markum? Is it both of them? I just don't know what to do....I'm scared.

The video stream records a few briefs moments more before Drusilla leans over and the stream goes blank, ending the log.

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