Personal Log 005

Posted on 30 Nov 2014 @ 11:36pm by Lieutenant Olsam Mott

607 words; about a 3 minute read

Personal Log, Stardate 67299.5.

"We've finally arrived at Starbase 84 and so far things have been-"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to record my personal log! What are you even doing in here, Quala? I thought everyone had gone to dinner..."

"I forgot my coat."

"It's a starbase with a state-of-the-art environmental control system, why do you need a coat?"

"I think the better question is, 'why don't you need a coat?'"

"That's not a better question! It's a stupid question! What are you doing? Put that down! Everything you pick up you-"

The recording picks up a shattering sound.

"-break. Did you hide your coat in the vase I bought on Vulcan?"

"No."

"Well then why were you messing with it?"

"I was giving myself something to do until you stopped talking about whatever you were talking about. Hey, Olsam, have you seen my coat?"

"No, dammit, I haven't seen your coat!"

"You don't have to get so upset. Are you mad about the vase? I can just replicate a new one for you. Unless it was sentimental or something. Maybe I can glue it back together. It doesn't look too badly bro...ken... Uh, I think I stepped on a piece. Yep. I stepped on a big piece of it, now it's like twenty other pieces. I probably can't glue that back together... What did I come in here for? Oh, right, my coat. What did you say you were doing? Sawing logs?"

"I'm recording my personal-... Would you just get out!? I've got to start this whole thing over now! I haven't had a moment's peace and quiet since all of you set foot on this station, much less time to attend to my duties, and I'm days behind on it now. Days! If I don't keep up with it then Commander Blake-"

Olsam's voice is drowned out as the recording suddenly picks up several Bolians speaking at once, most of them carrying a heavy regional accent from Bolarus IX's southern continent. The sound grows louder as more and more of them apparently enter the room.

"What are you all doing back? I thought you went to dinner!"

The voices on the recording become completely indistinguishable as 47 different Bolians attempt to explain their early return. Several times, they all stop and then begin talking again at the same time, each hoping in vain that they could speak without the others. Eventually they all begin shouting, trying to speak over one another through volume alone. Finally, a loud crack fills the room, and they all fall silent as Olsam shouts.

"Just one person! You, Uncle Yooblin."

"Well, apparently, the restaurant either couldn't or wouldn't accommodate all of us. It didn't help that your idiot brother Korvin stepped on the hostess's toe while trying to be suave and lean on the podium like he was some kind of Denobulan oil wrestler, which I told him would never work with a woman like-"

"Without the details, please, uncle..."

"Right. So, we decided to put in an order for delivery. They said it would be here in fifteen minutes. Now we can all eat together, isn't that grand? I hope you, unlike some of these other uncultured buffoons you call 'family,' can appreciate yamok sauce because I ordered-"

The recording is again immediately overwhelmed with the sound of shouting, spurred both by the tone and content of Uncle Yooblin's comments combined with what must have been lingering tension from an earlier argument over yamok sauce. Among the cacophony, Olsam's weary voice can be heard at something slightly above a whisper:

"Computer, end log."

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