Hell is other people. Especially Bolians.

Posted on 25 Jan 2015 @ 12:38am by Lieutenant Tuula Voutilainen M.D.

364 words; about a 2 minute read

I think it was Sartre who said "Hell is other people." He may have been right, but had he lived in modern times, I suspect he might have been more specific.

Hell is other people. Especially Bolians.

And especially forty-seven of them, all brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, and cousins. So many cousins.

I'm writing this log from the closet because it's the only way I can get a little privacy for a few minutes. These people have no concept of personal space. Just yesterday, two of Mott's sisters tried to barge into the shower while I was using it. And I'm pretty sure I saw one of his cousins, I think his name was Lubb or Pubb or something, eyeing my orbitoclast. I swear, if that thing goes missing, I'm going to hunt down whichever blue bag of flesh who stole it and use it on him. At least one of them is a detective, if worse comes to worst, at least I can hire him as a P.I. on the side.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. This fake marriage is going to be the end of me. I don't know why I even agreed to it, something about the desperation in Olsam's voice when he begged me to pretend to be his wife made me feel sorry for the guy. I'm a sucker for hard luck cases, and anyone with forty-seven Bolian relatives definitely qualifies.

Fortunately, I don't think any of them suspect that the marriage might be fake. Except for that one, detective Mott. But we've got him over a barrel so to speak, so as painful as it might be for a Bolian to keep a secret, I think he'll manage to keep quiet.

Mom and dad are suitably horrified. I feel bad about lying to them like this, but neither of them are particularly good actors. It was the only way to keep their reactions to this parade of insanity genuine. I'll have to tell them when I see them off.

At least it's only a few more days. Then... maybe I can get some peace and quiet.

Computer, end log.

RSS Feed