Personal Log 2

Posted on 28 Jan 2013 @ 2:57am by
Edited on 28 Jan 2013 @ 3:08am

796 words; about a 4 minute read

He stares at the monitor for some time, merely blinking

I've started counseling aboard the ship. scowling Just one session but I'm not being sent off for an evaluation. That is a good thing.

he stares at the bottom of the screen for awhile

I think things are improving with Commander Holliday. shrugs But then I don't know. They seem better. He actually called me in to bring in a member of the crew who violated several regulations and criminal laws. He asked me to be 'overbearing' and 'callous' in the arrest.

he looks up and tilts his head

So I was.

Computer, play musical selection.

he frowns at the computer's response asking what to play

Twilight. Her classics album. No. Maybe I should listen to something from ... the counselor's list? But...no...no, Twilight. The 'Living Proof Sessions'.

he gets up from the desk and is gone for several minutes. Music plays through the quarters. When he returns, he has bandages, gauze and disinfectant. The screen captures the torn, red flesh of his arm. Seemingly unfazed by the appearance of it - as well as the greenish fluid found on the bandage he took off - he continues as he ministers to the wounds.

I've been relieved of duty twice this week. It's not a record but...

he sighs as he stares at the screen, his jaw clenched

When am I going to stop doing this? It's so frustrating. Both times it was a short period but that's not going to hold out. And it's going to make people bolder and of course I'll suffer the blame.

I can follow orders, I can go for months without having so much as a second look from the admin but...I don't know...this ship. There's...I don't know what it is...no, I do, it's...me. I'm trying to adjust and wait for other's to adjust to me but...

That's it, isn't it? People don't think they have to adjust to me. So many indicate they understand that I've been through something - that I've got actual conditions and then expect me to be just like everyone else. I know this, I do, but, I still keep expecting that things might be different. They're not. They never will be. I'm used to it but that doesn't make it any less....frustrating.

his voice lowers as he stares at the surface of the desk

Don't they stop to think I want to be like everyone else?

music plays while he remains silent

I don't think I'm going to get along with the captain here. I tried avoiding her but...I'm a bridge officer now so that's not going to be very easy. Why did I ever want to be a Chief anyway? I never realized how good I had it as an assistant chief. Beta shift command center, no staff briefings and it hasn't happened yet but there will be state dinners with visiting dignitaries.

he sighs as he rolls his eyes

Dress uniform. Small talk. Pleasantries. Social falseness. It's going to be hell. As an assistant I didn't have to do these things.

quiet except for the sound of music - one song changing to another. He's gone still again, his face flat but for the slight scowl.

I've been ordered to sensitivity training. Again. What is this the fourth time? Fifth? Captain Saalm seems to think it will help. It's not the only thing she's wrong about but what can I do? Orders are orders. I can't just accept the ones I like - such as Sidi and the whole K-nine assignment - and ignore the ones I don't. Like months and months of trying to get it across that 'please' is a request. I don't really have a choice in this. It's the result of something unfair, but...

he shrugs

Dad called. We argued. Again. But, this was different. He wants me to come home and doesn't understand that I can't. He thinks things are simple and I can just get better if I come home. But...that's not for certain. If I quit Starfleet, what would I have left?

I don't think he believes me when I tell him that there's -

Sidi! No!

he gets up to take the roll of gauze away from the dog. There is barking in the background and Jeremy can be heard scolding the dog. He sits down again and finishes replacing the bandage..

Sidi is getting restless. I think he wants to go chase the ducks in the Arboretum.

When did my life start rotating around a dog?

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