Career Question Marks

Posted on 22 Mar 2014 @ 7:58am by Commander Andreus Kohl

600 words; about a 3 minute read

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Andreus Kohl's Personal Log, supplemental entry.

I don't know. I really don't.

I hardly know what I'm doing these days. I'm a Science Officer. . . .I keep wanting to say a Life Sciences Officer, because that's what I'm comfortable with, and that's what I'm competent about, but that's not the truth. I am a Science Officer, period. And not only that, but an Assistant Chief again. I'm helping to lead a department that's hurtling towards a colony where my job is to solve the mystery of the miner's metaphysical manifestations. I, uh, I can't say I remember that class at the Academy.

I don't know what I'm doing. I most certainly don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing. And I can't decide if that means I should stop to ask for directions or crank up the throttle.

I don't know anything at all.

It had felt like a demotion at first. Well, another demotion, or like a back-handed compliment at least. The command staff was so pleased with how well I supported the Science department when I was on restricted duty in the Setisar Nebula, they decided to make it permanent. They promoted me into the Science department, and stripped away my title and position at the same time. . . . But no. That's not how it happened. I was incapacitated. They didn't know if I would ever move again, let alone walk. They needed continuity in Sickbay, and they took action to replace me. They took action to keep me aboard Galileo throughout my recovery and beyond.

And now, now I have it again. I have full medical clearance to serve Starfleet and to practice medicine. Mind you, it's conditional. I have to wear the motor-assist units while I'm on duty. The very things delaying the last of my recovery, because of my dependence on them, are the things that make me fit enough to serve as an officer. I have medical clearance to serve as a Nurse Practitioner again. I was terrified, petrified while I waited for the assessment from Allyndra, and I rejoiced when she asked me to support Sickbay again. Healing people, helping people with my mind and my hands, really has become the most satisfying work I have ever done.

But now, now I'm the Assistant Chief of the Science department. It's a larger team, a much larger team. There are more people relying on me, more people I can develop and support. And then, that's the thing. Support. In the Science department, I'm not out here in the depths of space to support the crew just in case things go wrong. The Galileo is out here because of the Science department. We are the core competency.

He asked me, Counselor Miir keeps asking me why I don't seek out another posting with an opening in Sickbay. And I don't know, I genuinely don't know why I don't do that. I don't think that's what I want to do, but that's exactly what would get me doing the satisfying work I want to do. I keep reminding everyone I'm an officer, that I serve because I want a Starfleet career, for my entire career. But I've never been one to make decisions solely and purely for the sake of career. And I don't really know if this is even any good for my career at all. Does it make me look like a flake, in the story of my career? Or is it believable cross-training?

Is this all one big mistake?

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