Only Her Name

Posted on 03 Feb 2025 @ 4:56am by Chief Petty Officer Afthinam Naime

1,232 words; about a 6 minute read

Stardate 49516.1: Struik, Farius Prime

Isperachen was a tall woman, just about the same height as Afthinam. They were the two tallest women who worked the dawnflower shift down the pit. Having no mother Afthinam had needed someone to stand in for the mother's role in the name ceremony. When she asked her father who should be chosen he told her to pick someone she admired.

It was never too warm in Struik but even under all her layers of furs Afthinam was shivering. There was anxiety too, that was for sure but also she was not wearing a hat. Flecks of snow had started collecting in her messy auburn hair. Her face stung a little. You do not bring a hat to your own day of names.

She and Isperachen walked down the row of bright felt gers. Elders of the clan watched from the doorways. Each one smiled as Afthinam was led past. Each one of them would have contributed something to the day. Each one of them was excited to see a new woman entering adulthood and gaining her name.

At the end of the row was the most plainly decorated of the tents. Afthinam knew her father would be in there. Once they reached that tent flap Isperachen's role would be over and it would just be Afthinam and her father.

She glanced to the older woman as they reached the entrance. "Thank you mother." There was humour in her voice, though it was dampened by the cold. The two of them shared a little laugh before Isperachen patted her on the back and wished her luck.

--

He looked her in the eyes, the warmth in his look cut through the chill of the air. It melted Afthinam's heart. Today would be the last day of her life when she would be known by her father-name. He had given it to her when she was born. He'd raised her in the best ways a father could. He'd given her the words, kept her from the cold and made her path.

Today it changed.

"Dad," there were tears in her eyes "Dad I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to make my own path."

He took her hands in his own. Held her with the same care as any father would on a day of names. "I know you'll be fine. It's not for me to decide what you do with your life. You've been my Afthinam since you were a child but from today you must trust yourself. Make your own tracks in the snow. You'll feel what to do."

She lurched forwards and hugged him, shaking with big sobs. Though he was stunned for a moment he quickly returned the embrace.

"I won't go anywhere. I'll still be right here. My fire is always there. You're my daughter." His own voice was cracking. He held her tight. "You'll persevere and you'll make your own fate. I'll always be proud of you."

The two of them held each other and cried, just as the two of them had many time before. They were father and daughter, blood and bones. They shared a fire. That would never go away.

--

"This is my daughter." The felt walls of the structure damped all noise but his voice was strong, it carried to each of the clan elders assembled in the tent. "She is our clan. She has come here to be given a name."

Afthinam took a step forward and her father took a few steps back, retreating to the larger circle of clanfolk around them. It was just her now, standing in front of the elders.

One of them stepped towards her. She knew him, he was also of the pit, though he worked a different shift. You could see it on him, his skin bore the decades that he had spent in the dusty dark. "We have a name for you, our newest daughter."

She caught her first glimpse of the cap. The elders were passing it around though its meandering path from one lap to another was clearly bringing it in her direction. Its outer appearance was certainly plain, just another fur cap like the ones she had been wearing since she was a child. This one was different though. The moment she put it on she became a full woman of the clan, an adult with her own clan-name and her own clan-hat.

The sight of it was more exciting and a little terrifying. Thoughts crossed her mind What if I don't like my new name? What will the people in the mine think of it? Will I have to find a partner? But she put the thoughts out of her head. She could feel the warmth of her father behind her. This was her family welcoming her into adulthood. This was her future.

The cap finally made its way into the hands of the elder before her. He held it out in his old dusty hands. Indicating for her to take it. She didn't hesitate. She took the hat and turned it over to look at the inside.

The lining of a clan-hat is embroidered by the whole cohort of clan elders. Each one contributing a pattern that came together like a patchwork of brilliant colours. With the act of embroidering this the elders were each giving part of their fire to you. It said that the ancestors would be able to find you and protect you from the cold. It said you were part of an ancient line. It said you were accepted.

"You are Naime, a daughter of the clan."


Stardate 69401.3, USS Galileo-A

Naime never wanted to see another arctic jungle again. Maybe it hadn't been as bad as she had worried it had been but as she entered her quarters and threw off her winter gear she was so glad to be somewhere both warm and lacking in carnivorous plants.

She pulled off her boots and jackets and threw down her backpack and though a lot of very unkind thoughts about the COB. The gear went into the recycler, ready to be turned back into replicator energy and maybe at some future point turned back into winter gear. She was glad to be rid of it, she was glad to be rid of this stupid planet.

Once all that was gone there was only one thing left, sitting on her bunk.

It wasn't real, she'd replicated it the day before they set off. She'd been drunk but it had seemed like a good idea at the time.

It wasn't real. Nobody had put in any effort to embroider the pattern of the lining. Her ancestors wouldn't be able to see it. It meant nothing. Nothing.

The sight of it almost made her angry. The real one had been lost with Trial and all the other souls that had been lost on that ship. It had been lost. She had lost the most important symbol she had of her connection to her family.

She hadn't been back to Struik since she was chased out. She was a lost daughter. Would they remember her? Would they welcome her if she returned? She had lost herself.

And she had lost her hat.

What was left? Only her name.

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